Chapter 4
DAISY met me at the door when I got to my apartment. She barked excitedly, and I leaned down to scratch her ears. Her tail wagged appreciatively. “Who’s a good dog?” I asked. She didn’t answer, but she did blink her bloodshot eyes. Even zombie dogs like attention.
I could sense Robbie’s presence in the apartment even though he was nowhere in sight. Just floating around the ether, I figured. I called out anyway. “I’m home!”
He didn’t reply. Probably still sulking. Well, screw him. He’d been dead for ten years after all. Surely I could at least hook up with someone for some casual sex without Robbie getting all mopey on me. It wasn’t like I was getting any from him. I had just sat down on the couch and had grabbed the TV remote when my cell phone rang. I fished it out of my pocket and answered. It was Gina, my best friend.
“Darling,” she said, “we have to go out somewhere to dinner tonight. I have some absolutely fantastic news!”
“Sure,” I said. “Where do you want to go?”
She named a restaurant, and I had to immediately nix the idea. Robbie and I had been there. I needed a Robbie-free night. “Let’s try somewhere new,” I suggested.
Gina named a Mexican place that had only recently opened downtown. I tried to think of other restaurants that had been in the same building that Robbie might have gone to. I couldn’t. “That sounds fine,” I told her. “Give me an hour or so, though. I’ve got to take Daisy to the park so she can catch a squirrel for dinner.” Not for the first time I found myself wishing they made Purina Zombie Dog Chow. It would be easier, but I knew it wouldn’t work anyway. Zombies have to have living flesh or nothing. It’s just a zombie thing.
When I arrived at the restaurant I found Gina already there, dressed as usual in a long skirt and voluminous shirt with lots of frills. Gina would fit in any local opera production as a Gypsy extra. With all her rings and earrings, “Gypsy” was a word that fit Gina well, although “witch” was more accurate. Gina wasn’t the New Age sort of witch, either. Not a Wiccan. She was a spell-casting, honest-to-goodness witch. It had been she who, years ago, had resurrected Daisy when she’d passed away. It had seemed like a good idea at the time.
I sat down, and Gina smiled at me. “You’ve got a new client,” she said.
“You’ve been looking into your crystal ball,” I said.
Gina shrugged. “Don’t need a crystal ball to see that you’re feeling prosperous. Your aura has changed.”
Our waiter was a thin, redheaded kid who seemed to think that flirting with me would get him a bigger tip. He was right, of course. He wasn’t even the age Robbie had been when a car accident had ended his life. When you’re over thirty, you can’t help but like it when someone under twenty flirts with you. I can’t, anyway. Gina and I ordered, and the waiter flittered off, promising to check back with us in a few minutes.
“So what’s your news?” I asked, sipping my water. Gina’s face split into a grin. “I’m dating someone!”
“Really?” I tried not to feel jealous. “Human, or…?”
“He’s human. His name’s Mark. He’s a dentist.”
A witch dating a dentist.
“I think this was a sitcom back in the 1960s. Does he know you’re…?”
“Of course not! It’s not something you bring up right away. ‘Would you like to go out on a date?’ ‘Sure, but I’d better tell you first that I’m a witch.’”
“There’s the age difference to consider too. You were around at the Salem witch trials.”
Gina scrunched her face. “That’s witchist. Whenever anyone wants to point out that a witch is old, they always reference Salem. I was around long before that, and you know it.”
“Fair dues. Most people don’t have a witch as a best friend.”
Gina shrugged again. “You’re different than most people. You were born special. You can see more than most. You know of the things that lurk in the dark. That’s what makes you such a good friend. You don’t judge or have preconceived notions.”
“I’ve got a dog that eats live rats, and I’m haunted by my dead boyfriend. I can’t afford to be too judgmental.”
The waiter brought our chips and salsa. “Need anything else to drink?” he asked, giving me the tiniest of winks. “Your entrees should be out shortly.”
“We’re fine, thanks,” I told him. He shimmered off.
Gina scooped a good amount of salsa onto a tortilla chip and chomped on it. “I thought you’d be happy for me,” she said.
“I am.” I tried the chips myself. They were nice and salty, just like I liked them. “It’s just that… I’m wanting to start dating myself.” I saw Gina’s eyes bug out. “I don’t mean dating myself. I’ve been doing that for ten years now. It’s gotten to the point where I buy my left hand chocolates on Valentine’s Day. What I mean is that I want to start dating other people.”
“I thought for a moment there,” Gina said, wiping a bit of salsa off her lip, “that you were going to ask me to conjure up a doppelganger for you. Don’t look so shocked. A lot of people have fantasies about having sex with a double of themselves.”
“I’d settle for another human being, preferably male. And good-looking. I’m not picky. Johnny Depp will do nicely.”
Gina helped herself to more chips. “What does Robbie think of this idea?”
“He’s pissed off at me right now. He just doesn’t understand that I need… well, the touch of another man. Plus, Robbie still looks like he’s twenty.”
“That’s the age he was when he died,” Gina reminded me unnecessarily.
“Yeah, but I look thirty. Because I am. Robbie is always going to look twenty, and I’m going to keep getting older and older. It’s going to look very strange at some point.”
Gina blinked. “Like having a dead boyfriend still around isn’t strange enough.”
“You know what I mean. Plus, there’s the no-sex factor. It’s okay for Robbie. He’s dead. Apparently things change once you’ve breathed your last. Me, I’m still horny.”
I hadn’t noticed that the waiter had come back with our food. He heard my last statement and smiled at me. “I get off at ten, honey,” he said. “Maybe we can take care of that little situation.”
Gina waited until he’d departed once again to chide me. “You didn’t take him up on his offer.”
“He’s a baby. He probably just graduated from high school.”
“That’s the good thing about the young. You can teach them things. Besides, I don’t think he was offering you a long-term relationship. He was merely suggesting a brief fling.”
“He probably lives at home still, and we’d have to go back to my apartment. And what would happen then? Oh yes, the ghost of my old boyfriend would appear and find some way to scare the piss out of him.”
“You’re going to have to talk with Robbie and arrange something,” Gina said, digging into her food, “or you’re going to stay celibate for the rest of your life.”
I frowned. “My love life doesn’t stand….” I let the sentence trail off.
“What?”
“I almost said a ghost of a chance, but I swear I didn’t mean it as a pun.”