It’s a long drive from Denver to Yellowstone, boys, so unless you’re all still as fucking crazy as we were at twenty-five or someone gives Six some 5-hour Energy, my guess is you’ll be stopping halfway.
If I’m wrong and you made it to Yellowstone, go ahead and open the next letter.
But I ain’t wrong ’cause I’m never wrong, and I’m guessing you’re in Nowhere, Wyoming, right now, looking for a place to sleep. Find a local directory and hunt down the third cheapest, scariest motel in the area. Third from the bottom. You have one pass ’cause I know if Johns or O’Flaherty sees a roach they’ll be out of there, and I don’t want you sleeping in filth. I just want you remembering what it was like before we had a choice.
See, we stopped making our own choices at seventeen. We were told where to sleep, what to eat, when to do a chin-up, when we could go get laid, where to go, how to get there, and who to kill. In the brief moments when we did have a choice, we didn’t really. We were held hostage by our ideals, our loyalty, and our bank accounts. We didn’t have a choice where we slept, so we put all our ability to choose in each other. We chose each other.
So check for bedbugs first. And then fucking remember why we chose each other. Once you get to Old Faithful, open the next letter.
“I’m going to fucking kill him,” Owen muttered as he stared at the ill-lit façade of the Motel 8 in Rock Springs, Wyoming. “It’s not even a fucking Motel 6, dude.”
Nick had to bite his lip hard to keep from agreeing with him. He was also trying not to laugh. “Okay, so . . . bring in only what you need. Just in case we have to burn our clothes later,” he ordered as he grabbed his pack and eased it over his shoulder.
The others grumbled and snickered in equal amounts as they got out of the Suburban. The night was cool, and Nick welcomed the relief from the blazing summer sun as they made their way across the parking lot to the overhang that sheltered the lobby door.
Kelly appeared at his side, sliding his hand into Nick’s back pocket. “Doing okay?”
Nick gave him a smile and a nod, sliding his arm over Kelly’s shoulders. It felt natural to walk that way, wrapped around each other. The drive itself hadn’t been too bad, but it had certainly been a long day. Starting the morning in Boston, flying to DC and gearing up for that emotional meeting, then the flight to Colorado, and finally the five-hour drive, during which Owen had repeatedly threatened to murder everyone in the car. Nick wasn’t just tired, he was fucking exhausted, and all he wanted was to crawl into bed with Kelly and recharge his batteries.
He wouldn’t have minded crawling into Kelly tonight either, but it was against the rules, and he was determined to follow those.
No matter how frustrating they might be.
They were lagging behind the others by the time they entered the lobby. It was vacant, which wasn’t surprising this time of night. Owen leaned over the counter to see into the back office. They left him to handle it so he could take his murderous tendencies out on something besides them, and Ty came up to Nick and Kelly, one eyebrow raised.
“Sleeping arrangements?”
“Three rooms?” Kelly suggested. “At fifty bucks a pop, I think we can afford to splurge.”
“Not really what Eli was going for,” Nick said as he watched Owen speak to a bleary-eyed night clerk.
“Are we seriously following his instructions to the letter?” Kelly asked with a laugh. His grin fell when Nick met his eyes, though.
“What are we doing out here if we’re not going to follow them?” Nick snapped.
“You’re right,” Kelly said immediately, holding up a hand to appease him. “You’re right.”
They were all silent, and Nick could feel their eyes on him as he studiously tried to ignore the attention. He finally cleared his throat and gave Kelly an apologetic sideways glance. “Three rooms,” he said with a shrug. “Makes sense.”
“You sure?”
Nick nodded. “First floor so I can avoid the steps.”
Kelly stared at him for a few uncomfortable seconds, then moved away to join Owen at the counter.
“Hey,” Ty said as he stepped closer to Nick.
Zane wandered away, hands stuffed in his pockets, whistling like he was trying to show he wasn’t interested in overhearing.
“You two fighting?” Ty asked Nick.
“What?”
“Doc. There’s some tension there, it’s kind of weird.”
Nick blinked at him, feeling stupid. “Really?”
Ty raised both eyebrows and leaned a little closer, searching Nick’s eyes for something.
“We’re good,” Nick insisted.
Ty backed away a step, still scowling but looking like he believed it.
Nick winced and glanced over his shoulder at Kelly. “I guess it’s just weird not being able to touch him. Or . . . talk to him.”
“What do you mean?” Ty asked.
“It’s like we’re speaking different languages lately. He can’t hear me. I can’t hear him.”
“Well,” Ty said softly, looking over his shoulder. “You two have always figured it out.”
Nick lowered his head, nodding. They always figured it out.
Ty grunted, and when Nick looked back at him, Ty was frowning harder, watching Zane as he wandered around the kitschy lobby. They shared a wry glance.
“Tonight’s going to suck,” Ty muttered as he turned away.
They wound up being able to get two rooms on the ground floor, and one on the second. Digger and Owen took the upper room because it had two double beds instead of one queen, and Owen tossed Ty and Nick the other sets of keys as they trudged up the shaky iron steps. The keys were actual keys, with little vintage plastic tags that were probably as old as Nick was. Nick snorted, a smirk playing over his lips.
“Eli would have loved this place,” Ty grumbled as they walked to their rooms in the moonlight.
Nick let his smile break free as he ran his thumb over the plastic. Ty was right, Eli would have loved it. They said good-night to Ty and Zane, and they could hear Digger and Owen talking near the railing right above them. Digger leaned over far enough that Nick could see him outlined against the night sky.
“What up, Romeo?” he called softly.
“Go to sleep, Juliet,” Kelly whispered in return, his grin bright enough to rival the moon. Nick stared at him as he handed the key to him, and Kelly let his fingers linger on Nick’s when he took it. That simple touch and that enchanting smile were like torture for Nick, knowing he couldn’t do more than pull Kelly to him and kiss him.
Kelly read his mind, and he tugged Nick to him with a smirk. The kiss was gentle, and Nick’s eyes fluttered closed as Kelly took charge of it.
“You two never gonna make it all week,” Digger observed from above. By the time they both looked up, he was gone.
Kelly took Nick’s hand and held on as he unlocked the door. The room wasn’t as bad as Nick had expected it to be. It seemed clean, anyway, and that was all he asked for. They were both coming out of their clothes almost before the door had latched, and it was only the habit of expecting trouble in the middle of the night that made Nick retain his boxers when he finally settled into the bed.
The light in the bathroom switched off, and Kelly prowled out into the bedroom, eyes on Nick, a smirk flirting over his lips. “Are we really not having sex on this trip?”
Nick snorted. At least they would both be on the same frustrated page the whole week. “We go without sex for weeks at a time when we’re apart.”
“When we’re apart, being the key phrase there.”
“I know,” Nick assured him. He leaned against the flimsy headboard, absently rubbing at his sore quad muscle. All the walking and flying and driving were a little more than his surgically repaired knee was ready for.
“I’ve got something for that,” Kelly told him, and he bent to search in his bag.
“If you come up with lube, I’m going to cry,” Nick warned him.
Kelly laughed as he continued searching, and it pulled a grin out of Nick. He loved Kelly’s laugh, possibly more than he loved his smile.
“You realize Eli won’t know if we break the rules, right?” Kelly said as he tossed his medical kit on the end of the bed and crawled in beside Nick.
“Yeah, he will,” Nick said quietly.
Kelly searched his eyes for a second, dropping the teasing. He finally nodded as if he understood Nick’s determination. “Okay, babe,” he whispered. He pulled a tin of homemade something out of his bag and twisted the top off.
“What is that?” Nick demanded. He’d submitted to a tin of homemade something one time years ago that Ty had sworn was magic, and he’d spent the next week peeling his skin off in strips.
“Emu oil,” Kelly said, turning the little tin so Nick could see the label. It looked like it had been printed in someone’s basement.
“Oh, fuck no,” Nick blurted, and he reached for the edge of the bed to get away.
Kelly pounced and wrapped him up from behind, dragging him into the middle of the bed and holding him down. “I’ve used this on you before, it’s fine!”
“Emu oil!” Nick cried as he lay flat on his back and stared up at Kelly with wide eyes. “Is it made out of real emus?”
“I . . . I assume so, yes.”
“Gross. Gross!”
“It’s all I have with me for sore muscles!”
“I’d rather have sore muscles than emu oil!”
Kelly was laughing hard enough that he could barely respond. He held up the little tin and shook his head as he composed himself. “Just let me try some, I need to know if it works well enough to buy more.”
“Why would you buy more? Those poor fucking emus!”
Kelly hung his head and wheezed, bracing himself on Nick’s belly. “Oh my God.”
“This is worse than the itching lotion you tried to jizz all over me!”
Kelly was still trying to catch his breath, but he did manage to swipe two fingers through the emu oil and spread it over Nick’s quad muscle as Nick tried to get away.
Nick cried out in horror.
“Now are you going to let me rub it in, or are you going to get it all over your princess fingers?” Kelly asked.
“This is horrible,” Nick muttered, and he covered his eyes. Kelly’s hands were warm and skillful when he started spreading the emu oil over Nick’s thigh, but that wasn’t enough to distract Nick from what he was using them to spread. “This is the worst thing a bird has ever done to me.”
“Shame, since you’ve always treated cocks so well,” Kelly said, his voice trembling.
Nick peered at him from between his fingers. Kelly’s brow was furrowed in concentration as he worked the oil in. His long fingers were strong and talented, and soon enough Nick had forgotten his horror and was concentrating on Kelly instead. When Kelly looked up and met Nick’s eyes with a wink, warmth stole through Nick’s body.
Kelly’s hands snuck a little higher, pushing under Nick’s boxers, his fingers just grazing over the juncture of Nick’s thigh and hip before he slid one hand down the inside of Nick’s thigh.
“Babe,” Nick whispered, shifting his hips and closing his eyes as his body reacted. “This is mean.”
Kelly bent, tugging at the elastic band of the boxers, and he kissed Nick’s hip. “When are we going to get some ink right here?” he asked, tracing Nick’s hip bone with one finger. He bent to kiss it again, and when he spoke his lips moved against Nick’s skin. “I think I’d like a target to aim for.”
Nick breathed out slowly and grabbed a handful of Kelly’s hair. Kelly raised his head and met Nick’s eyes.
“The rules?” Kelly prompted gently.
“Come here,” Nick demanded shakily, and Kelly crawled up his body to lie over him and kiss him. His skillful seduction meant Nick was ready for whatever Kelly wanted, and their hard cocks rubbed together through the thin material of their boxers. Nick wrapped his arms around Kelly, deepening the kiss.
He was about to roll them over when music began to blare. They both jumped, Kelly rolling off Nick and to his knees, Nick shooting straight up and into a sitting position to give the room a wild-eyed once over.
“What the fuck?” Kelly gasped.
“Is that your phone?” Nick asked.
“My phone’s dead. Is it yours?”
“Must be, but I don’t have that song on it and I lost service an hour into Wyoming.”
They sat and listened to the music, and Nick soon recognized it as a salsa song from the late ’90s. It had been one of Eli’s favorites.
He clambered out of bed and searched through his jeans pockets for his phone, and when he found it, sure enough, it was blasting a song from the Pandora app they’d been running in the car.
“I thought Pandora required service and stuff,” Kelly said, giving Nick’s phone a wary look.
“It does. Looks like I picked up the network again. I must have left it running when we lost service in the car.”
They stared at each other, and at the phone. Nick opened up the Pandora app, silencing it. He closed out the app to make sure it wouldn’t malfunction again, then put his phone on silent so they’d be assured of no more shocks.
“That was super weird,” Kelly finally blurted.
Nick nodded, still frowning at his phone.
“Sounded like the kind of stuff Sanchez listened to,” Kelly added.
Nick hummed. “Interesting timing, too.”
“Does that mean no rule-breaking?” Kelly asked, shoulders slumping.
Nick nodded furtively. “He told me he’d haunt my Irish ass.”
“Motherfucking Sanchez!” Kelly rolled his eyes and flopped onto his back.
Nick laughed, albeit uncomfortably, and then he set the phone aside and turned out all the lights, crawling in next to Kelly. He felt guilty, but he wasn’t sure if it was coming from his adherence to the rules and not fucking his boyfriend like they both so obviously wanted, or from the fact that he’d almost broken those rules less than twenty-four hours into the trip. The phone going off and the music choice from Pandora were a little spooky to him, too. Spooky enough that the hard-on Kelly had coaxed out of him was long gone.
It was for the best, really. He pulled Kelly close and they wrapped around each other, fitting together so well after so many months of being able to spend every night together. It didn’t take too many minutes of Kelly’s breath on Nick’s neck, of Kelly’s warm, lithe body against his to have him responding again. He groaned quietly, frustrated.
“Me too,” Kelly whispered. He kissed Nick’s collarbone, his cock growing harder against Nick’s hip.
“Fuck,” Nick growled. Kelly raised his head and Nick kissed him, rocking their hips together. “Why’d we think we could do this for a week?”
Kelly tossed his leg over Nick’s hip and dove his fingers into Nick’s hair, moaning into the kiss.
The music began again, blasting from Nick’s phone, which was now even closer to them since he’d stuffed it under his pillow like he always did.
Kelly’s hand tightened when he jumped, yanking Nick’s hair and causing him to yelp.
“Fuck, I thought you turned it off,” Kelly hissed.
“I did!”
“Fuck this,” Kelly said, and he pushed Nick to his back and rolled, stretching across him to grab Nick’s phone. Nick watched his face in the light of the screen as he did whatever he thought would keep the phone silent. Then he scowled as he turned it over to look at the buttons on the side and, Nick assumed, found that it was already on silent. He pushed the button that manually turned the volume down, then set it on the table carefully. “Okay, we’re being haunted then.”
Nick nodded.
“So. We can’t fuck, because Sanchez is obviously watching us like a transparent creeper. And you and I both know we can’t sleep in the same bed without . . . I mean . . . we’d probably fuck and not even be awake for it, it’s just what we do.”
Nick nodded again.
“Solutions?” Kelly demanded as he pushed himself up to sit. “I mean, I think maybe we need to not touch like we usually do. It’s going to be torture if we keep petting each other but can’t fuck.”
“Okay,” Nick said with a slow nod, even though the thought of not even being able to touch Kelly for the next week was almost physically painful. He found himself rubbing at the scar on his side, trying to make the throbbing stop. “If you think it’ll be easier.”
“I do. And you know what I think we need to do at night? If we’re going to be celibate?”
“We . . . don’t share a bed?” Nick winced as he said it.
Kelly’s shoulders slumped. “It’s just for six nights, right? We can do that. We’ll just get double beds from here on out, sleep alone.”
Nick nodded a third time.
“And for tonight, I mean, Ty and Zane are probably having the same problem, what do you want to bet?”
Nick sighed quietly. “I’ll call Ty.”
Kelly merely nodded, just like Nick had. He flopped to his back as Nick reached for the phone. It vibrated in his hand, nearly scaring him into dropping the damn thing. Ty’s photo and name lit up the screen as it vibrated again.
“Hey,” Nick answered with a laugh.
“So,” Ty drew out.
“You want to switch sleep partners?”
Ty gave a relieved laugh. “How’d you know?”
“It’s hard,” Nick drawled, and Kelly started snickering at his side.
Minutes later, a very disgruntled Zane knocked at the door, and Nick let him in. He was about to give Kelly one last chaste kiss good-night, but Kelly stepped back and held up his fist instead. Nick stared at him, brow deeply furrowed in confusion, before he remembered their deal. He pressed his fist to Kelly’s, feeling like an idiot as Zane watched with one eyebrow raised, and then he grudgingly headed for Ty and Zane’s room, right next door.
Ty was sitting on one side of the queen-sized bed with his phone in his hand when Nick walked in.
“Hey,” Ty grunted. He held up his phone. “My Pandora app is going nuts, do you know how to fix it?”
Nick stared at him, a shiver running up his spine. He shook his head. “Not really.”
February 14, 2003
“Hey Red, did you know berries ain’t a fruit?” Eli asked.
Nick glanced up from the poker chip he was rolling over his fingers, scowling. Eli was sitting at the other end of the table reading some sort of Valentine’s Day special pamphlet. “What?”
Eli seemed troubled when he lowered the paper. “This says they’re not a fruit.”
“Berries?” Kelly asked.
Owen plunked four beers on the table and sat to Nick’s left. “Berries have to be a fruit.”
“This says they’re not,” Eli insisted.
“You’re getting fruit facts off a casino bar menu?” Ty asked. He was lounging on the long bench against the wall, resting his feet on the bench beside him and using Digger as a backrest.
“It’s not a menu, it’s a pamphlet.”
Ty made a gesture with his hand, as if asking what the difference was.
“What are they if they ain’t fruit?” Digger asked.
“They’re berries!” Eli told them. He waved the paper around.
Nick shook his head and looked back down at the chip, turning it over. It was a thousand-dollar chip he’d won at the blackjack table.
“But berries are a kind of fruit,” Kelly insisted.
“No, this thing,” Eli said as he handed the paper to Kelly. “It says ‘avocados are not only a fruit, they are also a berry.’ That means berries aren’t fruit.”
“No,” Kelly grunted.
“Yes!” Eli shouted. “Look it!”
“Well no, berries are a fruit if it says an avocado is both, right?” Owen said.
Digger waved his drink around. “Ho ho. You can be both and not the same at the same time!”
“What?” Ty asked.
“A paper can be a menu and also a pamphlet, but pamphlets can’t be menus,” Eli explained.
Nick closed his eyes and ran the poker chip over the bridge of his nose. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. Again.”
“Did you know this?” Ty asked him.
“Why do you think they list it on menus and stuff as fruit and berries?” Nick asked.
“I just . . . I just thought they were being insistent.”
“Oh Jesus!” Kelly cried. “Vegetables aren’t real, guys!”
“Are they figments of your imagination?” Owen asked between sips of his beer. “Like . . . leprechauns and gnomes.”
“Give me a leprechaun salad, hold the veggies,” Nick drawled, and he and Owen tried desperately to avoid eye contact so they could maintain their stern expressions.
“Stop it! This says it’s a culinary term, there’s no such thing as vegetables!” Kelly shook the paper in Eli’s face. “Why would you hand this to me?”
Eli laughed heartily.
“My mind!” Kelly cried.
Owen plucked the pamphlet from his fingers and frowned as he perused the page they’d been reading. “Although berries are fruits,” he read, “There are many fruits which are considered berries by most people that may not actually be classified as berries.”
“So wait, berries are fruits then,” Ty said.
“But berries aren’t berries,” Nick added.
“Some berries are fruits but not all fruits are berries,” Digger tried. “This is some philosophical shit, dog. What else does it say?”
“Oranges are berries,” Owen announced.
“No,” Kelly snarled. He slammed his hand on the table. “No!”
Owen was fighting a smile as he continued scanning the information. “There are also false berries.”
“Fucking posers,” Digger muttered.
Ty finally sat up and leaned against the table. “What the hell is a false berry?”
“Bananas. Cucumbers. Oh, and cranberries and blueberries aren’t berries either.”
“An orange is a berry but a blueberry isn’t?” Eli asked.
Nick swallowed a large gulp of Guinness. “I thought cucumbers were vegetables.”
“Vegetables don’t exist,” Owen drawled.
“That’s some fucked-up menu,” Digger said.
“It’s not a menu, it’s a pamphlet!” Eli shouted.
“That’s a fucked-up pamphlet,” Digger said with a sip of his drink.
“Berry fucked up,” Eli added, almost giggling.
“Next person who says berry is getting hit,” Kelly warned.
Owen put the paper down, trying not to smile.
Nick put a finger on it and slid it toward himself. It was some sort of fun facts of Valentine’s Day gift-giving page that Eli had picked up at some weird café in Wyoming. Why he’d held on to it, Nick didn’t know. He scanned it, shaking his head and grinning. “This says honeysuckle is a berry,” he announced.
Kelly stood and threw his napkin at Nick. It didn’t even make it to the end of the table, and they both watched it flutter onto Nick’s plate.
“What the hell is honeysuckle?” Owen asked.
Digger gasped. “You don’t know what honeysuckle is?”
“Goddamn Yankee,” Ty muttered into his glass.
“It’s a vine,” Kelly explained. “Little flowers you can suck the juice out of.”
Nick glanced up, grinning. “It’s not a vine, it’s a berry.”
“No!” Kelly cried. “No, no, no! Oranges are fruit, honeysuckle is yummy, cranberries are berries, vegetables are real, and that’s it!”
The table fell silent, all of them waiting for someone else to break the silence.
“So,” Digger finally said. “Does this make guacamole a fruit dip?”
The table erupted yet again, and Nick sat back with a grin, watching them fondly. His friends . . . his brothers. A sense of melancholy swamped him as he realized that these moments were waning, that every night was bringing them closer to the end. Suddenly he needed air, and silence.
Nick set the pamphlet down and took a gulp of his Guinness as Digger waxed poetic about guacamole. When Nick put his glass down, it made a louder sound than he’d intended, and the table vibrated. It drew the attention of the others, and they all watched him as he stood up. “Going to bed,” he grunted.
“Hey Irish, you okay?” Ty asked him, and he was scowling when Nick looked back at him.
Nick gave him a curt nod and tried to smile. He flicked the thousand-dollar chip to Eli, who caught it deftly. “Just need some good sleep. Night.”
He turned and headed for the door. Their hotel was just across the street from the casino, but Nick hesitated when he got to the sidewalk. It was freezing. Snow drifted in lazy flurries around him. But still, the urge to stroll under the moonlight was overwhelming. Deadwood, South Dakota, wasn’t exactly a huge town; he could probably lap it before the others left the casino bar and had a chance to miss him.
He wasn’t really paying much attention, so it startled him when Kelly appeared at his side. Kelly laughed at him when he jumped and cursed.
“What the hell, Doc?”
“You going for a walk?” Kelly asked.
Nick cleared his throat.
“You had that look.” Kelly unzipped his coat and pulled the lapel, turning to show Nick a lighter and two blunts, hidden in the lining. “Mind if I join?”
Nick rolled his eyes and smirked, jutting his chin toward the street. “We’ll probably freeze, you know.”
“I’ll keep you warm,” Kelly crooned, and he slipped his arm into the crook of Nick’s elbow.
They spent an hour wandering around Deadwood, looking at the historic markers without the crowds of the day, Nick barely keeping the excitement out of his voice when he started telling Kelly the bits and pieces of Deadwood’s history he knew. Kelly let him ramble, actually listening and asking questions. They wandered out of the historic main street area and into the residential streets, climbing the steep, winding road that led to the cemetery.
They had to scale the gates to get in, but once they were inside, they had an incomparable view of the town and the mountains that surrounded the gulch the town had been built in.
They hunched together under the flagpole on the overlook, sharing the blunt Kelly had lit, the graves of Wild Bill Hickok, Seth Bullock, and Calamity Jane as their backdrop.
“I think, when this is over, I’m going back to Colorado,” Kelly said. His words formed wisps in the cold, floating away with the snow.
“That little town we passed through?” Nick asked, and he wondered why his heart was sinking, why his chest felt tighter as they talked about it. Sidewinder was no more. There was no team to go back to, there was nothing left. Of course they’d each need to find somewhere to go, something to do. Of course they’d each be leaving to make a new home. And that little town with its friendly main street and its quirky shops and cottages nestled amongst the Rockies where Kelly could build himself a cabin in wide open spaces, that was the perfect place for Kelly.
“Yeah. It felt right,” Kelly answered, his voice taking on that relaxed whisper Nick knew so well. “Felt like . . .”
“Home?” Nick provided, shocked when the word came out sounding sad.
Kelly turned his head, still smiling serenely. “Yeah. I never really had anywhere that felt like home, you know? Not since my mom and dad died. Closest thing I’ve ever had to that feeling is you, man.”
Nick blinked rapidly and fought to swallow. Kelly’s parents had died in a car crash when he was ten years old. He’d spent the next eight years of his life bouncing from his aging grandparents to foster homes to the Navy. Being with Sidewinder was the longest time he’d ever spent with one set of people. Nick stared at him as flakes landed on his shoulders, melted in his hair.
Kelly was laughing, his entire body shaking and his grin wide. “I mean, how fucking sad is that? Twenty-six years old and the closest thing I got to home is my best friend? It’s time I found somewhere permanent.”
He brought the blunt up to take a drag and then passed it to Nick. Nick took it with fingers that didn’t feel and eyes that didn’t see. He’d spent his entire life trying to be everything for the people he loved, trying to be what they needed. For a brief second just now, he thought he’d actually succeeded for Kelly. And he was trying not to linger on it, trying desperately not to let it bring him crashing down, but to hear Kelly say that wasn’t good enough . . . that he wasn’t good enough to be called home . . .
Nick took the hit and stared down at the town, watching the snowstorm rolling in over the hills.
“Nicko?”
Nick heard him, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the twinkling lights below. He didn’t want to. He hummed to let Kelly know he was listening.
“What do you think?” Kelly asked.
Nick licked his lips, closing his eyes. “I think we should head back before that snow gets worse.”
They were as silent as the falling snow on their trek back to the hotel. Nick could feel Kelly’s eyes on him, but he just couldn’t find the energy within himself any longer to fake it. Not for himself, not for Kelly, not for Ty. Not for any of them. He was tired, and now that they’d stripped the honor of being a Marine from him and taken everything he’d ever worked for, what was the fucking point of being strong for anyone? What was the point of trying to be home for anyone? What was the point of pretending anything was okay?
The elevator ride up to their floor was awkward as hell, and Nick closed his eyes with a sigh. For the first time in his life, he could feel life crumbling and he couldn’t gather the pieces fast enough. He didn’t have the glue to put it all back together.
He murmured a good-night to Kelly when they got to his room, and Nick trudged to the next door, struggling with the key and then shouldering his way in. Kelly stood at his own door, probably watching Nick with that confused frown he could sometimes get when he was trying to figure out a puzzle. Nick didn’t look back at him, though. He closed the door and leaned against it, taking a deep breath when he heard the other door close out in the hall.
“Irish?” Ty said from the darkness of the room.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“You okay?” Eli asked, accompanied by a rustle of sheets. “We were about to go looking for you.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. We wandered further away than we meant to,” Nick said as he stripped out of his clothes and headed for the shower. He stayed in there just long enough to get the weed smell off, long enough for the others to fall asleep, then he fumbled around in his suitcase in the dark, hunting for some clean briefs to sleep in.
“Rico,” Eli whispered from one of the beds.
Nick squinted through the darkness as he stepped into his briefs, almost tripping when he missed one of the leg holes. He struggled into them, pulling them up his hips.
“Come bunk with me, man,” Eli whispered, and Nick heard him pat the mattress beside him.
Nick edged his way across the floor, leading with the side of his foot because he knew damn well it was a minefield for toes down there. He found the end of the bed and crawled into it, finding Eli’s leg under the covers and following it up so he could settle in beside Eli without squishing him. He was still a little buzzed and floating, and usually he knew better than to grope his teammates when he got like that. Tonight it didn’t matter, though. They weren’t teammates anymore, and this was Eli so he could fucking grope him all he wanted.
They’d been rotating bedmates the entire trip. It was supposed to be Eli’s night to get the bed to himself, but Nick didn’t question him. He threw himself down next to him, facing him, and started struggling with the sheets. Eli helped him get settled, pulling the covers up around them.
“Doc’s leaving,” Nick murmured miserably.
“That little town we went through?” Eli asked.
Nick nodded.
“Damn. That was faster than I was expecting.”
Nick was silent. His eyes were adjusting to the dim light, and he could see Eli clearly.
“That why you’re upset?”
“Am I upset?” Nick countered. He wasn’t trying to be a smart-ass, he was just seeking answers from one of the only men he trusted to give them.
Eli clucked his tongue and draped his arm over Nick. “Yeah, papá. You are.”
Nick closed his eyes. Of course he was. The only family he’d ever known was breaking away piece by piece and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. “I’m not ready to lose everyone.”
“Vírate para que te pueda acurrucar, mijo,” Eli grumbled.
Nick snorted, hating to smile when he felt like such utter shit. But if he was translating that correctly, Eli was demanding a cuddle and Nick couldn’t help but laugh. He rolled over obediently, letting Eli pull him close.
“I ain’t ready neither,” Eli finally said. He pushed his nose and mouth against the back of Nick’s shoulder. “I thought you were wearing more clothes when I asked you for a cuddle.”
“I just got out of the shower, dude, what did you expect?” They both snickered, trying to stay quiet. Eli held him tighter instead of pushing him away.
The bed opposite them squeaked, and Nick could just barely make out Ty raising his head. “Thought it was my night for cuddles,” he grumbled.
“I pulled rank,” Eli said, right in Nick’s ear.
“You can’t pull rank anymore,” Ty pointed out, and he tossed his covers back and sat up. “What’s going on?”
“Doc’s decided to leave,” Eli said, the smile gone from his voice.
“That little town in Colorado?” Ty asked.
Nick and Eli both grunted in answer.
“Team’s breaking up on us,” Eli muttered.
Ty sat on the edge of his bed, head cocked, shoulders slumped. Without another word between the three of them, Ty pushed to his feet and shuffled across the floor between the beds. Eli scooted back, pulling Nick with him like Nick was a rag doll, and Ty crawled into the bed and tugged the covers up around all three of them.
Nick closed his eyes and relaxed into the warmth of Eli’s arms around him, of Ty’s soft breaths on his face.
“Housekeeping going to find us in the morning and be all scandalized,” Eli whispered. “Who wants to get naked?”
Nick bit his lip against a laugh. Ty began to snicker. “Nick’s already naked,” he said.
“Am not.”
“You’re also wet, dude, what the hell?” Ty said, sounding appalled as he looked at the hand he’d just put on Nick. He didn’t back away from them, though, just tossed his arm over them both regardless.
“Rico can get it, I don’t care,” Eli crooned.
It took a few minutes for their laughter to settle again. It felt good, and Nick knew this easy camaraderie was exactly what he’d sought out when he’d come back to the room and left Kelly standing in the hallway.
“Other people have always come and gone,” Ty finally whispered. “But you’ve always got us, Irish. It’s always been us three.”
Eli waited a few beats in the dense silence, then added a snickering, “Like the Three Amigos.”
Nick smiled, relief flooding him and working to soothe the heartache he’d allowed himself to let in. “I love you both.”
Ty patted his hip, and he could feel Eli’s heart beating against his back when Eli squeezed him in a tight hug. They’d done this many times over the years, usually in the middle of a desert, trying to stay warm. Sometimes it wasn’t the body that needed that shared warmth, though, it was the heart and mind and soul.
“We’ll stick together from here on out,” Ty said.
“Buy us one of those swank-ass yachts,” Eli added. “Live on the water like we always talked about.”
Nick was nodding, his eyes still closed.
Ty patted his face. “Three of us. No matter what. Deal?”
“Deal,” Nick and Eli both whispered.
June 10, 2013
Kelly woke with a start, blinking away the remnants of the dream he’d been having. He rolled and reached for Nick, murmuring his name when his hand landed on hard muscle and warm skin.
“Doc,” his bedmate whispered as he swatted at Kelly’s hand. “No snuggles.”
“Shit! Sorry,” Kelly gasped, squinting at Zane in the early morning light. He’d forgotten about switching partners in the middle of the night. He sat up, shoving the blankets off his legs. “I need to talk to Nick.”
“It’s not even sunrise yet,” Zane groaned.
“He’ll be awake,” Kelly said with certainty as he shoved out of the bed and jogged to the door.
“What’s wrong?” Zane called after him, still trying to whisper. “Doc?”
Kelly ignored him, barreling out onto the walkway and using Zane’s key to get into the room next door. He was quieter than he meant to be, because his unannounced entry didn’t wake either Ty or Nick. He went to the side of the bed Nick always slept on and patted Nick’s face to make sure, because odds were if it was Ty, his head would be under the pillow instead of on it.
Nick gasped and raised his head, striking out. Kelly had been ready for it, though, and he deflected Nick’s hand with his forearm, ducking out of the way in case Nick followed with that devious right that almost always finished the job his left hook didn’t.
He trapped Nick’s arm between both of his and leaned closer to Nick’s face so Nick could see him in the predawn light. “It’s me, babe, just me.”
“Kelly?” Nick grunted, his voice choked with sleep. “What’s wrong?”
“I need to talk to you,” Kelly whispered. “It’s really important.”
Nick pushed onto his elbow, reaching for Kelly’s face, a concerned frown marring his handsome features.
“What?” the pillow behind Nick groaned. It shuddered and then flipped over, and Ty raised his head like a bear emerging from hibernation. “What?”
“Go back to sleep,” Kelly urged. He crouched beside the bed, meeting Nick’s eyes. “It’s important,” he repeated.
“Okay,” Nick said, struggling to sit up.
Ty moaned and groaned and bitched and muttered as he struggled his way out of the cocoon of sheets he’d created during the night. He thumped out of bed, still grousing at them and scratching his bare belly as he shuffled around the end of the bed. “Switch places,” he said to Kelly as he headed for the door and the other room, where Zane had probably gone back to sleep alone in his bed.
Through the wall, Kelly heard him speaking to Zane as soon as he entered the other room, probably diving into bed with him to get some time to themselves before the day started. Kelly returned his attention to Nick and took a shaky breath to calm himself. Nick sat up and started to scoot over to let Kelly into bed with him, but Kelly stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, and then crawled over Nick to aim for the warm spot Ty had left behind.
He intended to crawl over Nick, anyway. He got as far as straddling Nick’s lap before he lost all self-control and took Nick’s face in his hands to kiss him. Neither of them had brushed their teeth, but Kelly was pretty sure Nick cared just as little as he did.
Kelly sat in Nick’s lap, his forehead pressed to Nick’s as he held on to his face.
“Kelly?” Nick finally whispered.
“Sorry,” Kelly grunted. He kissed Nick one more time and then crawled off him. The sheets had already cooled because both Ty and Nick loved to keep the temperature in a room at near freezing. Kelly hurried to get the covers back up over himself, then pulled closer to Nick so he could see Nick’s face as they spoke.
“What’s wrong?” Nick demanded.
“I had a dream.”
Nick blinked at him. His lips parted, then he pressed them tight and scowled, obviously fighting to be patient and let Kelly explain. “Okay.”
“Do you remember the night in Deadwood? When I decided to move to Colorado and I talked to you about it in that cemetery?”
Nick’s expression didn’t change, but Kelly could see the absolute pain in his eyes.
Kelly nodded before Nick could give him an answer. “You remember.”
“Yeah. What about it?”
“I dreamed about it. It’s the first time I’ve thought about that night in . . . years. Ten years. I remember you being upset after, and I could never quite figure out why. And I never really gave it all that much thought after, I just . . . I just carried on. But I dreamed about it and I figured it out.”
“Kels, what are you talking about?” Nick asked, and he sounded exhausted.
Kelly licked his lips and scooted closer, placing a gentle palm against Nick’s cheek. “What I said to you that night. It was fucking horrible, Nick. I told you that you were the closest thing to home I’d ever had. And then in the next breath, I told you it wasn’t good enough.”
Nick swallowed hard, blinking fast.
“I’m so sorry,” Kelly breathed.
Nick’s hand came to rest on Kelly’s hip, his fingers digging in. “You woke me up to apologize for something you said more than ten years ago?”
Kelly winced, feeling sort of stupid when it was laid out like that. “I guess, I . . .”
“Kels,” Nick hissed, bringing his hand up to cup Kelly’s face. He kissed Kelly before either of them could say more, and when he pulled back, he brushed his nose against Kelly’s. “Thank you.”
Kelly puffed out a breath in relief. “I was so stupid,” he said, pain lancing through him at the thought of what his careless words must have done to Nick. It must have broken his fucking heart to hear Kelly say he wasn’t good enough. “You were always my beacon in a storm. You were always the light calling me to safety, and I was so fucking stupid to say that wasn’t enough for me. To lose that.”
“You never lost it,” Nick broke in.
“Yes, I did. I did. Not only did I lose it, but I pushed it away. You never looked at me the same way after that night, you didn’t treat me the same way. And I didn’t deserve what you gave me either, because I hurt you so much more than I ever realized. I know now what I didn’t then, that even if I built it from the ground up, I still couldn’t make a home for myself without you in it. It was always you. I woke up and I couldn’t go another minute without saying I’m sorry after I realized what I’d done.”
Nick sighed, but he didn’t say anything as they stared at each other. The sun was rising, and apparently neither Nick nor Ty had bothered to close the curtains the night before, so the light was already warming the room, already touching Nick’s eyes with the most amazing green Kelly had ever been witness to.
“Nick,” Kelly whispered, and he tried to scoot even closer. Nick’s hand tightened on his hip, keeping him at bay. Kelly cleared his throat, thrown by the inability to touch Nick whenever he wanted. “You gave so much of yourself to all of us. So much. You were everything we needed. You . . . you were my beacon. When I was drifting and thought I’d drift all my life, you gave me a home. You were Ty’s rock, you kept him grounded and sane and good when he could have gone tailspinning off into Bond villain territory. You were Eli’s brother, you were Owen’s sounding board, and hell, I’m sure you provided Digger with matches and then put the fire out for him after.”
Nick snorted and closed his eyes.
Kelly was shocked to realize he was almost in tears. “You gave so much of yourself to each of us, and we never even realized it. And you never asked for anything in return. Did you?”
“I . . . don’t—”
“You know you didn’t,” Kelly said forcefully. “You cut yourself into teeny tiny pieces and just kept giving them away, but you never got them back because once you gave them up, we cherished them so much we kept them. And you never asked for replacements and you wound up—”
Kelly blinked away the tears blurring his vision. Nick used his thumb to wipe them away from Kelly’s cheeks.
“I’ve been so angry at you,” Kelly admitted. “I couldn’t figure out why you weren’t putting yourself first, why you couldn’t just be selfish, just once. But I get it now. If you had been selfish, none of us would be what we are now. You . . . Eli was right, you’re the linchpin, Nicko. And I’m so sorry I’ve been giving you a hard time for protecting us. I’m so sorry.”
“We both know that’s not the only reason you’ve been angry with me,” Nick said. “I deserved it.”
“You did. But I’m over that, and I’m still angry. And I just figured out why, and I needed to come in here and . . .”
Nick’s hand was gentle on Kelly’s cheek as Kelly trailed off, his fingers sliding into Kelly’s hair, his thumb at Kelly’s cheekbone. “I’m glad you came in here,” he finally said. “Thank you.”
Kelly nodded and sighed. He rested his hand against Nick’s chest, twirling the tips of his fingers through the soft hair there. “I know I made a new rule, but will you hold me anyway?” he finally asked, voice choked with laughter.
Nick snorted and rolled to his back, sliding his arm under Kelly’s head. “Come on.”
Kelly laid his head on Nick’s chest, wrapping around him and closing his eyes in relief. “Zane’s all built and stuff, but his cuddles aren’t the same,” he teased.
Nick squeezed him tighter, and he shoved his face in Kelly’s hair. From somewhere above their heads came a tiny, muffled meow.
Kelly lifted his head to see Jiminy and Cricket struggling over the mountain of pillows piled against the headboard, all fuzz and whiskers and blue eyes.
“Hi, babies,” Kelly whispered. Nick groaned as Kelly rested his head on his chest again, and the kittens joined him, curling up on Nick like he’d been sent to be their very own personal belly warmer.
Nick gave a harsh sigh as Jiminy burrowed under his chin. Kelly tried not to laugh, laying claim to his own space before it could be taken over. Cricket shoved her rear end against his face, vibrating his nose with her purrs.
Every time Sidewinder had come into possession of animals, whether they were rescuing a feral cat from a blizzard, dog-sitting a mutt for a friend, or dealing with Kelly’s very poor impulse control while volunteering at the humane society and adopting two kittens who had reached the end of their allotted time, the animals had always gravitated toward Nick. And Nick fucking hated it.
Kelly’s eyes began to grow heavy again as the purring lulled him back toward sleep. He fought against it, though, letting his thoughts wander back to that last road trip. As they’d traveled all over the country, each of them had found somewhere that spoke to them, called to them.
Kelly, then Owen, and then Digger had all left to go find their own place in the world, leaving Nick and Eli and Ty to make the trip back to DC alone. But Kelly had been the first to leave. He’d pined for that spot in Colorado, that little town that felt like home, that plot of land in the middle of nowhere with the for sale sign that had been the perfect place to build his cabin. Eventually the call of that place had been too much for a young man who’d had his fill of adventure, and he’d said good-bye to his boys and left.
Some nights, he’d lain awake and regretted it, lain awake and cried because he couldn’t go back.
“Did you blame me?” Kelly blurted.
Nick jerked awake. “What?”
“After I left. You all kept going without me for a while. But then the others all left, too, because I had broken the seal. Did you blame me? For leaving? For killing the team?”
Nick was silent, his fingers digging into the skin of Kelly’s arm, his heart racing under Kelly’s hand, his breathing so hard that it woke the kittens and started them purring again. After several torturous moments of waiting for an answer, Nick nodded.
“Yeah,” he croaked. “Yeah, I did.”
February 17, 2003
“I don’t get the Colorado state signs,” Eli said as Nick was navigating through the twists and turns of yet another mountain range.
They’d left Grand Junction, Colorado, that morning at the ass crack of dawn, and they were still only halfway to Santa Fe. They’d kept passing in and out of Colorado the past couple days, and every time they passed back into the state, they made fun of the plain brown sign with white lettering that said, “Welcome to Colorful Colorado.”
“What do you mean, you don’t get them?” Nick asked.
“Colorado is not colorful,” Eli insisted. “All we’ve seen is green in the mountains, brown in the plains. And white everywhere. They could fucking run the Mountain Leaders course up here, bro. It’s that uncolorful.”
“I think it’s a play on the name,” Ty offered. He was in the backseat, taking a rest from his last turn driving. He was sitting backward, his shoulders wedged between the two front seats as they played cards in the back.
“What do you mean?” Eli asked as he turned to scowl at them.
“Colorado,” Nick said, glancing at Eli quickly and then turning his attention back to the winding road. “It’s a fucking Spanish word, dude. Colorado,” he said again, except this time he said it with an accent, as if he were speaking Spanish.
Eli was silent, and Nick glanced at him again, raising both eyebrows when he found Eli staring at him. Ty turned and leaned his elbow on the console, and the sudden silence from the card game in the back told Nick that they’d drawn the attention of everyone.
Nick had to look away fast before Eli could see him smiling. He covered his mouth with his hand and focused everything he had on the road, frowning to compensate.
“Dude,” Owen grunted. “Did that never occur to you before now?”
“You white people don’t say it right, okay,” Eli finally growled.
Ty and Owen burst out laughing, and Nick could see Digger in the far back, shaking his head as he shuffled the deck of cards they were playing with.
“Did you ever wonder why Montana has so many mountains?” Nick asked Eli, barely keeping the laughter out of his voice.
“Tu madre, bro.”
Nick was laughing so hard he had to slow their progress so he didn’t wreck the Bronco.
“Montana, that’s fucked up. There weren’t even mountains in Montana, man, they were just, like . . . like . . . lumpy plains.”
“Lumpy plains?” Ty cried, and they were all rolling around in the back, no seat belts in sight, cards forgotten.
“You better stop fucking talking to me until your ass is bilingual inside your head, okay.” Eli had to grip the handle above as Nick took a turn a little too hard. “Pay attention to the road, Rico! Jesus Christ!”
There was a chorus of complaints and laughter from the back, and Nick wiped his eyes and slowed the Bronco to a near crawl. If he laughed any harder, he’d have to pull over.
Eli was still grumbling, his foot on the dash and his knuckles turning white as he gripped the handle. Nick glanced into the rearview mirror at the others. They were laughing, grappling around for the seat belts to secure themselves, arguing over whether Digger would fit in the middle seat or if he had to stay in the back with the luggage.
The only thing missing was Kelly.
Nick’s grin fell. The realization that Kelly was gone and wasn’t coming back hit him just as hard as it had the last time it had confronted him. It was instantly sobering. He cleared his throat and focused on the road, fighting the melancholy he’d been trying to ignore since they’d left Kelly behind in the tiny town near Colorado Springs where he intended to start his new life.
“Irish?” Ty said, gripping Nick’s arm and shaking him. “You awake?”
“Huh? Yeah. Why? What?”
“If you’re tired we can switch up. You been driving all morning.”
Nick glanced over his shoulder at Ty, damn near knocking his chin into Ty’s nose because he was leaning so close to Nick’s face. He shoved at Ty’s chest with his elbow. “Calm yourself.”
“Lumpy plains,” Eli muttered, shaking his head in disgust as he watched the scenery pass by. “I’m too brown for this.”
June 10, 2013
“Sometimes Eli would get mixed up, lose words,” Owen said. He was sitting in the middle row of seats with Nick as Ty drove.
Zane was enjoying the stories they were sharing. He felt like he was finally getting to know not only Elias Sanchez, but also Owen, Digger, Nick, and Kelly better. It was the first time he could remember that they’d all been together when they weren’t being chased or threatened or hurt or any number of other unsavory activities that often got in the way of small talk.
He was sitting sideways so he could see into the back as they talked. He wouldn’t be able to do it long because it would make him sick as a dog, but watching the other men as they talked about Eli was compelling.
“He grew up speaking Spanish at home, English everywhere else. So he would just sort of weave them into each other without realizing he was doing it,” Nick explained. His voice sounded distant and sad, and Zane’s smile faded as he listened. “It made for some interesting conversations sometimes. He had a great sense of humor.”
“Lumpy plains,” Ty said under his breath, snickering. “He also called a bunch of bushes ‘green rocks’ one time. And on one of the recon missions we ran, he kept talking about ‘the big blue blanket,’ and then he finally got all angry at himself and shouted ‘the sky! It’s called the sky!’”
Zane barked a laugh. “I get it,” he assured them before they could get defensive on Eli’s behalf.
Zane hadn’t grown up speaking both languages equally like Eli apparently had, but he had been taught both from an early age thanks to his mother’s Spanish heritage. She’d insisted on teaching him the dialect of Spain, the language her great-great-great-great-grandfather had spoken. Needless to say, he’d had to teach himself the different local dialects when he’d gotten older. He sometimes hit words that had no equivalent in any of the languages he knew, and was left searching for a replacement. He could only imagine the difficulties Eli had faced with the language barriers.
“The gentlemen in the back have to pee,” Digger announced.
Zane was watching Ty’s profile as he drove, and the way Ty’s eyes flicked up to check the rearview mirror when Digger spoke made Zane’s stomach flip pleasantly.
They were only one day into the trip following Eli’s rules, and Zane was already regretting the fact that no one had protested the no-sex clause. Nick and Kelly were having the same problems, Zane had learned that much from Kelly last night. Owen had a steady girlfriend in San Diego, so he had merely shrugged about the sexbargo, as Kelly had called it. And Digger didn’t seem to care. Zane didn’t know if he was in a relationship with someone, and no one had asked him. He just didn’t seem bothered by the sudden lack of sex in his life.
Zane was bothered by it, though. He watched Ty with a smile, watched the way his hands moved on the steering wheel, the way the sunlight hit his hazel eyes and made him squint away from it as he kept his eyes on the road, the way his knee bounced since the Suburban was an automatic and he didn’t have a clutch to deal with.
He flicked the turn signal with long, talented fingers, and Zane had to look away from him as they changed lanes. He just barely repressed a frustrated groan.
The song on the radio stuttered, skipping like an old record. Ty tapped the display.
“Dude, how does an iPhone skip?” Ty asked Nick.
“I don’t know, the Pandora app was being weird last night.” Nick stuck his hand up between Ty and Zane. “Let me have it.”
Zane unplugged the phone and handed it back. The music abruptly quit when he disconnected the phone, which was exactly what it should have done. A few seconds later, though, the music blipped back on. The song wasn’t the same classic rock tune it had been struggling to play, but rather old-school salsero that made every muscle in Zane’s body want to dance.
“Dude,” Kelly said from the back row. “How much of that salsa music do you have on your phone?”
“I don’t have any of it on my phone,” Nick insisted. “It’s not even connected!”
Ty banged on the dash of the Suburban. “Get a hold of yourself, Helen!”
The music stopped again, leaving them with that odd static coming over the speakers that only a disconnected AUX accessory could make.
Nick groaned from the backseat. “He told me he would haunt me if we didn’t follow directions, he said he’d haunt my Irish ass.”
“Dude,” Digger said quietly.
“But we are following directions,” Owen said, and he took the phone from Nick as Nick started cussing at it.
“It started playing salsa music last night too,” Nick admitted as he sat back and scowled, watching Owen tap at the screen of his phone.
Owen made a clucking sound without looking up. “And what rule were you two breaking?”
Kelly and Nick both muttered an answer, neither of them really audible. But Zane knew exactly what they were saying. He glanced at Ty, who met his eyes, biting his lip against a smile. They’d been preparing to break the same rule last night when Ty’s phone had gone haywire. Ty shook his head, and Zane tossed him a wink before he looked away. They’d keep that to themselves.
“Must have been a rogue signal passing by,” Owen decided. “A big rig with a satellite or CB or something sending off a burst. It’s pretty common. And your Bluetooth is connecting to Helen right now, that’s why it’s doing weird things.”
“Who is Helen?” Zane asked, turning to look back at them.
“The car,” Owen said, as if that had already been discussed and decided and Zane should probably know that. “She’s a Suburban.”
Zane rolled his eyes and gave Ty a dirty look. He knew exactly whose twisted mind that had come from.
“The gentlemen in the back still need to pee!” Digger called.
Ty grunted. “The gentlemen in the back need to be fucking patient!”
“The gentlemen in the back are going to piss in your Wheaties if you don’t find a fucking gas station,” Kelly warned.
“We’re in the middle of a national park,” Ty growled. “There aren’t any gas stations!”
“I think we need to redefine the word gentlemen,” Owen said nonchalantly.
Nick thumped his bare feet onto the console and crossed his arms as he relaxed against the door panel. “Are we there yet?”
Once you reach Yellowstone, find a campground as far from the little villages as possible. You’ve probably already figured out what you’re supposed to do for the next couple days, so here we go.
Two camps, no more than two miles apart. Two flags, made of whatever you can find. Two teams, Alpha and Bravo. These will be your teams for the rest of the trip. Split up by drawing straws. If you have an uneven number, or someone is too old and decrepit to play, make the uneven straw a rogue who can be bought, bribed, or blackmailed by either team. We’re playing Jacksonville rules.
You start the game at midnight, and it doesn’t end for the next 24 hours. Winning team will find out what their prize is in the next letter, which you will open only when one of the flags has been captured or the 24 hours are up.
We were once counted among the finest spec ops teams in any military. It’s time you remembered what made us so special.
“What are Jacksonville rules?” Zane asked hesitantly after Owen had finished the letter.
They were sitting on several wet benches in front of Old Faithful, amid the crowds of people milling about with cameras and children and ponchos, waiting for the geyser to blow. The crowd was making Kelly anxious, and he wasn’t sure quite why. He edged closer to Digger, and Digger put a hand around his shoulders, patting him like he knew Kelly wasn’t comfortable.
“Jacksonville rules mean no weapons,” Ty explained. “Use your environment and any resources you can, but no weaponry. Basically.”
“There are more nuances to Jacksonville rules,” Owen added. “But basically it boils down to, if you’re bleeding or on fire, yell time-out.”
Zane nodded, looking a little sick. “Okay then.”
“I’ll get something to use as straws,” Owen said, and he handed the letter to Nick before strolling off to the manicured tree line toward the parking lot.
Kelly turned to the geyser. The last time they’d been here, they’d never caught the damn thing going off. One early morning they’d actually seen it from the road as they’d driven up, and that had been their last attempt; they’d left Yellowstone that morning, all grumbling variations of, “Old Faithful my ass.”
“Hey,” Nick said from behind him.
Kelly turned to find Nick just out of arm’s reach, his head cocked, his brow deeply furrowed, and both hands stuffed in his pockets.
“You okay?” he asked Kelly.
“No, but I’m not sure why,” Kelly admitted. “I think I’ll be fine when we’re out of this crowd.”
Nick didn’t respond, he merely continued to frown at Kelly. Kelly offered him a smile, wishing he could step closer and lean into him to ease the anxiety. He’d made the no-touching rule himself, though, and it was best to not even tempt either of them with that sort of contact. He found himself hoping that when they did split up into teams, he and Nick would be on opposite sides.
Owen returned with a handful of twigs. He’d cut them so that three of them were the same length. The others he’d left longer. He held them all in his fist, making sure the tips were even. “Alpha are the short ones,” he decided, and he pulled the first stick and held it up.
One by one they chose, splitting themselves into Alpha and Bravo. Ty, Zane, and Kelly wound up with the Alpha sticks, and Nick, Owen, and Digger had the uneven Bravo sticks.
Kelly gripped his stick tighter and watched Nick as his heart pounded. Was he relieved or disappointed? He couldn’t even tell.
There was a change in the atmosphere of the crowd, and a roaring, gushing sound behind them. Kelly stared at Nick, though, his heart pounding too hard for him to breathe, much less rip his eyes away and turn to see the spectacle. Nick’s gaze drifted upward, his lips parting the higher he looked. The others all stood the same way, awestruck by the erupting geyser.
Nick reached out almost without seeming to realize he was doing it, without taking his eyes off the tower of water and steam, and he gripped Kelly’s arm and turned him around, forcing him to watch. And suddenly Kelly could breathe again. He could feel his heart hammering at his chest, and he could feel the warmth of Nick’s touch as it trailed down his arm and into his hand, tangling their fingers together. He was aware of Ty and Owen struggling to get Seymour out so they could take his picture in front of Old Faithful, but he didn’t move to help them.
Minutes later, when the geyser seemed to be running of steam, Nick lowered his head and squeezed Kelly’s hand, glancing sideways to meet Kelly’s eyes. He seemed surprised, and his fingers loosened, releasing him. “Sorry,” he whispered.
Kelly shook his head, but whatever he’d intended to say didn’t come out. Nick offered a gentle smile as he turned away, and Kelly stood there, watching him as he joined Owen and Digger and they started off toward the parking lot together.
Kelly swallowed hard, blinking as if just remembering his eyes could do that. Were he and Nick okay? Was this normal, to feel despondent like this when nothing seemed to be amiss? For the first time since Nick had kissed him and lit that spark inside both of them, Kelly was worried. He could feel the air pressing tighter around him, feel the panic creeping closer. What if he and Nick just weren’t meant to work? What the hell would he do if Nick was feeling this panic, too? What would he do if he was set adrift?
“Doc? You okay?” Ty said, and a hand on his shoulder finally knocked him out of his reverie.
Kelly glanced at him, taking a deep breath and trying to smile. “Yeah,” he said, nodding and glancing at Ty and Zane. “Let’s do this.”
He could feel their eyes on him as he followed after the other three amidst the dispersing crowd. But he had bigger things to worry about now. Like how the hell the three of them were supposed to win a battle of wits and wiles against a team as fucking stacked as a bayou firebug, a devious asshole, and an Irish MacGyver.