Over the next few days, they put Eli’s letters aside and turned instead to another higher power to dictate their travel choices. The dime Nick had found on the side of the road was deemed the Dime of Fate, and whenever they came to a proverbial fork in their road, they would flip it to decide which way they would follow. The dime saved their lives in the desert of Arizona, preventing them from getting even more lost while they were looking for a cliff that didn’t exist. The dime was how they wound up with mild cases of food poisoning at a restaurant in New Mexico, and also how they almost lost Seymour and Digger over the edge of the Grand Canyon.
Ten days after they left Kelly’s cabin, the Dime of Fate delivered them relatively safely to Las Vegas, where they turned in Helen to the rental car agency, and then continued on to San Diego. There they got to meet Riley Williams, the woman who’d stolen Owen’s heart instead of his security clearance like he’d suspected of her when they’d first met. Kelly was surprised to realize that Owen seemed very serious about her. They spent the night at Owen’s penthouse loft in the building owned by Caliburn Technologies, and Owen finally got a taste of the agony Nick, Kelly, Ty, and Zane had been suffering under Eli’s sexbargo. They left with promises to return soon, when they weren’t under orders from a higher and more insistent power, to get to know Riley better.
In New Orleans they were met at the airport by one of Digger’s cousins with a pickup truck that smelled like fish, and they rode in the back out to the little backwater town Digger had grown up in. They were welcomed in by his mother and force-fed something that Kelly knew they would all regret eating later, and then Digger took them to his new home, an adorable little bungalow in the Garden District.
He’d grown tired of the paranoia, he claimed, and dug up his share of the money they’d all received and finally bought a house. A home.
It was a really nice place, too. It was a duplex, but Digger had purchased the entire structure with plans for renovating it. The only thing he’d done so far, though, was blow a hole in the wall that separated the two units. Nick kept going on and on about the historic details while Digger showed them around, and Digger lit up like a Christmas tree when he started in on the history of the more than hundred-year-old house.
They were still sitting in the living room, drinking and talking about molding and original wood floors when Kelly gave up and told them good-night. He headed for the shower, a last-ditch attempt to ease the kink in his back he’d been suffering from the last couple nights.
Half an hour later, he was moving stiffly when he came out of the bathroom. He’d hoped the steamy shower would loosen up his back, but it didn’t seem to have done much for him. He was going to have to give in and ask Nick for one of his pain pills. He turned and twisted as he patted at his dripping hair with a towel, grimacing as his back teased him with the promise of a few nice pops but never delivered.
“You okay?” Nick asked.
Kelly glanced up, surprised to find Nick there. “Hey,” he said, feeling stupid almost immediately. “I thought you’d still be out there with Digger.”
“We called it a night.” Nick was lurking near the end of the bed, fiddling with the buttons of his shirt. He didn’t raise his head again before adding, “You look like you’re in pain.”
Kelly cleared his throat, hating that he felt awkward with Nick in the room. He had to look back through nearly fifteen years of knowing the man to remember a single time he’d felt awkward being alone with Nick. They’d been in a tiny back room of a church in Jacksonville, North Carolina. And Nick had been removing a dainty golden ring from his pocket to assure Kelly one last time that he knew where it was. Kelly’s heart had stuttered through the moment, and he’d chalked it up to prenuptial nerves.
He remembered the look in Nick’s eyes that day, though. Melancholy with a touch of fear. The day Kelly had said “I do” to a woman he’d convinced himself he loved was the day Sidewinder had begun to unravel. They’d been unraveling ever since. Kelly was beginning to accept that it wasn’t his fault, that things change no matter how much you pray they’ll stay the same. It still hurt him looking back, though.
This trip had been a balm on that old wound, with the entire group back together and enjoying antics like old times. They went hard from sunup until they collapsed in bed, exhausted, with no energy or time to be awkward with each other. Now, Kelly could feel the spaces around them opening up to give them room to breathe. And it was . . . uncomfortable.
When Kelly realized his mind had wandered, he blinked at Nick, and his body flushed with heat. “My back’s all torqued up,” he managed to answer.
Nick watched him from under lowered brows, but remained silent. A shiver ran across Kelly’s damp neck. The longer they went without being intimate, the more hellish it was to be alone with Nick.
Somewhere in the afterlife, Eli was laughing at them.
Kelly sniffed and tucked his towel in at his hip a little more securely. “You remember how you used to pop Sanchez’s back for him? You’d pick him up and it would crack and shit.”
Nick nodded. “Your back’s that bad? You want me to try cracking it?”
“Yeah,” Kelly said, breathing out in relief. He was thankful Nick hadn’t outright refused to do it. From what he remembered when Eli used to have Nick pop his back, it required some pretty intimate contact. And at this point in Eli’s sexbargo, any contact at all was torture. That was the main reason Kelly hadn’t asked Nick to rub his back down with emu oil yet.
He checked the towel one last time to make sure it wouldn’t pull a porno trick and flutter to the ground as soon as Nick touched him, and then moved closer to Nick as his heart hammered. He made the mistake of meeting Nick’s eyes before turning his back to him. There was just as much longing in Nick as Kelly felt in himself. Longing, frustration, lust, and a hint of sadness that Kelly didn’t quite understand. But then, a hint of sadness pretty much described Nick these days, didn’t it?
Nick stepped up behind him, moving the cool air around Kelly, pushing his familiar scent into Kelly’s space. Kelly shivered harder and squeezed his eyes closed. When he spoke, he kept it at a whisper so Nick wouldn’t hear the tremor in his voice. “How do you do it?”
“Cross your arms, hands to shoulders,” Nick murmured, just behind Kelly’s ear. It may have been the nerves coursing through Kelly’s body, but he thought Nick sounded shaky as well.
Kelly swallowed past a sudden tightness in his throat and brought both hands up, placing them on his shoulders. Nick edged closer, his fingers gentle on Kelly’s overheated skin, sliding down his forearms, wrapping around Kelly. He nudged Kelly’s neck with his chin as he settled his body against Kelly’s. He locked his fingers around Kelly’s wrists, squeezing him against his chest. Kelly felt him inhale deeply, and he knew without a doubt that Nick was taking in his scent. It was one of the little things Nick often did when they were close, when they were fooling around, when they were having sex. Kelly loved it, and he realized that he missed it when Nick failed to do it. Kelly smiled as butterflies danced in his chest.
“I’m going to bend backward and lift you off your feet,” Nick said against Kelly’s ear, and if Kelly didn’t know better he would have said the tremor in Nick’s voice was more pronounced now. “When I do, just relax and go limp, let your weight do the work.”
Kelly turned his head a little, his cheek brushing against Nick’s. Nick was still for a moment, not even breathing as he rubbed the very tip of his nose against Kelly’s cheek.
“Okay,” Kelly said shakily.
“Take a deep breath in, hold in for a few seconds, then let it out slowly. At the end of that breath, I lift you. Got it?”
“Got it.”
Kelly leaned into Nick’s body, resting his head on Nick’s shoulder and staring at the ceiling. He hadn’t realized how hard it would be to go so long without Nick’s arms around him, without these special, quiet, intimate moments they shared. He wanted this innocent encounter to last as long as he could make it, because they still had two days left to go with Eli’s rules.
He breathed in, closing his eyes as he tried to clear his mind of everything but the man holding him. The strength in his arms, the familiarity of his scent, the warmth in his voice. Good God, Kelly loved the man. How long had Nick been his beacon before Kelly had even realized it? And how long had Kelly been pushing that away, intent on some mirage in the distance?
When he blew out the last of his breath, Nick’s hold on him tightened. Kelly grunted as Nick squeezed him and bowed his back, lifting Kelly’s feet off the floor a little more forcefully than he had expected. As Kelly let his body go limp, let Nick take all of his weight both physically and mentally, he felt his spine popping all the way down to the small of his back, and the tension he’d been battling for days simply melted away.
Nick held him like that for a few seconds, then slowly straightened, setting Kelly on the floor again in the process. His grip didn’t loosen, though. “Again?”
“No, it’s good,” Kelly answered, his eyes still closed, still leaning his troubles into Nick’s embrace. He could almost imagine this was a touch intended for more than just popping his back. He turned his head when he felt Nick’s arms loosening, and he was disappointed when he couldn’t make eye contact. “Thanks.”
Nick had his head down, and at first glance it appeared his eyes were closed. They weren’t, Kelly realized. He was watching his own fingers as they drifted over Kelly’s wrist and up his forearm, his lashes nearly concealing the fact. He hummed as he let go, meeting Kelly’s eyes even though they were so close they almost had to go cross-eyed to do it.
“Anytime.”
He inched closer and carefully nuzzled against Kelly’s neck, his fingers still agonizingly gentle on Kelly’s skin and the barest of trembles giving away his nerves. He had his eyes closed when he lifted his head, and Kelly’s drifted shut as well as Nick rubbed the tip of his nose against Kelly’s cheek and then released him.
Kelly cursed under his breath as the warmth of Nick’s body against his back threatened to move away, as the breaths on his face faded. He grasped at Nick’s wrists, trapping him in the embrace. “One kiss,” he gasped, despite the fact that straining his neck for that one kiss put them both in a difficult position.
It sounded like Nick was sucking air through clenched teeth.
“Just one,” Kelly begged before stealing the kiss he’d requested. Nick’s response was subdued, at first, as if he thought they could stop at just one kiss if it was simple and bland. When their lips parted, though, Kelly could feel his heart pounding away at his chest and his blood rushing through his body so fast it made him dizzy. Nick’s shaky breath on his lips and his iron grip on Kelly’s forearm told Kelly that Nick was having the same violent, visceral reaction to their one, tiny, innocent, isolated, vanilla kiss.
Kelly wasn’t sure how long they stood like that. He had no concept of time. Time was something that would pester a man who wasn’t being held in the arms of the love of his life; it could find no foothold in Kelly’s awareness.
His eyes fluttered shut again as Nick’s breaths on his lips sent jolts through his body. “Irish. Will you kiss me?” he pleaded, his voice barely there and his breath stolen.
“Kels,” Nick practically whimpered, but before his weak protest could go one more word, he indulged Kelly in the kiss. Fervently. One hand came up to cup Kelly’s face, the other hand found a hold on Kelly’s hip just above his towel, and he kissed Kelly like he hadn’t tasted him in years.
Kelly’s body flooded with the tingling excitement that seemed to be Nick’s specialty, and he could feel Nick growing hard against his ass as his bit and sucked on Kelly’s lip and tongue. Nick’s hand delved under the towel, upsetting the precarious fold Kelly had been fussing with just minutes ago, and he dropped it to the ground with a judgmental fwump.
Kelly moaned into the kiss and turned in Nick’s arms. They dropped all pretense of it being a simple kiss, just like Nick had dropped that towel, and Kelly wrapped his arms around Nick’s neck, hand going into Nick’s hair, fingers dragging at the collar of his shirt.
“We’re breaking the rules,” Kelly managed to growl once he’d regained enough self-control to end the kiss.
Nick’s fingers dug into Kelly’s back, pulling him flush and dragging his teeth over Nick’s chin.
“You’re right,” Kelly said. “Fuck the rules.”
Nick dragged him the two or three steps toward the bed, kissing him hungrily, strong hands roaming over Kelly’s still-damp skin. The backs of Kelly’s legs hit the edge of the mattress, and Nick shoved him. He was still bouncing on the mattress when Nick crawled over him, using his knees and hips to force Kelly’s legs apart.
Kelly wrapped around him, his fingers in Nick’s hair again, his heels finding his favorite spot to rest at the small of Nick’s back. Their kisses were getting noisy, messy, and a little obscene.
Kelly realized in the back of his mind he was expecting Eli’s music to start playing any second now, and he grunted plaintively. Nick growled and shoved away from him, hanging his head and closing his eyes as Kelly blinked up at him.
“Babe?” Kelly whispered.
“I told myself we’d learn what we were on this trip,” Nick told him, his voice grave.
Kelly cupped his face, his body relaxing under Nick’s, his heartbeat slowing. “We know what we are.”
Nick was nodding. He pushed up so he was kneeling between Kelly’s legs, head bowed, fingers digging into Kelly’s thigh. “You know what you are. And I know what I am. But we don’t know what we are. And this isn’t helping us figure it out.”
Kelly deflated, resting his head against the mattress and closing his eyes. He felt Nick moving, felt him getting up and moving away. “Have we ever known what we were?” Kelly demanded. He hated that he was getting angry, but he had been angry for a long time, and he was tired of repressing it.
Nick stood with his back to Kelly, his shoulders hunched and his head down. He shook his head in answer.
“I’ve always been . . . confused as hell about the way you make me feel.” Kelly struggled to sit up, wincing as his back complained. “And you? You’ve always been in love with your best friend.”
Nick turned, his expression a mixture of wounded and confused. “You’re holding that against me?”
Kelly shrugged sadly. “I’m running out of reasons why you’d possibly still be pushing me away, Nick.”
“That’s not one of them,” Nick snarled.
“Then tell me one of them. Tell me all of them.”
Nick closed his eyes, shaking his head as he ran his fingers through his hair. “There are no reasons, Kels. I’m not pushing you away.”
“That’s funny. ’Cause I sure do feel pushed.”
Nick stared at him for a few seconds, his jaw tight and his eyes narrowed, before his shoulders relaxed a little and he appeared to be coming to a realization. His mouth parted, and his eyes went distant for a brief moment before focusing back on Kelly. “Wow,” he whispered.
“What?” Kelly snapped.
Nick was almost smiling when he took a step toward Kelly and dropped his voice lower. “You haven’t pulled this shit in a long time, Doc.”
Kelly didn’t speak. His brow furrowed and he tilted his head carefully, not sure what Nick was getting at.
“You have no idea why you’re angry, do you?” Nick asked him.
Kelly huffed, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. He snorted instead, waving his hand at Nick. Wasn’t it obvious why?
Nick moved closer, ducking his head. “You’ve been angry with me, but you couldn’t bring it up, and you couldn’t call me on it. So you saved it until you had a good reason to use it.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Kelly. I asked you to marry me,” Nick whispered. “I meant it . . . I meant it with everything I have in me. And then I had to hide it.”
Kelly blinked a couple times, his breath gone and his heart seeming to race as they stared at each other. His world was swirling, spinning, diluting down to just one pinpoint of light.
Nick.
“You thought I’d forgotten doing it, so you couldn’t be mad about, isn’t that right?”
Kelly swallowed hard, shaking his head.
“A lot’s changed between us since then, Kelly. But the way I feel about you hasn’t,” Nick continued, his voice deceptively calm as he moved closer to where Kelly sat on the edge of the bed. He met Kelly’s eyes earnestly for a moment, then dropped slowly to his knees at Kelly’s feet. His hands snaked around Kelly’s calves, gripping him hard. “I still mean it.”
“Babe,” Kelly breathed. Both of his hands were on Nick’s shoulders before he knew he was moving, and he slid them up toward his neck, cupping Nick’s face. “I think . . . I think we’ve both realized this week that we deserve to be happy, but we’re fighting it for some reason and I . . .”
Nick finally managed to blink away the moisture shimmering in his eyes, and his hand dragged up the side of Kelly’s leg. “I’ve been trying so hard to make you happy,” he said in a rush of fear and hope. “I hated myself for lying to you. You said yes to me and it was the best moment of my life, Kels, it was like goddamn angels singing in your voice.”
Kelly gave a weak laugh and closed his eyes.
“And then I failed you. I’m so sorry I took your trust in me and stomped it out. I swear to God I’ll do everything I can to earn it back.”
“See that’s the problem, Nick,” Kelly said with a wince. “You don’t have to earn anything from me. You’ve spent twenty years earning a second chance from me.”
“Kelly.”
“I said yes, Nick. And I meant yes.”
Nick tried to suck in a breath and failed.
“With everything I have in me,” Kelly said forcefully. “I still mean it. I love you.”
“Marry me, Kelly,” Nick whispered. He seemed to resist the urge to pull Kelly closer. Not wanting to pressure him in any way to answer. It was so like Nick. “I don’t care when. Or how. You don’t have to answer me now. But I mean it with all my heart and what little of my soul I have left. And I just . . .” He stared into Kelly’s shocked eyes, his words drowning as nerves finally seemed to swamp him. He managed to force out one last whisper. “I just needed to say it. I’ve needed to say it since . . .”
“Stop,” Kelly said shakily. Nick pressed his lips tightly together, gazing up into Kelly’s eyes, waiting for his next orders. Kelly slid his thumb across Nick’s cheek. “Don’t hedge your bets. Try it again.”
Nick sucked it a sharp breath and held it for a second, then let it out with a huff. He took Kelly’s hand in his and ran his thumb over Kelly’s knuckles. “Kelly Abbott. Marry me.”
Kelly blinked rapidly, already nodding as his eyes darted back and forth, like he was trying to decide which of Nick’s eyes to stare into as the words hit him hard enough to steal his breath away. “Yeah. Babe. Of course, yes.”
Nick patted the side of his face, grinning widely as relief visibly washed through him, making his face flush.
Kelly’s expression softened and he gave a curt nod. “Yeah,” he whispered again. “Let’s do it.”
“Yeah?” Nick asked, that tremor of stark fear still hiding in his voice.
Kelly breathed out unevenly. He realized he’d been bundling up all his anger and resentment and tossing it at Nick like a softball, for months. And Nick had finally sniffed out the reason why; that proposal, the one Kelly had so desperately wanted to be real, left neglected in his memory and pushed to the wayside.
“I don’t have a ring,” Nick admitted.
“It’s okay,” Kelly told him, shaking his head.
Nick scowled. It obviously didn’t sit right with him, and Kelly understood why. It did feel a little like the last time, unplanned and unprepared and . . . before Kelly could finish the thought, Nick was twisting the claddagh ring off his own finger, working it loose with a frown. He finally got it off and held it up. “Until we find one you love.”
Kelly nodded, and Nick slipped the ring onto his finger, heart facing outward. “Means you’re engaged,” Nick told him with a gentle smile.
Kelly looked at it for a few seconds, then took Nick’s face in both hands and kissed him. Nick clutched at him, wincing as he tried to get closer.
“Fuck you, dude,” Kelly grunted as he tugged at Nick. “Get off your fucking ass, Jesus. Come kiss me for real.”
Nick chuckled, and his smile was so wide it had to hurt his face. He shook his head. “I can’t. I’m stuck.”
Kelly rolled his eyes and slid to the edge of the bed, then gracefully to the floor, almost perfectly landing in Nick’s lap and shoving him back. Nick fell on his ass, but he wrapped his arms around Kelly, positioning them so Kelly was straddling him.
“I love you,” Kelly said solemnly. “God help us both.” He pressed himself against Nick, hands warm under Nick’s shirt, chest hard and comforting against Nick’s. He kissed Nick languidly, and Nick could feel his contagious smile as Kelly wrapped around him. Nick’s breath was warm on Kelly’s face when he breathed out. Kelly stared at him, heart pounding, ears buzzing. They were engaged.
He and Nick were engaged. This was real. This was as real as it got.
“No taking it back this time,” Kelly warned, pointing his finger in Nick’s face.
Nick shook his head, and Kelly kissed him again, wrapping his legs around Nick’s waist and burying his fingers in Nick’s hair.
“Can’t believe you proposed to me while I was naked.”
Nick chuckled as he kissed his way down Kelly’s neck and back up to his mouth again.
“Surely to God Sanchez would let us fuck to celebrate getting engaged,” Kelly said against Nick’s lips.
“We can make it,” Nick insisted. “We can make it until we’re back on the Fiddler and it’s right.”
Kelly laughed and tried to wriggle his hips a little to weaken Nick’s resolve. “Fine, but when we get there I’m going to climb you like a fucking ladder.”
Nick grabbed for him and rolled them, a cat trying to trap a mouse so he could eat it later. Kelly writhed under him, and Nick groaned.
“Bring out the tow truck, babe, ’cause someone needs to be wrecked,” Kelly taunted.
“That doesn’t even make any sense,” Nick grunted as he pushed to his hands and knees.
“Call in the plow—”
Nick laughed. “Stop!”
Kelly cackled and rested his heels on the small of Nick’s back. Nick was hard against him, and Kelly’s own erection was almost painful. Nick shook his head fondly, and Kelly’s laughter ebbed as he rested his head on the floor, his hands on Nick’s chest.
“I really want you right now,” he said, voice nearly somber compared to his previous tone.
Nick kissed him, seemingly unable to help himself.
“Let me get you off the floor,” Kelly murmured against the shell of his ear. It sent a shiver down Nick’s spine that Kelly felt under his fingertips. Kelly nipped at him. “You’re going to be so turned on after you see this display of muscles, baby.”
Nick was still laughing when Kelly managed to get him to his feet, muscles straining, eyes glittering. Nick took a moment to stare at him, then picked him up and tossed him onto the bed. “You were right,” he growled as he climbed on top of Kelly and kissed from his belly up to his chest. “As soon as we get home, I’m going to fucking wreck you.”
“Call in the wrecker?” Kelly suggested.
Nick kissed him to make sure he wouldn’t keep talking, then with a growl he shoved himself off the bed and paced away. “Just a few more nights,” he told Kelly determinedly. “We can do it. Right?”
Kelly nodded, grinning at the sparkle in Nick’s green eyes. “Right.”
“Who broke the rules last night?” Digger demanded as they waited in line to board the plane that would take them to DC.
Zane raised his hand, glancing at the others ashamedly. Ty rolled his eyes and raised his hand, too. Zane was a little surprised to see Nick and Kelly both raise their hands as well, looking at each other sideways.
“It was only a little, though,” Kelly insisted.
Zane almost laughed when Owen turned around from the front of the line, sighed heavily, and raised his hand.
“If they’re copping to it, I might as well too.”
“You better be talking about San Diego and not last night,” Digger said as he shoved an elbow into Owen’s back. He seemed truly offended as he looked at all the hands in the air. “Am I the only man a brother can trust around here?”
Owen, Nick, and Kelly all mumbled apologies. Zane just bit his lip, shrugging. He wasn’t about to apologize for what he’d done to Ty last night.
The flight to DC was uneventful. Ty mostly stayed in his seat beside Zane, the kittens in their carrier on his lap, his fingers threaded through Zane’s.
“Nick and Kelly seem better,” Zane commented after they’d been in the air for ten or fifteen minutes.
Ty winced in reply. “Something still feels like it’s heading their way.”
“Why do you say that?”
Ty was shaking his head, his eyes on the men a row up and over. “Just a feeling, I guess.”
When they landed in DC, they retrieved Ty’s Mustang from the long-term parking lot and rented another car for the day. Ty sat rubbing the steering wheel and cooing to the Mustang long enough that Zane threatened to get out and ride in the other vehicle, and then they were on their way to a little restaurant on the outskirts of the city. It was closed and boarded up when they found the place, and it looked to Zane like it had been that way for quite a few years.
That didn’t stop Sidewinder, of course. Within about five minutes they’d found their way in, and they were picking their way through the dusty debris of a long-forgotten roadside diner.
Ty led the way to a booth near the end of the long counter, and he slid into it, heedless of the dirt. Nick hesitated as he watched, and then he gave the others an uncomfortable glance and sat himself on the opposite bench. He had his fingers clasped together, and his shoulders were hunched defensively.
Ty looked around the booth, sighing heavily. “This was where we sat and talked about Burns’s offer to join the FBI.” He took another deep breath and turned his attention to Nick. He stared at his hands for a few seconds, then seemed to force himself to meet Nick’s eyes.
Nick was chewing on his lower lip, so obviously uncomfortable that even Zane kind of wanted to call a halt to all this.
Nick took a deep breath. “I—”
“No,” Ty said quickly, the word coming out angry and a little more forceful than he appeared to have intended, judging by the look on his face. He reached across the table and laid his hand over both of Nick’s. “You already done this, bud. You told me and Sanchez all the reasons we should stay the day we sat here ten years ago. You told us. But we didn’t listen. So it’s my turn.”
Nick shifted his shoulders, cocking his head as he listened. He looked like he wanted to slide beneath the table and disappear. Nick was great at propping up someone grasping for support, but when he was stumbling himself, he didn’t seem to know support when he saw it.
Ty wouldn’t let him look away, though. He ducked his head to make sure Nick was meeting his eyes before he began speaking. “You’re the reason we’re a team. We were each lost and drifting when you found us. And you pulled each of us in like a moth to a flame. A lighthouse on the shore, bringing us in to safety. That’s what you are, Irish. Eli was right in his first letter. Without you, none of us would be here. None of us would have ever known what home really felt like.”
They sat in silence, and eventually Kelly slid into the seat beside Nick. The others pushed Ty aside and crowded into the little booth.
“You need us to keep talking, bud?” Owen asked Nick gently. “Because we can.”
Nick shook his head. His lips were pressed tight together, and his eyes darted between them.
Kelly shoved his shoulder into Nick. “We all left you, thinking you were strong enough because you made each of us so much stronger. I don’t think any of us realized that your strength came from what you were doing for us.”
“What’s a lighthouse without any ships to signal?” Zane blurted. He’d once thought to himself that Nick was a rocky seashore, calling a drifting Ty home. When they called him a light drawing them to safety, a beacon, Zane was on board the analogy one thousand percent.
“Nicko,” Kelly whispered.
Nick answered with a deep inhalation, and he wrapped his arm around Kelly and hugged him. “Okay,” he said, and sounded relieved. Infinitely relieved. “Let’s open that next letter.”
Ty cleared his throat and pulled the letter out of his pocket. “There’s, um . . . there’s one more thing on the last letter that I didn’t read out. I wanted to wait until we were here.”
Everyone seemed to tense a little, realizing the task they’d thought was completed still might have more to it.
Ty licked his lips and ran his thumb over the paper. “He says to add up all the mileage we drove on the trip. I looked when we dropped the rental off, and it was two thousand, one hundred, and fifty-nine miles.”
Zane whistled, impressed, and the others all shifted around and nodded.
Ty cleared his throat again. “And then he says to figure out how many of those miles we went that Nick carried us.”
The table fell silent. Zane could hear the squeaking of the old, dried-out pleather seats. He could see Nick vibrating a little, like he might have been bouncing his knee under the table.
“I did the math on that, too,” Ty said solemnly. “Nick carried us one thousand, six hundred, and thirty-eight of those miles.”
“Wow,” Nick whispered after a few moments of silence.
“I think it’s pretty clear what EZ was trying to say with that one,” Owen croaked.
Digger gave Nick a nod and a wink. “Respect, brother. That’s one hell of an analogy he’s tossing out there.”
Nick closed his eyes, taking a deep, steadying breath. “You’re right,” he whispered to no one in particular. “I’m not me unless I’ve got someone who needs me. You’re right. That’s where I lost myself the past few months. I convinced myself no one did.”
“Babe,” Kelly whispered. “We’ll always need you. If you knew what state we were all in when we thought you’d died in that street . . .”
“We had to hold Kelly back. Took three of us,” Owen told him.
Nick was shaking his head quickly, his eyes closed. “I don’t want to know.”
Kelly pulled his head over and kissed his temple. “Maybe you should, you know?” he suggested quietly.
“You’re not useless, Irish,” Ty whispered. “We all still need you. Eli knew that, that’s why he sent these letters to you, why he charged you with this mission. He knew how much we all still need you.”
Nick was just barely keeping it together, and he finally exhaled a puff of air that disturbed the dust around them. “I love you all,” he said, making a point of including Zane when he met the eyes of each man present. “Thank you.”
Owen clapped his hands, and the sound echoed off the abandoned chrome and stainless steel. “Let’s go find a fancy fucking hotel, get a good night’s sleep, and open that next letter over a steak!”
They found a fancy fucking hotel that fit even Owen’s standards, and went their separate ways to rest up for several hours before dinner, where their next task would be read. Kelly was restless and just wanted to get these last two letters done so they could head home and start living like they were supposed to be: happy and free. But they had these last few hurdles left, and Kelly was determined to get through them unscathed, with Nick right there by his side.
He sat in the bed of their hotel room and gazed at Nick, a soft smile on his face. He realized that he was grinning whenever Nick grinned. Cocking his head to mirror his lover—his fiancé—whenever Nick did it. Even his hands were following Nick’s lead, fingers fidgeting, running over his lips, grazing his hair in time with Nick’s gestures.
“Are you even listening to me?” Nick demanded after about ten minutes.
Kelly shook his head.
Nick rolled his eyes and stood up from the desk chair. He strolled toward Kelly and put one knee on the foot of the bed. “What’s so important that you can’t bother to listen to my funny fucking story?”
Kelly licked his lips. He’d been losing himself in Nick for ten minutes or more. He sat up straighter, leaning against the padded headboard and taking a deep breath to steady his nerves. He cleared his throat, but he didn’t tear his eyes away from Nick. He had no idea what Nick had been saying, he only knew that Nick had been laughing at his own words, laughing so hard he kept having to start his sentences over. But Kelly hadn’t been listening. His mind had been screaming the same thing, over and over, for hours. For days. Weeks. It seemed like he’d been hearing it for years:
Marry me.
Marry me. Marry me. God, Nick’d actually done it!
Nick crawled onto the bed, and the roll of his shoulders and that mischievous smirk of his made Kelly’s gut cramp, made his heart flutter and his mouth go dry, made his mental wheels stop spinning and screech to a halt in order to concentrate on the piece of artwork that was Nick’s smile.
“Trip’s almost over,” Nick said, his words rumbling across Kelly’s skin and raising the hair on his arms and the back of his neck.
Kelly’s breath caught in his throat, and he pressed his shoulders against the headboard, sprawling a little more. Nick crawled up his lap, his fingers grazing Kelly’s bare thighs, his shadow feeling heavy over Kelly’s knees. He bumped his nose against Kelly’s chin, grinning when his lips met Kelly’s.
“Nick,” Kelly breathed as his eyes fluttered shut.
Nick’s hands slid up under Kelly’s shorts, squeezing his thighs possessively as he kissed him again. “I’m not sure I can go another night without you.”
“I know,” Kelly groaned. He bunched his fingers in the sheets, trying desperately to follow the rules. They hadn’t broken them once, but Ty and Zane had and their fucking iPhones wouldn’t stop playing sad Spanish music! He knew if he got his hands on Nick’s body right now, those rules would go flying out the window, and he had no desire to find out what sort of hell the sulking, indignant ghost of Eli Sanchez would wreak on him and Nick if that happened.
Nick nipped at his lips. “There has to be a loophole.”
“Has to be,” Kelly gasped. He gripped Nick’s hips, his fingers digging in, pulling Nick into his lap. They both moaned pitifully as Nick’s weight settled on Kelly’s half-hard cock.
“Fuck, babe.” Kelly took Nick’s face in his hands and kissed him, and Nick grabbed a handful of Kelly’s hair, holding on as the kiss grew more desperate and raunchy.
Kelly bit Nick’s lip and held it between his teeth as he said, “Don’t squirm or I’ll fucking come all over both of us.”
Nick stilled his hips, his breaths harsh against Kelly’s face, his heartbeat thumping against Kelly’s chest. Kelly released his lip and Nick took advantage to steal another kiss. He started to roll his hips again, either completely unaware that he was doing it, or reaching a new level of evil.
Kelly squeezed his eyes closed and pushed his head against the padding, trying to focus on not coming all over Nick’s ass as he writhed.
“Okay, stop, stop,” Kelly hissed as Nick kissed along his jawline and licked Kelly’s neck. “I have to ask you something that might effectively kill the mood here.”
Nick cleared his throat and sat back, meeting Kelly’s eyes for a moment before moving so he was no longer straddling Kelly’s lap. Kelly realized belatedly that it must have been hurting Nick’s knee. He watched the wince flash across Nick’s face when he settled onto the mattress and straightened his leg out.
Kelly licked his lips and waited until he had Nick’s full attention. “When you asked me to top you,” Kelly said, shocked by how hoarse and nervous his voice was.
Nick shifted, inhaling noisily. He nodded for Kelly to go on.
“Was it . . . was it just you trying to gain forgiveness?”
Nick blinked at him, his lips parting. “Babe,” he said in shock. He brought a hand up to his mouth and swiped it across his chin, then glanced around the room and shifted back to his knees, crawling into Kelly’s lap again. He took Kelly’s face in both hands. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “That’s not why I asked for that. I’m sorry I made you think it was anything other than me wanting that from you.”
Relief flooded Kelly so fast he was almost light-headed. “You’re sure?”
Nick nodded. He ran his fingers down the side of Kelly’s face, and his expression morphed from one of sympathy to a hint of mischief. “You want it again?” he asked, voice lowered.
Kelly breathed out unsteadily. “Yeah,” he admitted. He gripped Nick’s elbow hard. “But not now. Right now I want you.”
Nick exhaled hard, like the words had physically made an impact. He closed his eyes and raised his face toward the ceiling. Kelly reached for him, and Nick reciprocated, somehow wrapping his arms and one leg around Kelly and flipping him. Kelly hit his back with a grunt, and the mattress complained as Nick stretched out over him. Kelly grabbed for him, kissing him urgently, grappling with him as they positioned themselves.
“I thought it’d be so fucking easy to get through the week,” Kelly said as Nick kissed at his jaw and neck. Nick’s hands were rough on his skin, and it felt like Kelly was on fire as he sought out more contact. He pulled at the back of Nick’s shirt, bunching it up around his neck, dragging his blunt fingernails up and down Nick’s back.
“Do you want me to stop?” Nick asked, and though he was obviously trying to sound like he was still in control, that tremble to his breathless voice gave him away. He pushed up to meet Kelly’s eyes, and Kelly stared, enchanted. There was passion and longing in them, and some pain, frustration, and melancholy as well. But there was also something Kelly had been longing to see return, something he’d begun to fear might have died inside Nick when Nick was too busy fighting for his life to save it: delight. Delight and amusement and glee and fun sparkling in those ivy-green depths, trying to rise to the surface like they used to so easily.
“Oh my God, Nicko,” Kelly whispered before he could stop himself. “You’re back in there.”
Nick cocked his head, brow furrowing in an almost painfully confused expression. “Not yet, but I could be,” he said, voice wavering with laughter.
Kelly grabbed his face in both hands, his excitement nearly overriding his lust. “I didn’t think I’d ever see that color again!”
Nick shook his head, looking even more confused than before. “Babe, you lost me.”
“Almost, yeah.” Kelly kissed him, scrabbling at his back with both hands to get him closer.
Nick groaned in a mixture of delight and lingering confusion, but he obviously intended to use Kelly’s giddiness to his advantage for as long as he could. He lapped at Kelly’s tongue, bit at his lips, kissed him from every angle he could manage as his fingers delved into Kelly’s hair and then tightened, holding his head in place.
Kelly couldn’t seem to get close enough, couldn’t manage to make his knees squeeze Nick’s hips hard enough, just couldn’t get a tight enough hold on Nick to satisfy the need to have him in his arms. He finally took a deep, shuddering breath when Nick raised his head for air, and he placed both hands on Nick’s chest to keep him from continuing. “We should stop,” he managed, blinking in astonishment at the fire in Nick’s eyes. “We’ve worked so fucking hard on these rules.”
Nick was resting on his elbows, close enough that his breaths were harsh against Kelly’s face, and with every heaving attempt for air his chest and belly pressed down into Kelly’s, stirring the need, fanning the flames Kelly didn’t really want to douse.
Nick’s phone, somewhere on the other side of the room, began to play a song, one Kelly recognized very well. He grinned as Nick cursed the phone up and down, and then grabbed Nick’s face to keep him from getting up. “I roomed with Sanchez for five years, babe. I know that song.”
Nick raised an eyebrow.
“That’s the song he played whenever I got kicked out of the room.”
“You saying that’s Eli’s favorite sex song,” Nick asked, his voice trembling with laughter.
Kelly bit his lip, pulling Nick as close as he could get him.
“I’ll follow your lead,” Nick promised, breathless and sincere. His thumb grazed over Kelly’s cheekbone as he cradled the side of Kelly’s head in one hand.
Kelly stared at him for several seconds, basking in the light of those green eyes, reveling in the discovery that Nick was finding his way home again, that the man Kelly so adored was still in there, still battling his way back to him. He shook his head, his fingers curling in the fine hair on Nick’s chest. “We’ve lost so much time, Nick. Wasted so much of the time we’ve been given. I don’t want to lose another second with you.”
“Neither do I.”
Kelly was silent, holding his breath, waiting.
“It’s worth breaking the rules?” Nick finally whispered.
Kelly grinned, and Nick mimicked the expression, the shadows playing off his laugh lines, making his smirk and sparkling eyes nearly sinister. Kelly heart thumped happily against his chest. The rest of his body responded to that menacing smile, too, and he shimmied his hips under Nick’s weight to show Nick exactly how worth it breaking the rules was to him tonight. He dragged his hands down Nick’s sides, shoving at Nick’s belt even though he knew damn well those pants weren’t coming off until he unwrapped his legs from Nick’s waist.
“Kels,” Nick breathed.
“Fuck the rules,” Kelly practically snarled, and Nick kissed him again as they started working together to try to get Nick’s jeans off him. “Hell, I think we can take that music as permission from Eli’s pervert voyeur ghost.”
“Agreed,” Nick growled as he pushed off the bed to disrobe. He went to his phone, turning the music off as he headed for the door. Kelly undressed as he watched Nick in confusion. Nick opened the hotel door as the phone happily played its music, and he tossed the phone out into the hallway. The music was still playing when Nick let the door slam shut and turned back to Kelly. “I’m not letting him watch, though.”
Kelly laughed delightedly as they got rid of the remnants of their clothing. Just minutes later, Nick was using his bulky muscles to keep Kelly’s shoulders pinned but his hips held off the mattress as he rocked into him. Kelly was loath to move his heels from the choice real estate at the base of Nick’s spine, but he couldn’t help himself, and he tossed one leg up onto Nick’s shoulder because he knew exactly what it would feel like when Nick hit his prostate in the position Nick was about to put him in. Nick grunted happily as he wrapped his arm around Kelly’s thigh, then straightened up, kneeling and pulling at Kelly’s hips until his ass was in Nick’s lap. Nick found a handle around Kelly’s other leg, hitching it up tight against his hip, and he kissed Kelly’s knee as it rested on his shoulder. It made Kelly grin.
“Like this?” Nick asked as he rolled his hips.
Kelly nodded. He had his head tossed back, his arms spread out to either side, his fingers bunching in the covers. His back was bowed, not from the position Nick had dragged him into, but from the sheer pleasure of having Nick inside him, of Nick’s hands on his body, of the smell of sex mixing with the scent of the hotel bath products Kelly had used in his shower.
Nick’s thrusts were smooth and rhythmic. He couldn’t go particularly hard or fast in this position, and that was one of the reasons they both favored it. They could take the time to feel each other, to see each other.
Nick could wrap his arm around Kelly’s thigh and jerk him off as he fucked him, and Kelly would writhe and buck his hips, plaintively grit out Nick’s name when Nick changed up the rhythm on him.
Kelly could watch Nick’s sinuous hips moving between his thighs. He could lock eyes with him and see what it did to his lover when he squeezed his muscles around him. He could urge him to change the speed of his thrusts with just a nudge from the heel of his foot or a gasp of breath that told Nick exactly what he wanted.
Nick could lean over Kelly—slowly, carefully—bending Kelly’s pliant body under him. He could open Kelly up like that, expose his most defenseless position, render him so vulnerable that in any other situation, with any other person, Kelly would have been ready to fight. Nick could do that to him, only to steal a languid kiss as his thrusts slowed and his wandering fingers gripped Kelly’s hip.
Kelly’s tossed his head to the side as the most recent stolen kiss ended, moaning as he caught sight of the clock by the bed. He’d trudged out of the shower just an hour ago. It felt like a lifetime had passed since then, like they’d had a thousand conversations and shared hundreds of kisses. It felt like a different, sallow life he’d been living, one devoid of the color green and growing more and more hopeless as the minutes ticked by.
“Okay?” Nick gasped. His head was still hanging, his hips rolling in a way he knew damn well would make Kelly scream in mere minutes if he continued
“Yes,” Kelly hissed. He repeated the word a few times, a whispered prayer from his lips to Nick’s as Nick kissed him once more. His hips were still moving, rolling expertly, his hard cock filling Kelly, spreading him, teasing at his prostate with promises of an amazing climax just minutes away.
Nick pushed off the mattress and knelt again, tilting his head back. His mouth fell open and he sighed desperately as his hands tightened on Kelly’s hips. He was close to coming, and he was struggling to stave it off, trying to make their indiscretion last, trying to make breaking the rules something that would leave them both sore and walking funny the next day. Kelly moved his hips to match Nick’s movements, and he watched Nick raptly.
Nick and Kelly had both had plenty of sex partners to help them hone their craft separately, and it hadn’t taken them long to figure each other’s bodies out when they’d started fucking. But Kelly had never seen anything like Nick when it came to timing. Nick swore it was more of a hit-or-miss type of thing, that hearing or seeing Kelly shoot off often helped him come too—and probably vice versa—but Kelly was of the opinion that Nick managed to hit more than he missed when he tried to time their orgasms so they both came within a minute of each other. Sometimes it was mere seconds. A handful of truly memorable times, Kelly knew that Nick had been filling him full of cum in the same seconds that Kelly had been in the throes of his own orgasm.
And in Kelly’s vast experience, that wasn’t something that happened regularly. Still, Kelly hadn’t really appreciated it until he himself had been fucking Nick, and he’d realized just how fucking hard it was not to shoot a load early when you were inside someone that tight.
Kelly squeezed his eyes shut, his memory offering up a flash of that night, of their positions reversed and Nick’s legs spread wide as Kelly’s cock disappeared into his ass.
“Oh God, babe,” Kelly gasped. He reached blindly for Nick, afraid to open his eyes for the next few seconds because seeing Nick there between his thighs, seeing the look on his face as he tried to fight off his orgasm, it would be too much. Kelly would shoot his load all over both of them.
His hand hit Nick’s belly, and a second later Nick’s fingers were grasping for his wrist.
“Will you ride me?” Nick hissed.
Kelly’s eyes popped open, and he was nodding before Nick had even finished the question.
“Come on.” Nick grunted as he moved them, sliding Kelly’s ass sideways. They took the bed covers with them, but neither of them were really concerned with the fact that their mussed bed would give them away. Their mussed bodies would do that.
Nick was still on the floor, and Kelly spared a thought for his sore knee, but Nick was a big boy; he wouldn’t put himself in a position that would hurt him for very long. Kelly pulled himself upright, getting one knee under him as Nick moved to support the new position, but as Nick sat up with his legs stretched out under Kelly, Kelly’s other leg was still propped over Nick’s shoulder, trapped by Nick’s grip.
Kelly grunted in exasperation, realizing the position Nick had lured him into. He pressed his tongue to the back of his teeth, shaking his head at Nick’s grin. Nick leaned on one elbow, putting Kelly’s free leg in the perfect position to provide the leverage to move. Nick was keeping Kelly’s other leg over his shoulder, though, that much was crystal clear.
Nick’s eyes were sparkling, promising a future full of mayhem and more yoga. “I want your cum all over me.”
Kelly’s cock twitched against Nick’s belly, and he groaned as he rolled his hips experimentally. “Christ, this might actually work.”
“It does,” Nick assured him, and he held up one hand as he propped himself up with the other one. Kelly threaded his fingers with Nick’s, squeezing them, palm to palm as he put his weight onto that hand.
Nick’s cock pushed deeper into him and he moaned, surprised at how loud and desperate the sound was.
“That’s it,” Nick whispered.
Kelly found his rhythm, and every sound he made turned into a desperate whimper, whereas every one of Nick’s moans seemed to be followed by increasingly lusty grunts.
Nick turned his head and sank his teeth into the inside of Kelly’s thigh, and Kelly howled. He bucked his hips, continuing to cry out because it felt so damn good to vocally let Nick know how much he loved this. Nick continued to suck on the inside of his thigh, and Kelly realized that Nick was marking him.
“Oh, God, yes,” he cried out, possibly louder than he needed to. He grasped for Nick’s hair, giving up on one of his two supports in order to get more of Nick in his hands. The only things keeping their precarious balance now were their twined fingers, Kelly’s leg hooked over Nick’s shoulder, and a few heroic muscles and tendons that would probably give out right before the orgasms for maximum frustration.
“Babe,” Kelly gasped. “Baby. Oh, fuck!”
“God, you’re so fucking beautiful.” Nick’s voice was low and hungry. “Come on me, Kels. Please!”
Kelly tried to hold out just so he could hear Nick’s voice for a little longer, just so he could hear that rumble of lust and possessiveness and know that it was his for the rest of their lives.
“Kelly!” Nick cried, his voice cracking as he bucked his hips.
Kelly squeezed every muscle in his body, and Nick’s cock pulsed inside him. Nick shouted again, but he couldn’t seem to get any sound out this time. He pushed his ass off the bed, shoving up into Kelly as he came. Kelly held on, his breaths ragged, his imagination running wild, thinking back over every video they’d ever taken of themselves fucking, trying to remember what it looked like when Nick was emptying himself inside Kelly.
“That’s it, that’s it,” Nick was saying over and over, his hands on Kelly’s body, his hips still moving, his cock almost still hard in Kelly’s ass.
Kelly was shooting cum all over his chest and belly. Neither of them had touched him yet. He watched greedily as he covered Nick’s skin, and finally Nick reached around Kelly’s thigh to swipe a hand through the mess on his chest, then gripped Kelly’s cock to pump the last spurts of cum out of him.
Kelly threw his head back, gasping, moaning, and it tossed their precarious balance off and sent them both sprawling.
Kelly sprawled on top of Nick’s legs, staring dazedly at the ceiling, gasping for breath, his cock pulsing in the aftermath of his orgasm. One leg was caught under him, and the other was draped over Nick’s shoulder beside his head. Nick was groaning, spread-eagled under him. After a few seconds of what appeared to be post-orgasmic coma, Nick turned his head and kissed the inside of Kelly’s knee.
Kelly raised up to see where Nick’s head was. “Prepare yourself,” he warned. “Only way to get out of this is my ass in your face.”
Nick chuckled darkly. “Give me about thirty minutes and I can work with that.”