Chapter 15
As Jacque and Fane made their way down the hall to their room, her stomach began to churn. She knew she had to face Fane. They needed to talk, to open up about their fears and worries, but Jacque felt so raw. It was as if all of her flesh had been removed, leaving her nerve endings exposed to the elements around her.
Jacque could feel the anger radiating off of Fane, and for the first time in a while, it wasn’t him she wanted to run to. There’s a saying, sometimes only a mother will do, and that’s how Jacque suddenly felt in that moment. She was six months pregnant with her first child, she was emotional and had made a stupid impulsive decision, and―by golly―she just wanted her mama.
Fane opened the door and stepped aside so that she could enter before him. Jacque’s heart felt as though it was going to beat straight up her throat and out of her mouth. She swallowed hard as she turned to face Fane. He closed the door quietly behind him. His movements were slow and calculated like a coil being turned tighter and tighter.
They stood there facing each other, Jacque watching him while Fane’s eyes were fixed on the floor. She noticed his hands clenching and unclenching. She wanted to say something, but her brain was flooded with emotions, and words would not form into any coherent thought.
After several minutes of tense silence, Fane’s voice caused her to shiver.
“What do you need?”
Jacque’s brow drew together as she looked at him. “What?” She wasn’t being obtuse; she just didn’t understand what he was asking.
“Right now,” Fane said slowly. “What do you need right now, in this moment?”
For you to not be so patient and understanding. A voice inside of her answered though she didn’t say that out loud. “I,” she started but then stopped because how do you tell your mate that you need your mama?
“Jacquelyn, I have told you from the beginning that your needs would always come first. Regardless of the fact that I want to know why you were doing what you were, I need to make sure you are taken care of. We can deal with the rest after.”
Jacque felt tears building in her eyes which only served to frustrate her more. She felt like a child. When she still didn’t say anything, Fane reached into the bag he’d carried for her and pulled out her cell phone. He dialed a number and met her eyes as he waited for whoever it was he was calling to answer. She could have looked through their bond into his thoughts, but she didn’t want to hear anything that would reveal just how truly angry and disappointed with her that he was.
“Lilly.”
Jacque’s head snapped up at the sound of her mother’s name on Fane’s lips.
“Well, I don’t know if it’s necessarily fine but she isn’t in danger or hurt. But. . .” Fane paused as his blue eyes met Jacque’s. “I think my mate needs to spend some time with you.”
Jacque tuned out the rest of the conversation. She was too taken aback that Fane had called her mom. She had thought she’d been hiding at least those emotions from him, but they must have been flowing off of her like rain off a slanted roof.
Several minutes later, Jacque looked up when she felt a hand under her chin. She would know that touch anywhere and she welcomed it. Her eyes met Fane’s. She wanted to say she was sorry and wanted to explain that she wasn’t trying to avoid him.
“I love you,” he told her, his deep voice soothing her. “This isn’t over and I am angry with you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I choose to love you no matter what. We’ll talk about everything once you’ve spent some time with your mom. She’s already on her way.” He leaned forward quickly and pressed a kiss to her lips. It was firm, commanding her attention, and yet it was also a promise of his words. Fane loved her, no matter what. He. Loved. Her.
“You know that I love you right? And I’m here for you?” Lilly told her daughter as they sat in the indoor garden of the Romania Pack mansion. It was still one of Jacque’s favorite places to go when she needed to think or decompress. It was a two-hour drive― capable by only the most rugged four wheel drive vehicles―down windy mountain roads across rocky terrain from Cypher’s mountain to the mansion. Lilly had made it in an hour and a half.
Jacque nodded. “How are things with Cypher?” she asked, clearly stalling. The look her mother gave her made it clear that the older woman was aware of her tactics. Luckily she played along.
“It’s interesting.” Lilly smiled and the light in her eyes made Jacque feel a tiny bit better. She was so thankful that her mom had found someone. Regardless of whether she’d ever said it, she’d pined for Dillon. Even though she knew that he would never be hers again, she had loved him for all those years.
“I imagine living with warlocks would definitely be interesting.” Jacque grinned though she could tell it didn’t reach her eyes.
Lilly stared back at her, waiting patiently, making it clear that she was going to let Jacque open up at her own pace.
Might as well go ahead get this band-aid ripped off, Jacque thought to herself. Once the flood gates opened, everything just came pouring out. Jacque told her about Fane and the nightmares, about her insecurities about being a mother, about her worries for Fane and what he was going through, and finally about how she’d made the brilliant decision to seek out help from the Fates. She told Lilly about the Great Luna coming to her and doing the whole Ghosts of Christmas past deal and about how awful it had been to watch her life play out without Fane in it. Once every ounce of the story had been recounted Jacque sat in silence waiting for her mother’s response.
“I know that must have been very painful to see,” Lilly began. “And though you know now that it wouldn’t have been the right decision, it was something you needed to see. Sometimes we truly think the grass is greener when in fact all grass withers as seasons change, and then it regrows healthy and green once again. You and Fane are going to have to learn to give not only each other grace but yourselves as well.” Lilly paused and her eyes took on that faraway look that said she was remembering something from a long time ago. “You also need to accept that though it sucks to make mistakes or poor choices good can come of them. You can let this experience draw you and Fane closer together; you can let it help you learn that there are different seasons in life and some are more difficult than others but they all pass. You just need to find the joy even in those difficult seasons because that is what will help you get through them intact. Right now, though you are terrified of being a mom―which is totally normal―the silver lining is that you are going to have this precious little life that you and Fane created together.” A single tear ran down her mom’s cheek as Lilly smiled at her. “I don’t think it’s possible to truly grasp what it will feel like the first time you hold your baby. It’s scary, exciting, overwhelming, and unbelievably life changing all at once. When you start to feel those insecurities―which will come ever more frequently as you get closer to your due date―just take a deep breath and remember, that just like Fane was destined for you, this baby was destined for you and Fane. You are the parents that he or she needs. You are the ones who were deemed best to love, nurture, and discipline your baby. It is one of the greatest honors bestowed upon humans to create life and then sustain it. You will learn what it means to truly be selfless. You will learn what it means to love without conditions. Most of all you will learn that each day is a new day, and if we screw up on this one, we can start again tomorrow.”
Jacque’s hands had gravitated to her swollen abdomen on their own as her mom had spoken. She felt her child kick, moving about inside of her stomach, somehow reassuring Jacque that everything was indeed how it should be. Jacque pictured herself holding their baby for the first time and knew everything her mother said was true. She was still scared, but things seemed less daunting somehow.
“Thank you,” Jacque said as she wiped her own tears away.
Lilly nodded. “That’s what a mother is here for. We won’t get it right a lot of the time, but occasionally we actually have profound things to say. I’m convinced we should record those moments so the rest of the time when we are stumbling around just trying to make sure we put on matching shoes every day, we can be reminded that in the midst of those times we really are getting wiser.”
Jacque laughed. “Well, that at least is reassuring.” Jacque let out a breath that she felt as if she’d been holding since the moment the Great Luna began their little adventure. She knew she still had to face Fane, but she did feel more grounded.
Lilly patted her leg as she stood up from their spot in the gazebo. “I’m just a phone call away if you need me, day or night.”
Jacque stood and hugged Lilly. When they stepped back she saw a fleeting moment of worry on her mom’s face. The hairs of the back of Jacque’s neck stood on end and she was overcome with a sinking feeling. “Is everything really going okay with Cypher and the warlocks?” she asked.
Lilly started to nod but then stopped. She looked down at her fidgeting hands for a few seconds before answering. “Things between Cypher and I are good. I mean we’re working through the whole over protective yet inappropriate decision of sending me away during that stuff with his brother. We are growing closer, but it is an adjustment to go from being single for eighteen years to suddenly having someone else’s feelings to consider.”
Jacque could tell that her mom was holding something back. “I’m not a kid anymore, Mom; you can be honest with me.”
A tired smile played on Lilly’s lips. “Believe me, I know you aren’t a child anymore. That doesn’t mean that I have lost my need to protect you. But I suppose after everything you’ve been through, you can handle this.” She let out a deep breath before plowing forward. “Something is wrong with Cypher’s people―something hard to explain. It’s like. . .” She shook her head. “I mean, I don’t fully understand it but it’s like their magic is dying, and it’s causing something inside of them to die as well.”
“What kind of something?” Jacque’s forehead wrinkled as her brow drew together.
Lilly seemed to be searching for the right word or words. “I don’t know if you’d call it their humanity because they aren’t human after all. But it’s like whatever is in them that makes them rational, caring, and moral—something other than impulsive monsters— is fading away.”
Jacque’s mouth dropped open and then closed again. She opened it again and this time words came out. “Has Cypher told Vasile about it?”
Lilly shook her head. “You know how the different species can be. They are very protective of their own and Cypher is worried that if he lets the wolves in on what is happening then they will tell the Fae who in turn would feel the need to step in.”
Jacque crossed her arms in front of her as she nodded. “I can understand that. I mean the Fae are basically the supernatural police. They are not exactly known for their diplomatic skills. The Fae are just as likely to come in guns blazing and eradicate the warlocks as to help them find a solution.”
“Exactly,” her mom agreed. “Cypher wants to see if he can figure it out and solve it on his own.”
“Is it affecting Cypher? I mean, is he still normal, or well, normal for his yellow-eyed self anyway?”
Her mom laughed. “Saying Cypher is normal is like saying one of your Canis lupus males is reasonable.”
As they walked through the garden to the door that led back into the mansion, Jacque touched her mom’s shoulder. “You will tell us if things get worse?”
Lilly hesitated but finally nodded. “I promise.”
Jacque stepped out of the garden and into the hall to find Fane leaning against the opposite wall with his arms crossed in front of his broad chest and his head bowed. Lilly walked over to him and spoke softly into his ear, so softly that Jacque couldn’t make out what she was saying. Fane’s shoulders tensed briefly but then relaxed. As Lilly stepped away she winked at Jacque before walking down the hall leaving Jacque and Fane alone.
Fane raised his head and Jacque took it as a good sign that his eyes had finally stopped glowing.
“Are you ready to talk to me now?” he asked gently.
Jacque bit her lip as she nodded.
Fane reached for her hand, took it, and led her back toward their room. “I need to warn you, Luna, that my wolf needs action more than words at this particular moment.”
Jacque felt her pulse speed up. She knew what Fane was saying. Just like their animal cousins, the wolves craved touch―not just the intimate kind but also the reassuring kind: a pat on the shoulder, a hug, or even just a hand grazing across the back. They thrived on that touch and found comfort in it―especially during times of worry, frustration, or pain.
Jacque was pretty sure that Fane’s wolf didn’t just need the reassuring kind of touch.
“It is reassuring between mates to share themselves with one another through physical intimacy,” Fane pointed out silently through their bond. She knew he wasn’t going to be withdrawing from her mind anytime soon, not after she’d closed him out.
As they entered their room, Jacque turned to face Fane but that was as far as she got before her legs collapsed beneath her as a sharp pain ripped through her abdomen.