Chapter 8
The world around Fane suddenly disappeared as his tunnel vision set in. All he could see was his pregnant mate, in his mind’s eye, surrounded by every possible danger he could think of. He had no idea where she was or how to find her. He wanted to believe that if the Great Luna was involved, then his mate had to be safe, but that just wasn’t enough for him. He needed to see her or, at the very least, hear her voice. He was beginning to realize that everything he’d been upset about, all the things he couldn’t move past, really amounted to a huge pile of nothing that, through his own self-pity, he had made into a big deal.
For the past few months, he should have been enjoying the time with his mate instead of fretting over the past. He should have been relishing the moments they had without danger constantly knocking at their door. Instead of worrying about his ability to protect his child, or whether or not he would make a good father, he should have been rejoicing that they were even expecting a child considering how difficult it was for their kind to have children. Fane had squandered the time they’d had and now he didn’t have either his mate or his child. Why did it always take drastic measures to make him see what was right in front of his face?
Focus on her, his wolf spoke up, obviously losing patience with the man. Let us get her back and then you will fix the wrong. It was one of those moments when Fane was truly thankful for his beast and his ability to think without the cloud of emotions hanging over him.
We will search for her, Fane told him. He felt his wolf’s agreement but wasn’t prepared for the sudden phase that his beast forced. One minute he was standing on two legs and the next his clothes were shredded and he was on all fours. Everything around him sharpened into focus as all of his wolf’s senses took over.
“Are you alright, Fane?” Decebel’s voice had his large wolf head turning to look at the Alpha.
Fane met his eyes for several seconds before nodding and dropping them. He turned back to look deeper into the forest, and despite his inability to scent her, it was the only direction he knew to go so he took off at a sprint, unworried about what Decebel and Jen would do. They weren’t his concern. Only Jacquelyn and their pup mattered. As he ran, he drew comfort from the memories—the times when he had allowed himself to enjoy her. He let them pour over him until he was drenched in her presence even though she wasn’t with him.
He remembered the night that she fell apart in his arms because she felt unattractive. A smile pulled at his wolf’s lips as the memory filled him.
“You have been distant today,” Fane sent through their bond as he walked into their bedroom after having spent some time training with some of the other wolves. He glanced around the room and saw that Jacque wasn’t there, but he knew she was close. His eyes landed on the closed bathroom door and he frowned.
“Jacquelyn?” he called as he walked over to the door and tried turning the knob. It was locked. He let out a deep growl. “Open the door, love.” It was then that her emotions hit him rocking him back on his heels. She was hurting. “Luna, open the door,” he said more urgently. He heard the sniffling of tears and felt her move closer to the door until he knew she was just on the other side of it.
“I don’t want you to see me,” she practically whispered.
“I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but you are all I want to see. I’m thirsty for the sight of you. Please, open the door.” Fane held his palm against the door as he closed his eyes and tried to search her mind for what was bothering her. Her emotions were a mess―all tangled up in fear, anxiety, self-doubt, and frustration.
She laughed, but it wasn’t a humorous sound. It was tinged with a bit of hysteria. “I wanted to surprise you tonight. Jen talked me into getting something special to wear and, like the fool I am, I did it.”
Fane’s pulse sped up a little as he imagined all of the times in the past that his mate had surprised him like that. He thoroughly enjoyed the sight of her in anything, but Jacquelyn in lingerie was something that drove him crazy. He let her feel his passion and excitement. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to do.
She slammed her hand against the door and her anger ran over him in a violent wave. “I don’t look like that!” she snarled at him. He hadn’t realized how he’d been picturing her. Okay, so he’d just learned a valuable lesson—do not picture his mate in her pre-pregnant state unless the bond is thoroughly and completely closed.
“You’re right; you don’t. You are even more beautiful now,” he said gently as he tried the knob again. He was going to wind up breaking the damn thing if she didn’t let him in very soon.
Jacquelyn snorted. “What’s beautiful about me, Fane? The stretch marks, the dimples, the protruding belly, or, perhaps, it’s the lovely emotions that seemed to be all over the damn place that make me such a pleasant person to be around. Tell me, mate of mine, EXACTLY WHAT IS IT THAT TURNS YOU ON?”
Fane should have stayed calm. He should have talked her down but she had locked herself away from him. She was angry, feeling insecure and desperate for him, and yet she wouldn’t let him near her. So calm is not what he stayed.
“YOU!” His voice echoed through the room at the same time his palm hit the door rattling it in its frame. “YOU ARE WHAT TURN ME ON. Don’t you get that? I hide nothing from you, Jacquelyn. My mind is open to you; don’t you see the way I see you?” He was pleading with her to trust him, to trust not just his words but his actions. Maybe he hadn’t paid enough attention to her; maybe that was why she was feeling so undesirable.
“You can hide things from me,” Jacquelyn whispered. “You know as well as I do that if there is something we don’t want the other to know, that it’s possible to keep it locked away. Just go, Fane. Leave me alone until I can be rational.”
Fane roared. He might has well have been a lion instead of a wolf. He didn’t turn to look when their bedroom door flew open and Jen’s voice broke through his own.
“What the hell, Fane?” Jen snapped. “We thought there was something serious going on.”
“Jennifer Anghelesco, you are a dead woman!” Jacquelyn yelled through the door.
“What did I do?” Jen huffed. “I just heard your maniac mate growling like a rabies infested beast and came in to make sure everyone was okay.”
Fane turned to glare at the Alpha female. “You told her to buy—” He had to stop because his canines were growing making it difficult for him to talk. His head swung back around when he heard the bathroom door open.
Jacquelyn stood there wrapped up in a robe, tears streaking her face. “You told me to buy that damn lingerie! That’s why.”
Fane was moving for the door but she was faster and slammed it right in his face turning the lock back in place.
“Did you criticize her in her pregnant state?” Jen asked him accusingly. “Because I will castrate you if you did. I mean, Fane, I know you wolves can be dense but surely even you have enough sense not to say something negative about your mate, especially when she’s carrying around your child in her body.”
Fane heard Decebel join his mate and he was so very glad that he’d shown up. “Decebel, please remove your mate from my presence.”
“WHAT!” Jen stomped her foot. “I am not going until I know my best friend is alright!”
“Jennifer, you should know better than to interfere with a male and his mate,” Decebel told her quietly. “He won’t hurt her. You know all he wants is to make her happy. Now let’s go before he loses what little control he has.”
“You had better make this right, Fane Lupei. I don’t give a hot poker in hell if it’s your fault or not. You put a smile back on my Jacque’s face or so help me…” Jen’s words trailed off as Fane heard the door close.
He stood in the middle of the room attempting to hold his wolf back. His beast was snarling at him, urging him to get to her. She’d told them to leave but there was no way he or his wolf would do as she commanded. Fane turned back to look at the thin piece of wood that stood sentry between him and the woman he loved. Never had a door looked so offensive as in that moment.
He walked purposefully over to it and no longer willing to grant her the privacy she apparently wanted, he turned the knob until the lock broke. Fane pushed the door open slowly and stepped into the bathroom. He found her on the floor next to the large tub, the robe still wrapped around her and her forehead leaning on the cold porcelain edge.
When he started to walk toward her, Jacquelyn held up her hand and shook her head at him. “Please don’t. Just let me be.” Her voice shook with her tears.
Fane ignored her plea and reached down to pick her up. When she started to push him away his wolf decided to make an appearance and Fane knew his eyes would be glowing a fierce blue. “Mate,” his beast snarled, “do not. You might hurt yourself.”
Jacquelyn looked up at him then, meeting his gaze. “You wouldn’t understand; you’re just a wolf.”
His wolf leaned closer to her, pressing his nose against her neck and breathing in her scent―a scent that brought him comfort and peace and also drove him insane. “I may be just a wolf, female, but I am your wolf and you are mine. Do not ever ask us to leave you when you need us most.”
Fane carried her into their room and forced his wolf to let the man have control once more. He sat with his mate in his lap and brushed the hair away from her face. “Jacquelyn, look at me,” he commanded gently.
She didn’t.
“Look at me,” Fane repeated slower.
Finally she let out a resigned sigh and raised her head so that her green eyes met his.
“Don’t ever ask me to leave you when you are so upset.” She started to say something but he placed a finger over her lips. “Hear me. Every instinct I have is to protect, love, and cherish you. For you to ask me to walk away while you are in pain, be it emotional or physical, is cruel.”
“Not to mention futile,” she muttered quickly earning her a nip on the neck from him.
“I am sorry that you feel inadequate, Luna. You are anything but. I will tell you with my words so that you can hear me. But know this mate, before this night is over I will show you so that you have no doubt just how attractive I find you.”
She shook her head at him but again he ignored her.
“I have found you desirable from the moment I laid eyes on you. The attraction has only grown in intensity the longer we have been together. My need for you grows with every touch, every taste, and every time you give yourself to me. I thought I would need you less once the need had been satisfied but the opposite is true. I only need and want you more. And now, my beautiful Luna, you carry my child inside of you.” His hand slipped between the opening of the robe and pressed gently against her rounded stomach. “Your face radiates the joy that I feel. Whether you believe it or not, I have loved every change that has happened to your incredible body.” Fane tugged down the shoulder of the robe and nipped her again when she started to argue. “No,” he scolded. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel or how I see you. I see every stretch mark as a beauty mark that tells the story of how you created a precious life. Everything that you see as negative, I see as evidence of just how incredible you are. I love every single inch of you and there is nothing, especially not carrying my child, that could change that.”
“I didn’t realize how vain I am,” Jacque said quietly. “But when compared to you, with your perfect werewolf body and chiseled features, I just feel like a big blob.”
Fane stood up and placed her feet on the floor. She started to protest but he was having none of it. “Shh,” he soothed as he untied the robe she’d been hiding under. “Look at me, Jacquelyn. Look at my face and nowhere else.” His hands shook as he pushed the robe from her shoulders. “You are even more beautiful than the first time I removed a robe from you.” His voice was soft, but he knew she could hear the awe that filled him as he took her in.
Fane took her small face in his hands and brushed his thumb across her lips. He had tasted them at least a hundred times and yet he was still starved for them, for her. When he raised his eyes to meet hers, he used their bond to convey an image to her of how he saw her.
“No,” Jacquelyn whispered as she attempted to shake her head.
“Yes,” Fane argued before pressing his lips to hers. As his hands slid down her neck and then shoulders and finally rested on her hips, he pulled her tighter against him, bunching the sheer fabric in his fists. There was no doubt that the lingerie was beautiful, but now that he’d seen it, it was only a hindrance to the package beneath. And like the precious gift that she was, Fane unwrapped her, slowly―piece by piece―making sure that she could feel through their bond just what she did to him. Over and over he kissed, touched, and loved her body reverently.
Sometime later, back in their bed, he pressed his lips to her bare belly and kissed her gently. The growl that rumbled out of him was straight from his wolf. “Mine.” Fane’s grip on her hips tightened as he pressed his face against her flesh. Her warmth, her scent, and her taste surrounded him and he was drunk on her.
“Yes, we are yours,” Jacquelyn agreed.
Fane's eyes crawled up her body to stare into her eyes. “Don’t ever doubt me again,” he whispered before leaning down and kissing her on the neck where his mark was.
Fane shook himself as the memory faded away leaving him feeling empty. He needed to find her now. He needed to know that she was alright and that their baby was alright. Fane threw his head back and let out a deep, mournful howl, pouring all of his fear into it. He longed to hear her answer him, but as the sound died away, he was left with a silence that pierced him to his soul.
“Peace, wolf,.” The voice in his mind did not belong to his mate, but it had him coming to a sudden stop anyway.
“I will not let any harm come to her,” the Great Luna assured him.
“Where is she?” Fane tried very hard not to growl.
“She is where she needs to be at this moment.”
And just as quickly as her presence had come, she was gone. Fane knew it was futile, but he did it anyway. Desperation making him willing to try anything, he reached through their bond but found that it was still locked up tight.
“Please let me in, Jacquelyn.” He was at a complete loss as to what to do. His wolf needed action and so once again he headed deeper into the mountain unwilling to give up looking for her until she was with him, where she belonged.