43
A Real Human Heart
LIVIA HAD BEEN THINKING about this moment since Blake came out of surgery. She’d talked herself through all the possibilities for when he woke up: he might be confused, and the ventilator sure as hell would freak him out. But now, sitting almost on top of him and holding his alert, scared face was enough to make her cry. His vibrant green eyes looked everywhere but at her.
“Beckett, go get a nurse or a doctor,” she said as calmly as possible. She sensed Beckett’s reluctance. “Let go of his arms. It’s okay.” Livia felt the bed react as Beckett removed his huge body.
Blake’s hands covered hers. She could see the trapped feeling in his wild eyes.
“I’m so happy to see you. I love you so much. Thank you for waking up,” Livia spoke quickly but calmly, trying to capture Blake’s attention.
Finally, his eyes locked on hers, and she gave him a huge, teary-eyed smile. She couldn’t tell if he counted because his lips were stretched around the appliance that had kept him breathing. Be in there, Blake. Please. Please, God.
Livia turned to see Beckett run back into the room literally carrying a nurse. Nurse Kim, to be exact. He set her down, pointed at Blake, and shouted, “See!?”
“Our boy’s awake,” Kim said simply, not even acknowledging her strange entry. “Hey, Blake. Good morning.”
She kept a happy banter going as she efficiently checked the machines surrounding her patient. Susan arrived within seconds, and the nurses slipped into easy conversation. They seemed to be demonstrating for Blake how relaxed they were.
“Blake, glad to see you awake. Good timing—we were prepping to wean you off of the vent to see how your lungs are doing. Would you like to try that now?” Susan waited with a gentle smile.
Livia sat frozen. She hadn’t asked Blake a direct question yet. This simple yes-or-no answer would tell everyone in the room a million things. Can he understand words? Will he be okay? Is Blake still here?
He looked perplexed and strained against the tube in his throat.
Livia centered her energy again. You can do this.
Blake nodded once, then twice, then three times. Yes, he wanted the tube out.
He understands!
Beckett scooped Livia off the bed and twirled her. The nurses filled the space she emptied.
“You did it, Whitebread! You saved him. You’re amazing. My brother. My brother.” His voice breaking, Beckett set her back on her feet and hugged her.
When she saw Blake staring at her over Beckett’s shoulder, Livia stumbled a bit. His gaze was so intense. So Blake. Beckett kept her steady. She could feel his whole body smiling.
They both stayed through the meticulous process of removing the ventilator. Blake’s first breaths on his own were gentle and sure, thanks to Kim and Susan’s expertise. He coughed when he was supposed to, following yet another command, and Livia’s heart soared. Finally, when they asked him to speak, he found her gray eyes.
His voice was husky and raspy, but his words were clear. “Livia. You love me.”
Beckett let her go as she climbed back onto Blake’s bed. Blake moved slowly, but he seemed determined and winced only a little as he reached for her shoulders and pulled Livia against his chest. She wanted to say something, but her sobs took those words from her.
His raspy voice moved her hair with his precious, perfect words. “You’re here. With me.”
Livia grabbed a fistful of his hospital gown. The strength that had sustained her dissolved into gratitude. To see his light, his face, everything that was Blake again brought relief like she’d never known. He rubbed her back as her body shook with sobs.
After surveying the scene for another moment, Susan and Kim stepped into the hall and hovered just outside the door. Beckett held up his fist, and Blake paused his rubbing to salute by grabbing Beckett’s arm. Her sobs quieting, Livia turned to watch as the brothers said nothing but nodded solemnly at one another, which said everything. Beckett then turned to exit through the open door.
As he stepped into the hallway, Susan looked Beckett up and down. “Livia’s dad told me to watch for you and give him a call if you turned up.”
Beckett froze. His hands gripped the doorframe where he stood.
“So, as soon as I’m sure Blake is on the mend, I’m going to make that call,” Susan continued. “It should be within the next ten minutes.” She finished her speech with a pointed look.
Beckett’s smile filled his voice. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank us, just go,” Kim replied. “We don’t approve of what you might have done.”
Beckett kissed each woman’s cheek and said, “Ladies, I was saying thank you for taking such beautiful care of my brother. You’re angels. Selfless, beautiful fucking angels. I’ll get out of your hair.” After the briefest of looks back into Blake’s hospital room, Beckett disappeared down the hall.
Livia closed her eyes to steady herself for a moment. Her sobs had subsided into small, rhythmic sniffles. When she opened her eyes, she was ready. She sat up and tucked her hair behind her ear. She filled a cup of water and added the straw. The cup was steady in her hand as he took a few sips.
Livia decided she loved watching things go into him. Food, water, love—all these things she could give him.
“You look tired. Would you like to nap?” he asked. Blake was definitely back. There was less rasp and more smoke in his silky voice.
“No, Blake. I never want to sleep again. Just this.” Livia touched his face. “Only this.”
The pride in his eyes almost changed their color. He turned his face to her palm, kissed it, and said, “Come, my love, put your head on my shoulder. Your burdens have been heavy.”
In that moment, Livia realized her eyelids were drooping, and the crook of Blake’s arm seemed perfect for her head. His lips stayed on her forehead as he hummed a serene song. Livia fell into a deep, dreamless slumber.
Blake’s cough woke her sometime later. He shrugged and looked apologetic when she checked his face, touching him again for reassurance.
“You’re doing great, Mr. Hartt,” said the therapist who Livia now noticed in the room. “We’ll work on those breathing exercises again later.” Blake gave a quick wave as the man in scrubs left the room.
He returned his gaze to Livia. “I’m sorry I woke you. You were so out. You need the rest.”
Livia touched his limbs, his blankets, and his hair, taking inventory. “Having you wake me is worth it every time.”
“Did I pass inspection?” he teased, watching her roving hands.
“Yes. You’re still here. That’s what I need.” Livia reached to refill his cup.
She had a flash of her effortless forever: Feeding Blake, tucking a blanket around his body when he fell asleep on a couch, saying thank you any time he passed her the salt at the table.
“The nurses told me what you did, Livia. You made my heart beat in the woods.” He looked at her lips and continued, “You gave me breath. Were you scared, love? I’m sorry.”
“You’re apologizing because you stopped breathing?” Livia wrinkled her nose.
He nodded reverently. “I left you in the clearing again.”
“You took the bullet that had my name on it and let it lodge in your back,” Livia responded. “You never left me in those woods. You gave me strength when I needed it. You don’t need to apologize, but it’s perfectly acceptable for you to never, ever stop breathing again.” She touched his Sorry tattoo.
At his slow smile, she gathered him into a gentle hug again. Will I ever be able to stop touching him?
“Brave Livia, you never cease to amaze me.” He lifted her chin with his finger. “I’ve never been more thankful to be alive than right now.”
After soft kisses, they pressed their hands together palm to palm. The tingling scattered all over Livia’s body, warming her.
“Do you feel that?” she whispered with a smile.
His lips moved in his silent count. Blake wrapped his fingers around her hand. She copied the movement. Their hands together now resembled a heart—not a cartoon rendering of the shape, but a real human heart.
He touched her lips with his and murmured, “I’ve been feeling it since you first smiled at me.”