Prologue

Logan

“This isn’t what I signed up for!” she yells and throws a plate toward my head, barely missing me by a mere few inches.

The dish hits the wall and a loud crash resounds in the kitchen. Small, broken fragments of the white china scatter across the hardwood kitchen floor.

“We’ve been married for six months and all you’ve done is travel for work and left me here alone. I can’t take it anymore.”

At the sound of Shannon’s sad plea, I impatiently run my fingers through my wavy, dark brown hair, frustrated from the same argument we’ve had for the past few weeks. Every day it’s something else, and frankly it’s becoming annoying and too predictable. I can never do anything to make her happy. She wants what she wants, when she wants it, and disregards reality of life. She disregards what I'm doing for her… for us.

I love her with everything I have, but right now, looking at the woman I vowed to spend my life with, I’m blinded. She isn't the same woman. In my eyes, she’s selfish and demands more than I can give her. What the hell happened to my strong and independent woman?

Instead of surprising her with a four-day getaway to the Hamptons like I had planned, we’re standing in the middle of our kitchen arguing, and she’s throwing her usual tantrum, screaming at me about my dedication to work and not being home enough. Instead of talking like a sane person she resorts to screaming and threats. All I want to do is give her this trip and get away for a few days so we can spend time together and reconnect. We need to reconnect, to intimately be together, and share moments we can cherish and remember.

“What the hell do you expect from me? I’m doing everything I can to give us the best life. I bought you this house, your car, everything you could possibly need. What more do you want from me? I work nearly twelve-hour days, and I know you miss me and long for us to spend more time together, and I want the same. Can't you see everything that I'm doing is for you? For us?”

She cries, covering her face with her hands, shaking her head side to side. Part of me yearns to comfort her, tell her it’ll be okay, and the other part is giving up. There’s only so much a person can take before the breaking point is met, and I’m inching closer to that point.

When your high school sweetheart becomes your wife, you think things will be the same or better. Once marriage comes into the picture, things change. It's not easy. Two lives merge as one and sometimes true feelings surface. Through the years we've been together, I've never seen her act like this. It's foreign to me. I don't know how to handle it.

“You. Logan, I just want you. Don’t you see how alone I am? I have no one to talk to. My sister’s busy doing whatever she does, and all my friends are getting ready for babies and their new chapters. I’m here in this house, waiting. Always waiting for you!”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, willing away the oncoming migraine. “So you want a family?”

“You know I do.” Her voice is small and she’s looking everywhere but at me.

My chest tightens. A baby? I’m not ready for sleepless nights, diaper changes, and feeling scared all day, every day. And what if I have a girl? That means I'll have to get a license to carry a gun and learn how to handle one properly. I'll have to see my doctor for weekly checkups when she becomes a teenager and enters the dating age because my blood pressure will be too high and I'll have to meet boys that were once me, asking to take out my princess.

No. Absolutely not.

“You know that’s not possible. First, a baby isn’t going to solve this. Second, we’re not ready. What I think is best is for us to have adventures before we start a family, to take you all over the world. I’d planned a mini-getaway for us to the Hamptons. Remember, you love it there? I have the beach house rented, and I’ll be off the grid. No working. No phone. No email. Nothing. Just us.”

“I don’t want that,” she mutters. “I mean, I do. It’s just I need more than what you’re giving me now. You’re always gone, and every time I think I’m okay, I realize how alone I am. This is the first time you’ve been home by six in weeks. A getaway isn’t going to fix this.”

“I know I’ve been working a lot more, and I’m sorry for that. That’s why I think this trip will be good for us. We'll be together without any distractions. It'll be perfect.”

“It does sound nice and I appreciate what you're doing, so please don't get me wrong. This feeling of longing for a baby won't go away. You can't sweep me off on a romantic trip and think I'll forget this feeling. We're twenty-five years old and I feel like it’s time to start a family. These getaways will always be there, and we can go when we're older or even when our children are older.”

My body tenses from her mentioning babies and a family again. One day I want that, but not right now. I stare out the window, and then back at her. This isn’t something that’ll go away. Her desperate need for a baby is giving me anxiety, and my insides are clawing at one another, hiding in the depths of my body, away from everything.

“Do you regret our life?”

“What?”

I ask her again. “Do you regret our life?”

“I could never regret it. I’ve been in love with you since I was fourteen years old. You're everything to me. I just need more and I don’t know why you don’t understand that. It’s normal to want a family with the man you love. I’m all set for the next chapter of our marriage.”

“I’m not. It'll be nice to spend more time alone with my wife before we bring a baby into this world. Our son or daughter will change our lives. Have you thought about the late night feedings or diaper changing? What about if something goes wrong during your pregnancy and I lose you and our baby?

“Now you're overthinking things, Logan. Are these excuses?”

“No. I'm not making excuses or playing any games. These questions I have are real. I don't think you've taken the time to see the reality of bringing a baby into the world.”

“You still don't get it.” She flings her hands in the air and brings them down into fists. “I don't know how else to explain this. You're a smart man, but right now, you're beyond clueless.”

“You're right. I am clueless. So please explain this to me.”

She sighs, turning away from me, and I notice the tremble in her shoulders. “I can't explain it. There's this feeling inside me that builds,” she explains and turns around, facing me, but keeping her distance. “It's a yearning for more. You're right. We have an amazing life together and I'm happy. The thing is our lives are on autopilot. There are no surprises or living carefree. At least with a baby we'll always be on our toes and life will have more meaning.”

“Look, I'm here now. Let's go to the Hamptons and in two weeks I fly to London. Why don't you come with me?”

She shakes her head and lets out a breath. “And do what? Tour London without you? No thanks.”

My temper gets the best of me. “I'm out of ideas, Shannon. Everything I suggest you throw away because it's not what you want. Stop being so selfish and learn how to compromise.”

“I don't care anymore. I give up!” she screams and grabs her purse, storming out the door.

I should go after her.

But I don’t.

Shannon

I've been sitting in the same spot for over an hour.

At least it feels like it. Honestly, I have no idea what time it is or how long I've been stagnant. My white-knuckled grip on my cell phone becomes firmer. The panic in my chest expands, cultivates into a tight, suffocating hysteria.

Is this my karma?

“I’m so unhappy,” I cry into the phone, my hand trembling on my lap as I look out my car window toward the playground. The sound of children’s laughter fills my ears and more tears stream down my face. It’s an endless flow, and I hate these emotions. “All he does is work and expects me to play the nice and doting wife, always making sure the house is clean and dinner's ready when he comes home. I don't want this life anymore. It's too quiet and predictable.”

“Then why are you still with him? Babe, I can give you what you want. I have everything here for you. The house you fell in love with is ours. I'm signing the papers on Monday, and I'll get it ready for us and our baby. Please, leave him and be with me.”

The moment his voice registers, my breathing halts and nausea churns in my gut. The guilt's eating away at me, leaving a hollow space that I know won't be filled. My skin's clammy and cool all at the same time. Sweat trickles down my forehead and pools at the base of my neck. His words cause my heart to beat erratically. I press a hand to my cheek, attempting to calm my breaths. I know it's wrong to think this way. I have to focus on my marriage and understand where Logan's coming from. He's right. I'm upset because things aren't going my way. I'm lashing out at him, hurting him with my words, and purposely pushing him to avoid confronting what I've done.

All I’ve ever known is Logan. Our love has been through ups and downs, from high school, to college, to our engagement and wedding. We’ve built a wonderful life together.

When we first met in the ninth grade, I couldn’t believe the star quarterback of the football team wanted to get to know me, the quiet bookworm. It was love at first sight. That quote is the biggest cliché, but it’s the truth. One night my twin sister and I went to one of the first games of the season. Logan was on the field and I was drawn to him. I’d heard about him in the halls and people talked about him all the time. I guess I never paid attention until that night.

After his game, I went up to him and congratulated him on a great win. That smile he gave me nearly stopped my heart.

He took me home afterward, and instead of going to the party hosted by another player, we spent hours talking on the swing in the backyard.

From that moment, we were inseparable. We were forever.

“Are you there? Babe?” he frantically asks.

The slight tremble of my hand on my thighs turns violent. The air in my chest constricts and I'm gasping for air.

“I can’t leave him. I’m sorry. You filled a void and I'm so thankful for you, but my husband's everything to me. I really think he's willing to try and not take every day on autopilot.”

I hear the pain in his shuddering sigh. This is killing him the way it’s killing me. In the short amount of time since I met him, I realize I am missing out on life, and that I love both men.

But how?

I place my hand on my stomach and look down with tears in my eyes. I know I have to do the right thing. Just because we’re fighting doesn’t mean I should leave the man who owns my heart and soul. Part of me knows this baby doesn’t belong to my husband, while the other part prays that the baby I'm carrying is his and we'll be a family. It kills me I’ll never be able to tell him the truth.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I whisper. “I love you, but I love him more.”

“Babe! Please listen to me. We’re good together. I promise you I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of you and our baby.”

“I'm not one hundred percent that the baby is yours…”

“I don’t care,” he pleads. “Please don’t do this. Let me come there and take you away. I’m begging you. You and this baby are everything to me. Nothing else matters.”

Sobs wrack my body. Guilt takes over. It consumes me. Loneliness is a strong emotion and I allowed that to blind me.

As I'm sitting here, watching the kids play, and talking to the other man in my life, it hits me that Logan's working his ass off for me and our future. He's doing everything he can to ensure I'm happy and we can live comfortably. I hate that I cheated on him, but being alone with no one to talk to pushed me away. I allowed my loneliness and physical, sexual need to blind me.

Now, I realize I've been selfish and not understanding to what Logan's doing. He's trying and I need to try, too.

“I’m sorry. I need to be with my husband.”

Without another thought, I disconnect the call, dry my tears, and start the fifteen-minute drive home.

We can get through this. I know we can. When I look at Logan, I see forever. I see my future and where I want to be. Now that I've let go of the one thing holding me back, I can focus on my husband again. My marriage. Our love will survive this. We're strong, and when I get home I'm going to tell him everything. I'm going to tell him the mistakes I've made and beg for him to forgive me because that's what love is—love conquers all and love will prevail.

My phone vibrates in my console and I know it’s him.

Annie: Babe, please don’t do this. What we have is real. What we feel is forever.

I had to change his name so Logan wouldn’t question why I’m talking to a guy he doesn’t know. He’s not protective or insecure, but it’s what I had to do.

Me: Please leave me alone. I’m sorry for these past few months.

Annie: But I love you. Doesn’t that mean anything?

I never see the truck coming…