CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

“Having a man like Preacher in my corner was the most epic and calming feeling of all.” - Ruby

 

 

 

Her world shrank to a tiny pinpoint. This couch, her and him, she had no more room for anything else when her pulse was beating rapidly, a cold sludging beat. She had to push her grief aside, let it sit by itself for a minute, or she couldn’t get these awful words to come up her throat, to fall off her tongue, and she so wanted to unburden herself.

He‘d asked to marry her.

Who did that?

Would a bad man do that? From all she once knew of the Renegade Souls men, their reputations heralding long before she’d met any of them, the very first night working at Otis' bar she was warned against getting too cozy with the Renegade Souls men, so would the concept of that man offer to marry her in order to gain custody of her nephew?

It was wild. Unbelievable. A dream within her own nightmare.

But Ruby had to deal with this first.

Want was such a small word until it became important. Until it was every heartbeat and breath.  Ruby wanted so little and so much at the same time. She wanted Preacher to believe her as she drove the words passed her lips, her eyes downcast and fingers clenched together on her lap. It felt like they were the only two people in the world. “I go on a yearly hike for a week, to regroup from the shit that is life, if only I could have gone to Bora Bora instead. I probably shouldn’t have gone last year, I could have used the money elsewhere, but I’d saved for it and said fuck it. The first night was as blissful as always. I hiked until my legs ached and then went back to the cabin ate hotdogs from the can and read an entire book. I was planning to do the same the next day when I came upon a guy needing help. He was injured. Stupid, right?” She looked at him. His green eyes boring into her face like he hadn’t taken a blink in the last five minutes. Please don’t think less of me.

“You’re thinking abort, abort! Yeah? It's the classic movie with the stupid girl going down to the basement. That’s what I should have done as well, but I helped this guy. He seemed harmless enough. Another red flag I ignored. He was quiet most of the time, didn’t say much and then his fever set in and he was passed out.” The details kept coming, how she treated his leg wound that looked suspiciously like a bullet hole and then became scared as he warned her not to call for help.

“I was planning to get rid of him. I just wanted my week to myself, I needed it so bad. Rita had been threatening to stop me seeing Seb and my uncle Silas was in one of his ‘Jesus will save us all’ phases, sitting outside grocery stores lecturing the damned. I needed that week alone. Be careful what you wish for.”

“Beautiful.” His voice sounded like nails as he reached over, she didn’t know her hands were fisted until he took one, unfolded her fingers gently one at a time and slid their palms together, laced their fingers together. She grabbed on, her only lifeline, held tight, never letting go. “He didn’t hurt me.” she went on. “You expect rape to be brutal and violent. I didn’t even have a scratch and it’s not because I didn’t fight. I did, Preacher, I did I…”

“Shhh, baby. I believe you.”

“He was too heavy. I just couldn’t. But. But.” And this was where words got stuck right at the base of her throat, the part she didn’t want to tell him, because what did that make her, what would he think of her once he knew? Sicko. Disturbed. She started the deep breathing technique that was meant to help anxiety, she’d seen it once on an Oprah show years ago when her mom was high on drugs and she’d stayed home from school to take care of her. She didn’t feel any less calm and Preacher squeezed her fingers. She squeezed his back. “I didn’t want it, Preacher, I want you to understand. This man didn’t beat me or hurt me physically, he didn’t threaten my life, but I told him no, I told him no and to stop so many times, I was terrified. The --- the attack ---the fucker made my body enjoy it and I---- I… shit.” She wouldn’t cry, she’d done too much of that last year, this was recounting a memory, not to swim in its depths again and let it affect her sense of well-being, because if she let that in alongside her grief Ruby was afraid she wouldn’t resurface again and she had to be strong for Seb’s sake. “I hate myself most of all for that. I didn’t want it. Who does that.” The rhetorical question came out before she could stop it, not entirely sure she wanted an answer or an answer that would make her understand. The voice that came out of Ruby was unrecognizable. Brittle.

“Who does what, Ruby? Survive? You. You fucking survived. Come here, you’re too fucking far away, I need you right fucking here.” When he threw so many fucking’s out she knew he was angry. The flash of green was lovely.  His angry tone made her laugh and she let him haul her the two inches separating them onto his lap, his hand at the back of her neck, the other brushing her hair from her face, tipping her chin up so she had no choice but to look into brilliant emerald.

There was a moment of silence as she looked at Preacher and he looked at her. Those seconds ticking by.

“What’s going on in that beautiful mind, Rube? You think I’m going to think less of you because a bastard took something from you and your body reacted? I’m so fucking glad you’re okay. So, fucking glad you’re here to tell me about it.” His forehead rested against hers. “I want to hurt anyone who has hurt you. I would kill that bastard if I could. Don’t for a second have guilt over this, you hearing me? This was not your choice, Ruby. You survived, that’s what matters. Don't you hate yourself for this, not when I think so fucking highly of you, I have it on good authority I have excellent taste.”

How did he know the right things to say? She gave him a watery smile, clutched fingers in his chest and just left her forehead resting against his. She was glad to be alive and here with him too.

But there was still more to tell.

“I know who the guy is, Asher.”

His head reared up. Eyes pin-sharp and deadly. So, lethal she sucked in her breath.

“Who? Tell me who, Ruby.”

“Have you ever looked into someone’s eyes and saw the madness swirling in the depths of the irises? That’s how it was. I looked at the insanity that night. The devil smiled at me and said sweet things that chilled me to the bone. The funny thing is, if it can be called funny, I think he thought I was someone else. He kept calling me sweet love and asking if I’d missed him. I swear the second he was passed out again I took off and didn’t stop driving until I was home. And then I tried to forget about it until recently.”

Something in Preacher’s gaze had changed. He’d turned from furious to downright sick, his face washed out. Her brow puckered as she went on. “Those wanted posters up all-around town. That’s the guy who...who raped me.” The tug of worry nibbling on her guts intensified when she felt him go unnaturally still, feeling as though he might need some space to process all this before he reconsidered his kind proposal she made to slip off his lap, only to have Preacher halt any movements, his big hands latched onto her thighs, eyes all over her face.

“Hades? Hades did this to you?” Voice dark. Unrecognizable.

“His name was Kyle Williams, on the posters, but yeah, I’ve heard people talking and they said that was his biker name.”

She wasn’t prepared for the burst of fury that came out of Preacher. And it didn’t stop there. Teeth mashed together she saw Preacher man livid for the first time in their history. Rather than the outburst of emotion scaring her, she sat stunned and a little fascinated and god, she was fucking touched by the show of anger on her behalf. Who could she say had ever reacted in such a dark honest way because something bad had happened to her? Who had ever been in her corner in such a way? Ruby could count on two hands and have ten fingers left over. Before she could reassure him that nutjob was probably long gone from town now she found her face grasped and drawn in towards him, his lips pressed to hers. “I’m so sorry, Ruby. So, fucking sorry. So sorry, baby. This should never have fucking happened to you.”

“It’s not your fault.”  

“Fucking sorry, baby.” He murmured against her lips then dragged her into a bone crushing hug where she sat for five minutes feeling his heart thump against her own chest.

“I don’t want you to think I’m lingering on it, the past is the past.”

“Beautiful.” That one word said everything and she smiled at him.

“I promise, it’s not keeping me up at night. That’s usually you.” He smiled back at her. A sad smile. “I just wanted you to know. I guess my catharsis. I’ve said it finally to someone now I can leave it where it belongs.” Unless one day she ran into that guy. Her veins chilled, pushing that thrilling thought to where it belonged, in the fucking recycle bin of her mind.

“Now it’s my turn to tell you something.”

“Oh?” Belly muscles grabbed at his serious tone. Was this sorry, I made a mistake, no marriage for you, Ruby Steele?

“I want you to know, I would kill anyone who hurt you. That’s not me bullshitting and acting macho as you call me, Ruby. I would literally with my two hands kill someone.----”

“----Asher, I don’t want you to do anything about this. That’s not why I told you. The cops are hunting that guy, for another reason, but still, as long as they find him.”

“They won’t.”

She blinked. Breath hitched. Did he mean he had plans to go and search and kill him? “They won’t?”

“He’s dead, Ruby. And I know this because he did the same to Rider’s old lady, for years he held her captive and he was taken care of last November.”

Everything inside Ruby screeched to a halt. She met his stare without shrinking back. She wasn’t afraid of him, everything in her stilled. Cold shivers.

“He’s dead? What do you mean? He hurt Zara?” She fired questions not sure which one she wanted answers to first.

Was he dead? That one. That fucking one. “Kyle Williams? We’re talking about that same guy, Asher? Just so I can understand. Is he dead? How is he dead? When?” And because it always seemed to calm Preacher when he did it, she stroked her fingers up and down his beard, following the pattern of its point.

“Being double fucked by the devil I hope, now I know what he did to you. That motherfucker.”

“I don’t think I want or need to know the details of why and how. But he’s gone?” She needed him to say it once more before she breathed again.

The details of knowing if Preacher or his club had killed Kyle Williams wouldn’t change how she thought about him.  She’d had dreams where she killed that man herself in bloody violent ways. Knowing he was dead for real didn’t alter her feelings or had her thinking the worse of him.

“Yes, beautiful. He’s gone for good. He can’t ever do that shit to you or anyone else again.”

Her insides clenched and she nodded. “Good. That’s good. Thank you, Asher. Now I can leave it in the past.”

“Fuck. Woman. You’re amazing, do you know that?” A smile crept onto his face, some color coming back into his cheeks. She smiled at his compliment.

“It’s a small world, Preacher man.” Grim as it was, she was connected to him and his club now. Time limped forward, Preacher not saying anything, his fingertips brushing over her cheek, moving her hair back, his eyes never leaving hers, seemingly content to just look at her. Rather than feeling cumbersome under such scrutiny, his gaze comforted her. At least he wasn’t running for the door, she thought. At least he hadn’t called her a freak.

“Answer me something, Ruby.”

Yes.” She rushed out and flushed. “Anything.”

He smiled and kissed her fingertips, kept them held up to his mouth.

“How soon will you marry me?”

Ruby’s pulse tripped and went nuts. “You still want to? I mean, still think it’s a good idea?” Thump. Thump. Thump. Her damaged organ banged against the inside of her ribs. “I thought maybe you’d change your mind … after…”

“Ruby. Not even a little. Didn’t I say no matter what you told me my proposal was still there?” She nodded shyly. Relieved. “Now for the third fucking time.” He grinned. “You know how to keep a man waiting. You gonna let me marry you?”

What a sweet choice of words, like he was begging to be tied to her instead of doing her the most gracious selfless favor of all. Marry me because you want me, love me. How would that feel? she wondered. Wonderful, she guessed. Practicality was his reason and she smiled, looked down at the ring adorning her finger, glinting in the sunlight.

“I make damn good pancakes. Not that I’m trying to sway you, tiny dancer.”

Ruby chuckled and leaned into his shoulder, felt his hands slip around her waist, squeezed her there.

“Oh well then, how can I refuse pancakes? I want breakfast every day, Preacher.” she cleared her throat. “I would like to accept, thank you.”

It was probably the most polite and weird proposal of marriage in the history of ever, and she was including all marriage related movies she’d ever seen, which was all of them. Those were her secret guilty pleasure to watch on a Saturday night under a warm blanket with a bucket of popcorn and a box of tissues.

Now it was her turn to throw the bouquet.

It was nuts how fast things moved after that. Preacher made some calls, he said the club knew the mayor who owed them a favor. She didn't ask what. An MC associated with the mayor, of course, it made perfect sense an outlaw gang with ties to politics, she rolled her eyes and laughed, listening to his end of the conversation arranging for a special license without the waiting time. Those Renegade Souls and their connections.

Late afternoon the next day, Ruby was dressed in a simple summer dress, lemons and peaches decorated the soft material hung from spaghetti straps and flowed around her ankles. Preacher was in a pressed white shirt with his leather cut and faded denim and silver skull rings. He looked damn edible.

“Are you sure?” Her teeth whittled her lip as they waited outside by the curb. Two bikes arrived. Rider, Grinder, and Zara. They were going to be their witnesses.

“Trying to back out, beautiful?” Amused, she watched his brow arch up. The gesture calmed her dancing nerves.  If he was so damn calm, she could be damn calm as well. A smile transformed his face, made him look younger, safe, secure, all the things she needed right then. This was crazy. It was crazy, right? And still, it felt… right. This was Preacher she was about to marry, but her brain kept telling her it hadn’t been that long. It was crazy. Too soon. But this wasn't a love match, at least not for him. Ruby was wildly in fucking love, love didn’t come with a time stamp, it just was. “Because I’ll carry you inside over my damn shoulder, Ruby.” He went on.

She laughed and laced his fingers. Joined by his friends she spoke for him only. “Fine. let’s go.” Grasping her hand her world steadied underneath her.

An hour later she walked out of the courthouse as Mrs. Asher Priest. Legally married to one of those notorious Colorado outlaws.

 

 

Ruby would have loved to have said her wedding day was nothing short of happiness and dancing unicorns pissing cotton candy. But as was life now everything was waiting for her after the I do’s. Preacher insisted they go out to eat. What's a wedding without grub, Ruby? They ended up back at Otis’ bar to have a steak and he'd bought her a slice of lemon cake, then they’d gone to Preacher’s house. It had been decided she’d move in this week, she didn’t have much she wanted to keep so the packing wouldn’t take her long at all. A lifetime of memories in just a few boxes. Pathetic really.  

What was scary was she was going to be living with a man for the first time in her life. Oh boy.  A woman her age should have scores of memories to tote around her. Old school friends had kids, long marriages, pets, mortgages and car payments. She barely had a four-hour long marriage to her name, and even that was not a love connection. And she was fighting to get her nephew, she had to keep remembering that, this was why he'd married her, don't get ahead of yourself, Ruby. Memories were fluid, hopefully, this time next year she’d have something better to pack.

I got married today, Rita. And I wish you had been there.

She slipped out of her dress, left it over a chair, her mind in many different directions. Ruby felt disconnected. It was her wedding day and yet more than aware it was not the norm. Was she disappointed? Did she wish this was all real? Cutting her thoughts short, she heard a noise behind her, Preacher came out of the bathroom.

Seeing him framed in the doorway her mouth dried to sawdust. He'd changed out of his wedding clothes into simple gray sweatpants and a black t-shirt, but on Preacher, he looked fucking gorgeous. Toned and beautifully honed, the material clinging to his body, his physique spoke of ambition as though he wanted to always be in the best peak fitness. Men worked their asses off in gyms, paid hundreds in memberships to look like him. Ruby knew what she wanted to distract her wounded heart and whirring mind. He was right there looking like a slab of beef she wanted to sink her teeth deep into. And she hadn’t him in more than a week.

Going to him immediately.

They'd had such an abridged relationship, skipping over about forty steps, now here she was in front of her husband. No wooing dates, they'd started right at sex and then gone to the chapel and Ruby found she didn't mind at all. With Preacher, she got the real deal, no lies or the games people play in relationships, he was helping her, pure and simple, she'd never questioned his motives and the sex ... that she would sell her soul for. Was about to again when she reached up on the very tips of her toes and brushed his mouth, felt him smile as his head cranked down that last inch for her.

She needed to make her grief go away, to tuck it up somewhere she couldn't feel it.

Ruby groaned low in her throat, a keening sound of desperation as she sank her tongue into his mouth, grabbed onto the back of his neck asking him silently to dip down a little more, and kissed him with every inch of sorrow, every ounce of desperate need, defeated in her worry she poured it into his massive body. And it still wasn’t enough. He grunted and the sound had her toes curling, she gripped the stub of his ponytail, arching his neck so she could kiss along his Adam's apple, his beard tickling her cheeks.

"I'm here, Ruby." He murmured against her lips, never letting up kissing her how she demanded it, because if he stopped she would have cried for real, big fat tears and she was afraid they wouldn't stop. For Seb's sake she couldn't be the one to fall apart, so she poured it into Asher.

She demanded basic animal connection.

Grabbing his cock through his sweatpants she intended to get it.

He grunted hard against her mouth. “Beautiful, this might not be the best time for that.”

“I know what I want. I’m a woman who fucking hurts, who needs to fuck you right now. It's our wedding night. So, shut up, Asher, and let me consummate our marriage.”

Why he grinned she didn’t know, she was deadly serious, but she loved that smile even as she reached into his pants freeing the huge erection. He could protest all he wanted, a hard dick didn’t lie. He wanted her, too.

“Have at it, baby. Make it good, make the hurt go away, use me how you need, fuck until you’re sore and can’t walk. You see that dick you’re stroking like it’s a pet snake? It’s yours, own it, ride it, Ruby.“ Lifting her around the waist, he carried her to the bed, sitting on the edge he dropped her down on his lap, her panties dragging against the tip of him was torturous, her back almost split in two as she moaned loud. “Oh god.”

“Pray to your god, once my dick is in that little darling it won’t want to leave. Here let me get you started.“ Fingers went past her panties and to her slit, sliding down the seam of her labia, back and in, taunting the wetness.

“God. When you’re this hard and eager I just want to----” Wetting her lips his eyes flared.

“Do it.” His breath sounded harsh.

She did. She went down to her knees, the carpet cushioning her fall and took him in. Deep and deeper until she was choking on Preacher. She fell into a state of rapt fascination as she laved his length with her tongue. He was thick and so wide her lips split open, she felt every vein and ridge sucking him. It wasn’t the prettiest of blowjobs, but she was desperate, crawling out of her skin, wanting out of her own mind.

"Fuck, Jesus. Oh fuck, Ruby. Baby, that's so good, love that tongue." She’d never seen a man so feral with lust.

His garbled words made her feel as though he just crowned her queen of the solar system. She went back for a longer taste, he was musky and male, she wanted more and took more, letting him reach the back of her throat, her tongue coiling around the hard length of him like a snake. Before she could really get going he lifted her up by the armpits, his breath wheezy.

The impale came fast, shocking them both as heat and pleasure like tiny licks of fire raced over them. They both moaned the same tortured sound, his hands spanned her waist, making her move long before she'd adjusted to him. “Why does your cock feel so good inside me?” She rose and dropped hard.

“That little sweetheart was made to take me. She drenches her lips every time she sees me.” The way he talked of her pussy as if it were a girl enamored with his prowess always made her laugh, she giggled now, riding a very big man into oblivion. “And this.“ His thumb began strumming her clit, using the friction of her damp panties to heighten her pleasure. Ruby shuddered mindless, the satisfaction right there if she could only just … Her hips bounced, forcing him deeper, wanting that intense stroking to go on. “Tiny little hard bud, can’t leave it out of the attention now can I, beautiful? So, fucking wet, it drives me insane. Slippery and perfect. Fuck yourself on me, Rubes, I need you to get off as hard as you can, can you do that for me?” His dirty talk helped take her to another level.

“Shut up, Preacher man. I’m busy fucking if you hadn’t noticed.” She didn’t mean it. His dirty talk was her catnip. Their breaths mingled “Oh, God. I'm close. So, close … it hurts.” She didn't only mean the stretching and the race. Her heart was feeling too much. How could she take it? Would she break? This was what sex was supposed to feel like, single-minded lust wrapped in nothing but sensation. Distract me, take me to someplace else.

“I know, baby. I know it does, you can let go, I’m right here.”

Ruby didn’t know tears were streaking down her cheeks until they gathered at the corners of her mouth. She ended up sobbing as she fucked him, he brought a hand up to the back of her head, caressing her scalp with his short nails, whispering the sweetest words to make her fall over and when she crashed she went in hard before collapsing on his chest her face burrowed to the hollow in his neck.

"Need more." She whimpered.

He was whispering words against her neck that sounded so incredibly dirty her insides clenched tightly. How did he do this to her, turn her into some senseless wild beast only able to function at the basic level of human decency?

He switched their positions, putting her beneath him.

Somewhere deep under the crushing pleasure, she knew it wasn’t a sane way to fuck, to try and bury her grief under sex, but there was no stopping, his thrust powered her into the bed, grasped her tight, stretched her to capacity. She was lost in him, somewhere along the way he got lost in her, she could feel it in how he grunted and shunted his hips forward with no rhythm other than he needed to get inside her as deep as he could. He seemed to rebound off her inner walls, masking their noise in hungry wet kisses.

“Get it, baby. That’s it, right there. You like your husband fucking you.” He encouraged.  He made a noise. Part sex, part demand, a low rumble that vibrated his bones and shook her. Shaking bodily, she spilled her angst into a muted cry, her mouth smashed into his shoulder, crying her pleasure as it racked her for minutes, right through his climax she barely noticed.

God. Her husband. The trembling that went through Ruby felt like a seizure. Husband. "Yes. god, yes." She panted breathless.

Sex came in many ways. Crude and raw being one of them. Cleansing and healing another.

Her senses amplified, her nerve endings on fire, leaning heavily into Asher she just held on, his large hand coasting down her spine. “Good baby, you needed that didn’t you, all that tension isn’t sane to keep bottled up, shhh now, I have you.” He soothed in a rough voice. “You can use me any time you need me.”

He filled her with more than his come.

She felt at peace for now.