Damian
The next few weeks went by in a blur. A fun, fantastic, wonderful blur. I spent every day with Cara and Austin – staying over most nights. We spent a lot of time going out and doing fun things – whether it was just a day at the beach, going to the movies, or just having a barbecue in the backyard.
And I loved every single minute of every single one of those days.
The thing that struck me the most was that I didn't really miss the MC all that much. Sure, I thought about it. Had talked to Crank a few times just to keep up to date with things – and was assured that Mills was out of control and the club was becoming one big shit show – but I was happier without the club than I had been with it in quite some time.
We were sitting in her backyard, enjoying the cool evening breeze. Austin was in bed already, and we were just sitting out on the back deck, enjoying a quiet evening in.
“What are you thinking about?” Cara asked me.
I looked over at her and smiled. “I was just thinking about how great the last few weeks have been.”
“They really have been, haven't they?”
I nodded. “Yeah,” I said softly. “They have been.”
“Then why do you look so sad?”
I turned to her and took a sip of my soda before answering. “What do you mean? I don't think I've ever been happier in my life.”
She shrugged. “There's just this look you get sometimes. Like a shadow that passes over your face. It just looks like you're far away from here, thinking about something else. And that whatever it is, it's making you sad.”
I sighed. I couldn't ever put anything past her. Cara was so observant – and apparently knew me so well – she could read me like a book. She could apparently even see things in me that I wasn't entirely aware of.
“It's not that I'm really sad about anything,” I said. “I'm honestly not sure what I am.”
“What do you mean?”
I shrugged. “When I came home from the war, I really didn't have anybody. The Kings took me in, and for a long time, those have been my brothers. We've all been through a lot of shit together. But then Mills took the gavel, and things started to change – and now, we are where we are.”
“You care about the club, don't you?”
I reached out and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I miss what it used to be,” I said. “Not what it is now. I don't even recognize it right now. But early on, when I first joined – it was a true brotherhood. That's what I miss.”
“Do you think it could ever be that again?”
A breeze rolled through, stirring some of the leaves on the ground as a night bird called out.
“Not so long as Mills and his inner circle are part of the club,” I said. “They're like a cancer, and they're eating away everything good there's ever been about the Kings.”
“But if they were gone?”
I shrugged. “I dunno. I just don't know. Things changed, and I don't know that you can ever go back. I don't know that even if we were to get Mills and his groupies out of the club, that it would ever be the same again. That I'd ever feel the same way about it again.”
“You sound like you're still on the fence about it a little bit,” she said. “Like you're still clinging to what it used to be.”
“Maybe I am. You might be right.”
She squeezed my hand fiercely. “If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that you need to make a decision and go with it. One way or the other, you need to clear up some of these unresolved issues you have with the club and see where you are after that.”
“Maybe so,” I said.
“Definitely so,” she said and gave me a smile.
Still holding on to her hand, I stood up and smiled back at her. “You're right. And I'll figure it out one way or the other. But not tonight. Tonight, I have something else in mind.”
“Oh goody.” She laughed. “I was hoping you did.”
I picked her up and carried her into her bedroom where I gently laid her down on the bed. I'd decide what to do about Mills and the Kings later. But that was for later. At that moment, all I cared about was spending another night of intense, electric pleasure with Cara.