AHRI
Forty-three, forty-four, forty-five…
I took a deep breath, letting the cold air fill up my lungs.
I held my breath, again and again, counting the seconds. I refused to let him take away my tears. To waste any emotion aside from anger on him. He didn't deserve emotions or words or a name. Fuck, he didn't even deserve his worthless life.
I gasped for air once again, letting the cold shower cover my body in goosebumps.
I tried not to think about how I was out two hundred dollars short again after he’d just came over a week ago. Or how he stalked me while I was enjoying my walk home, absorbing my music, and relaxing on my birthday. Or how he knows where I lived now. It was bound to happen, living so close to my work, but knowing he had been in my apartment made me want to set it on fire and burn every last trace of him away.
Fifty-five, fifty-six, fifty-seven…
The air hit my lungs like a truck. My hands trembled, my ribs were sore from his punch. It was going to bruise into that dreadful shade of red and purple.
What a little bitch.
He wasn’t worth being called a man. Or a boy. Or even human. Every time I said something he didn’t like—especially the truth—he hit me. He knew he could never control me. I felt the hatred burning inside of me, leaving my insides in ruin and ashes.
I banged my head on the white tile for more times than I could count, until my head throbbed and for a split second he was out.
I have to move, I thought.
My lease was over at the end of this month, and I could start looking for places tomorrow, after my Diablo’s shift. I could get the money. I could, but not without dipping into Luke’s account. No, I couldn’t. That’s the only thing I could give him.
SHIT!
I had to get out and avoid him until he drank himself to death, or OD’d, which was hopefully soon seeing how he looked today. Yellow teeth, sunken cheeks, transparent skin. If I had to keep seeing him, I’m going to become poor or worse. I’m going to snap. I’m going to get desperate enough to try again, but this time I won’t fuck up.
Tears started to fill my eyes, but I held my breath again.
You'll figure it out, Tinks. You always do. I heard a voice like mine, but it wasn’t mine. It was Aurora’s. But as fast as she came into my mind, so did he. He took over like a swarm of mosquitoes sucking the life out of everything until it wrinkled up and died. He gave the same answer he always gave when I asked him why he did it.
Why Aurora?
Why did he do that to her?
“Because she loved me, and I loved her.” He laughed.
He always fucking laughed like the delusional psychopath he was. As if what he’d done was a joke. As if what Aurora did to herself was a joke. He wouldn't know what love was even if it was in the form of a beer bottle or served on a silver spoon and needle.
She didn’t fucking love you! She didn’t love any man! I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs, but instead, I let out a muffled scream. I dropped my head on the tiles once more, beginning to count.
Forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one…
“Shit!”
Don’t cry.
Please don’t cry.
Don’t be weak.
This would’ve never happened if I didn't get caught. If I hadn’t gone to jail. This would’ve never happened if I was there. If I’d found us a better place to live. If I had just seen that Aurora wasn’t herself. If I saw that her smile was faded and lifeless and that her eyes were dull and dead. I should’ve seen that she was not fine. That something was bothering her so much that she pushed Luke and me away because of it.
SHIT!
I was so wrapped up in my life that I’d missed it all. I missed the first few cuts on her arms she blamed on work. The fact that he was always near her, in her room or at her job. And I missed that she was gaining weight.
How the fuck did you miss it all, Ahrianna!
I let out an uneasy breath as if my lungs were trapped inside a box.
Instead, it was too late, and she felt like she couldn't talk to us. But she wrote about it in a letter. A letter that she’d hidden under my pillow before she took her own life.
I heard a knock on my bathroom door, and I knew it could only be Jack. My heart and stomach did that thing it always did when I was around him or I knew that he was nearby.
“In a minute, Jack.” I let my tone stay flat like always to sound like nothing was bothering me. For all Jack knew, nothing was bothering me.
He had left fifteen, maybe twenty minutes ago, and there was no way Jack could’ve met up with him.
I rinsed the suds from the rest of my body as I shook from the ice-cold temperature. The last thing I need was Jack knowing about him. I need a minute to rinse, hide my bruise with a towel, and bring my temperature back up. I looked down at my ribs. I’ll just say it was an accident at Maddy’s again.
I turned off the water, grabbed my towel off the crooked bar on the wall and wrapped it around my body. I took a few breaths, controlling my shakes and thoughts.
There were two sides of me.
The side that wished Jack had been home, the other that thanked God that he wasn’t. The side that wished he knew everything, the other side that hoped he never found out. The side that wished Jack would stay with me forever, the other side that wanted him gone, so he would forget about me.
I hope he never forgets about me.
“Ahri?” Jack’s crystal-clear voice brought me out of my thoughts.
I moved the shower curtain to the side and, no surprise, Jack had picked the lock and was now standing in my bathroom doorway taking up the whole entrance. Jack’s skin was pale, his hair a mess, and his expression very anti-Jack. No smile.
“Jack, are you ok—”
He came at me like a bullet, grabbing my cheeks and pulled me into a kiss that stole my breath and injured my heart. He kissed me like it was the first and last time our lips were ever going touch. I got on my tip toes, grabbed his wrists, and kissed him back just as hard.
This kiss was going to ruin them all for me. It was going to be branded onto my lips reminding me that my lips were no longer mine. To remind me every time I kissed another man, I’d wish it was Jack. But I didn’t want another man. I only wanted Jack.
Jack let out a shaky warm breath over my mouth as he thumbed my ice-cold cheek. “You’re mine, Ahrianna,” he whispered as if it was the first time he had ever spoken those words.
“Jack—”
He cut me off with another kiss that burned into my soul. It was hot and heavy, turning my bones into ashes while I melted into his arms.
Jack picked me up. His large warm hand on my wet hair pushing me into his lips as hard as he could and the other under my ass as I straddled him. Jack moved me into his apartment. He placed me on his bed, hands in the same position while his lips never broke the link. Jack took my breath away like I was his only source of oxygen and he was mine.
My heartbeat followed the same rhythm of his heart drumming on my chest. Jack’s touch was delicate and soft as he took off my towel. He made eye contact with my new bruise, but he didn’t say anything. He closed his eyes and took a deep needed breath. He wanted to say something. It was written on his flexed jaw and tense body, but he didn’t. I think Jack knew he would hear another lie. Jack opened his eyes, and kissed me again, moving down to the bruise.
“From now on, everywhere you go. I go.” Jack kissed my ribs, cautiously, like I was a priceless artifact ready to be displayed under bulletproof glass. That’s how I felt around Jack.
Bulletproof.
Armed.
Invincible.
The scent of Versace, Marlboro cigarettes and a touch of sweat invaded my lungs. Jack left my body, showing off his artwork as he stripped out of his clothes. His rock-hard cock bounced out, dripping with pre-cum, but he didn’t attack me right away like his past inner animal.
Jack watched me. His eyes moved up and down my body as he smiled gently. Anti-Jack was leaving, and my Jack was coming back.
I was lured into his amber eyes like a moth to a flame. Those eyes that felt like a fantasy. A dream. They played tricks on me. They told me everything was going to get better. That everything was going to be fine. Possibly even perfect. They told me Jack was my savior. My Prince Charming, my knight in shiny armor, and the fucking moat that protected my castle from invaders. And worst of all. They told me that Jack was the best thing to ever happen to me, but like I said.
It was a dream.
An illusion.
A fantasy.
But some days, I let the fantasy devour me.
Jack got on top of me, our bodies touching once more. Goosebumps flew over our bodies as our lips connected. Sometimes it felt like I was put on this earth just for Jack. For his touch, his words, his soul. I was meant to find him. I was meant to feel whole even though a few pieces were missing.
Jack felt different today. He was quiet, delicate, and protective. He didn’t rush to penetrate me. He took it slow as if he wanted to remember every minor detail. His hard cock rested on my stomach as he moved my wet hair back to see my face and then kiss every inch of it, especially my dimple.
Jack moved his cock to my wet, drenched slit, but he didn’t push inside me just yet. His lips reached my ear, nibbling and moaning. “Tell me something I wanna hear, and I’ll give you everything.”
My warm breath gnawed at his flesh. His neck. His scar. His rose.
“I’m yours, Jack Baron. Only yours.”
Jack pushed inside me just a little, wanting more of my words before he continued.
“I never want you to leave me. Ever,” I confessed.
Jack pushed a little more, my body loving the attention and the feel of Jack, but my heart hating every second. I hated how he made me feel. A way I’d never felt in my entire life. Exposed and truly vulnerable. My heart rose in my throat, but I had to swallow it whole, each time pushing back my tears.
“Tell me something else, Ahrianna,” he whispered.
“I hate you.” I sniffed.
Jack let out one lonely chuckle. He knew that was a lie. He could spot my lies from a mile away, and so, Jack pushed all of himself inside of me. I gripped Jack’s hair as he thrust deep, making sure I got every inch of him. I moaned and bit my lip. Jack focused all his attention on my breasts, sucking it all in his mouth. Wrapping my legs around him, Jack fucked me faster and faster, his body tensing up with each thrust. He came back to my lips as he whispered, “Fuck.” He was about to come, but Jack knew better than to finish inside of me.
Jack whispered, “I hope you know, I’m the most selfish bastard on this entire planet. Unbelievably selfish, Ahrianna.”
“Why is that?” I moaned, tightening my legs around his waist.
I clawed his back, knowing his biggest weakness. He loved the marks I left on him, like the ones he left on me. Goosebumps flew over his body, his prickly skin telling me that I still gave him the same chill he gave me. Jack fucked me harder. My body felt like I was trapped inside a fist, swallowed whole, unable to move, but enjoying every second of it. I screamed and moaned, ready to release my orgasm and when I did. So, did Jack.
But he didn’t pull out.
He did the opposite.
Jack went as deep as he could, sucking my earlobe and muttering his favorite word. “Fuck!”
My exact reaction.
My orgasm hit me hard. My mind went blank as my insides filled with fireworks, explosions, and bombs. I moaned and purred Jack’s name. The perfect ‘O’ on my lips and my trembling legs showing off what Jack so easily did to me. My cunt milked him dry, begging for more of his cum even though I knew I was overflowing at the brim. My breaths were on high alert and so were Jack’s as he sucked on my neck.
It took me a few seconds, possibly minutes, to realize what had happened. Jack started fucking me again. He wasn't done with me, and neither was I, but my worried side came out.
“Jack?” I panted, confused with how I should feel.
I loved Jack’s seed inside of me, but the thought of what might be the outcome of him coming in me left my body in a panic-attack stage. As much as I wanted to be a mother, I couldn’t. Not while my life was a complete mess. Not while my past was still in my present.
“You shouldn’t have done that, Jack.”
“I told you. I’m an unbelievably selfish man, Ahrianna.” His voice as clear as crystal, sending a chill down my spine. “I promised myself, the next time I fucked you. I was going to put a baby in you. I’m going to make you stay. I’m going to make you mine. I’m going to give you everything. Even if you don’t want me—the real me—I want you. I need you. All of you. And I’ll make you stay with me forever. I’m going to put a baby in you, marry you, and die with you and for you.”
I whimpered, biting my lip. I had never seen Jack so serious.
Dead serious.
Jack thrust into me at the same tempo, making my heart block my airway. This time I couldn’t swallow it down. This time I couldn’t stop my cries, nor did I want to. For the first time since Aurora died and Luke got shoved into the back of the cop car.
I cried.
Jack stopped and looked at me with fear. His eyebrows dropped, smile gone, and his eyes were trembling between mine. He thought he did something wrong. He didn’t. He did everything right. He said all the things I ever wanted to hear and more, but I knew I wasn't worth it. I wasn’t worth his fairytale ending. I was worth a Shakespeare ending.
“Why are you crying, Ahrianna?” Jack wiped my tear as I hiccupped a breath.
“I’m not a good person, Jack. I have skeletons. I have skeletons in my closet,” I sobbed.
Jack kissed my lips. “Good thing I have a walk-in closet double the size of your apartment. Our skeletons can be friends.”
Jack kissed my eyes this time, and I laughed and cried.
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.” Honesty filled his words, and for the first time, I felt my body let go of the past just for a few seconds.
I continued to cry as Jack kissed my tears and took care of me. He kept the tempo and softness the same as he knew I needed it. I needed the cry. I needed to be vulnerable and broken just this once. I needed to let my walls fall so someone could come in and fix my interior, my soul, which Jack knew exactly how to mend.
Jack caught all my tears before they got too far. After endless minutes, Jack and I finished again at the same time. Our bodies, minds, and souls morphed into one. He was a part of me, and I was a part of him.
I hugged Jack’s neck and waist tightly as we both learned how to breathe normally again. I didn't want to let him go. I was afraid his words were a lie, but I knew they weren’t. Still, I couldn’t help myself and think the same way.
“Jack…I’m not worth it. Trust me.”
Jack picked me up, our bodies still connected until we got under the covers and Jack pulled out of me. Jack smiled at my cunt dripping with the white gold I still wanted more of. He looked up at me with his naturally up-to-no-good eyebrow arched.
“Trust me…you are. Don’t tell me what to do or think because when I’ve decided what I want. I take it. And right now, I want you. I need you. I’m not abandoning you, and you’re not leaving me. Not ever.” Jack cupped my cheeks and a planted kiss. “You’re inked in my soul, branded on my flesh, and carved in my bones. So trust me when I say. You’re worth it, Ahrianna.”
He dropped next to me and thumbed my sore ribs. Jack exhaled and inhaled deeply as if he was the one that had the bruise. I could see the question written on his face.
I sighed and spoke softly. “We can talk tomorrow, Jack. Just give me this day. Aurora’s and my day. Okay?”
Jack pulled me into his burning body. His hair was a mess, his eyes were drunk off mine and his smile was soft and understanding. He knew what today meant and he didn’t hunt for answers.
Just for today let me relax and repress the memories of him and what he had done years ago. Let me ignore the fact that I’d seen him today out of all days. Let me relax and think about the good times with Aurora. How even when we shared the same birthday she would always surprise me with balloons when I woke up. How she bought a whole Portillo’s chocolate cake, and we (Aurora, Luke and I) swallowed it whole with our mighty plastic forks. How as a present all three of us would take a bus and wander into the worry-free parts of Chicago where we would people watch.
Just give me today.
Jack swallowed. “Tomorrow, we both talk.”
“Both?”
Jack nodded. “I’ll tell you everything.”
“About?”
“You’ll see, baby girl. You’ll see.”
Jack kissed my hair and pulled me tighter in his bulletproof arms as I slowly drifted into a deep slumber, feeling my black butterflies flutter. Jack was trouble. The very definition of trouble, but he didn’t feel wrong or dangerous.
He never did.