Chapter Eight
What he had done over there wasn’t water under the bridge and he had yet to forgive himself for what would be considered acts committed for the sake of peace.
I didn’t find him when I went inside and I took a peek inside the room down the hall to see he had already curled up underneath the sheets. I wanted to cradle him in my arms, but I decided discretion was the better part of valor.
I went to bed, closing my eyes and constantly opening them to this very strong feeling of wanting to be by his side. The cold and empty spot in my heart not to mention in my bed was filled admirably by a man with military distinction. He was the bad boy, but he had a heart of gold which was there for everybody to see if they were willing to look for it.
I fell asleep, but it was not a restless sleep and I kept tossing and turning wondering how I could open his eyes to the man I saw underneath. He was not ordinary and why would anybody want to be.
There was still a lot for us to say to one another and what we had done already had only scratched the surface. His feelings for me had become physical and I couldn’t decide how I felt about making this leap of faith with my stepbrother.
***
I woke to the sound of pots and pans clanging in the morning and the smell of freshly cooked bacon making my eyes open to greet another day. I stretched lazily, turning this way and that way before landing my feet on the floor. I got up and opened the window to Mother Nature at its best. I could smell the fresh flowers courtesy of my grandfather’s green thumb. The birds were singing and squirrels were scurrying in the trees with a bounty of nuts and whatever else they could find to forage.
“I don’t know what’s taking you so long, Chelsea, but breakfast will be served momentarily. You might have time for a quick shower then you should be ready to taste some of my culinary delights. I’m not just a barbecue wizard and I have heard through the Grapevine that girls like a guy that knows how to cook.” He was the total package, so why did I feel like something was pulling me in two different directions.
He was everything I wanted and more and still I was trying to find an inkling of a fault to glean on. This was my defense mechanism and I was never good at keeping a relationship alive long enough to see the ring on my finger.
“I’ll be down shortly, Bailey and don’t you dare start without me.” He was too good to be true and I had found one of the good ones with enough baggage to make it the breaking point for any other woman. This would be a deal breaker, but I was reluctant to let it go thinking that I might be the one to save him from himself.
In every bad boy story, there’s always the mistaken and misguided belief that they can change their spots like that of a leopard. Never once did it turn out exactly as planned and my fear of losing him was growing with each doubt that was seeping into my consciousness.
“You better be quick up there or I might end up eating all the bacon and there’s no more in the icebox.” I didn’t know my grandfather had done renovations and seeing things in the cold light of day made me see just how handy he really was. There was a master bathroom where there wasn’t one before and he had converted a huge walk in closet into plumbing indoors.
“I would say I would punish you if you ate all the bacon, but I think you would do it just to see what I would do to you.” I didn’t hear what he said in return, as I closed the door on the bathroom to see the woodwork of a master craftsman staring me in the face.
My grandfather was always good with his hands, but I never knew he had this kind of expertise. I was impressed and the shower heads were quite intricate with two of them on either side to give me an all over body massage. I turned the setting to alternating and I never quite knew what I was going to get from one moment to the next.
I had brought along some toiletries and I could never leave home without my special shampoo and conditioner. It gave my hair bounce and it cost a pretty penny, but it was worth it to see the look on some men’s faces. It could’ve been just my perception and maybe wishful thinking, but the catcalls and whistles from construction workers were something I couldn’t do without.
My skin was soft as a baby and the body wash from Jergens was a good investment. It was a quick shower, but a much-needed reprieve. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him and I was fearful that maybe he was regretting his decision to consummate our relationship.
I put on a robe, leaving it open at the collar to give just the briefest of hints of my cleavage. I went down the stairs and found him in his skivvies cooking with not a care in the world. He had made a medley of interesting dishes including fried eggs, toast, bacon, and freshly made hash browns which had me reaching for the nearest bottle of ketchup.
“I have a question and I don’t want you to feel like you’re being put on the spot. I went to bed, but I was expecting you to join me which leaves me wondering why you didn’t. I was going to interrupt you this morning and drag you back to bed, but I didn’t want to be presumptuous. If last night didn’t mean as much to you as it did to me, Chelsea then I’d rather know now than find out later. I’m a big boy and I handle rejection better than most.”
I didn’t know that I was leaving him with a bad taste in his mouth and I certainly never suspected he was looking for companionship last night.
“I saw the look in your eyes after we finished and then the way you turned your back on me. I thought I would find you waiting for me, but you had already turned in with the lights turned off. I should’ve followed my first instinct and climbed in after you, but I decided to give you your space.”
The balcony doors were open and this was a typical log cabin with the perfect vantage point to see the lake with the colors of dawn dancing on the glassy surface.
“I had some things on my mind which I didn’t want to talk about. I never thought I was giving you mixed signals and I apologize for making you feel like you had to leave me alone. I missed you last night and I would have liked to wake up with you in my arms. There’s always tonight and maybe words sometimes do speak louder than actions.” He was saying a mouthful literally and figuratively with his fork moving from one corner of the plate to the other at breakneck speed.
“There’s nothing you could say that could ever change the way I feel about you.” I wanted to believe that, but it was becoming painfully clear what kind of heavy weight he was carrying over his shoulders.
“I don’t want to make the same mistakes I have in the past regarding relationships. Never getting close means I will never have to get hurt, but maybe that’s a risk I’m willing to take today. Chelsea, I need you more than you can ever know and I see the feeling is mutual. Being in the military afforded me the opportunity to see the world, but I never felt more lonely in my life.” His appetite was ravenous and I wasn’t talking about the food which of course he devoured like a man who was eating his last meal.
“Everybody has regrets and there are a couple of relationships I could’ve made work if I was willing to put in the hard work. I just never found someone compatible in the bedroom and able to string two sentences together without sounding like a Neanderthal. That caveman mentality is good once in awhile, but it gets old quickly.” He was the one who grabbed me unexpectedly and made me submit which was a far cry from who I thought I was.
“I may seem hardened like steel, but I have a heart beating underneath this well-defined chest. I know women feel a real man should cry, but I haven’t shed a tear even when my buddies were dying all around me. I bottled up the grief and I never was able to express myself really without judgment from those of my superiors. I’m not unfeeling but I do know how to compartmentalize my feelings so they don’t get in the way of the mission.” He finished his plate and gathered up what was left over and began to put them away in the fridge.
“Bottling up those feelings is not healthy and you have no idea what it’s going to manifest down the road. It could be physically, but more likely emotional. You’ll find yourself paralyzed in action and it could be the worst thing that ever happened to you.” His idea of keeping his feelings to himself was wrong, but I didn’t know if I was the right person for him to talk to.
There was something in the air, a crackling reminder of the electricity exuding from our bodies and it was interminable sitting there without dropping my fork innocently enough.
I had this idea of climbing under the table to give his libido a surge of adrenaline, but I never did pull the pin on the grenade. I was kicking myself and the opportunity slipped through my fingers like sand through an hourglass.
“I haven’t gone on my daily hike and I was wondering if you would be so kind as to join me. We both know these melons…mountains like the back of our hand.” It was a Freudian slip from staring at my chest like a starving dog after a bone. “Don’t mind me; I have something more on my mind than working my body into a sweaty mess. There is another exercise that could certainly burn off the calories in more ways than one.”
His intention was clear and the idea of doing anything with him out here where it was more primal and animalistic was appealing.