Chapter Twelve
He grabbed me and I looked over the edge to where we came from and saw that the branch was gone. It must’ve come loose when I was praying that the God above would deliver me from what could’ve been my final moments.
There were bloody handprints on the rocks and he had somehow dug in with purpose to make his own escape from the jaws of death.
“I’ve got you and I will never let you go for as long as I live.”
He pulled me into his arms and I nestled my face into his chest. I heard his heart beating and it was kind of comforting to know that a strong and capable man was here to protect me.
I didn’t think I needed anybody to come to my rescue and I was more than able to do that myself.
“I will always be your big sister… I mean big stepsister, but in this instance, I will bow to your expertise. I think that I was delusional to believe this fight was over. Getting away from it where it was out of sight and out of mind was my idea. You only went along with it because you thought that you could bring them to you like a moth to a flame.”
Surprisingly, most of our clothes were still intact and the only thing missing was my underwear. I looked around for it to no avail, but it wasn’t like I really needed it.
“Stay close to me and I’m hoping the explosion you heard was one of my traps capturing an unsuspecting victim. I have a blueprint of where those traps are laid and you’re going to have to follow me very closely without deviating from my path. You’ve never been one to take orders, but I hope you can for this one time.”
On the outside, I seemed to have it all together, but inside I was trembling like a little girl.
I could’ve used a stiff drink to quell my nerves, but I was just going to have to hold onto the idea of that Bailey knew what he was doing. He wasn’t smiling and his stoic expression meant that he had reverted back to the old habits of his training. It was almost like a light switch had gone off. At first, I saw my stepbrother and then something cold and unfeeling took the place of the fiery passion I had experienced.
“You have nothing to worry about and as far as I’m concerned what you say is gospel.” This was an inside joke and one that made him crack a smile for a split second before it vanished.
“I can’t believe you remembered after all this time. I was such a child and when I thought I was right that was exactly what I would say to make it appear there was no way that you could refute my claim. Unfortunately, in this day of technological advancement, there’s always a way to find out once and for all if what I said was really gospel. I can count on my hands how many times I have been wrong.” It was the gospel according to Bailey and I found myself poking fun at him for my amusement.
“I’ve always loved you in my own way, but nothing like what we have expressed to one another recently.” The sex was amazing and only made us aware of how intimate we had become. I’d kept in touch, but maybe I was a little afraid of seeing him face to face. I looked at him and I couldn’t imagine never having him in my life.
“I always thought that I was hampering your style and your friends weren’t appreciative of me hanging around. When I wasn’t around you, I was in my room listening to music and thinking about you. You were the strongest person I knew and when you broke up with a boyfriend I wanted to find them and wring their neck for being so foolish to let you go. You took it in stride, but I suspected behind closed doors was where you shed the thick skin.” I did find it necessary to grieve for each one and he wasn’t wrong about the false façade of bravery.
“I came to a crossroads where I decided to let no one get close enough to break my heart again. There was always this wall and some guys could feel my hesitation in getting too close. The only man I trusted was you and then you left me to pursue other endeavors. You have no idea how hard it was to see you leave with that duffel bag over your shoulder.” I was proud of him for his dedication and his need to give back to his country.
Hindsight was 2020 and had I known the reason why I didn’t want him to leave was that I secretly harbored feelings then I may have made the mistake of giving him an ultimatum.
“I thought something was wrong and you were different after James. He treated you like garbage and made you walk behind him in the shadows. He always had to be the center of attention and your sense of style was restricted. When you were with him you looked like a schoolmarm. When he left you for another conquest it was the best thing for you. You bounced back, but there was this spark missing and a fire extinguished from your eyes.” We were traipsing through the woods and definitely not on our way to grandmother’s house.
“I shut myself off from the rest of the world and the only one who was able to reach me was you. You never tried to fix things and when I needed to vent you were there. Being the strong silent type worked for you and I think I used you as a measuring stick against all others.” I was happy when I heard his voice on the phone and when I got a confirmation that I had mail on the internet. It was the highlight of my day and hearing from him put a smile on my face.
We both had this dark humor which we relied on as a defense mechanism. I was glad things had escalated between us even with the violence that came with his return.
“The one thing you should know is that you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. I always put you in the spotlight and I became the wind beneath your wings.”
He was always there with a kind word and his opinion mattered to me. He was instrumental in the direction I was taking my life.
“Bailey, you gave me the courage to pursue my dreams and I don’t know how I can repay you for that. Being a teacher is going to give me a purpose which I learned from you is very important. I want to give back to the next generation and to help them forge a path of their own.”
My heart was a battlefield riddled with bodies in the wake of my indifference. With Bailey, I was able to suspend my disbelief about there never being a happily ever after for me.
“Wearing the armor wasn’t easy to see by others, but I could understand how you needed to protect yourself. You probably meant no disrespect, but you were mistaken in that guys are oblivious. There are a few very rare cases where guys can read between the lines.”
His mind had been shattered, but he was putting himself together one piece at a time.
“I’m not the only one that has trouble getting close to someone. I understand better the reason why and I’m sorry that I made it impossible for you to find someone to settle down with. You were only 21 when you left and still had the baby boy naiveté, but I don’t see the same little boy inside. No doubt, he’s there and there are moments where you let your guard down long enough for me to see how vulnerable you are.”
This was getting personal and I was quite surprised by how easily he was opening up about his feelings.
“I look back at the man I was and I will never see him in the mirror again. I’ve changed and civilian life isn’t easy for a man like me. I have that hunger for battle, but I know of one place that will give me that brief taste of bloodlust in my mouth. Others from military backgrounds use paintball to give them an outlet. I’m thinking I might want to do the same thing.”
He was at least giving it some thought and that part of him needed some way to unleash the burden of the faces he saw in his dreams.
“I want you to do whatever it is that you think you need to. Breaking away from the past isn’t easy and sometimes you need to embrace what has already happened. I’m still not happy and you know by now that I can handle just about anything. I don’t think that I would have approved of your methods, but I would have stood by you through thick and thin. I want you to think about that the next time you believe it’s better to protect me from these things.”
My emotions were frayed and I was walking the tightrope looking down at the abyss and knowing there was no safety net.
“The past has this funny way of lifting its ugly head when you least expect it. It doesn’t matter how far you run and it will always catch up. I came home looking for stability and what I found was more than I bargained for.”
He grabbed my hand and grazed the back of my hand with his thumb leaving no doubt about his feelings. He was simply irresistible and there was no way that I could stay mad at him for any length of time.
It had to be the dimples and the way that he could give me feelings I had never felt before. There was no telling what the future held, but I couldn’t breathe thinking that he would be lost to me in the blink of an eye.
“I can feel your pain and the truth is irrefutable. You need to work on yourself and I will be there in whatever capacity you need.”
We came to this clearing and I saw the smoking crater left behind by his trap. I put my hand up to my mouth in shock at seeing bits and pieces of a body everywhere. I gripped his hand in a death lock not wanting to let go, but there was no way that I could close my eyes to how death placed its clammy hand on another victim.