Reapers See
Xanthe
It shouldn’t be possible to be able to work seven days without a break, but all of the medical unit managed to do that whenever the call came. Of course, they all grabbed short “power naps” when they could on stretcher beds propped up in corridors and offices.
Whatever was happening overseas, they were seeing the raw impact back home. Most of the guys were transported to Kandahar for treatment, but when that was full, or when it was assessed that they should be bought back home, then they ended up back here. Sometimes, the risk of moving them to base was weighed up against the benefit of being closer to family and the services they’d need for long term recovery. Whatever they needed in the hope that one day they’d return to active service.
Xanthe saw it all, and spent as much of her time listening and waiting for these men she saw as heroes, to realize that life was still a precious gift and there was still one out there for them. In each of them, she could have seen her father, or Mack or one of any of Mack’s unit she knew as people not just patients. Each of these men were hers to care for, support and listen to. Whatever they needed. Writing up treatment plans and even working with the physio. Apparently, her massage therapy training was a blessing and not a curse. It gave her the opportunity to gain their trust, after all none of the soldiers knocked back a good massage.
Hours spent under her hands and they were willing to open up about anything, even the possibility of life after the Army.
Too busy to worry about her broken date with Mack, or even to check her phone to count his messages. Time for that later, after all he wanted a full night to experience their coming together! She sighed, too tired to raise a smile at the thought. One full night’s sleep in her own bed, would do wonders, if only she had the time.
“When was the last time you heard from Mack?” Charli grabbed her in a hallway rushing in between clients. Jodi’s ashen face hovered in the background.
“Seriously, I told you we’re taking it slow. You don’t have to worry about me,” she didn’t have time for this gossip or Charli’s jealousy. Not when the hospital was full and all she needed was a solid ten hours sleep. Scratch that, she’d love five hours of uninterrupted sleep in a nice dark place, preferably her own bed.
“Xanth, have you heard from him since the movies?”
“No, but I’ve been busy here. My phone charger’s at home and …”
“Xanthe, the unit left the day after the movies, there’s been a comms blackout for four days. You know what that means.”
“No,” she felt the icy chill start at her face and quickly cover her body.
“Xanth, word is that something went wrong, really wrong.”
Xanthe closed her eyes, squeezed them to try and not react. Yes, they’d been close, but really what was she to Mack. Certainly not a next of kin who’d be notified if something happened.
The words, “really wrong” reverberated in her head until the repeating words took the place of her breathing.
“Xanth, are you okay?” Charli called Jodi over. “Get her out of here and find someone who knows something, yeah?”
She didn’t fight Charli who found them an empty office and forced her to sit before getting a soda from small bar fridge. “Drink.”
Minutes seemed like hours while they waited for Jodi’s footsteps to return.
Xanthe watched Charli’s face slowly crumble, first listening to Jodi’s whispers before snatching a piece of paper from Jodi’s hands.
“What’s wrong?” Xanthe didn’t want to know but needed to. They came so close … she was still wearing his chain, she didn’t even take it off to shower. It was with her always, he was with her always.
“One dead, multiple injuries, they’re bringing the unit straight here.”
“Any names?”
“Need to know basis, and we don’t.”
Mack
The room was dark and silent when he woke. He expected pain somewhere, but that was for Petherick. Poor, dumb bastard was standing next to Mack when the …
He didn’t know how long he’d been out but this time he heard the whispered voices at the foot of his bed. “We can either operate on him here or get him home, I don’t think it will make any difference to his legs.”
There must have been someone else in the room, his legs were fine, if they weren’t he would have felt it.
The third time he woke to fight the straps being bound around him. Bastards, they couldn’t take him alive.
“Calm down soldier, we’re taking you home.”
He felt a warmth up his arm as the drowsiness overtook him, again.
He needed to scratch his leg, insects were crawling all over him and he needed to brush them off and stop the itching. All he could reach was a wooden chair leg, but why couldn’t he get past the wood and to his leg? Why were people lashing his arms to the bed?
Like a warm bath, he welcomed now familiar wooziness, and sleep.
“Lieutenant Mackenzie, can you hear me? We’re back home soldier, it’s time to wake up.”
This time, he wanted to open his eyes and join his unit. He couldn’t believe he’d slept through the flight, whatever the drugs pumping through his body, he’d have to flush them through with a good detox otherwise he’d never complete the track work and no one would trust him to spot their weight sessions.
“Mack, are you awake?” Captain Darby Greenwood grabbed his hand. “You had us worried, if you ever pull a stunt like that again,” Mack didn’t have to say anything about Petherick, he could tell by Rip’s face that he already knew.
“I couldn’t save him.”
“I know mate, we brought him back for his family.”
“Good, I couldn’t find him …”
“Mack, how much have they told you?” Rip was talking to him but his interest and gaze was for something or someone outside the room.
“Nothing much, they’ve kept me pretty much knocked out since … I can’t remember anything after Petherick …” the damn itching leg but still he couldn’t feel it with his fingers.
“Captain, stop him!” A young nurse knocked over a trolley on her way to grab his free hand from trying to find his leg. “You need to stop him from scratching, he is unresponsive to touch or pain below the waist, you need to stop him. He doesn’t know what he’s doing and he’ll make himself bleed again and the infection will get worse.”
Words failed him.
Rip already knew, the anguish on his face said it all and the stupid bitch was quickly pulled away by one of the magically appearing doctors.
Now that he was trying to look down, Mack could see his feet, but they might as well have belonged to someone else. Willing his toes to move, or to feel something – even the weight of the blanket.
Anything!
Move now, his inner voice screamed. C’mon you dumb son of a bitch. Move!
Damn it, he needed to get answers, find out who was in charge and how long it was going to take to get him back on his feet. Not only standing, but smashing his personal bests on and off the track.
“Lieutenant Mackenzie, the first thing you need to understand is that you are exceptionally lucky to be alive. You owe your life to your Captain here, and the other men that stabilized you until recovery came back for your unit. Our first priority was to keep you still until we could be sure the extent of any spinal damage.”
“Obviously my spines’ fucked, I can’t feel my legs. What did that nurse say – I’m useless from the waist down?” He made no attempt to hide the bitterness, focusing on the rotating blade of the ceiling fan. What would happen if it dislodged – how many people would the blades decapitate before it fell to the floor?
“Mack, listen to the doctor dude,” Rip shook him.
“I did, I’m fucked. Just amp up the meds and drop me over a cliff.”
“We’ve arrived back on base and I need to go and sort out some paperwork and see the other guys off, but I’ll be back. We’re getting you to the hospital and we’ll get the Aussie medicos to have a look at you. Okay?”
“Whatever,” he rolled his head away wishing his body would follow him, but that was part of his problem. His arms could scratch and move, play the drums or learn guitar. But his hips wouldn’t even raise off the bed, and his legs ... Next to bloody useless.
“Go, be with the boys, do your duty with Beth Petherick and tell her I’m sorry. If I’d been standing half a metre over, Peth would be safe.”
“And you’d be dead, and that’s the fucked-up world of chance we live in.”
“Amen to that.”
Xanthe
Xanthe knew the boys had arrived on base. Families had been invited to meet them in private. The medical unit knew the broad extent of injuries on route, but names of the injured still hadn’t been put to the cases. Apparently there were still some next of kin that needed to be advised and until that happened, Army was keeping everything under wraps.
No one had ever seen anything like it.
“Miss Davies, can you come with me, please,” Doctor Hunter called her into his office and shut the door.
The trembling started with her arms and continued until her body was waiting for the words that he was still yet to say. If Mack was dead, surely they would have someone here with her, make sure she wasn’t alone to hear the news? They wouldn’t just dump it on her, even if they weren’t officially a couple, surely there was a protocol for telling her that the guy she had been almost dating was dead!
“Here,” Dr Hunter offered her a glass of water. “I understand that you and Lieutenant Mackenzie have become close.”
Xanthe nodded, sending up silent prayers for Mack and his family. Hell, they didn’t even know she existed!
“Thanks,” she took a sip before placing the glass on the floor. The last thing she needed to do was drop it and send shattered glass all over the dark brown office carpet.
“Lieutenant Mackenzie has arrived back on base. They were able to stabilize him …”
“He’s alive!” Xanthe jumped up and gave Dr Hunter no option but to hold her while the tears of gratitude fell. “He’s alive, I thought when you called me in here …” she furiously wiped her tears and sat back down as he offered her a box of tissues from his desk. “I’m sorry, that was very unprofessional.”
“We’re all family here. Some of us closer than others, which is why I wanted to talk to you privately. Mack was seriously injured, and we need to know how great a role we can plan for you in his care and recovery. At this stage, we think we can save his legs, but we still don’t know the extent of his injuries. There’s currently no response from below the waist. You know what spinal cord injuries are like, it’s only been a couple of days and it’s too early to know how much is permanent or whether he’ll get some feeling or movement back.”
“Oh, poor Mack. When can I see him?”
“We haven’t been able to contact his parents but his sister is flying back from Germany. Until then we were hoping you could be with him as a friend.”
Xanthe knew Mack would hope for his sister but wouldn’t expect his parents. They had made their priorities clear years ago.
“Of course. Whatever I can do.”
“Now, Miss Davies, let me be very clear. If you are involved with Mack personally, I cannot have you involved in his treatment. A friend, however, can be involved and provide tremendous emotional and physical support.”
Xanthe heard the unspoken line she needed to tread and forced a laugh. “Dr Hunter, you can ask Charli or Jodi. Mack and I have been hanging out together but I am one of the few women that can say, categorically and with complete certainty, that I have never had sex with Lieutenant Mackenzie.”
“Well, go and powder your face or do whatever you need to get rid of any evidence of tears and I’ll get a car to go and greet him. I understand one of the nurses briefed him on his condition before a doctor could break it to him more gently. If ever the young man needed a friend, its now.”
Xanthe accepted the tears and hugs from Charli and Jodi on her way to the car. In a numbed sense of make-believe, she refused to believe in the worst. Mack was alive and all she needed to do was hold it together until she could see him for herself.
“Give him my love, please.” Her dead eyes saw genuine grief in Charli’s. She needed to look past whatever pangs of jealousy she had for what Mack had meant to her friends and all the other women who were wailing his name.
“Yeah, of course,” Jodi had found her bag and car keys as she glided down corridors and out to the car park.
“Xanthe, do you want me to drive?” Jodi still held her keys.
The question was too complicated and yet too easy. “I’m fine, I just need to see him.”
Only when she sat in the car seat and the girls had gone back inside did she start to tremble again with the thoughts of how lucky they had been, and yet ... Fumbling to find the ignition, she repeatedly slammed the steering wheel until her hands hurt as much as her heart.
She barely noticed the door open before Dr Hunter pried open her fingers to take her keys. “Miss Davies, I suggest if you want to ride back here with Lieutenant Mackenzie, that you go and get in the ambulance. The latest advice is he can’t be transported in a normal car or even one of the jeeps.”
“Okay, how do I look?” The last time Mack had seen her was wearing the black teddy and nipple rings, she couldn’t face him looking disheveled and unkept.
“Like you are more than just friends. I’ve got you listed as his occupational therapist and friend so you’ll be given complete access to him whenever either of you need. Just remember … friends.”
Mack
Rip’s girlfriend appeared at his side, quietly kissing him on the forehead.
“Hey, Mack. Do you mind if I wait here with you while Rip is outside?”
“I don’t need a babysitter,” he spat, thankful his head could still ignore people.
“Apparently, I do. Rip didn’t want me to sit around. He thinks you and I are friends.”
“We’re not, and I don’t need you sitting here feeling sorry for me.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Look, Maddie,” he turned so she could know he was serious. He almost lost his nerve when he saw the raw pity in her eyes. “I’m a big boy and don’t need you to hold my hand. Go get yourself a coffee and your boyfriend will be back to sweep you off your feet before you know it.”
“Really! First time we met you wanted to throw me in a pool, now you’re throwing me away? Not that easy, soldier.”
He had to hand it to her, she baited him until he couldn’t help himself but dissect the latest football results. It could have been any other day in the lead up to September.
The stupid nurse ruined things again, coming back and checking his chart. “The ambulance is here to take you. Again, I’m so sorry for saying … I mean for telling you.”
“Don’t worry about it, better I know what I’m dealing with.”
He heard the running footsteps and familiar voice before he could turn to see her. “Mack, oh, Mack!”
What he wouldn’t give to be about to get up and give Xanthe the hug she deserved. Lift her up and spin her over his shoulder before taking her to the closest bedroom to finish what had been so rudely interrupted. Instead, her eyes told him that whatever he felt was not one sided, well at least not until she knew he was the half-man he joked about.
“Hey, babe. What brings a girl like you to a place like this?”
The paramedics started to roll his bed towards the ambulance as Xanthe walked beside him. “Miss Davies has been assigned as your occupational therapist and will be working closely with you during your recovery. Apparently the two of you are friends?”
“Bruce, can you give us a minute, please?” Xanthe quietly pleaded. Mack watched helplessly trapped on the bed as the paramedics looked him up and down before taking his chart over to get a handover from the doctors.
“Mack, oh, Mack.”
“I guess karma is a bitch, eh. One minute I’m joking about you working with half-men and next minute, I’m one of them.”
“I told you, I see the man. Quick, before they come back, I want one of your kisses.”
He didn’t have the strength to push her away, savoring the taste of her lips and wishing he felt a stirring, anything. When nothing happened, the first tear welled in his eyes. “I can’t …”
“Mack, you need to listen to me. They will let me work with you but only if we pretend to only be friends. I was very careful and said that we’ve never had sex. They won’t dare ask what else we have done.”
“No chance of us doing that now.”
“Mack, please,” they both saw the paramedics returning. “We have not finished our conversation, do you hear me? This is not over, we are not over. I remember everything you said you want to do to me and I bloody well intend to hold you to your word.”
“But …” he started.
“No, you listen to me. No little skirmish is going to get you out of it. Okay?”
Damn it, he needed to push her away so she could find someone better, someone whole.
But right now, he was needy enough to be selfish.
“So you’re my OT? Fine, let’s get to work.”
Xanthe
Between her normal caseload and Mack, it was easier to grab short naps on the cot in her office instead of driving home each night. She knew she looked like crap, and probably smelt as well but her day was broken into minutes. So many minutes for each patient, monitoring and listening. Pushing them when they needed and backing off and supporting them when they needed a break.
Each man was different in his injuries and needs.
Not so different in the way they faced their injuries and disabilities. Always the grief, anger and denial. It took all her strength to support the men she saw as men with families, hopes and dreams but came to her as scared and angry clients.
Then there was Mack.
She prayed each morning that the new day would be better than the one before, and then each night she gave thanks for having one more day with him.
“Just fuck off, find yourself a new guy and get the fuck out of my life!” he had yelled at her earlier the day. So upset that one of the orderlies came in and had to settle him down. Dr Hunter suggested she go home and get some sleep, instead she hid in her office to catch up on paperwork.
The night shift had started and most of the day staff had left for the evening.
Finally, safe to go back and start again.
“Mack,” her soft shoes never warned of her arrival at a bedside. “Mack, are you asleep?’
“I told you to go away,” whichever side she stood, he rolled his head away. He couldn’t have hurt her more if tried.
“You were also very specific in telling me how much you wanted me and in how many different ways. I remember trusting that you meant it.”
“I did at the time, but you asked me to give you a reason and I don’t have one any more.”
“Yes, you do,” she looked around to make sure there were no witnesses. “You can still kiss the panties off me any time you want to.”
“You also asked if I knew what to do with it, I can’t even feel it.”
For the first time she heard the glimmer of desperation instead of his normal desolation. Finally, a weakness she could fight head on, if he’d let her.
“First, give it time. The doctors are hopeful that with a shit load of work, that you’ll get some feeling back.”
“Some feeling isn’t going to keep you satisfied.”
“Mack, right now we can’t even think like that. I mean, we need to focus on your recovery and see where we go from there.”
“I don’t want your pity.”
“You don’t have it. You have my friendship,” she climbed alongside him on the bed, he could either turn to her or not. “You have my professional expertise, and you have me. Mack, I need you. I’ve barely slept since I got called in, and now with all you guys back here it’s been so busy. If I set my alarm and leave before the first rounds, please can I lie here with you?”
“What the hell do you want from me?” he cried. She understood his fear and saw it in her own eyes each morning when facing the mirror.
“I want you to be man enough to hold me like a woman and tight enough so I can fall asleep and dream.”
Her long legs lay against his, she ached to have them wrap around hers, but needed to settle for the arm that wouldn’t let go. “Xanthe, what am I going to do with you?”
“How about we figure it out together.” She lightly brushed his hair with her fingertips until he fell asleep. When the orderly came through for night meds, he didn’t judge her for lying on the bed and even got her a spare blanket.
“Thanks,” she whispered.
“Are you sure he’s asleep?” Xanthe nodded in time with Mack’s deep sleeping breaths. “Well, Ms Davies this is the first night he won’t be needing some help to sleep.”
“Really?”
“Have a good night Ms Davies.”
Mack didn’t even stir as Xanthe settled down to claim her side of his bed and allowed herself to join his head on the single pillow.
A silent, “don’t ask, don’t tell,” occurred across the hospital. For the entirety of the night shift, a blind eye was turned to Xanthe who now spent each evening with Mack. From playing cards, reading or setting up their devices to game against each other and teamed up against the world. Or even just lying together, she in his arms.
It didn’t matter, as long as they were together and as long as she left before the end of the shift. A quick drive home, shower and change, she could be back in under an hour to start her day job. Which included pushing him hard in physical therapy.
“You know I can’t!” No other soldier yelled at her louder, then again none of her other cases had more to lose, and more to gain.
“I know that yesterday you couldn’t but neither you or I know what’s possible today. So why don’t you adult up and stop acting like a spoilt child who lost their favorite doll.”
“Bitch,” his eyes said he was scared of trying and failing, again.
“You ain’t seen me being a bitch yet, but if you stop trying you will.”
Another day and another set of exercises and tests.
“Miss Davies, how is the patient today?” Dr Hunter dropped in during their session.
“If he’d put as much energy into his exercises as he does in self-pity, we’d be doing better,” she shrugged. No one could accuse her of going easy on any of her patients. Fighting as hard for each one of them as she did for Mack and fighting harder for him than she would for herself. “We are working the rowing machine at the moment to get his balance back. At least we would be if he’d stop whining like a baby.”
“Doc, the patient can answer for himself,” Mack groaned from his rowing machine. “The patient would be a lot better if he knew that all of this wasn’t a waste of time.”
“Do you trust Miss Davies here?” Dr Hunter held Mack’s gaze until Mack looked across at Xanthe in a way she hoped her boss didn’t recognize.
“I guess.”
“If you don’t, I can have one of the other staff assigned to you. Miss Davies has a large case load of soldiers who can’t get enough of her attention.”
“No!” Mack pulled himself up again. “Xanth, let’s go. One more set.”
“That’s more like it.”
“Miss Davies, can I speak to you for a moment?” Dr Hunter pulled her into the corridor, so they could still see Mack but not be overheard. “The latest scans have come in. The feeling you said he was starting to get back is consistent with the swelling going down.”
“That’s good, right?”
“Absolutely. As you know, this has been a wait and see game. While initially we were confident that there were no injuries to the cervical nerves, it was only after he regained consciousness and started moving that we had any certainty.”
“But then it was about the thoracic nerves – especially when he didn’t have any sensation around his waist or chest.”
“Right, but as the swelling has gone down, we’ve been able to reevaluate. I’m not in the job of giving patients false hope but I think it is getting safer to say that we are talking lumbar nerves, probably L3 to L5.”
“Doctor, I can’t believe it,” Xanthe looked back to where Mack was building up his upper body strength, working towards his mobility. Most days, his army training gave him the discipline and resilience to push through his emotional journey, but he was due for a crash and Xanthe wanted to be there.
“He wants to know when he’ll walk again.”
“They always do, and it’s the question you can’t answer for them. You know that each injury is unique and the way that a patient responds is as much about their hard work as it is therapy and luck. While he’s seeing improvement, it will give him something to work towards but once it slows down or stabilizes, he’s going to need counselling.”
“I know, but he refuses to even think about talking to someone.”
Mack crashed back into the seat, exhausted.
A light touch on her arm stopped her from rushing to Mack’s side. “When was the last time you had a full twenty-four hours away from this place.”
She didn’t want to even think after all the days had blurred into one. “I don’t know, I got called in that night and it’s been pretty crazy here ever since.”
“Xanthe, I’ve seen you on the roster every day for the past two months. Tonight, go home after your shift. I’ll get some of the guys from his unit to swing by and talk guy stuff. They have been giving him space and done another tour, but they’re back now and it’ll be good for him to be around other men.”
“I can’t leave him,” she knew the professional risk in telling her boss but didn’t care.
“Look, get a good night sleep, take tomorrow off and go shopping, get your hair cut or do whatever girls do on their day off. Go to the gym or read a book. I don’t care. I’m banning you from the hospital for two days.”
“What!” She didn’t mean to shout, especially when she could see Mack’s frustration at not being able to come to her side.
“I’ll be straight with you. This is going to be a long road and it’s going to get tough on both of you. I wouldn’t be doing my job as your boss or friend by watching you wear yourself out. We have to take care of the carers.”
“I’m fine,” she yawned.
“You look like hell. My word, Xanthe, all your friends here are tip toeing around you not wanting to say the wrong thing but take it from me. You look like crap. If you don’t want to get some sleep for you, do it for Mack. It might be too early to tell, but it shouldn’t be long before he gets his, “confidence” back as a man and he’s going to need some inspiration.”
“Are you saying …”
“Yes,” the doctor laughed, “Chances are that you’ll be able to get to know this damn monkey that has all the girls worked up about. If you want to, that is.”
“What do you mean?” Xanthe couldn’t believe it, the sensation was coming back and he could … She couldn’t wait to tell him.
His grip tightened around her arm until she saw the concern in his eyes.
“The Mack that leaves this hospital, and we are hoping to get him mobile enough to leave within another couple of months, is going to be a different man to the one that you, ‘started hanging out with’ before the injury. You might want to think about getting a bit more balance in your life and not make him promises you might regret.”
Xanthe knew he was trying to look out for her, but she had invested too much of her heart in Mack before the accident and so much more since to walk away.
“Doctor, thanks, I’ll be fine. If you don’t mind I need to finish this session with him before moving onto my other clients.”
“Take the days off. You need them and deserve them.”
“About that,” she tried to laugh. “I appreciate the days off but you can’t ban me from coming in and visiting a friend.”
“I’m banning you for two days, no questions. Go home and get some rest, you’re going to need it. I promise that we will look after him for you.”
“But …” she started.
“Remember, Miss Davies that this is a small hospital, small base and as far as we are concerned, you and Lieutenant Mackenzie are just friends.”
“Certainly Dr Hunter, thank you Dr Hunter.”
Xanthe closed her eyes and tried to hide her relief, and joy. She honestly thought that Mack could handle not getting full use of his legs back, as long as he could feel like a man.
Mack
Trapped in this fucking body in this uncomfortable, prison of a bed, Mack had enough. He’d pushed the table away in anger, and now without Xanthe hovering at his side, the glass of water he was wanting more desperately by the minute was out of reach.
He hated being helpless.
He resented his unit for being able to walk in, still sweaty from their last set of drills and have the fucking nerve to complain about being pushed too hard.
They had no idea what it was like to push their bodies hard. Trying for hours to have the strength and balance just to sit up on his own. Pull himself into position and hold it long enough for the orderlies to change the sheets. Thinking that he just achieved the impossible by lifting his ass off the bed. Not even his legs, those others still had to move for him.
Mack reached for the hated buzzer. He had taught himself to cook before high school and had been basically independent ever since. With parents more focused on travel and their own careers, he’d forged their signatures on school notes, used their credit cards for groceries, even applied to Defence and got accepted into the Army without them realizing. Now this bloody buzzer was his life line to food, drink, even getting dressed.
If only he could use the buzzer to relieve his hard on.
Fuck!
He was hard. Incredibly so. In all his years, Mack had never been so glad to feel his stiffening erection. Reaching down, yes, it wasn’t up to its normal full glory, but it was there and strong enough to satisfy most women.
Xanthe.
Was it a coincidence that she had been gone for two days and doing nothing other than imagining her body he suddenly got his manhood back? The new son of a bitch who had come in to set his exercises had ramped things up, not realizing that his body couldn’t do everything on demand. Not like it used to.
Still, he didn’t give up and Xanthe was gone and he was improving with her memory as his inspiration.
“Hey, gorgeous,” most of the girls dropped by at the beginning of their shifts, even the ones in the office. A year or so ago, Charli and him could have had something special, until she caught him in the back of a bar room with his tongue down some random’s throat and his cock in her hands. Since then, theirs had been flirting, light fucking when bored. But not since he’d met Xanthe and certainly not since his bloody accident.
Still, he looked forward to her smile and even now she made sure he felt that it was specially for him.
“Hey, yourself. New lipstick?” Most men didn’t understand that women needed them to notice the little things.
Charli instinctively licked her lips at the complement and his cock responded, twitching under the sheet.
“Looks like you’ve got something new to play with!” She carefully placed her hands next to his legs to balance over and give him a friends-only kiss on the cheek. “Who are you saving it for?”
He wanted to know how far it would work, could it hold out long enough to still satisfy a woman? What would he do without his legs working, able to wrap around a woman’s hips, pinning their bodies together. A quick fuck with Charli wouldn’t mean anything, but would at least prove he could still man up to Xanthe.
“What are you offering?” He couldn’t believe he just said it, but Charli didn’t back away.
“I could close the door to your new suite and give you some of my special kisses,” her hand crept closer. He’d never gone this long without sex, anything with anyone would do …
Except her eyes were blue and her hair the wrong shade of dark.
She smelled of vanilla not lavender.
She was Charli not Xanthe.
“I can’t,” a simple statement.
“We’ll never know until we try,” he held the sheet tightly to his chest as she tried to pull it away.
“No, I can’t. Not with you.”
“Are you really going to give up a sure thing, right here and now!” Charli mocked him. “It’s me, we used to have fun and I know exactly how you like it.”
“Charli, we used to have a lot of fun, it’s really not you, it’s me. I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of this fucking bed or ride a motorbike again. I don’t even know if I’ll still have a job. But I do want to be able to look Xanthe in the eye and tell her that she is the only woman I’ve ever been faithful to.”
“You thought about it, are you sure you don’t want me to change your mind.” Her grip relaxed but her eyes still invited the question.
“Char, you have no idea how much your offer meant, but how about you focus your attention back over to your precious Dr Hunter. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him when you think no one’s watching.”
“Alan?” When Charli blushed, Mack knew he was right.
“Alan, is it? Not Dr Hunter? Go for it Char, you deserve to be happy especially after the way I treated you.”
“He knows about us, we’ve had dinner a couple of times and I needed to tell him.” Almost embarrassed, “Sorry about before, it’s almost like I want to stuff things up with Alan and I know he’d never forgive me if you and I got together again.”
Mack shrugged, “Don’t worry about it, neither of us are good at this relationship thing but for some crazy reason we’ve got people who want to love us. I won’t screw it up if you don’t?”
“Thanks, Mack. And thanks for knocking me back.” This time the touch on his arm was from a friend.
“Well, I think that after today we both know where we stand,” he laughed at his own joke. “Oh, come on now if I could make my bed, I’d lie in it!”
“You are bad, but yes. For once in our lives, let’s not stuff things up and cross boundaries.”
“No hard feelings? I know I was a prick to you when we were together,” he’d never taken the time to feel guilty before today.
“Like you said, we’ve both moved on and I think if I give him the chance, Alan will make sure I never think of your damn monkey again.”
“Ouch! Is Xanthe coming back today?”
“So far as I’ve heard, is there going to be a sleepover tonight?”
Mack had more than just a sleepover planned, “Can you chuck me over my wallet and phone, I want to make some calls for a special dinner in bed!”
Xanthe didn’t drop in on her way to her office. She hadn’t even scheduled his session for the morning. The relief at rediscovering his cock was replaced by anger at a world where he couldn’t leave the fucking bed, find his woman and drag her to an empty room.
No, it was karma that having spent most of his adult life wanting to be in bed but not alone, that now he was surrounded by people, in a bed with sex on his mind but off the agenda!
Where the hell was she.
Mack ordered flowers and for dinner to be delivered from one of the local restaurants. But by eleven am and with no Xanthe, he cancelled both.
Son of a bitch came in to run the exercises again after lunch. Pushing them both to breaking point before one of the orderlies came in to try and calm him down.
“I don’t need to calm down, I need my body to do what it’s told,” he raged.
“And what precisely is that?” he heard her voice from the doorway. In the only minutes he hadn’t been looking for her, she arrived.
“Xanthe!”
Her hair was glossy and pulled into a long, sleek ponytail. Her eyes clear and without the dark circles, actually, she was even wearing the lightest touch of makeup with her smile.
The dress, he couldn’t believe she’d be so brazen to wear the nude dress to work. Even with the black jacket fastened by two buttons, he’d recognize the dress and heels anywhere.
His jealousy burned to a slow rage that was impossible to extinguish. Jealous of every able bodied guy in the cafeteria who could offer to open a door or hold out a chair. Of every client who needed her to lean over to show him how to use equipment, while showing off that plunging neckline.
Jealous of the man he used to be who knew exactly what she needed and used to be able to give it to her.
“Mack, have you been giving Dean a rough time or have you been doing what you’re told?”
“I’ve been a perfect angel,” as Dean shook his head.
“Lieutenant Mackenzie is your typical lazy bastard suffering from a severe case of self-pity. He thinks that going through the motions will get him out of the bed he says he hates, but shows no motivation to do the work to get out of it.”
“Dean, can you give us a minute, I want to try some new motivation techniques with the patient.”
“Certainly Miss, I understand we’ll be sharing the exercise routines now?”
“Yes, thanks.”
Dean closed the door behind him and Xanthe pulled the curtain to complete their privacy.
“Who the fuck are you wearing this for?” he blurted out even as she climbed onto the bed, pulled her dress up around her hips to straddled him.
“I think what you meant to say was, ‘wow Xanthe you look great, looks like you got some sleep and made an effort to dress up for someone special today’.”
Draping her hair across his face, she leaned in to kiss him. No slow build warm up starting on the cheek to get them both in the mood. Her mouth was hungry, unbridled passion and he gave it back as hard as he knew she liked it.
“Does that answer your question, or do you want more?” she undid the jacket and he could make out the small ridges of her erect nipples and hoped the small curved ridge was more than his imagination.
“More,” except now he had something new to show her. Xanthe had been careful where she straddled him, but with his new-found upper body strength, he moved her so she could feel his cock even through the sheets.
“Oh, you have been working out.” Still with the sheet between them, she ran her fingers down his chest, over the singlet until she reached the drawstring on the trousers. “This job needs two hands,” he felt everything until she reached his thighs. Then nothing.
Angry, with himself and the world, everything deflated and he roughly pushed her away. “Sorry, sweetheart, all I want is a glass of water.”
“What! Mack, what the hell?” Rolling onto his side, hee couldn’t watch as she climbed down from the bed, straightened her skirt and did up her jacket. The scent of her arousal had filled the room and he needed it and her to leave.
“I don’t need a pity fuck. Go and find a doctor or some new grunt to flash your tits at.”
“Mack!”
“Go, just fuck off and go.”
He heard the slight sniffle of a cry and knew how hard she was fighting to compose herself before leaving the room.
He’d been a prick. A total tool.
For her own good.
After she left, he scratched his legs with a pen that some fool had left behind. Drawing lines until he couldn’t feel the indent. Further than previous days, but not enough to make love to the woman who mattered.
Not the way she deserved.
Xanthe
Charli found her in the toilet, retching.
“Xanthe, are you … well is this good retching?”
“No, no way. I haven’t done anything to get pregnant. No.”
Charli handed her sheets of paper towel for her face. “What happened, I thought Mack was on the improve?”
“Yeah, well he just kicked me out of his room and I’m pretty sure this time he meant it.”
“No, that can’t be right,” Charli handed her more paper towel.
“You weren’t there. You don’t know him anymore. I don’t know how much longer I can believe him when he tells me how much he wants me but then ignore him when he pushes me away. This time, well we were … and then he … this time he meant it.”
“Xanthe, come outside and grab a coffee.”
“I don’t have time,” she pulled out her makeup and tried to at least repair her eyes. Stupid eyeliner and mascara were supposed to be waterproof.
“Yes, you do. I need to confess something and you need to hear it.”
Damn, Xanthe had tried to ignore the way Charli looked at Mack before the accident, hoping that even if she was interested, Mack would be true to his word. Was Charli the reason Mack kicked her out of his bed now he had something to give her? Had he already given it to someone else.
“I don’t want to hear it, you’re welcome to him,” a lipstick rolled on the floor and she tried to shove Charli out of the way to leave.
“Xanth, please. Coffee, my shout and then you can slap me or thank me.”
The bitch caught her hand on the way to it’s intended target, “I don’t need a coffee to slap you, I can do it right here and now.”
“But don’t you want to know the details? That way you’ll now exactly how hard I deserve it.”
Xanthe had considered Charli a friend, yes, an ex lover of Mack’s who looked at him in ways Xanthe didn’t want to recognize, but still a friend.
She also knew that the good doctor had suffered his crush for months and thought that Charli had finally come to her senses and was returning the interest. She had nothing to lose having coffee.
“You know that each morning, most of the girls go in and see our favourite patients, especially the long-termers.” If Charli didn’t stop stirring the sugar in her coffee, she’d drill a hole in the bottom of the disposable cup. “This morning, I went in and he already had a boner. I mean, it came as a shock, I walked in and it was just standing up like it owned the bed.”
“I’m sure you had nothing to do with it.”
“Xanth, he was hard before I arrived. I think he’s getting sensation back.”
“I know, we knew that a couple of days ago. Hence, the hair, dress and makeup. I thought today was going to be special but apparently you got there first.” Clutching the coffee in both hands, she sipped the amber liquid wishing she could go home and hide under her own blankets. Still, if she was going to see Charli each day, they needed to clear the air.
“Xanth,” Charli tried to hold her arm. “You know I’ve always had a thing for him, and I tried, I mean I offered to close the door and …”
“I don’t need to hear the rest. I though you were my friend and I thought Mack was … well it doesn’t matter what I thought anymore. Like I said, you’re welcome to each other.”
“He turned me down. Cold. He pushed me away. He was crystal clear that the only woman he wants is you. Xanthe, I hate telling you all this but it’s true. He wants to be able to look you in the eye and truthfully tell you that there has been no one else since he met you.”
“Then why did he send me away, too.”
“Xanthe, he’s scared. Can’t you see that? He’s fighting so hard to be the man he used to be and be worthy of you that he’s gonna keep pushing you away and make you prove that you won’t let him.”
“Why should I believe the way he treated me is any different to the way he treated you? I mean, come on, we both tried and crashed.”
Xanthe studied the scratches on the table, waiting for Charli to answer. Only when she looked up she realized her friend was still that and hurting too.
“Remember when I saw his name on your schedule? I told you that he was worth it?”
Xanthe nodded, she was unlikely to forget exactly how many of the women had been there and done her boyfriend, before he was her boyfriend.
“Mack may be a great soldier but he is a phenomenal lover. I mean, he can take a woman to the edge and keep her there for days.”
“I don’t need to hear it,” Xanthe finished her coffee and tried to stand except Charli blocked her escape.
“He knows he used to be an amazing lover. Now he has a woman he wants, is willing to be faithful for and he doesn’t know whether he can measure up – for you or to his standards. He’s afraid of disappointing you.”
“But you and him … I mean,” Xanthe couldn’t even say the words.
“Xanth, believe me, he hasn’t wanted me for the longest time. We’re friends and it took him to snap me to my senses today. If I don’t smarten up, the gorgeous Docter Alan Hunter is gonna get over his crush and move onto someone else.”
“Glad you noticed.”
“I noticed something else, too. Even before the accident, the way Mack looked at you, treated you and talked about you was different. He went all in with you and he still wants it. You need to decide whether this is a commitment you’re ready to make because if he trusts you, and relies on you and then if you walk away …”
The longer it took Charli to finish, the more Xanthe wanted to believe her. “I’m telling you that if you walk away, it’ll more than just hurt him and I promise you that every girl who has ever cared about him is gonna track you down and wanna kill you.”
“I’ve never understood how he can still stay friends with exes.”
“Call it the magic of the monkey, a girl can’t stay angry with a man who makes her laugh. Come on, let’s go back inside and tell him to pull his head in.”
Xanthe accepted the hug but it was only when Charli surprised Dr Hunter with a spontaneous flounce into this office and a public kiss before slamming the door shut that she truly believed her.