Undefeated
Mack
His days were spent keeping busy either at work or training for the Invictus trials. He didn’t think he had a chance, but in all the sprints, he was clearly the fastest. Karma and Cam put him forward and worked with him on his blocking technique until he started to see their faces instead of Xanthe’s in his sleep.
“What happened to your woman?” Karma asked after he had been back two weeks without Xanthe by his side at any of the trainings or games.
“You know how it is, women come and women go.” He watched Karma’s gaze go to Sarah. “I’m not looking to replace her, only to forget her. Still cool?”
“Yeah.”
Still, when Sarah made a beeline for him instead of her partner, he turned his back and left for Naomi and Cam’s house. His new home away from home. They’d announced their first pregnancy and his first thought was wishing Xanthe could be here to hear it. He wanted to ask if the girls had heard from her, but what would he say? That he ran at the first sign of trouble? That he’d left his girlfriend stranded ten hours away in Rockhampton after decking the first guy who had the guts to say what everyone was thinking?
Loving someone meant setting them free so they could go off and be happy, but it didn’t mean he needed to watch her do it. He kept to his campus at the rehab center and even though he always looked for her car, he never accidently wandered over to her office or asked about her. Luckily, none of her friends worked in the gym and his mates knew better than to ask.
He wasn’t the first disabled veteran to break up with his missus and wouldn’t be the last.
Any time he started to get mellow, he had to do fifty chin ups. Thems the rules. Feel the pain and get over her.
If only it was that easy.
He thought applying for Invictus would be as simple as filling in a form and going to training. No chance, Defence took all applications seriously and there was almost as many interviews to assess his mental state, doctor appointments to stress test every part of his body and then media training to make sure that he would be a good ambassador not only for his country, Defence but all disabled sportspeople.
Every time he made it through another round, he reached for his phone to call her. Instead, he spoke for hours to her photos. The selfies they had taken together, and the random snaps of her just being Xanthe. Singing in the kitchen, sitting on the floor in the middle of groceries after they realized that after planning the perfect meal, they’d forgotten the arborio rice for the risotto. Lying with her head on his pillow, looking up at him as if he was the only one in the world she could ever love.
Damn it. He needed to cull or at least archive the photos too painful to look at. She wasn’t his any more and never would be again.
He hoped she was happy, truly happy.
Xanthe
“The baby’s healthy, holding nice and tight to his mummy which is why you’re not showing yet.” Xanthe’s obstetrician finished the ultra sound.
“His? Is it a boy?”
“Xanthe, you said you didn’t want to know and if you are listening to everything I’m saying, you’ll realise that I use he and she interchangeably. If you want to know, ask. Otherwise, I’ve been at this a long time and I’m not giving away your baby’s secret.”
Xanthe wiped the cold gel from her stomach, marveling that her child was growing rapidly but still invisible to the world.
“Have you told the father, yet?”
“No,” and there was the cue for tears. She’d had her chance, for months she could have told him and didn’t. Then he left her stranded and she was so angry at him that she decided never to tell.
Now, well she couldn’t tell him. If she did and he wanted her back, it would be out of pity for the baby and not because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. If he didn’t care, well that would be a secret she’d always have to keep from his child. It was better not to know than put up with his pity or judgement.
“Xanthe, leave some tears for tomorrow. I’m sure you have your reasons, but most men who can make a woman love them as much as you do, would want to know about their child.”
“He left me before he found out.”
“So you said, but he has the right to know.”
“Xanthe!” coming out of Dr Andrews office, she ran into an obviously pregnant Naomi.
“Naomi! Congratulations. How are you?”
“More to the point, how are you? Are you?”
It seemed ridiculous that the first person to find out would be the wife of one of Mack’s mates. Instead of speaking, the tears fell, again.
“Don’t go anywhere. Cam didn’t tell me, so I’m assuming Mack doesn’t know?”
She shook her head.
“Wait for me downstairs in the coffee shop, this is only a quick check up.”
Naomi refused to go into Dr Andrews rooms until Xanthe nodded.
The hot chocolate couldn’t stop the tears, not today. Trying to find a distraction, she checked her work emails. Boring, boring, boring, until she found from Defence Media.
“Miss Davies, we would like to discuss the attached video with you.”
She didn’t need to press play to remember the night. The speech, the national anthem and then the night in bed messing up the hotel room. Almost as a punishment, she did play the video with no sound. Whomever took the video was only focused on their faces. The look of love and admiration she had for Mack, and the humble gentleness of the man whenever he looked at her.
This time, the tears had a purpose, to grieve for the couple that once thought they had it all.
“What do they want?” Naomi had told her everything about her own pregnancy, heard all about Xanthe’s and now she broached the email from media.
“I haven’t rung them yet. I didn’t know anyone was filming, what if I’ve breached some rule or something? I can’t afford to lose my job.”
“They’re probably looking for marketing material for Mack.”
Naomi automatically handed her more tissues at the sound of his name. “Seriously, you didn’t know that he made the team? Only a reserve, but still he hasn’t been competing for very long.”
“Great, I’ll look forward to raising his baby and he can look forward to being a professional sportstar.”
“Xanth, you need to ring them back. Do it now while I’m here.”
Naomi snatched her phone and started to dial. Xanthe didn’t blink.
“Hi, this is Xanthe Davies’ friend, Naomi. I understand you wanted to talk to her about the video?”
Still, Xanthe didn’t reach for her phone. Far better that some news came second hand.
“Okay, and will Lieutenant Mackenzie be at there at the same time … okay. I’ll let her know but I can guarantee she’ll be there.”
Naomi handed her the phone. “You’d better tell him, the video is trending and they want to interview you both. They can’t get their camera crew here for a couple of days but you need to tell him.”
Xanthe thought, “I can’t just turn up at his place. What if he’s with someone?”
“He isn’t. I promise you, he tells the guys that he’s not looking to replace you, only forget you.”
“What if I don’t do the interview?”
“Umm, it’s Defence, they will keep asking until you do.”
Xanthe’s stomach churned again and by the time she returned, Naomi was full of smiles. “It’s all settled. Mack’s on his way to our place for a beer and you’re coming home with me.”
“Naomi, I can’t.”
“Yes you can. It’s about time this little munchkin met it’s dad,” Naomi patted her flat stomach.
Mack
Cam and Naomi had locked them outside in the courtyard. Cam didn’t have a clue, only that his wife wanted Mack at their house pronto.
When Xanthe joined him outside, Naomi almost threw them a box of tissues and a bag of crisps before locking the door and pulling the curtains.
“If only they had a sun lounge,” Xanthe whispered, taking the farthest seat from his chair.
“What do you want?”
“Did Defence media talk to you about the interview?”
“Yeah, I guess we smile for the camera, say a few cute words about each other and then go back to our lives.”
“What is that, precisely?” she pressed. “I mean, I spend most of my time either working or trying to figure out when you decided that what we had could be thrown away like a used tissue.”
“You saw your friends, they will never accept someone like me. How many times did you get asked if I really made you happy?”
“A couple, but it didn’t matter. Once they see us together as a couple, they’ll stop asking.”
“Well, now they can set you up with someone more appropriate.”
“I never asked to be set up, I never once said or did anything other than want to love you!” she screamed at him, scaring him with the force of her reaction.
“More fool you, gorgeous girl like you will have them lined up for miles. I’d suggest the nude dress, with or without the jacket.”
“I’ve already got someone in my life and they mean more to me than you ever could,” she spat across the table, grabbing a couple of tissues.
Already seeing someone else? He didn’t expect that.
Fuck, “Then what the hell are you doing here? Go, be with him and be happy. I hope it all works out.” Already he could feel the darkness close in again as he gazed at her for the last time.
He had to say it. “I loved you. There, now you know. I loved you enough to let you go and find someone else. I only hope that I never see you with him, because …” he shook his head willing her to leave. After the way he left, she deserved to know the truth but now he didn’t need to see the glow.
“I’m pregnant and this baby means more to me than anything, even you.”
He knew nothing about timings and dates, only that by the look of her flat stomach, he wasn’t expecting anyone to call him, “daddy”.
“Congratulations,” he spat.
“I could say the same to you,” she pushed forward a grainy black and white photo. He could make out the head, body and legs waving around.
“It’s not mine.” He searched his memory for any sign of another man in her life. It had to have been while she was back in Townsville.
“It’s yours. I was going to tell you that weekend in Rocky and if you’d looked in my bag you would have found these.”
He opened the plastic bag shoved along the table. The paint was starting to rub off, but it was obvious that Xanthe or someone had painted two Mack trucks.
“I can’t … you know the odds of me fathering a child.”
“So I guess you need to decide if you want to be in its life or not.”
She didn’t move when he wheeled towards her. “You were really going to tell me?”
“You left me. You didn’t pick up the call or return my texts. There was nothing left to say.”
“If this thing from the video hadn’t happened, would you have told me?”
Xanthe refused to answer him, pushing her way past the overgrown grasses to escape through the side gate he didn’t even know existed, let alone could follow.
“Xanthe!” he called.
“Xanthe, come back here,” even louder.
“Xanthe, I said I love you!”
Even before Naomi opened the sliding door, he heard Xanthe’s car pull away.
“How long have you known?” he screamed at her. “How long did you know I was going to be a father?”
“A couple of hours ago. I ran into her at her obstetrician’s office and got her to talk. When she calmed down, I got Cam to get you here. What the hell did you say to her?”
“You mean after I told her I loved her or after I said the baby couldn’t be mine.”
“Mack, you idiot! You just accused her of cheating!” Naomi took the photo from his lap. “Look at the dates. You tell me if she had time to cheat back then!”
Xanthe
The email from media came through confirming a joint interview for 10am the following day and hoped that she would be well enough to make it.
Of course, Defence would know she’d called in sick for the two days since telling Mack. All her friends in Brisbane had a connection to Mack and she didn’t want to put them in the position of having to cover for her. Her real friends were few and far between.
If she went to Townsville, they’d be supportive and probably offer her a job back there and offer to help raise the baby as a community. Krys might understand about the baby but not the grief of having to raise it alone.
She couldn’t go home. Mack was parked outside her unit as he reminded her in almost hourly photos.
Telling her he was sorry, that he loved her. That he couldn’t wait to be a family, together.
All the words she wanted to hear a month ago when it would have mattered.
He’d never find her at the hospital, admitted to monitor her blood pressure and the baby. One call to her obstetrician about the dizziness and instead of a check up, she was lying in a hospital bed on a drip.
“Good news?” Dr Andrews looked over her shoulder at Mack’s latest message. “He doesn’t give up, does he?”
“He did once before, he will again.”
“Well, I’m releasing you as long as you don’t drive home. Why don’t you give him a call after all, it’s his baby that is messing with your body.”
“I can’t,” she sobbed.
“Xanthe, the biggest risk to your baby is you not taking care of yourself. If you want out of this hospital bed, you need someone that I can trust to take care of you. Now are you going to ring the father or should I?”
Xanthe trembled as she handed over her phone. Not for the first time she was asking someone to make a call she couldn’t. “Can you?”
“Xanth! Xanthe!” She heard people scurry out of the way of the high speed wheel chair before the spin as he turned into her room. “Are you okay? The doctor didn’t say much. I’ve been waiting outside your unit, I should have been here.”
He misunderstood her tears, “Xanthe, is it the baby? Please talk to me! Damn it, I can’t reach you in that bloody bed. Could you do the cripple a favour and at least lower the damn bed so I can hold you while you cry!”
“Xanthe, Lieutenant Mackenzie I presume?” Dr Andrews ignored the scene to look at her chart. “Xanthe gave us a little scare but I’d prefer she wasn’t left alone for the next twenty-four hours. Could you make sure she and her child are looked after?”
Xanthe didn’t even have the energy to fight, not when Mack slung her bag over his chair and pulled her into his lap to wheel her outside.
“You look like shit,” she had to say something.
“I’m too old for sleeping in my car.”
“Do we announce the pregnancy in the interview?”
“It’s up to you. I mean, I want to scream it from the rooftops, but you must have had a reason not to tell anyone.”
“I figured the father deserved to know first.”
“He knows and he can’t tell you how sorry he is for breaking up with you. Not just the way he did it but for doing it at all.”
“I assumed he had his reasons, I just didn’t expect it. I was thinking of celebrating and making a short list of baby names, but instead I’m trying to figure out how to afford to raise my baby, our child, on my own.”
He pulled up outside his unit. “Mack, please, I want to go home.”
“What if this became our home. You and me and little Hoist.”
“Hoist?”
“Are you going to tell me that you weren’t thinking that that was the night? I mean, can you imagine telling Hoist that he or she was conceived on our first date?”
She smiled and grabbed her bag, despite herself. He could always make her laugh, even when she wanted to cry.
“In this house, the gentleman opens the front door for the lady,” she marvelled at how quick he had become with the wheelchair and car transition.
“Are you still drinking coffee?” he asked at the pod machine. “Or I can make a mean hot chocolate.”
“Chocolate, please.”
“Go in, have a shower. I think there’s still some of your clothes in the cupboard. I didn’t have the heart to get rid of them.”
“Mack, what you called out when I left.”
“You should have told me about the baby and I should have told you how much I love you. I should have told you the night you wore my chain but I figured we had time. I should have told you right before we were going to make love, before we were rudely interrupted.”
Still she didn’t make a move for the bathroom, or bedroom. Standing in his loungeroom, fighting for her future.
“Xanthe, please believe me. There’s a thousand times I should have told you, but I want you to remember the one time I said it was after you said there was someone else and before I knew the someone else was our child.”
“Do you really think it’s enough?”
He gave up on the hot chocolate, using all his new rugby speed to catch her before she fell to the floor, wanting him to believe enough for both of them now she had given up.
“I don’t know.”
“Then what the hell am I doing here, take me home and I’ll be fine.”
He continued as if she hadn’t interrupted, “I left because when I hit that guy it felt good. I wanted to keep smashing his face because I believed the words he said. I left because I was afraid of what I’ve become and that if you saw how much hate I had for myself, that you would learn to hate me too.”
“Mack, we’re having a baby,” she whimpered.
“I know, babe.” He kissed her wet face. “Since we slept together before we dated, and almost lived together at the hospital before we were a couple, I think it’s only right that we get engaged before we get back together.”
She looked up to his twinkling ice-blue eyes.
“Xanthe Davies, will you marry the hell out of me?”
Laughing, she remembered another conversation when she wanted him to commit to one date and shrugged.
“Xanthe, please, all you have to do is say ‘yes’, it’s a simple word and we can start planning our future.”
“Not so simple when it means a lifetime of commitment,” she let the words hang until he remembered.
“Then until you’re ready to say ‘yes’, can you commit to not being boring?”