Chapter 19

Bastian

 

 

Something drastically changed in Joanna’s demeanor over the following twenty-four hours. She kept to herself, rarely coming out of the guest room. It wasn’t until Roger arrived one early morning to drop of a few more documents that I needed to go over before returning to the office next week that Joanna emerged from the room showered and dressed.

“Morning,” she said to the both of us when she entered the kitchen to get coffee. “Roger, what are you doing here?”

“Dropping a few things off for Mr. Burke,” Roger replied, smiling over at Joanna. “You look good, Joanna. I’m glad to see you’re doing good.”

Joanna’s smile was strained as she poured herself a cup. “Thanks. Are you heading into the city to run errands?”

“There are a few things that I need him to do,” I answered, something burning in my chest. “He’s about to get a few things that I need from the store. Do you—”

“Can I go with you?” Joanna asked Roger bluntly. “I need some things in the city as well.”

“Um.”

Roger glanced over at me while I stared at Joanna in disapproval. I didn’t like the idea of her going out into the city with Sid trying to figure out where she was at every turn. The entire point of her coming to Park City was to stay out of sight until he eventually got the hint to go away.

“That’s up to Mr. Burke,” Roger said nervously. “I mean, you’re welcome to come with me. I don’t have complaints against it.”

“Mr. Burke doesn’t control what I do,” Joanna said. “Let me just grab my purse. There’s a few things that I need upstairs.”

She left before I could even utter a word. I watched her disappear from the kitchen before turning to look at Roger, who held up his hands.

“I tried to say it was up to you,” he said. “I won’t let her come with me if you don’t want her to go.”

I scribbled my name on the bottom of a new contract coming through my company. Anger burned in my chest, but something else burned there, too. I couldn’t put my finger on it, and I didn’t want to. Not when Joanna was clearly upset about our conversation yesterday, but also because I didn’t want to think about what she had said, either. I didn’t want to give it a second thought, so I handed the contract over to Roger with an indifferent shrug.

“She can go with you,” I said. “I don’t control her movements, but do keep an eye on who might be following you. I don’t trust that bastard cop for a second.”

“He hasn’t been calling since you placed that protective order on him,” Roger replied, tucking the contract into his briefcase. “So that’s a start, right?”

“It just forced him to leave my business alone. It doesn’t mean he’ll leave Joanna alone—yet.”

“I don’t think she’s ever going to report him to the police,” Roger said. “Most women don’t ever go to the police, and he is the police, too. That complicates everything even more.”

“We’ll see what she decides to do,” I said. Joanna entered the kitchen with a thick sweater on, along with her purse. “Be safe out there. Make sure to keep your eyes peeled for your ex-boyfriend trailing behind you.”

Joanna slid her cold eyes in my direction. “Funny. I didn’t think you really cared about him coming after me anymore.”

Those words whipped hard against me. I didn’t even have a response to them as she grabbed Roger by the arm and tugged him in the direction of the front door. It opened and shut a few seconds later while I heard their muffled voices carry on a heated conversation. I walked up to the living room window to watch as Joanna slid into the passenger seat with Roger getting behind the steering wheel.

Anxiety bloomed in the core of me. I didn’t like the idea of Joanna going out, but she had a point. I couldn’t tell her what to do, and neither did I want to. It was her attitude that was grating on my nerves. She had taken a completely different and distant position since our conversation, but I could sense something else brewing inside her.

I tried to keep her from my thoughts throughout the morning while I conducted a few phone calls from my office. I typed up a few emails that needed to be sent, but I kept checking the time on my computer and phone. It was close to noon when I decided to call Roger to see where they were.

“She wanted to get lunch,” Roger said. “I tried to tell her that I needed to get back to you, but she said she wants to enjoy her time out.”

“Yeah, well, tell her that she needs to get back here to collect a paycheck. The both of you within the next hour.”

“I’ll try to tell her. She wants to go apartment hunting.”

My heart fell to the pit of my stomach even as I tried to keep myself composed over the phone. Apartment hunting. I had known that this would happen, eventually, but it still didn’t settle well with me. I didn’t want to come back to the mansion to find it empty and cold as I once had. Having Joanna so close warmed up every room. I didn’t want to leave Park City after spending an entire week in Joanna’s company away from the rest of the world.

“Mr. Burke?” Roger prompted. “Did I lose you, or are you there?”

“I’m here,” I said in a strained voice. “Just tell Joanna that she needs to come back here for work reasons. Don’t take no for an answer.”

“I’ll try to get her back. We just sat down for lunch.”

“I don’t care, Roger. Just get your ass back here.”

I hung up without an ounce of guilt. Things were not going to go down this way between the two of us. I had done everything I could to protect Joanna from her ex-boyfriend, and all I did was push her away from me in the process. Because I also wanted to protect her from me, but I wanted her close at the same time.

I ran a hand through my hair with a sigh of aggravation. Running away from her problems here weren’t going to solve them any more than it would the ones she faced with Sid. I couldn’t run away from my own problems any longer, either. We were both scarred from the past and unable to move on. Now Joanna wanted to move on. She wanted to find her own place to get away from me.

That stung deeper than anything, but I had done it to myself. I had given her plenty of hints over the past week that I desired her, that I wanted our relationship to keep going further, but I pulled away at the same time. She was only reacting to what I was giving her.

Rising from my office chair, I left the stillness of my office to pace around the living room while I waited for Roger to return with Joanna in tow. If she even came back. Judging from my phone call with Roger, she had taken my words seriously. She wanted to give me distance, and she wanted distance from me if I couldn’t offer a steady relationship.

Could I, though?

After all this time, I doubted I could maintain a relationship. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had gone on a proper date. A few years? Since Sierra? I frowned as I stopped to gaze out the windows in the direction of the road. Sierra was the last woman I had ever felt deep love for. The physical intimacy had been a bonus, but I had fallen in love with the woman who knew how to tug on my heartstrings. Ever since then, I had done everything I could do to make sure that I wouldn’t ever get close to someone like that again.

I had built Joanna up before tearing her back down again. That was what I had feared from the beginning, but I wanted her. I wanted to be close to her. I wanted to bury myself back into that sweet heat of her body, too.

“Mr. Burke?”

I turned to find Marcie standing in the living room doorway, still wearing her heavy winter jacket.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to startle you, but I wanted to let you know that my husband is coming by in the next hour to pick me up.”

I nodded at her. “I’ll make sure to have the gate open for him. You can give him the key code, Marcie. I don’t mind.”

“I know,” she said, smiling. “I just respect your need for privacy. I better get to cleaning, so—”

“Hold on a second,” I said, and she paused in the doorway with a frown. “I know that I don’t ask personal questions, but I need to know something. More like if you can remember something.”

“Okay,” Marcie replied, turning to face me again. “What is it?”

I took a deep breath. “Do you remember the last time I did something romantic for someone?” I caught sight of her frown, so I clarified. “Like a romantic dinner date?”

“Oh, right. I can’t say how long it’s been, but it had to be with your ex-wife. That’s the last time I saw you do anything romantic.” A smile spread across her lips then. “Aside from doing what you are doing for Joanna.”

“I don’t count that as romantic,” I said, rubbing my face tiredly. “I’m really screwed up, Marcie. You realize that?”

“You are not screwed up, Mr. Burke,” she insisted with a soft shake of her head. “I’ve watched the both of you for the past week. I think you care for her in ways that might not be familiar to you, and she feels the same way. You two are drawn to one another.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,” Marcie said. “I know she has escaped a very dangerous situation, but she isn’t here because you saved her. She’s here because she wants to be here with you.”

The realization dawned on me then that I had developed feelings for Joanna a long time ago. Working next to her for the past few years, I hadn’t given myself the time to even realize why I had taken Joanna back to Park City with me. It had nothing to do with my sexual attraction for her. It had everything to do with the emotions I felt whenever she came near me, or the apprehension I felt knowing she was going to be away from my side and out in the city. I wanted to be with her, and even if I wasn’t sure if I could fully commit yet, I needed to get that point across to her.

“I need your help with something tomorrow night,” I said. “Do you think you could do me a favor on your way out?”

Marcie smiled widely at me. “I’d be glad to help you. Whatever it is.”

“Thank you.”

I spent the next hour planning out the night with Marcie’s input. Afterward, I watched her join her husband outside as he waited for her. They kissed each other with a smile before climbing into their truck. It occurred to me then that I missed that sort of relationship and company at the end of the day. When sleeping with strangers, or even well-known acquaintances, a loneliness tended to follow you at every turn. The bed felt too cold, but I didn’t want to sleep in cold beds any longer. I just hoped that Joanna would be able to forgive me after spending the past few days pushing her away.