Chapter 14
Bella
Gio and I are laying in our bed. He’s on top of me with his head resting in the crook of my neck under my hair. He’s still buried deep inside me, after a spectacular, blissful lovemaking session. Our breathing is hitched. I hear him mumble so low in my ear I almost miss it, “God, you’re everything I ever wanted and never thought I deserved, baby.” He raises his head from my shoulder and looks into my eyes with a huge sparkling smile. He moves a piece of hair off my face that’s covering my eye, and tucks it behind my ear. ”I’ve turned you into my very own personal little sex mixon, haven’t I, baby?”
I can’t help it, I start to giggle. I can't believe he feels this way too. “You make it easy for me to be comfortable with my body. I can be myself with you and not hold anything back. I’ve never been able to be like this, ever.” I pause and take a deep breath, needing to tell him something, something I’ve held back from him for a while. We talk all the time about everything, except this, this I avoid like the plague. I think it’s about time I spill some dirty facts and prove to him how much we are alike.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath for courage, then open them and stare into his. “Gio, I have to tell you something important. After you left home, I felt like I was playing the acting game all the time. I had to be everyone’s perfect little Mafia Principessa for the families to see. I could never be my true self, especially as a teenager. Daddy and the guys wanted me to stay in the shadows, not to be seen. Daddy said it would keep the men away, which I was happy to do because I didn’t want any of them,” I say and feel the tears falling down my cheeks. The pain of missing them is back from reliving these memories. It’s a gut-wrenching, searing pain in my chest to remember that miserable time in my life.
“Mom thought differently, she wanted me to stand out and look pretty, even though I didn’t want to. She didn’t care what I wanted, she wanted what she thought was best for our family, and that was for me to find a worthy husband. None were ever in that class or would have ever been worth my time.” I turn my head, closing my eyes, not able to look into his eyes when I admit this part of my life to him. A piece of my puzzle, I’ve kept hidden as best as I could and never confessed to anyone.
“I hated my life, so when I was 15, I started to sneak into daddy’s office, into his liquor cabinet to drink his whiskey. It helped demolish some of the pain, not all of it. After my 21st birthday, alcohol became one of my best friends and consumed me. I drank morning, noon and night to get through the day. I’m not proud of what I did or the way I was, but it is what it is. The alcohol helped the pain from festering, kept me moving forward with school and my life.
“Mom finally backed off after my 21st birthday, well only a little.” I pause needing a second and fast forwarding a little.
“Until you finally came back and you literally saved me from going down a darker rabbit’s hole. My life just clicked into place, and I didn’t feel like I needed it anymore.” He takes his hands to my face, wipes away my tears, taking all the bad memories away with them.
I lay frozen, before turning back and looking into his eyes. He looks pained by my confession. I can see it in his eyes; he wishes he could take it all back. Every move he ever made, he would change for me if he could. I didn’t tell him all this to hurt him, I just wanted him to understand this part of me.
“I didn’t tell you this to upset you, amore mio. I told you so you could understand that part of my life when you were gone. I know Gigi and Jules’ told you I used to be unhappy and drank. Now...now you know why I was that way and so weak.”
When I look at Gio now, I see my future, my life, my heart, my soul, my husband, my one true love, family. I have been madly in love with this man since I was five years old and finally have a chance at a bright and prosperous future with this wonderful loving man. A future I used to dream of every night.
Even with all the doom still hanging over our heads, I can see a happy life. He has given my sister, Jules and me a family to have our backs with his MC brotherhood and I couldn’t be happier. They look at us as their little sisters, not just the Mafia Princesses we once were. I never thought we would have a family again after losing our parents and our brothers still missing. I pray every day our brothers come back to us soon.
“Thank you for trusting me with that piece of you. Baby, you are not weak, and you never were. You were just heartbroken and covered it up. You are strong and a survivor,” he says as if reading my thoughts. I needed that reminder.
“I’m sorry I left you to go through all that without me. I will spend every day for the rest of our lives, making it up to you.
“You don’t need a crutch anymore, you have me, and I will protect you and love you forever. Your new family, the MC, will protect you and the girls never letting that bastard get his hands on you again. I will put my life on the line for you to make sure he never touches you, ever again,” he says in a stern tone.
“You will always be la mia bella Principessa, baby. Only mine, now and forever, till our last breath.”
He kisses me with passion, lust and most of all love. My big badass biker man is all heart and loves me unconditionally with everything he is.
I feel him pulse inside me and as non-sexual as this conversation has been, he has me turned on again.
“I love you, Isabella Marie Valentino! You, Princess, have made me a better man. You have filled my life with pure joy, and happiness I haven’t known in years, because of my own stupid stupidity.
“I’ll never be anywhere, but by your side, baby.” He kisses my nose and rolls us over holding me on top of him, close to his heart. I lay with my head down, resting on his right shoulder and my hand over his heart.
My tears start all over again for a different reason. He has filled my heart with more bliss, than I ever imagined possible, after everything that has happened.
I lift my head and look into his eyes, showing him all my love and devotion. “I love you too Giovanni ‘Beast’ Valentino. You are my... everything, amore mio!”
He kisses the top of my forehead, and we lay there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes just staring at one another. Then he gives me a mysterious smile like he’s hiding a secret from me.
“How about we go to the bar for a little bit, it’s still early. Gigi’s asleep and safe, and we can hang out with the guys, Jules and Ces. I know they’re all down there, then we’ll come back to bed for another round of me devouring that pretty pink pussy of mine,” he says with a wink. I chuckle and agree, even though, he has me turned on after going at it for a couple of hours already tonight.
He reluctantly leaves my body, and I miss him already. I’ve become very needy of his cock, what can I say, he's amazing.
He sends off a quick text to Dusty for him to come to the apartment. He’ll stay in the living room and be here with Gigi while we’re gone.
We get up and dress. Me in one of his shirts, of course, and a pair of my daisy dukes. That’s what Gio and the guys like to call them. They all razz me about them, but I know Gio secretly loves to see me in them. They’re short, but not too short that my butt is hanging out of them like I see the whores around here wearing.
He has his kutte, black T-shirt and worn-out blue jeans on. I throw my sandals on, and he grabs his boots.
There is a knock at the door just as we enter the living room. Dusty enters and Gio leaves him with strict instructions to just hang out, not bother Gigi and to call if anything comes up.
Once he’s all settled, we head out of our apartment and down to the bar, hand, and hand.
When we enter, Tiny is tending bar. Gio orders a glass of my Moscato wine – he keeps the bar stocked with this wine because it’s my favorite wine along with Fireball, not that I drink it much. I haven’t had any Fireball since my birthday party, actually.
He gets a shot of whiskey and a beer for himself. We head over to the couch where everyone is sitting and join our friends.
Gio sits and takes me on his lap, Jules is on Ace’s lap, and Ces is close to Ryder’s side, one of the patched brothers, who I always suspected was gay and is into my Ces.
He’s been helping him through his recovery since he’s been here. and hovers over him like a mama bear. It’s really cute to see a big, tattooed badass biker like Ryder take an interest in my best friend.
When I say big, I mean thick, muscular, tall and full of ink like my man. Ryder looks exactly like ‘The Rock’, and could almost be his clone. He’s 6’4”, but the only difference is Ryder has green eyes instead of brown. He is also older than my guy, by eight years.
Ces, on the other hand, is the complete opposite of him. He is 5’8” and about 165lbs, not built up like these men at all. He’s not scrawny, either, he sorta reminds me of a young Leonardo DiCaprio with the same piercing baby blues. Dad used to say Ces’s eyes actually reminded him of Frank Sinatra’s. I took his word for it because I never met the man and he had, many times when he was younger. My grandfather and Frank knew one another when they were kids.
It’s interesting to watch this tough man have a soft spot for another man in front of his macho brothers. The brothers don’t seem to even notice or be bothered by it. I love that because regardless of whom a person likes, they are still the same as us.
As daddy always said, “What happens in your bedroom, stays in your bedroom. It’s not for anyone to judge.” I totally agree with him. What happens behind closed doors is no one’s business. As long as the person is happy, who cares who they love or want? Love is all that matters.
We are having a great time, and like usual, Ces is embarrassing Jules and me. He’s telling the guys old stories about the shenanigans the three of us used to get into.
We’re all laughing so hard from his stories, my side hurts. I’m sipping my wine in-between to hide my red, embarrassed face.
Even though, to be honest, I’m not into my drink. My wine just doesn’t taste the same these days. I guess that’s a good thing, right.
I place it on the table in front of us. I’m done with it for tonight.
He’s telling the guys how he introduced the first blowjob lesson to Jules and me, along with our first porno. He continues to tell them how he taught us on a cucumber because it was the closest object to the real thing around, being that they are long, thick and curved. Also since neither Jules nor I owned a dildo, it was the best thing on short notice for our Saturday girls night in, at Jules’ place.
“Hey, what did you guys expect, we weren’t dead. We liked men, we just didn’t want one in our lives. So, we settled for just fantasizing about them and appreciating their hard bodies from afar. We had to keep ourselves entertained when our bodyguards left us alone, we would find all sorts of ways to get into mischief. And see a lot of dicks in the process,” I say sassily with a smirk.
Hysterical laughter rings out across the room. Then just as fast as it started, it stops! The front doors to the bar burst open, catching us all off guard. Snake and Throttle rush from the pool table towards the doors.
Then I see four lanky, handsome, brawny men walk through the doors from the dark night with Bear and Gunner flocking them. I immediately recognize the four men, and my heart almost burst out of my chest with excitement. My brothers are all finally here.
I leap off Gio’s lap, literally, with a squeal, and run towards my brothers. I stop a few feet in front of them as tears roll down my cheeks, and all I can do is stare at them. The room is so quiet now you could hear a pin drop.
Jules and Ces instantly follow me, but stay back a tiny bit flocking me so I can have my moment with my brothers. Gio, Ace, and Ryder haven’t even had a chance to move we were so quick.
I want to embrace them, but I can’t get any closer, I’m frozen. For some reason, my body won’t allow me to move. I just can’t make my legs do anything, but shake. Getting closer to them and letting them touch me, is not an option.
I’ve been doing so well. Why is this happening? Why have I become frozen?
Something inside of me has snapped. All of a sudden, I feel ashamed and embarrassed and don’t want them to see the broken woman I’ve been turned into. This is something I haven’t felt in months.
My therapist said I might not be able to be affectionate with my brothers when I saw them again for the first time. I know that I’m suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, extreme and painful emotional anxiety, nightmares and other things associated with trauma. Fear, shame, self-blame, anger, and other things always lay dormant inside a rape victim. Seeing a loved one for the first time can bring those feelings back into play. She said, every survivor response differently to life events. My mind and emotions are not mine to control, I constantly feel like I’m in survival mode.
They saw me before I became broken... They haven’t been here to see what I have been going through. Yes, I’ve made some emotional strides, but in some ways, I haven’t, and it’s still going to take time. So, them seeing me like this...scares me in some ways. I am a different woman than I was before they left and I don’t want them to hate me for what has happened. Or, blame me for daddy and mom...
I’m not ready for this, seeing them. Gio should have told me so I could have prepared myself. Too many feelings are running through my body, pushing me into overload right now.
I have a pain in my chest and in my heart. It’s unbearable to the point I have to rub it to try to make it stop. I wrap my other arm around myself to hide from all their scrutinizing eyes.
My skin feels cold from them, observing me, causing me to shiver uncontrollably. I want to turn around and run away, but I can’t. I’m cemented to this spot. As much as I want to cover myself up fully and move, all I can do is wrap my arms around my body protectively. I can't seem to do anything else but stand here looking stupid and crazy with erratic breathing, in front of everyone.
“Are you going to give me a hug, Princess, or just stand there crying?” Val asks as Gio comes up behind me, touching my shoulder as he passes me. Gio doesn’t realize my distress as he gives Lorenzo, Romeo, and Bash a big man hug.
Val and I continue to stare at one another, guarded. He’s waiting for me to make the first move. When I don’t move, he goes ahead and hugs Gio still keeping an eye on me, cautiously.
The bar is eerie silent, someone has turned the music off, and everyone is scrutinizing us, me. I can feel their eyes on me, and it’s suffocating. Yeah, another thing I like to stay invisible, staying in the shadows as much as possible.
Gio finally realizes the torment inside of me and approaches me, wrapping his arms around me from my side to calm my quivering body. I turn my head, breathe in his scent and relish in his stronghold and soft kisses on my forehead.
“I can’t. What is wrong with me? Please make the pain stop,” I whisper to Gio through my sobs.
Val starts to walk closer towards us, and I freak out, lifting my hands up from my body to stop him. I can’t let him touch me.
“Stop, now! Don’t come any closer! Please, don’t touch me!” I shout, turning to face him as I grab onto Gio’s arms. I claw at Gio, pulling his arms up higher to cover my chest.
I see the pain in my brother’s eyes, and I can’t bare it. I turn into Gio’s chest, wrapping my arms around his waist, and hold onto him like my life depends on it. Because right now in my emotional distressed self, it does.
My brothers are watching Gio and me with horrified looks on their faces. They have never seen me this... needy or shaken up. Or in a man’s embrace like this, especially with Gio.
Gio calms me enough to bring me flat to his chest, holding me tight in his arms, close to him comforting me with his loving, judgment-free embrace. Our sides are facing my brothers and Lorenzo.
“Just give her a minute,” Gio says firmly to my brothers.
“Gio, I just can’t let them touch me. I can’t stand for them to see me this way. I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this. Take me away.” I weep into his chest struggling for air. The pain is suffocating me. I want to hug my brothers after all this time, but my body won’t allow me to get close to them. That adds to my broken heart.
“I’ve got you, baby. Everything is going to be okay, but you have to breathe and calm the fuck down for me,” Gio says sternly in my ear with his hot reassuring breath.
I keep my face buried in his chest under his kutte, to conceal myself. The most comfortable and safest place I have right now. I feel hidden and safe, breathing in his scent centers me.
“What the fuck is wrong with my sister? Where is Gigi?” Val asks pissed. I sneak a peek from the side of Gio’s vest and see Val glaring at Gio. Gio steps back a couple of spaces from them, taking me with him.
“Gigi’s sleeping. It’s after midnight on a weeknight, Val, she has her homeschooling session in the mornin’,” Gio stares at him still comforting and soothing me.
It’s Thursday night, and she does have school with Rosie tomorrow.
“You don’t know do you,” Gio states, matter-of-fact addressing Val.
“Know what? We didn’t exactly have time to catch up on the phone yesterday. You better start fucking talking fast, before I lose my shit on you, Gio!” Val yells, madder than all hell.
Jules and Ces move in front of us, facing them, to block their view a little.
“Do you know about your parents?” Jules asks sadly.
I start to shake worse and sob louder. My legs are weak and about to give out. I can’t breathe through my shrieks. This is too much. I’m getting close to my breaking point, closer to my body shutting down completely like it did a couple of weeks ago.
“We know what Antonio did to our parents,” Val says malevolently, and I quiver.
“He tried to have us killed the second we stepped off the fucking plane in Italy. Lorenzo and I got us out of there. We knew we had to come to Gio for help once we got back into the country safely. But his brothers found us first.” Before Val can finish, I lose it from hearing his name. The flashbacks of the shit he did to me, come crashing down on me.
I start screaming, violently and my legs give out from under me. Gio catches me, under my arms, in his stronghold, picking me up and cradling me in his arms. Then he brings me back to the couch, taking a seat in the center, with me on his lap continuing to get me to quiet down. He’s trying his best to calm me.
He knows the mention of his name set me off, on top of everything else in such a short time, and this is going to be bad. Bad, very fucking bad, I can assure you.
My brothers follow us over to the couch, keeping their distance, and I hear one of them growl. I’m not sure who it is, but it's most likely Val because he’s always been the closest to me. But it could be Romeo or Bash too. Who knows at this point?
“I’m losing my patience here, man. What the fuck is going on with my sister!” Val roars causing me to jump through my trembling body.
Gio ignores him concentrating on calming me down, talking to me, soothing me, looking into my eyes to center me to this moment, not the past. He’s trying his best to relax me, and reassuring me he is with me all the way, I’m his main priority.
I hear Jules, Ces, and Ace behind me speaking to Val. They are trying to cool him down while Gio tends to me.
I feel everyone's eyes still on us, causing my panic to rise. I don’t like having this kind of attention. I hate that I’m always causing some sorta drama around here these days.
“Gio, please tell us what’s going on with her. We have a right to know, she is our baby sister,” Romeo says trying to defuse the situation. He has always been the peacemaker in our family.
“Holy fuckin’ shit, Beast, why the fuck didn’t you tell me, asshole? I thought that bastard only beat your girl... her face and body all fucked up. Her fever... I didn’t realize he… Oh shit, Bella, sweetheart, I’m sorry. FUCK! I’m so fuckin’ sorry you had to go through that shit!” Blaze yells fuming. Before Gio can respond to my brothers, I hear Blaze punching the wall by the pool table, where he was playing with the guys.
He mumbles something like, “She acted just like mom. I should have known. I should have fuckin’ known.” I think that’s what he said, whatever that means.
Maybe we’ll find out more about his story one day.
I hear Ace growl, then he yells at everyone to get the fuck out. I can hear feet shuffling out of the room as shadows rush past us, clearing out the bar.
I calm down a little once everyone leaves, but I don’t let go of Gio’s embrace. I have my nails embedded in the skin of his chest through his shirt.
Val bends down beside us and lowers his voice to soothe me. “Bella, please talk to us and tell us what’s going on? What is that man going on about, sissy?” Val pleads with me. I want to tell him, but I can’t say the ugly words aloud.
Jules and Ces come to my rescue, yet again, taking a seat on each side of Gio and me, blocking me to protect me. They both place their hands on my back, rubbing circles to let me know they’re here with me.
Ace comes and sits next to Jules, enveloping her in his arms. Again, I hear a growl, this time I know it's Romeo.
Val makes a move to put his hand on my shoulder, and I jerk away from him. Moving closer to Gio, wrapping my arms around him tightly, and burying my face in the crook of his neck. I see Jules clutches her hand on Val’s wrist, stopping him as I move away from him.
The bar is quiet, and almost all empty except for my brothers, Lorenzo, Jules, Ace, Ces, Blaze, Gio, and I.
“Her body is in survival mode right now. So stay back and don’t touch her and I’ll tell you why.” Jules swallows hard, and we can all hear it. “The night that bastard killed your parents...”
“First, we don’t say his name, ever!” She pauses again to control her emotions.
“Guys, he attacked Bella that night too. By attack, I mean…” Jules whispers, crying and pausing to catch her breath. Ace pulls her back onto his lap, wrapping her in his embrace.
Then she whispers again so low, it’s even hard for me to hear her horrific words. “Lui l'ha stuprata. Violentemente!” She tells them in Italian, the most dreadful words in the world. He raped her. Violently!
All hell breaks loose in the bar from her words. Curse words are flying out my brother’s and Lorenzo’s mouths at an all-time speed, in both English and Italian.
Gio’s hold on me tightens, I hold on to him practically crawling into his skin and continue to sob.
Chairs and bottles are flying into the walls.
This is too much to cope with in one night. My body can’t fight the emotional break inside me, I’m overloaded, and I feel dizzy and weak. I can’t catch my breath, and I’m starting to hyperventilate.
“I told dad not to send all four of us. He assured me that he could handle things in our absence and the girls would be safe. Fuck, why didn’t I follow my gut,” Val screams.
“Stop, Val, no one knew anything like this would ever happen,” Lorenzo says, trying to calm Val down.
“Shit, who knew he was capable of any of this fucked up shit and would kill our parents to get to her?” Romeo says.
I squeeze my eyes closed, warding off the dizziness. It’s not helping, and the walls are closing in on me, fast. I’m panicking.
I pull back from Gio a little bit and see his panicked face. I know my face is pale as I move to stare at him. I can feel everything draining from my body. The room starts to spin, and spots are filling my vision. I’m scared and afraid of my body taking me over, but I know I’m safe in Gio’s loving care.
I feel like I did that day Gio came back after leaving me for his Club business.
“Help,” I croak out weakly. All the life drains completely from my body, and the lights go out as I collapse forward into Gio.
“Shit.” I hear Gio say from far, far away, as I float down a tunnel farther away from him.