Chapter 15
Bella
When I wake up, I’m in bed, in our bedroom. Gio is sitting next to me on one side looking down at me as my eyes flutter open. Sam is on the other side of me, standing by the bed with a blood pressure cuff on my arm.
“Hello, beautiful. How are you feeling, baby?” Gio asks me with a gleaming smile on his handsome face. He runs his hand up and down the side of my face, causing shivers to run through my body.
Did I miss something? Why is he smiling? Didn’t I pass out not too long ago?
“What’s going on? What happened to me?” I ask them, searching both their faces for answers. Why did I pass out? Did I get myself that upset overseeing my brothers and hearing his name? Yeah, that probably what I did.
“Bella, you did pass out, and your blood pressure raised up way too high. We have to get it down and fast. It was a good thing I was on my way here when Gator called me, or Beast would have had to bring you to the hospital,” Sam says pausing, reading the results on the little machine.
I hear yelling coming from the living room. They’re familiar male voices, my brothers, and Ace. I don’t have time to decipher who's saying what, though.
“Do you remember talking to your therapist about what might happen when you saw your brothers again?” Sam asks me.
“Of course I do. Is that what happened? Did I get so emotionally mixed up?”
“Yeah, your body went into overload from the shock, causing your blood pressure to rise. You’re going to need to see your therapist soon to deal with these new developments.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I should have probably told you they were coming to prepare you. I was just thinking how good it would be to see them after all this time. I should have spoken with your therapist first, I never thought you would get so distressed,” Gio says upset with himself. He kisses my forehead, and I take it all in and process my emotions. Sam finally removes the blood pressure cuff from my arm, leaving it sore from it squeezing me.
We all stay silent for a minute. I can tell Sam wants to ask me something, but she’s afraid or doesn’t know how to approach me.
“Um, Bella, when was your last period?” Sam asks with an apprehensive look on her face. “Beast seems to think you last had it two weeks before the wedding.”
That’s a strange question to ask me after passing out. Why would she want to know that? What does my period have to do with any of this?
I think about it for a moment, though. Gio and I got married six weeks ago, and I did have it two weeks before… I gasp. “OH, MY GOD! NO!” I shout not meaning to, covering my mouth with my hand, and close my eyes for a second.
Then I look up at Gio with a huge smile on my face. “Could we be pregnant?” He nods, yes. I lift up to hug Gio with a desire to be in his arms. He stops me, pinning me down with his hands on my shoulders.
“You need to rest, baby. Sam’s not positive if we are, but you’re late, really late, so it’s possible. You also haven’t been yourself lately, getting sick a couple of times and your emotions have been out of sorts. With everything going on, I never thought about it until now.
“I sent Dusty to the drug store to buy us some tests. You can take them when he gets back if you’re up to it or it can wait til mornin’.” He leans down and kisses me on the lips softly.
“Sam, my period was eight weeks ago. I’ve been drinking, not a lot, just a glass of wine here and there because I haven’t had a desire for it. Tonight, I had a half a glass of wine. Will that hurt our baby? Could that have added to why I passed out?”
I don’t know much about being pregnant, but the one thing I do know is that you can’t drink alcohol. Did I hurt our baby? I’m the worst mommy already, and I haven’t even had our baby yet.
“Relax, Bella. If you are, its fine you just have to stop. You passed out because your blood pressure was up way too high. I’m not sure why it went up so high, could be from not drinking enough water in this heat and the excitement of the night,” she says, tapping her pointer finger to her chin.
“Beast told me what happened earlier with your brothers. My educated guess would be that your body went into protective mode because of the things that have happened to you, and added to your anxiety. If you are pregnant that could enhance it too, which stressed you out. Beast and I talked about it a little before you woke up, he can fill you in later.
“But for right now, what’s most important is getting your blood pressure down. If we don’t, and you are pregnant, it can cause more issues for you. We should probably bring you to the hospital,” Sam says, and I panic. I can’t go to the hospital; he or his goons could find me there and come for me and then Gigi and Jules.
“No, I can’t go! I won’t go!” I shout and then close my eyes. I need to calm myself down fast with deep breaths.
“What do I have to do to get my blood pressure down, here at home?”
I’m freaking out I know I am. I’m willing to do anything to keep us all safe and here at home. Taking a few deep breaths, I start to calm down.
Truth be told, I have had a sneaky suspicion that I might be pregnant. I really haven’t thought much about it, though, because so much has been going on around here, and I’m scared, really scared. I don’t know if I can handle having a baby when I still haven’t finished healing from everything. I’m afraid how I will act once I have the baby.
I’m still trying to figure out how to survive daily and be a wife and sister/mother or whatever to Gigi. How am I going to be a mommy to a baby? I’ll be alone, well not alone, I’ll have Gio, but I don’t have my mother or any close women around to help me like I would if we were home...
My body has been feeling different lately, in a weird way. Actually, if I’m really being honest, it’s been going on for quite a few weeks, I’ve just ignored it. I’m tired all the time, and my breasts have been heavy and sorer than when Aunt Flo visits. I’ve been having mood swings, and not wanting to be touched. Only Gio, Gigi, Jules, and Ces have hugged me. I’ve also gotten sick a few times in the morning since Gio left and been back after his Club business.
“First, you need to relax and calm your breathing. In the morning contact your therapist and set something up immediately.
“Once Dusty gets back, you take those tests. Not knowing is going to stress you out more.
“You’re going to have to change your diet, exercise more, yoga is good, and drink lots of water and juice to stay hydrated. I’ll probably have to change your meds or take you off them. I’ll order you prenatal vitamins in the morning, and one of the prospects can pick them up from the pharmacy for you. We’ll figure all that out later, though,” Sam says, talking about taking me off my anti-anxiety medicine I’ve been taking.
She’s right, I need a session with my therapist right away, and I need to find out soon if I am pregnant or I won’t be able to relax.
I take her advice to heart, starting with breathing in and out, clearing my mind. This may be a good time to take up meditation. I take Gio’s hand in mine and concentrate on our entwined fingers. Our connection always helps to ground me and put things into perspective. I need to sort through everything I’m feeling, figure out why I’m feeling this way, and how I can work through them.
“I’m going to give you two a few minutes alone. When Dusty gets back, I’ll bring you the tests,” Sam says, leaving our room. I look up at Gio and see he’s still smiling down at me.
“Why are they yelling in our living room? They’re going to wake up Gigi.” Gio’s face changes, turning dark instantly and I continue my steady breathing, not to stress myself.
“Gigi woke up when I brought you up here. They all followed me, barging in and yelling behind me. She was so excited when she saw them, she wouldn’t let go of them. I didn’t have the heart to deny her some time with them before sending her off with Cesare and Jules, to his room. She’s staying with him for the rest of the night,” he says huffing.
“You’ve been out awhile, baby. We’re all concerned about you, me the most. You scared the ever-lovin' shit out of me when you passed out in my arms, Princess.” He pauses for a minute.
“I realize now I should have told you they were coming when I found out the other day. I put too much on you without warning. I’m sorry for pushing you too far. I’ll call the therapist in the mornin’ and take you to see her. I just hope I didn’t set you back with your progress too far,” he says regrettably.
I have mixed feelings about this situation. I love my surprise of seeing my brothers, but emotionally it was a lot. I need time to departmentalize everything before it’s thrown at me. I see where Gio’s heart was with all this and I love him for it. I hate myself for the way I reacted to all this, but emotions are a strong thing, and they can take you over, which they did.
I missed all my brothers so much over these last few months and am so glad they are finally here with us. I want to embrace them and I will soon. Once the shock wears off, and I process everything, I should be good. I talk to Gio about all this.
“Your brothers, mostly Val and Lorenzo, are pissed to shit at me for marrying you without Val’s consent. Ace is out there calming them down and filling them in on what they’ve missed the last few months.
“Val wants to see you, if you’re up to it, baby,” he huffs again.
I sit myself up, and Gio helps me, leaning against the pillow on the headboard. Then he hands me a glass of water knowing how thirsty I am.
I’m at a loss for words here. I want to see my brother, but I’m afraid to face him. I definitely can’t do it alone, not yet at least. I think about it more for a minute.
As long as Val can stay calm, I might as well get this over now, with Gio by my side. I need to explain some things to him after the way I acted.
“I’ll talk to Val now. Amore mio, you have to stay with me and don’t say anything about the possibility that I’m pregnant. Please, one thing at a time,” I say squeezing his hand tight, digging my nails into his palm.
“Are you sure, Princess? He can wait until tomorrow, you need to rest.” I love how protective he is of me and is always concerned about my well-being. However, this is something I need to do, and I want to get this over with now. I know Val won’t leave until I talk to him and I do need to rest, I’m so exhausted.
Plus, Gigi shouldn’t have been woken up and should be in her own bed. She needs her rest to concentrate on her schoolwork.
“I’m sure. I’ll stay calm, amore mio. I can handle seeing him now,” I say with a smile to reassure him. He watches me for a few minutes carefully.
Then he kisses the tip of my nose and gets up heading to the door.
He doesn’t leave the room when he calls Val over. Gio whispers something to him before allowing him to enter our room. Gio returns to the bed sitting next to me and takes my hand in his. Val remains standing by the door inspecting us. I gesture for him to take a seat at the end of the bed in front of Gio.
“I’m sorry I freaked out when I first saw you. My therapist said it could happen. I was so happy and surprised to see you all. But the shock made me panic. I haven’t seen you since before...” I shake my head and turn to look in the opposite side of the room from them. I can’t look at him, them, I’m so ashamed of myself. I pull Gio’s and my hands onto my lap and concentrate on our entwined fingers to ground me. Gio adjusts his sitting so he can wrap his arms around me to hold me. His warmth cocoons me with strength and his love.
Val then says, “Bella, you never have to apologize to me. If anything, I owe you one, a huge one. I should have never left you to deal with all this shit alone. I’m your older brother, your protector. I’m supposed to take care of you and Gigi.
“You didn’t deserve any of this shit. I’m sorry, sis. I get why you reacted the way you did. I’m going to kill him for what he has done to you and our family. I’ll make it all right again!” Val says venomously. I hold back my tears from his words.
“Get in line, man. His kill is mine for what he did to my girl. I’ll be the one to tear his ass apart, and tear him apart limb by from fuckin’ limb,” Gio says just as venomous as Val does.
We all sit silently for a minute as Val continues to appraise Gio and me.
“I don’t get this, man. I need to know what’s going on here.” Val points his finger back and forth from Gio to me.
“She’s my little sister, might I add, that you haven’t seen her in years. Shit hits the fan, and you claim her with your Club. Then you fucking married her!
“What the ever-loving hell is all this about Gio? Did you just do this to keep him away from her and keep them safe? Why are you the only one that can go near her? What am I missing here? You need to fill in the blanks here for me, man.” Val throws all these questions at Gio, sounding like he can’t fathom any of this that has happened. Maybe he can’t, I guess.
He’s still pissed, but a little calmer. I tighten my grip on Gio’s hand asking him to give my brother the benefit of the doubt, and go easy on him. He’s missed out on so much these last few months after all. Plus, he’s never seen me like this with a man, except Ces.
“Man, I’m going to give it to you straight, no holds bar.
“I’ve loved Bella for a very long time. She’s actually the reason I left home and stayed away all these years. I did it for her and out of respect for you, your brothers and your father because I wasn’t good enough for her.
“When the shit hit the fan…it was a major goddamn kick in my fuckin’ gut and heart. When I first spoke to Jules, I knew I had to do something fast. I was the only one that could protect her and keep her safe with you guys missing.
“I didn’t do any of this cause I had to, I did it because I wanted to and I owed it to Bella to protect her.
“The second I laid eyes on her and held her in my arms again, after all these years, I knew I wasn’t going to let her go again. I did it once and look what happened... Anyway, I wasn’t going to make that mistake twice.
“I also knew I would end up marrying her one day. I just didn’t think it would be this fast, but it doesn’t matter cause I won’t let her go again, ever! I love her, and we’ve worked it all out. Things are great between us.” Gio lays it all out for my brother.
I look up at my big brother staring him in the eyes. “Val, I love Gio, I always have. You had to have known all these years; daddy knew it since I was five years old. Why do you think daddy never made me date any of the men mom tried to throw at me?” I say sassily.
“Gio has done right by me, in more ways than you will ever know since he’s been back in my life. He has helped me survive more than I even want to think about.
“I would have loved to have shared our wedding day with all of you, but things happened so fast, and you know what?” He nods his head for me to continue.
“I wouldn’t change a damn thing about that day. You know why, because of Gio, his brothers, Jules, and Gigi. They made it the most memorable day of my life. Our day was so beautiful and wonderful, the day I dreamt of practically my whole life. I only ever dreamt of having Gio, and I do have him. Having Gio has my husband and having him help me through this dark time in my life has been a blessing.”
Then I give it to him, a few raw facts and insights into my darkest days and nights. I thought I was in darkness when Gio left me, no, that wasn’t anything compared to what I felt after that night... and until Gio held me in his arms.
“I’m happy he came for me and wouldn’t let me go because I need him. I need him, his love and his strength.
“Val, I’m not the same girl you left a few months ago. He stole so much from me that night he shattered me... He took my sanity, my innocents, my spirit, he tainted me, he shamed me in some ways, and most of all he left me weak. I blamed myself for everything that happened to me. I became broken shell of a woman, and in some ways, I still am.” I jerk my free hand up, shake my head to stop them from saying anything and let me continue. I need to get this all out now that I’ve started.
“To be honest, if it wasn’t for everything Gio’s done, I might not even be here, right now. Gigi would have been alone and left in harm’s way to possibly be hurt like I...” I say low with tears streaming down my face.
I turn my face to the other side of the room again and face the wall with my eyes closed. I can’t face either of them anymore. I just want this night to be over with, so I can crawl up in bed with Gio and cocoon myself in his warm embrace. I’m done, I can’t think about the darkness anymore, or I will fall back into that black abyss.
“What the hell do you mean, you wouldn’t be here? Was that bastard planning on killing you too?” Val coaxes. I look down and see him balling his hands into a fist on the bed.
Well, I guess we’re not done, yet. If he needs answers, I’ll just have to give them to him. They are both not going to like my answers, but it’s my truth, not theirs. They are just going to have to deal with it.
I gather my thoughts for a minute, and they sit quiet and still, watching and waiting for my response.
Oh, ground please swallow me up now, so I don’t have to say these despicable words to the two men I love the most and look up to in this world. No such luck.
I turn back to Val, staring him in the eyes, stone-faced and pissed the hell off now. When I’m pissed, you fucking know it, and he can see it in my eyes. I’m about to go off.
I hate thinking and feeling the darkness, and this is how I get my anger out. Call it a bad Italian temper if you will.
Without going to the gym or shooting range, words are my outlet. I don’t care what people say, words can hurt even when they are not meant to.
Val clenches his jaw and is breathing heavily through his nose, knowing I’m about to go bat-shit crazy with my words. I hear Gio doing the same thing next to me as he tightens his grip on my hand, knowing the same thing.
It’s time I get this off my chest. I’ve never said these words out loud before just in my head. So, here goes nothing.
“I mean!” I scream loudly with pure venom and hate in my tone.
“If Gio didn’t come back and save me, I would have killed myself! I would have fucking killed myself, so I wouldn’t have to see and live in Hell with that monster every fucking day! Having to let him touch me at his fucking will would have been hell!
“I would have killed myself not to have to deal with what happened to me alone! I would have fucking killed myself not to have to look at my ugly, tainted, broken self in the fucking mirror every goddamn fucking day! That fucking bastard tried to steal my life, and Gio stopped him because he loves me! He loves me regardless!” I’ve raised my voice so high, it echoed off the walls in the silent room. I’m sure the guys in the other room heard me. Life’s a bitch, and so are my words.
I’ve stunned my brother and my husband into complete silence, and Val’s face turns dark on me. My words have rendered him mad as all hell. Can’t blame him, I feel the same way.
Now, I’ve pissed off my brother, and I’m sure Gio as well with my harsh words. I can’t even look at my husband right now because I know my words cut him deep. I’ve never insinuated any of this in my therapy sessions.
“Alright, that’s enough of this shit!” Gio yells before my brother can go off on me next and causes me to jump almost out of my skin from his tone.
“This conversation is fuckin’ over. Bella needs her rest.
“Let’s call it a night, and we can all talk tomorrow about other things if she’s feeling better. Val, not a word to Gigi about anything we’ve discussed here. Bella doesn’t want her to know.” Val knows exactly what Gio is implying.
My brother calms his breathing before he speaks.
“My lips are sealed. I’ll talk to the boys. Ace said there’s an apartment ready for us,” Val says, looking exhausted and ten years older than he did when he walked into the bedroom.
“Get rest and feel better. I love you, Princess. Goodnight.”
I know he wants to hug me and I wish I could. I just need more time around him before I can let him touch me again.
I can’t remember a day in my life that I haven’t hugged my brothers. We always showed affection in our house growing up, that’s why Gigi is so needy for it. I know this is hurting him and God only knows how it’s hurting me more.
“I love you, Val. Tell Romeo, Bash, and Lorenzo, I’m sorry, and I love them too. I’ll see all of you tomorrow.” He nods, and Gio follows him to the door where they bump into Sam. She hands Gio a grocery size brown paper bag, full of the pregnancy test and leaves us. Dusty must have bought the store out.
I get out of bed, taking the bag from Gio and head to the bathroom, needing a few minutes to clear my head. No such luck, though, he’s hot on my tail.
There are ten tests in the bag. I take them one by one, awkwardly doing my business with him in the room.
When I’m done, placing all ten tests on the bag on top of the counter. We wait for the results to register.
We stand, hugging each other in silence, holding our breaths waiting as patiently as we can for the next few minutes. My heart is beating so fast in my chest, I’m so scared to see the results.
I’m terrified right now. Actually, if it weren’t for Gio, I wouldn’t feel grounded at all and probably be losing my shit again.
One by one, the results pop up in the little windows. The first five have double lines, the next three have plus signs, and the last two tests say ‘pregnant’ in the digital window.
I look up at Gio with fear in my eyes and tears running down my face. I’m a mixture of emotions again, and that can’t be good. My husband has a huge gleaming smile on his gorgeous face.
So, I drive myself forward with the happy feeling and dismiss the fear, for now. We need some happiness in our lives after all the darkness. I jump onto Gio, wrapping my legs around his waist and arms around his neck. I can’t control the excitement I’m willing myself to feel.
He smashes a hard kiss to my lips, packing our kiss full of love, lust, and glee. He’s showing me how happy he is that I gave him this gift, us, this precious miracle. He breaks the kiss and places his big hand flat on my tummy before looking into my eyes.
Then he gets down on his knees in front of me and lifts my shirt up, under my breast. He leans his head to the side, pressing his ear on my bare tummy. He wraps his arms around my waist, hands flat on my back.
I place my hands on his head and rake my fingers through his long silky dark hair. I watch him listen to my stomach as he speaks.
“Hey, little one, this is your daddy. Your momma just made me the happiest man on the planet. Daddy and mommy love you so much already, little one,” he says, then places a kiss on my bare belly for our little one growing inside me.
He finally gets up and takes me back in his arms, lifting me off the floor and spinning me around our bathroom. We’re both laughing, and I’m ecstatic at how pleased he is about our news of him being a daddy.
“I love you, Isabella Marie Valentino! You just gave me the best, most precious gift! I’m the luckiest man around. First, I get you back in my life, and now we’re going to have a baby. Life is only going to get better from here, baby. I promise you, mia bella Principessa! Mio angelo!” My heart is melting from his words. His lips land on mine and he places me back on my feet.
“I love you too, Giovanni ‘Beast’ Sebastiano Valentino! Amore mio, you did this for us. You made my future bright,” I say, taking his left hand and placing it back on my belly, holding it there.
He shakes his head. “No, baby, we both did this. Our little one has a piece of both of us, and you get to carry him or her, for us. This is our future, this is our beautiful new beginning. Baby, this is the start of our family, the Valentino’s.”
He’s right. I know it’s a piece of both of us growing inside me. Our little miracle baby, after all the shit we’ve gone through. This is a good thing, the best thing in the world. This is the good to push all the bad away forever. This is something for just the two of us.
“Gio, we have to keep this quiet, just until we see my therapist and a doctor. Only Sam can know, please. I can’t handle the Club knowing just yet,” I say, and he nods agreeing. For now, he’ll do what I’ve asked, but I can see it in his eyes, he’s ready to yell our big news to the world. But he agrees with me for now.
I remove my shorts, bra, and panties, leaving only his shirt on before settling back into bed. I’m ready to call it a night.
Once I’m in bed, he covers me up with the blanket to my waist and calls Sam back into our room. He wants her to check my pressure one last time before I go to sleep.
Ace follows her into our room to check on me and talk to Gio. While Sam’s checking my blood pressure again, the guys talk by the door.
“Your pressure is down a little. I’ll check it again in the morning when you wake up. Hopefully, after you get a good night’s sleep it will go down more,” she says, checking my pulse on my wrist.
“Do you have news for me?” I look up to Gio smiling, and he nods. Ace is still in the room with us, but I can’t contain the excitement I’m feeling. Jules would find out tomorrow anyway and tell him, so now he gets to be the first to know and tell her.
“We’re pregnant!” I say excitedly, still looking at Gio, both of us have enormous smiles on our faces.
“That doesn’t leave this room. After we see the doctor and Bella is ready, we’ll announce it to the Club,” Gio says in a stern voice, looking at Sam and Ace.
“You can tell Jules, Ace. I was going to tell her and Ces in the morning anyway.” He nods.
Gio gives me a nod too, knowing I couldn’t keep our big news from my besties. Even though, he knew he had to keep it from his brother’s for a while longer. He knows I need them to help me process this new information.
“Congratulations,” they both say and Sam gives me a quick hug. Ace gives Gio a man hug and then looks at me as Sam hugs Gio. Ace wants to give me a hug, but he won’t touch me, especially after my breakdown earlier.
“Get over here you big lug,” I say to him acting braver than I feel and we all laugh.
“Always with that sassy mouth, huh, sweetheart. Beast, your girl needs a good spanking on her ass,” he says to Gio as he walks over and bends down to give me a quick hug.
“Congratulations, sweetheart, you’re going to make a great momma,” he says in my ear.
“From your lips to God's ears,” I mumble back as he lets go of me. He takes a seat on the bed in front of me and stares me in the eyes for a couple heartbeats.
“Sweetheart, I’ve been watching you for months with your sister, and you’re great. We can all see the love and compassion in you. You’ve got this, woman.”
“Thank you, Ace, I needed to hear that, sometimes I think I’m failing her,” I whisper, holding back my tears, blinking my eyes and staring up at the ceiling. Gio sits next to me with Sam at the end of the bed, in front of him.
“Baby, you’re not failing her. She’s thriving because of you,” Gio says, taking my hand in his, bringing it to his lips, kissing the back.
“He’s right, sweetheart, she is,” Ace says, agreeing and Sam does too.
“Bella, has all this been stressing you out?” Sam asks me worried.
“I’m trying to do my best for her, with her living with us... I’m afraid this is too much for her. Hell, it’s a lot for me.
“Look how I acted our first day back from our honeymoon when she freaked out. Then when Gio was gone... I’m not emotionally stable, how am I going to do this,” I say not able to hold back my tears any longer. Gio takes me in his arms, kissing the top of my head.
“We don’t have our parents, Gio. She’s never seen me date anyone and now I’m married, and she’s living with us. I barely know how to be a wife, how am I supposed to be a sister and mother to a teenager. Now, we’re adding a baby into the mix. I’m going to screw everything up and scar her for life. Everyone’s going to hate me more.” I lean into Gio’s embrace, not able to stop my crying.
“Baby, you’re not going to screw anything up or scar her. I can attest that no one hates you or ever will. We all love you, Princess.
“As for being a good wife, I think you’re the best. You're perfect with Gigi, and she loves living with us. You can’t keep stressing yourself out over this shit. It’s not good for you or the baby now. You are doing great with everything, Princess. We’ll talk to Joyce about all this and have her help you through it, okay.” I look into Gio’s eyes and can see he’s being sincere and means every word he just said. (Joyce is my therapist, Sam’s friend I’ve been seeing.)
“Sweetheart, you are doing great, we all see it. Just remember, you’re not alone, we’re all here for you. If you need us to take some of the load off you, you just have to say the word,” Ace says. I look him in the eyes and see he’s telling me the truth too. I nod, thanking him for his kind words.
“Okay, everyone out! My wife and baby need sleep. Sam, can you get us in with a doctor ASAP?” Gio asks, shooing them out.
We all say ‘Goodnight’ and Gio walks them to the front door to lock it. I hear Sam telling him on their way, she’ll take care of it first thing in the morning.
When he returns to our room, it’s close to two in the morning, and I’m exhausted. I remove his shirt I had on, and he removes his clothes, and then gets into bed with me, gathering me up in his arms.
I lay my head on his chest with my leg draped over his. He kisses me Goodnight. I listen to his breathing, and before I know it, I’m out, dreaming of babies and our future. The same dream I used to have before he came back for me.