Chapter 28

THERE WAS no point in prolonging the inevitable. When I got home, I changed out of my suit and tossed on some gray jeans and an older, soft shirt and padded into Danny’s office. I plopped in his leather desk chair and spent an inordinate amount of time abusing his printer before it finally spat out my e-ticket. Then I headed to the guest room for a bit of cleaning. I was a relatively neat guest, but I wanted to make sure I left it just like I found it. An hour later, the room and bathroom were neat as a pin, and I had almost finished the last of my packing.

“Going already?”

I looked up to find Danny in the doorway, one shoulder against the frame, both hands stuffed deep in his pockets. There was a strange note in his voice that I couldn’t quite decipher. His expression was equally unreadable. I turned back to the bed, where my suitcase was splayed open, and continued to fold my boxers into tiny little bundles. “No, I just thought it might be nice to take my luggage to the Dairy Queen.”

“Cute.” He shook his head wryly. “I don’t even know why I’m surprised. You only have a few gears, and none of them go under sixty miles per hour.”

“In case you haven’t heard, my boss wants to see me. Most likely to fire me in person.” I jammed my boxer bundles into the nooks and crannies of my luggage. “Your lieutenant also kicked me off the case, and the wrong man is in jail. Not bad for a couple weeks’ work.”

I tested the zipping capability of my suitcase. Getting tight, but I still had room. I unzipped it and began to stuff more things in the corners.

“When’s your flight?” he asked.

“Tomorrow morning. Six.”

“I’ll take you.”

“I can catch a cab.”

“I said I’ll take you,” he said grimly.

I wasn’t going to fight over a fortune in cab fare. “Thanks. And thanks for putting up with me for so long.” I tried to sound casual. “I left your keys on the side table in the living room.”

“It wasn’t a problem.” Danny shifted awkwardly. “You feel like getting dinner?”

“I could eat.”

I stuffed more socks into my suitcase. We sounded like strangers at a fucking Airbnb. It reminded me of the last time I left—we hadn’t fought for each other then either. But things were different then. I was different then. And now I knew, no matter what that bastard Dante said about Limbo, that living without Danny was the first circle of hell.

I stared at him as he blathered on about takeout options. He’d made it to gyros before I cut in. “So this is just it? This is how we’re going to leave things?”

He blinked. “Excuse me?”

I narrowed my eyes. “You weren’t asleep when I said what I said.”

He opened his mouth and closed it several times, as though searching for the right thing to say. Finally he just sighed. “No, I wasn’t. But I really, really didn’t expect you to call me on my shit.”

“Eloquent.”

“I’m not… I’m not good at this,” he stuttered out. “But if you want to stay, then stay. It’s not like I’m kicking you out.”

Lord, I think I actually saw sweat collecting near his temples. When he didn’t say anything else, I snorted and began to pack again. “Romantic. If you want to stay, then stay. A real proposal we can tell the kids about.”

“What else do you want me to say?”

Maybe “I love you too”? You know, so I don’t slit my own throat? “I guess the obvious is off the table.”

He was starting to look a little irritated himself. “You’re damn right it is.”

“I love you. Always have.” I yanked on the zipper so hard that it careened off track, and I had to ease it back down again. “Maybe if you weren’t so chickenshit, you’d admit you love me too.”

I felt his eyes on me as I worked the suitcase zipper back down. Then I pulled it up, and it came off the track again. I flexed my fingers, and I was about two seconds from ripping the LV suitcase apart with my bare hands. He sighed and came fully into the room.

“Once again I’d like to point out that you have absolutely no patience.” He patted the suitcase. “Sit.”

I sat a bit despondently. My weight closed the suitcase fully, and Danny leaned down over me to zip it shut. I tried not to breathe as his familiar, sexy scent wafted around me—pine forest from that stupid soap he had in every bathroom and mint from that stupid Eclipse gum he wouldn’t stop chewing.

The silence was deafening between us as he worked the zipper around carefully. When he was done, he stood slowly and planted a kiss on my unresisting mouth on the way up. It was sweet and soft and made my eyes flutter shut automatically. I could never decide whether I liked it best when he kissed me as though he couldn’t wait to tear off my clothes or like that, as though we had all the time in the world. When I opened my eyes, he gave me a look as he leaned back, his head tilted to the side like a curious shepherd.

He leaned in and kissed me again, deeper that time, and nodded. “Just like I thought. Oatmeal-raisin cookies and marijuana.” A small smile pulled at his lips. “Are you serious right now?”

I shrugged. “I stopped by my mom’s on the way home.”

“Rain, you’re a federal agent.”

“What are you, some sort of stool pigeon?”

He shook his head and kissed me again, slower, with more tongue than necessary if he wasn’t going to do anything about it. When he pulled back, he rubbed a thumb over my mouth. Memorizing my shapes by touch alone.

When he spoke again, any trace of amusement was gone. “I guess I am,” he admitted. “Chickenshit, that is. I’m scared to love someone who walked away without a backward glance. Because love is nothing without trust. And right now? I don’t trust you for shit.”

“Yeah. I got that.” Loud and clear, chief. “My investigative instincts and otherwise.”

His hand dropped. “I do trust your instincts.”

“Do you?” I raised my brow skeptically. “There are a couple of bodies in Hellar Creek. Recent. I don’t think anyone’s noticed them missing yet, but they will soon.”

“Is that so?”

Even though his voice was cautious, I continued. “The husband lost control of the vehicle and ran off the road. They weren’t able to get out in time, and they both drowned.”

“Rain.”

“They have a little girl. She’s staying with her grandmother. They were supposed to pick her up this morning. I can’t quite figure out where they’re from yet, but they’re not local.”

“Just… stop.” He shook his head. “I said I trust you. Tate may not believe you, but you’ve proven yourself to me.”

“Just not enough to try and get a dive authorized?”

“With what evidence?” He threw up his hands. “Do you really expect me to go to Tate and tell her a medium told me to drag the creek? For a couple who hasn’t even been reported missing yet?”

“Departments use psychics all the time.”

“Not mine,” he maintained, brow furrowed. “And not me.”

I clambered off the suitcase, chin tilted pugnaciously. The silence between us was awful, and I could see him scrambling to think of something to fill it. I filled it for him. One dollop of nonsense, coming right up. “Weren’t you going to order food?” I set the suitcase on its wheels and lugged it to the front door. “If we’re going to make the airport by six, we should eat soon and get some rest.”

I brushed past him. The clack of one slightly off wheel sounded as I dragged it down the hall. I felt like we’d left a million things unsaid, all jumbled up in my brain. I cursed softly as I heard his room door close.

Maybe we’d said enough.

I WAS walking silently to the kitchen for a late-night snack when I felt the skin on the back of my neck prickle. I rolled my eyes and pulled out the organic peanut butter. Wasn’t as good as Jif, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. Although why Danny persisted in keeping it in the fridge, I would never know.

“Hey, Eth.”

“You two gonna give me a show tonight?”

I fished out a piece of celery from the crisper and gently nudged the refrigerator door shut with my foot. “You were watching before?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Perv.”

“I’m a ghost.” Ethan shrugged. “Who you gonna tell?”

As I ran the celery under the tap and pushed the water through the nooks and crannies, I had to admit he kind of had a point. I flipped off the sink with a finger and leaned back against the counter.

Ethan watched me curiously. “Is he going to get Rob and Mary out of the creek?”

“I don’t know.”

“You told him, though, right?”

“I did.”

“So what’s the prob—”

“I don’t know,” I snapped and bit my lip. There was no need to get angry with Ethan. “Sorry. It’s just… not that easy.”

“I don’t understand what’s so difficult about it. They have a daughter that’s going to be looking for them, and you know where they are. You save them time and money.”

Yeah, well. He kind of has to trust me first. I massaged the back of my neck absently. I certainly hadn’t signed on to be the crazy ghost whisperer for the rest of my life, but apparently that’s all I had left. So I should probably get on with it. “I want to talk about you. Did you decide?”

He scowled. “Why does it have to be one thing? You’ve got to be the laziest medium I’ve ever come across.”

“Your father isn’t too fond of me. Let me try to summarize his return email for you—he wants a bullet to meet my face. My only advantage is he doesn’t know I’m coming.” I pointed the celery stalk at Ethan. “Besides, you don’t know another medium.”

“I do, thank you very much. Or I did,” he corrected with a frown. “You can’t push too hard, you know. Especially when you try to invade their dreams. Lack of sleep and thinking that they’re crazy can make people do strange, desperate things. Sometimes it’s hard to keep them from offing themselves before they get your message….”

I stared at him for a moment. “You knew pushing this could push me to the brink of suicide?”

“That’s neither here nor there.” He flapped his hands. “We’re friends now.”

“Get on with it, Casper.”

“I want them to know the real Ethan before they move past me for good. Not the straight fucking A. The Ethan who ran drugs, got high, and made mistakes.” He looked down at his hands. “The Ethan who hated piano and resented the lessons. The Ethan who was never going to become the doctor they wanted and loved to work on motorcycles.”

“Are you sure?”

“No.”

I nodded. “I’ll tell them.”

“I finally figured out that they can’t let me go if they never really knew who they were mourning. They’re trying to hold on to hope that I’m still alive, even though they know that’s not the truth. And they’re trying to hold on to the fact that I was perfect, and it’s time they knew that isn’t true either. You can’t miss me if you never knew me.”

And if he was right, that meant I wouldn’t be seeing Ethan anymore. It was clear from the look in his eyes, he knew that too. I looked down at the jar of peanut butter and the inroads my celery had made in the smooth cream. That should have made me happier.

When I looked up, he’d moved closer. His hand drifted toward my face and I half closed my eyes and waited for the touch that never came as he brushed the hair there behind my ear. My hair didn’t move. I felt a chill, but I didn’t shiver, and he smiled and stepped back.

“See ya next lifetime, Rain.”

When I opened my eyes, I was once again alone in the kitchen. That didn’t make me as happy as I imagined.