Chapter 24

 

 

I SPENT a lot of time around the morgue later that day, harassing the ME to give me a preliminary cause of death. That caused Sanders, otherwise known as the ME Who Gave Zero Fucks, to threaten me with bodily injury. Which led to me going home early.

I navigated the late-afternoon roads without much thought, already so used to the drive I could do it with my eyes closed. There was barely a smattering of seven-o’clock traffic to keep me entertained. It gave me a lot of time to think. To brood. Too much time.

Even without seeing her ghost, I would’ve known it was likely to turn out that way. Most cold cases did. Every time I searched the missing person database and came back with thousands of results, I knew most of them ended badly. Most of their lives had ended, period, and the police were just catching up. It was daunting. A whole room full of trying to catch up.

I slowed as I turned down the rough path to the house, but the car bumped along anyway and made my teeth rattle. At some point we’d discussed paving the lane, but the unspoiled beauty of the place almost made the thought of smooth concrete sacrilege. I skipped the garage and parked in the driveway.

But I didn’t get out right away. Instead I stared absently at the front of the house. The cedar siding and surrounding decks with wooden porch railings almost gave the whole thing a lodge feel. The only thing better than the wraparound decks were the large windows that brought the outside in. It couldn’t be further away from my sterile, low-maintenance rental apartment that was a convenient ten minutes from work. Everything about the house screamed character, from the multicolored stone fireplace to the skylights to Danny’s carefully maintained wood floors. “Original wood,” he would stress as I rolled my eyes.

I wanted to stay.

I knew that just like I knew my own name. I didn’t want to go back to my lonely little apartment and my dying fern. It wasn’t like I had to work in DC. There were always viable transfer opportunities. I could… we could make things work. That was of course assuming quite a bit. That Danny still wanted me, ghosts and all. But asking him where we stood might take a little more courage than I had.

There was a sudden blur of motion on my window, and I jumped. I glanced over only to see my own flushed face and an older woman smiling through the glass. I let the window down a crack. “Yes?”

“Are you almost finished in there? I didn’t want to disturb you, but I really need to talk to you, dearie.”

I groaned. “Look, I’m a little backed up with ghosts right now. Okay? You’re just going to have to wait your turn.”

Her eyes widened, and she very nearly clutched her pearls. “Well. I just wanted to know if you could give me directions. I’m a little turned around out here.”

I gaped at her for a minute and then glanced in my rearview. I didn’t see her car, but she must’ve pulled in while I was busy pondering life. “Oh God, I’m so sorry. Why don’t you pull out first, and I’ll just lead you back to the main road.”

“Well… if it’s no trouble. My name’s Gladys.”

“Rain,” I said and stuck out my hand.

She glanced at my hand and stepped back a little. I guess I didn’t blame her. I hadn’t made the best first impression. She looked at me, forehead creased. “Do you really see ghosts?”

“No,” I practically shouted. Good God, I was blurting it out to perfect strangers. “I misspoke is all.”

“You know, my Aunt Gussie just passed on about a month ago. I would sure love to know what happened to the pendant she said she’d leave for me. I’d like to give it to my daughter.”

“I don’t really—”

“It’s a Saint Christopher’s medal,” she said as she peered at me from behind thick glasses. “Been in the family for years.”

My shoulders slumped. “I guess I could ask around.”

“Oh.” She beamed. “That would be absolutely wonderful.”

I sighed. “Let me take you to the main road.”

“You’re just the sweetest thing.” She waved and tottered off.

That’s me. The sweetest thing. Finding cats in trees and helping little old ladies cross the street. Not only that, but I was officially the jumpiest person on Earth. I looked in my rearview as I pressed the start button.

There was no car. No old woman. No nothing. No wonder she didn’t want to shake my hand. I scowled and got out of the car. Sneakyass ghost. “I’m working on someone else’s problem right now. There’s a line, Gladys!”

When I glanced over again, Ethan was grinning at me. “She’s good, isn’t she?”

“Does that old bat really have an Aunt Gussie?”

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “But you just made her a promise. I’d get on that if I were you.”

I sighed. Wine. The situation really needed wine.

 

 

AFTER SPEAKING with Aunt Gussie, locating a pendant in the hidden drawer of a jewelry box and giving it to Gladys’s baffled daughter, I was exhausted. Danny still wasn’t back, so I heated up some leftover pizza and ate it standing in the kitchen and only paused long enough to sprinkle parmesan and red pepper flakes on top. Afterward I changed—a wrinkled tank and some khaki shorts—and grabbed a beer from the fridge. I padded out to the deck barefoot and risked possible splinters just for the feel of the distressed wood.

I sat in one of the Adirondacks and propped my crossed feet up on the railing. I stuck my earbuds in and listened to Jenna’s interview on my iPad while I made notes. I wanted to ask her about that key, and I wanted to press her more about her plans to leave for Arizona. Amy had been awfully sure about the whole Pemberton thing. I wanted to know if that was just one person reading the relationship wrong… or Jenna lying to us again.

I was halfway through the interview when a woman suddenly drifted up the deck steps. She was also barefoot, and when she sat in the chair next to me, she tucked her legs under her. I paused the recording and took out one earbud.

“It’s going to rain,” she said conversationally.

“I don’t mind a little bad weather.”

As if on cue, the sky rumbled threateningly. It was dark and cloudy, and little droplets of rain fell on my skin. But I wasn’t ready to go inside just yet.

Her gaze was hesitant. Questioning. “You looked troubled.”

“These past few weeks have been fairly taxing. I found out some things about myself that I’d rather not know.”

Her mouth tightened as though she knew what I was going to say. “Sometimes those are the only things worth knowing.”

“Turns out I can see ghosts.”

“That so?” She didn’t seem surprised.

“Sometimes they even talk to me. If they have something to say, that is.” I took out my other earbud. “So. What is it you have to tell me?”

She folded her arms around herself and looked off. At what, I couldn’t be sure. I wished I could just put my arms around her. Shore her up. Let her know it was going to be okay. She looked so young. Sad. Lost.

She looked like him.

“You look so different from the others. Much more… solid.” A thought struck me suddenly, and I frowned. “Are you feeding off his energy or something?”

“I don’t know.” She cast me an angry look. “You act like I wanted this.”

“If you didn’t want to be here, then why are you?”

“Where else would I go?”

Quiet enveloped us both as the thunder rumbled in the distance.

“You can’t stay,” I said into the silence. “He needs to move on.”

“I know,” she said, her voice a little choked. “Ethan said you were cool. That you would help me.”

“Of course I will.”

“You know how I got this scar?”

I shook my head.

“Playing hide-and-seek with a bunch of neighborhood kids. I climbed up in a tree and watched them look. I thought I was rather clever until I realized that I was stuck.” A little smile played on her lips as she remembered. “I was too embarrassed to tell anyone, so I just stayed there. I knew he would come looking for me.”

“And did he?”

“You know Danny. Of course he did.” She sighed. “He stood at the base of my tree, telling me a story about a brave little toaster. He was almost to the end of the story when he stopped. I finally broke my silence just to find out the ending of the story, and he told me that I had to at least be braver than a fucking toaster and come down first. I tried, and when I got scared part way down, he came up and got me.”

She swiped at her cheek. “That was Danny. Always getting me out of my scrapes. Catching me when I fell. Helping me down when I climbed too high. We had it good, me and Danny.”

“Until you were separated.”

“I didn’t feel protected anymore. Unsure of everyone and everything.” She shook her head. “I made some stupid choices.”

I almost didn’t want to ask, but I had to know. “Was it… your father?”

“Of course not.” She sent me a glare. “I was seeing… someone that I shouldn’t. Some guy that I thought I loved. But turns out, I really didn’t know him at all. We used to go out at night in his car and ride around. Go to the park and smoke. It was just my time to get away from all the other kids in the foster home. One day he gave me something a little stronger. I didn’t ask enough questions.” She plucked at the hem of her shorts. “It was over quickly.”

My jaw tightened in anger. “Who is this guy?”

“Doesn’t matter. He OD’d a long time ago.”

“Where… where did he put you?”

“Does that matter?” She asked exasperatedly. “It was all so long ago.”

“It matters to Danny,” I shot back. “Everything about you matters to him. It would probably bring him some peace to give you a proper burial.”

“It’s a lost cause. He buried me out in an undeveloped area.”

“Do you know the exact coordinates? We’re skilled in recovery—”

“There is no recovery,” she said firmly. “There’s a Wal-Mart over it now.”

Fuck. “I’m sorry,” I said inanely.

“If you just feel like digging for bones so much, there’s another cold case stuck in Hellar Lake,” she said, clearly frustrated. “VW Beetles make nice caskets, I guess.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again. I didn’t know what else to say.

“I guess I should just get on with it.” She nervously rubbed her hands on her shorts. “You don’t happen to know what happens… after?”

I shook my head. “I wish I knew.”

“Okay.” She nodded twice. “Okay then. Tell him… tell him that I love him. That it wasn’t dad. Tell him that I miss him. I don’t blame him for anything. And thank you. For loving me more than I loved myself.”

“I can do that.”

“Good.” She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath as though exhausted. “That’ll be real good.”

“I still think he’d like to know the name of this guy. He’s a detective, Anna. It’s what he does. It’ll drive him crazy.”

“It’s all in the past.”

“Even if you don’t know his real name, I have some imaging software that’s remarkably advanced. We can build a composite—” I turned to grab my iPad, and when I turned back, she was gone. And considering she’d finished her business, maybe for good.

I sighed. Unfortunately I had bigger problems. I still had to figure out a way to tell Danny.

 

 

BY THE time I heard his car pull in, I still hadn’t figured it out.

I listened with half an ear as he moved about. The hum of the air conditioner kicked on as he lowered it. Water in the sink. The fridge opened and shut a few times. Even though you could see the deck from almost every angle of the living room and kitchen, he didn’t join me outside. And when his bedroom door closed, it sounded awfully final.

That was okay. I pushed out of the chair, stood, and stretched. I was done waiting for Danny to come to me.

I paused with my knuckles above his door and wondered if I was doing the right thing. I could hear that he was still moving around. Yes. It was the right thing. I brought my knuckles down and rapped loudly. Then I winced and knocked a little softer, like I wasn’t running point on a drug raid.

There was more rustling, and he pulled open the door. Just a crack. “What?”

I huffed. Friendly greeting. “Just wanted to say hey. In case you were wondering where I was.”

Danny raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t.”

“I was out on the deck,” I said vaguely and waved a hand in that direction. “Just catching some air.”

“I saw.”

I gritted my teeth. “Well, why didn’t you come out and say something?”

His voice was dark when he spoke. “Because every time I’m within two feet of you, I want to fuck you senseless.” His expression was uncompromising. “And I think we could use a little space to think.”

He started to close the door, and I stuck my hand in the rapidly disappearing crack. “You said you needed time,” I growled. “Not space.”

“Same difference.”

When he fully opened the door, I could see he was in the middle of changing. He only had on a pair of faded, dark-wash jeans that barely hung onto his hips. He folded those giant, muscled arms, and I swallowed. I was no lightweight, but he could probably bend me like a twig if he wanted.

It didn’t feel like a really good time to tell him about Anna. Or anything else remotely ghostly in nature. But I didn’t feel right about holding it in one minute longer than I had to. “We need to talk,” I finally said. “About Anna.”

“Christ. I don’t want to talk about—” His throat worked. “Not… not now. Okay?”

I hesitated. He wasn’t saying no. Obviously if I had news about her, it was from the beyond, so he already knew what it was about. I guessed it really should be up to him about where and when.

I nodded slowly. “Okay. But we can’t ignore it forever.”

He drew in a shaky breath. “Fine. But when I say. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“And if it’s never, then it’s never.”

“Okay.”

I turned, only to be stopped by a finger in my belt loop. “I said I didn’t want to talk. But I don’t want you to go either.”

The dark, husky words sent a jolt through my body that I felt clear to my cock. It would probably be wrong at that point to sing the “Hallelujah Chorus.” So I just lifted my shoulders and let them fall. “Make love to me, then.”

Danny shook his head slowly. “I don’t have that in me right now.”

I bit my lip, turned, and dislodged his finger from my belt loop. “Then fuck me.” I stared at him hard enough to make him know I was deadass serious. I dragged a parched tongue across suddenly dry lips. “Big, strong guy like you? You don’t have a fuck in you?”

He gathered the bottom of my shirt and pulled me closer to him. His mouth took mine in a deep, slow exploration that made an embarrassing whimper escape from my throat. He just tasted so good, like something sweet and chocolate and….

I pulled back a little and sent him a squinty-eyed glare. “You found my KitKats.”

“That I did,” he confirmed. He used his hold on my shirt to pull me back and worked it up and over my head. And then with one large, rough hand he palmed my stomach and sent goosebumps racing across my skin. Every part of me that could be hard was hard. Nipples and cock vied for which could get the hardest.

I still had enough presence of mind to come up with some sass. “If you can’t manage a simple fuck, just let me know.”

“Rain, generally when you’re in the cage, you stop poking the bear.”

His teeth on my unusually sensitive nipples dragged the breath from my body in a stuttering hiss. He gave one of them a thorough lick and then pulled back. We both watched it pebble and grow achingly hard, and Danny swiped his thumb across it every few seconds. I would’ve sworn my nipples weren’t that sensitive, but when his forefinger joined the thumb to pinch down, I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out in pleasure.

“Enough teasing, Irish.” I sank my teeth into his neck in retaliation—not hard enough to break the skin, but hard enough to make him stiffen and swear. “Now take off your clothes and fuck me.”

I think we both beat the world record for getting undressed. Granted, we weren’t wearing all that much clothing, but it was still impressive. I shucked my underwear like there was fire licking at my heels, only to find him still tangled up in his boxers.

I left him to deal with that and rifled through his nightstand drawer for lube and condoms. It was only a moment before I made a triumphant little noise and then a groan as I spotted the small bottle. He had lube, yes. But it was cheap, and the bottle was tiny. I liked my lube like I liked my sheets—luxurious and silky. I made a note to buy some of my own as I held up the offending bottle with two fingers. “This you buy in travel size. But your shampoo, that will last you beyond the grave.”

He flushed. “Not much use for it.”

“And I thought I was deprived.” I shook my head and tossed a condom on the bed. After another moment of digging, I pulled out a plug. “Not even for this?”

I don’t think it was possible for him to get any redder. Jesus. Even with all the blood in his body creating a Tower of Pisa with his dick, there still seemed to be enough left for him to blush like a schoolgirl. He sent me a glare. “Are you trying to embarrass me to death?”

“More than the time I found you singing Mariah’s “Dreamlover” in the shower? No Irish, that was embarrassing.” I held up the plug. “This is what’s called useful.”

“You love ‘Dreamlover,’” he growled.

“Not in baritone, I don’t.”

I pushed down the comforter and climbed up on the sheets on my knees so he’d know how I wanted it. He crawled in behind me and fit us together, skin to skin. He explored my skin with his hands, slowly. He took his time and looked his fill. It was my time to turn red, but I held still under his avid scrutiny.

His fingers ghosted down my side, tracing my ankh tattoo. When he was done, he only had one question. “Why?”

I wasn’t surprised. He knew I didn’t take tattoos lightly. When we were together, he’d always teased me about being an unmarked canvas and wondered what it would take for me to get one. I’d maintained that when I found something important enough to ink on my skin, I would. “To remind me,” I finally said. “Of the important things.”

“It suits you.”

“I’m glad you approve.”

“I love your body, you know that?” His hand down my back made my spine dip automatically, as though I were a shameless cat. “So different from mine.”

“You mean fit and muscular?” I didn’t care if he insulted me as long as he kept moving his hands like that. “You should work on your pillow talk.”

“Toned and lean, you jackass.” His roving hands took the sting out of it. “Right up until this ass.”

He ran his hands over the object of his attention, and I shivered. He nipped at each of my asscheeks with his teeth, and he continued his ode to my behind. “Tight and perfectly round. Smooth and creamy white. Love it when that ass jiggles when I fuck you hard.” He suddenly lifted his gentle roving hand and smacked my right cheek, hard enough to make me hiss. “Love that a swat on your ass can leave a handprint that can stay for hours.”

He smacked my ass again, and I bit back a low moan. Didn’t know it was going to turn into a spanking session, but I was into it. “More,” I managed, voice barely a whisper.

Slap. I bit my lip again, hard, and tried not to make a sound. A drop of sweat slid down my spine, and I hung my head between my shoulders and waited. When it came, it was harder than I expected, and I couldn’t help the slight intake of breath. I grinned. Served me right for playing spanking games with the BBPD baseball team’s special pinch hitter.

The next slap finally made me cry out, and he rasped, “That’s good. Let me fucking hear you.”

Another slap landed on my reddened ass, and I yelled out. His filthy words and actions had my cock rock hard and leaking on the sheets. I fisted it once and smeared the precum up and down the shaft. When I let go and wiped my hand on the sheets, it bounced against my stomach. I guess I was into it. I stuck my ass out farther.

He groaned. “God. Don’t do that. I don’t think I’m even going to make it in.”

I reached back with both hands to pull those cheeks apart and further expose my hole to his riveted gaze. I wanted him to take that next step, but I didn’t want to ask. As usual he knew exactly what I wanted. Knew what I needed. He leaned in and used his tongue to lick a swath all the way up my crack. He did it again, a little firmer, and I squirmed to get his tongue where I wanted it. When he playfully flicked it over my hole, I wanted to kill him a little bit.

His chuckle sent a puff of warm air across my skin, and he finally, finally, buried his tongue in my hole. I let out an unholy groan that should’ve raised the damn dead, buried my head in my forearm, and just enjoyed the feeling of his tongue loosening me up.

“Need you to fuck me,” I finally managed. “Need it now.”

He reached over and grabbed the condom where I’d left it on the bed, and I turned a little so I could watch him stretch it over his perfectly shaped dick. Perfectly shaped for my purposes anyway. I licked my lips. It was a fucking shame I hadn’t got to taste him first.

He narrowed his eyes at me. “You don’t want this to be over before it begins, you should stop looking at me that way,” he grated out as he smeared way too much lube on his dick.

I bit my lip so I wouldn’t ask him to go bare and decided to do something useful instead. I reached back and pumped his dick once, swiped some of the excess lube off, and wiped my fingers across my own hole. Then I pumped two fingers inside and grunted as they sank in past the knuckle. It hurt a little, but it felt incredible at the same damn time.

I made a startled noise as Danny grabbed both of my hands with one of his, and I fell forward and my cheek hit the sheets. He held my hands securely at the small of my back and kneed my legs open farther. Obviously I’d pushed him a little too much, and this was going to be the fastest fuck in history. I was definitely all right with that.

His cock found the area between my asscheeks with unerring accuracy, and he pumped a few times and just let his cock slide and rub over my hole. Sometimes his cock made it through and sometimes it didn’t. Sometimes it got momentarily trapped and finally slipped through.

“Fuck,” I groaned. “Fucking tease. Just give it… to me.”

“Mmhmm.” On one of those slow, torturous passes, he finally pressed in and went as slowly as he could to give me time to adjust to the intrusion. I exhaled as he finally bottomed out, buried to the hilt. And just when I thought it couldn’t get better, he snapped his hips and fucked me slowly.

“Faster,” I managed, and he obliged. “Harder.”

He clearly found my bossiness amusing, but he complied and set a harder, stronger pace. We moved together in sync, as though we’d never been apart. The only sounds in the room, other than the slapping of skin on skin, were his soft grunts and the little embarrassing noises I couldn’t help but make every time he penetrated me. “Good?”

“Good,” I confirmed. I was glad he was all right with me bossing him around, because I sure as hell had some more demands. “Little to the left.” And then he hit that spot, and I groaned. “Right fucking there.”

“You’re like a goddamned GPS,” he said with a husky chuckle. “I know what I’m doing.”

He powered me down flat on the mattress and covered my body with his. I loved the way he felt over me, the strength of his body as he strained against me. Even flat on the bed, I struggled to lift my hips with every thrust, just as eager to receive as he was to give.

He let go of my hands to grip my hips and get a better angle. I braced myself with one hand to keep from being pile driven into the fucking headboard and used my other hand to roughly pull at my dick. It wasn’t going to be long. The feel of him fucking me, my ass sucking at him, pulling him back in, that fat cock hitting my prostate on every stroke was… indescribable. Beautiful. Fucking Rachmaninoff on a Harman Kardon stereo.

And then my body trembled and I came, burying my face in the tangled sheets, trying to stifle my whimpers. Danny wasn’t far behind me and braced himself on my damp back as he came with a loud groan. His arms finally gave out, and he collapsed on me with a grunt. I squawked and pushed at his shoulders and tried to roll him over to his side.

“Off, you oaf,” I muttered, slightly amused.

He rolled, but he took his sweet slowass time to do so. Then he took off the condom, tossed it in the wastebasket by the bed, and stretched out on his back beside me. “Didn’t you have to pass the physical, FBI guy? Pretty weak.”

I caught his grin in my peripheral and narrowed my eyes. “I did just fine, thanks. Only I carried a thirty-pound pack on the run, not two hundred.”

“I’m one eighty, you bastard.”

“One ninety if you’re a pound.”

“Fuck you.”

“You already did.” I turned to face him and beat back the sheets. I didn’t want to sleep in the wet spot, and I didn’t think he would volunteer.

He pulled me on top of him and ignored my struggling so easily I was embarrassed. He fitted me against him and buried his face in the crook of my neck. I stilled with the warm air of his breath soft against my skin. I liked that. More than I cared to admit.

“Better?” he asked.

Yeah. It was.

I sighed as he rubbed a hand down my back in a soothing way. I gave in to the urge finally and let my hand drift into his silky, dark hair. Breathed in his scent—sex and sweat and soap. That much closeness was foreign. Unfamiliar. But it was the best feeling I’d had in a very, very long time. It made my feelings kind of obvious, and the same thought that had run through my mind all afternoon hit me again.

I wanted to stay.

“I love you,” I whispered and then bit my lip.

My confession was met with nothing but the sound of deep, even breathing. Even sprawled all over him, I couldn’t tell if he was faking sleep or really just tuckered out. He was much better at faking than I ever was.

If ever there was a need for a time machine, that was it. I wasn’t even sure why I said it. Maybe because it just needed to be said. And maybe Ethan had really addled my mind with all his talk about personal truths.

Despite myself I’d fallen for him again. That’s if I’d ever stopped. And damned if I’d give him up. Not until I had to.

“Really love you,” I murmured again with a sigh and settled in even closer. I’m never going to get to sleep this way was my last thought before I drifted off.