Chapter Fourteen
From the Skype Log of Tanner Nowicki
and Cheyenne Nowicki
Cheyenne: Hey doofus, where’s my pig? You promised me Wanda in a cute outfit. Everyone in the shop is jonesing for new pig pics. We’re making a pet collage on the back of the office door.
Tanner: Strapped for entertainment over there, huh?
Cheyenne: You bet your sweet ass we are. There’s nothing to do on base but drink, drink and play pool, or drink and sleep with people you’re not supposed to sleep with.
Tanner: Why not go off base?
Cheyenne: I’m working too much. It’s a disease. And I hate shopping for knockoff purses, which is all my friends here want to do.
Cute pig photos are my only source of frivolous entertainment.
Tanner: Sorry, it slipped my mind. I forgot to put it on the list, and Wanda’s already asleep. But I’ll write it down right now so I won’t forget next time.
Cheyenne: No worries. How’s the list thing going, by the way?
Tanner: Good.
Cheyenne: Just good? Could I get a little more info? You know Mom stresses and then likes to call me and leave long, rambling, worried messages.
Tanner: That’s because Mom is a meddler who thinks pills are magic.
Cheyenne: Well, pills can be magic. Sort of. Sometimes.
And there’s no shame in needing them, Tanner. It’s no different than a diabetic needing insulin shots.
Tanner: Except that I’m a professional athlete, and I can’t afford to have a dizzy spell at the wrong time. My career would be over.
Cheyenne: You could try different meds.
There are a lot of options these days.
Tanner: Yeah, I heard tonight marijuana was a thing for ADHD. Who knew?
Cheyenne: Are you smoking in my house?!
Tanner: *laughter* No, I’m not. Relax.
Cheyenne: I mean, if you need it for medical purposes, that’s fine, but you have to hide it before I get home and accidentally touch it. I had a friend who tested positive on a drug screening just from being in the same room as someone who had a smoked a joint the day before.
Tanner: I doubt the truth of that story, but I hear you.
Cheyenne: Do you? For real?
Tanner: Yes, Chey. I’m actually a fully-grown adult person who takes things seriously these days. I’m meeting with my financial manager tomorrow, and tonight over dinner I was discussing whether I would ever want to be a stay-at-home dad.
Cheyenne: Oh my God, the thought of you as a father is terrifying.
Tanner: Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Cheyenne: I didn’t mean it like that! You’ll be a great dad. I just meant knowing you’re old enough to talk about stuff like that reminds me how ancient I am. I should start trying to find someone I have permission to sleep with and get knocked up. Or maybe get married and then get knocked up, though, with the crazy divorce rate in my line of work, it’s probably better to go straight to the kid and custody arrangements and forgo the brief, foolish interlude of hope and romance.
Tanner: It doesn’t have to fall apart.
Some people make hope and romance work for the long haul.
Cheyenne: Ugh, you’re such a romantic. You always have been.
Even when you were a baby, crushing on that little girl who lived down the street. You can’t be trusted to see the world as it really is.
Tanner: Or maybe your pessimism is keeping you from opening yourself up to a healthy relationship. Ever think about that?
Cheyenne: Stop sounding reasonable and smart. It makes me uncomfortable.
Tanner: *laughs*
Cheyenne: So how are things on your dating front? Have you abandoned your pattern of serial monogamy and taken advantage of your newfound fame to score mad lady-tail?
Tanner: I’m not really into mad lady-tail.
Tail without feelings isn’t my thing. I like quality, not quantity.
Cheyenne: Aw, look at your face right now! You’re so cute!
Oh my God, are you in love? You’re in love, aren’t you?
Tanner: *eye roll* I’m not in love.
Cheyenne: Oh yes you are. You’re blushing bright red like a big, adorable doofus! Who is it? How long have you been dating? And why didn’t you say anything before now? You know I need gossip to ease my loneliness.
Tanner: I’m not dating anyone. We’re just hanging out, and it’s only been a couple weeks so…
Cheyenne: That’s fast. But when you know, you know, right?
Tanner: Are you the same person who just said hope and romance are dead?
Cheyenne: Not dead. Just foolish. For me. But not for you!
Not to give you a big head, baby brother, but you’re a total catch. Sweet, successful, hard working, and easy on the eyes—as long as you like blond guys with creepy golden facial hair.
Tanner: Thanks. I appreciate the vote of confidence, but it’s too soon to put a label on anything. But she is special. She got me to hug a mannequin tonight.
Cheyenne: What? Holy shit! Are you for real?
Tanner: For real. And it wasn’t bad. It was liberating, actually.
Cheyenne: Get the fuck out. Where is my baby brother?
What did you do to him, you evil cyborg replacement person?
Tanner: *laughs*
Cheyenne: I’m talking to an alien virus that’s using my brother’s body as a host, aren’t I? Because there is no way my actual real life brother would ever touch a mannequin, let alone hug one.
Tanner: What can I say?
I think this is the summer I leave that stupid shit behind.
Cheyenne: Wow.
Do you think this girl can help me get over my fear of bugs, too?
Every time I have to sweep the hangar when the bugs are swarming, I get so worked up I sweat through my uniform and Guzman and Fowler make fun of me for a solid twenty-four hours after.
Tanner: Maybe. Though, that reminds me, Wanda didn’t like Diana too much at first. She actually bit her.
Cheyenne: Oh shit, no! Bad pig! Tell Diana I’m so, so sorry!
Tanner: It’s okay. We’re working on behavior adjustments, and so far Wanda seems to be coming around. At least she’s not hiding behind doors and jumping out to scare Diana anymore.
Cheyenne: Diana, huh? The new roommate is your new squeeze, isn’t she?
Ha! I knew it! I knew you couldn’t cohabitate with a woman without banging her. But your captain is going to have your ass, right? That’s against team rules, isn’t it? Like if I decided to bang someone in my chain of command?
Tanner: Except that I won’t lose a stripe or wreck my career.
I’ll just have some of the team pissed at me until they realize I know how to treat people I care about.
Cheyenne: AW!!! You are in love! I knew it!
Tanner: Oh, shut up! And keep your voice down!
She’s just down the hall, and the last time I checked, she had ears.
Cheyenne: Oh good, I like people with ears.
I can’t wait to meet her! And tell her thank-you for putting up with my badly behaved pig and my weirdo brother. Maybe you could thank her for me. And apologize for Wanda. I should have done a better job socializing her with strangers when she was a baby. That’s totally my bad.
Tanner: Will do. Chat same time next week?
Cheyenne: Sounds good. And keep an eye on the mail between now and then. I ordered something adorable for Wanda. You should put it on her before you walk her next time. It’ll be a great conversation starter.
Tanner: I’m afraid to ask. This is your way of continuing to embarrass me even though you’re thousands of miles away, isn’t it?
Cheyenne: Mortification and mockery are how I show my love, baby brother.
Take care of yourself, okay? And give Mom a call.
Tanner: I will.
Cheyenne: All right. I miss you.
Tanner: I miss you, too. Can’t wait until you’re home safe.
Cheyenne: Ditto.