Chapter 30
Ashley
My shoulder is killing me. The pain isn’t as dreadful as before Nolan popped it back into place, but the longer we walk the more it hurts. I tightly clench my jaw and duck under another tree branch, struggling to keep a scream from reaching my lips. I must have whimpered a little because Nolan stops walking and studies me. Sweat is beading off my brow from the pain, mixing with the dried blood from the cut on my forehead.
“Ash, are you OK?” Nolan asks. The concern in his voice makes me want to cry. I push back the tears and draw a deep breath.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I grit through clenched teeth. “We need to keep moving before Shaun comes back and realizes we’re gone.”
“You need to rest. How about we stop here for a little while.” Nolan says. He has a wrinkle on his forehead from worrying about me. I squeeze his strong hand, gripping my good one.
“No, I don’t want to stop, Nolan. If they find us again we’re done for. I’ve been thinking about it and the only person I can come up with that wants me dead beside Shaun is Marcus, Ian’s father. We need to get ahead of him and get him before he catches us. If that means gritting through the pain in my shoulder, then I’ll do it. I’m not going down without a fight.”
The determination on my face must have changed Nolan’s mind about stopping. He gives my hand a squeeze and a sad smile appears on his full lips. I lean into his bare chest and breath him in. He carefully wraps his arms around me, pulling me tight against him. I’m so thankful he came into my life when he did, and I want to make it up to him for putting up with all the craziness that’s my life at the moment. I pull away and start walking again.
“Tell me something that no one else knows, not even Rush,” Nolan says.
“Hmm, that’s a tough one. Rush knows just about everything. We’ve been a family before I can remember. His mom and dad were best friends with my parents before I was born. They were all born into this life like I was. My great-grandfather on my dad’s side actually started our crew back in the nineteen fifties.”
“Did he give you guys a street name? I’ve never heard you mention it before. You just say your crew and family, never a street name like the Tres Seis or the 38th Street.”
“Well, if he did, I don’t know what it is. We’ve been so powerful over the last sixty years, we didn’t need a street name. All someone had to do is mention the name Force and people used to quiver in fear. My grandfather never had to deal with something like this. Now it’s a power struggle just to stay on top.” I bend under another tree branch, leading the way through the woods. “There is something no one knows. It’s something I have a tough time talking about. The last secret I haven’t told you.” I stop walking and carefully sit down on a fallen tree, trying not to jolt my shoulder. Nolan sits down and puts his arm around me, pulling me into his chest.
“What is it Ash?” he asks. I hesitate to respond. It’s one of my dark demons I battle with every day. “It’s OK. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, no matter what you tell me.” Nolan’s breath fans over the top of my head.
I pull away from his warm chest and focus on the tree limb in front of me. If I tell him this, I can’t look at him or touch him. I feel like I’ll taint him with my secret. Taking a deep breath and releasing it, I begin my last secret.
“A few days after my parents and little brother were killed, I somewhat spiraled down a dark hole. I blamed myself for their deaths and didn’t know how to deal with it. I should have been with them when they died. Instead, I was arguing with Rush about who hurt him so badly. I found out who did it by overhearing my grandfather on the phone the night after Rush came to my house and I cleaned him up. My grandfather wasn’t in the best of shape and after the accident, he was devastated. His health went downhill fast, and I never noticed. At the funeral, he couldn’t take the pain of losing his only son and grandson. He had a heart attack right in front of me and the rest of the family, a church filled with people from every corner of California, paying their respects. Something else I blamed myself for. I was so wrapped up in my own emotions, I didn’t see the warning signs.”
I’m so lost in my own memory, I don’t realize tears are falling down my cheeks until Nolan wipes one away. He's rubbing my back gently as I continue my story. My chest aches from the strain of losing them all over again even though it’s been ten years. I sniff and exhale, this next part will make or break us.
“Anyways, a few days later, I tracked down the guys who hurt Rush, on my own. I realize I was only fourteen, but I’ve seen so much shit, I knew what I was doing. My parents didn’t shelter me from their business, I understood what they had to do in order to survive. No one realized it was me and if they find out, I don’t think they’ll grant me a reprieve. I inflicted so much pain and revenge on them, those guys didn’t stand a chance to survive. I brought all my heartbreak, anger, and justice for Rush, my parents, and Austin on them. There was only two of them, but I held them in the basement of my parent’s house for two days, doing to them what they did to Rush. One bled out in a day and the other on day two. I would have made their torture even longer, but something in me snapped and what I did sunk in. I have blood on these hands and they’ll never come clean.” my voice is barely above a whisper. I hold my palms out in front of me to reveal the blood on my hands, tears are in my eyes.
“I pay every day for taking those lives and back then, being fourteen, I didn’t understand why I did it, only that justice was served. I lost my mind and went crazy. I blamed myself for my family's death and then I turned around took two lives. Granted they deserved it, they were evil and had no morals about hurting a teenager. I buried their bodies and cleaned up the mess. No one stopped me, and no one helped. I did that. Then I ran away. About a week after I took off, the cops picked me up and placed me into a group home. I had so much rage and anger, that even the toughest girls there wouldn’t fuck with me. One tried, and I put her in the hospital. Then the Spencer's took me in and the rest is history."
I finish telling my story and there’s silence between us. The only sound around us is our breathing, mine is heavy, and Nolan’s is calm and shallow. Even the animals are quiet. Not a bird chirping or even a squirrel running around. Nolan’s hands are still on my back, rubbing it, soothing my soul. I still can’t look at him, I can’t see the pity or the disgust in his whiskey colored eyes.
“Ash, I know about blame and about pain. I understand how you feel. I’ve been there before. Your hands aren’t the only ones stained.” Nolan confesses quietly.
I eventually find the courage to peek at him. There’s no pity, no disgust, no shame. He understands what I’ve gone through and what I did, but he doesn’t elaborate. He offers me a small smile and tugs me against him, being careful of my shoulder. His lips graze my hair, his breath fanning across my scalp and it shoots a shiver down my spine. I wait for him to explain, to tell me something more about his past, but he doesn’t. I'm fine with that for now. Eventually, he'll open up and when he does, I'll be here for him, like he is with me. We stay sitting on the fallen tree for a few minutes until I can’t stand the quietness anymore. I need to do something, say something.
“Thank you, Nolan,” I whisper.
“Why are you thanking me? I didn’t do anything.”
“Yes, you did. You’ve done more for me than anyone has in my life.” I answer.
Rush’s words come racing back into my mind. ‘There’s someone out there for you who you haven’t met yet that will be your other half. The one you can feel safe with and will want to tell him everything. No hesitation.’
Nolan is that man, my other half, the one who makes me feel safe, the only one who knows all my secrets. I understand that now, without a shadow of a doubt. I lean my head up, my breath fanning across his neck and I watch as goosebumps break out on his skin. His Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he swallows hard. His eyes finally collide with mine and it takes my breath away. My heart beats hard against my chest, excitement filling my veins as his eyes, hooded with desire drops to my lips. I lean up, running my right hand through his messy brown hair. I shouldn’t be craving his body right now, considering the danger we're in, but my body and head are not working together. My body is screaming at me to let loose, let him have his wicked way with me again. My head is saying, no you have to keep going.
Fuck it, I can’t stand to not touch him anymore or have him not touch me. Our lips finally meet, and Nolan lets out a growl from the back of his throat, which turns me on even more. I caress his shirtless chest. His body heat is scorching hot against my hands. I let out a whimper of want when he picks me up and I straddle his lap on the fallen tree. My center is flush against his cock and his hardness is straining through his jeans. I grind my hips against him as our tongues battle with each other, seeking and retreating. His taste invades my senses, sending my body into overdrive. He tries to remove my tank top carefully avoiding my shoulder, but it’s not working. Fuck this shit, who says a little pain doesn’t bring pleasure.
“Take the belt off me, now,” I demand against Nolan’s lips.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” his husky voice replies.
“I don’t give a fuck. I don’t want gentle right now, I want hard and fast. Undo the fucking belt and fuck me like you mean it.” I groan against his lips.
“Your dirty mouth is going to get you in trouble.” he replies, undoing the makeshift sling. “But I love it.”
Once my arm is free to move, I test how far it can go without pain. I drag my tank top over my head in one swift movement and Nolan’s lips are instantly on my breasts licking, sucking and biting them through my bra. Needing skin on skin, I reach back to undo the clasp. His hands are already there, stopping me from unhooking it.
“I’ve got this part,” Nolan says, his hot breath fanning across my chest.
Shivers break out on my skin as he unhooks the clasp and drags my bra down, freeing my breasts from the confinements of the material. His mouth is back on one nipple, his fingers are pinching and squeezing the other as I pull his head closer, my breath coming out in short bursts. Fuck, he knows how to handle my body. I run my hands through his hair pulling it, moving my hips back and forth against his hard cock, grinding against him. He lets out a groan from the back of his throat and it vibrates through my body, turning me on more. I pull away from Nolan and stand up. His eyes follow my movements when I remove my jeans, they’re brimmed with desire. Out here, in the woods, I’m ready to offer my soul, hand him my entire heart. I stretch my palms down my abdomen, inching towards the top of my panties. I pass a finger along the band while my other hand is cupping one of my breasts. Nolan’s eye dart between my hand pushing into my panties and my other playing with my chest. The panties win the battle and he licks his lips as I caress my clit. My fingers are soaked with desire as I rub them along my pussy. I slowly step up to him sitting on the fallen tree, his eyes not leaving my hand fondling myself. I withdraw my fingers and bring them to his lips. He opens his mouth and sucks on the digits, coated with my wetness. Nolan lets out a groan of approval from my taste. His eyes snap up to mine, watching me watch him. That turns me on even more than his hot mouth cleaning my fingers.
Fuck this man is everything I’ve ever wanted. He holds my fingers in his mouth as he rises. He unzips and unbuttons his jeans, sliding them down his muscled legs. His boxers are still on. I peek down between us and see his hard shaft outlined through them. I lick my lips and go down on my knees, having the sudden urge to taste him. I pull his boxers down and his cock springs free from the confinements. Pre-cum is glistening on the head and I lick it up, his salty, sweet flavor explodes in my mouth. I run my tongue up and down his shaft a few times before I open my mouth and draw him in as far as I can.
“Fuck that feels so good, don’t stop.” Nolan groans, urging me on.
I lick and suck, bobbing my head up and down while his hands grab my hair. Nolan’s hips move back and forth as he fucks my mouth. I let out a humming noise, vibrating his cock and his grip on my hair tightens. His chest is heaving when he finally pulls away. I lick my lips, savoring his flavor.
Nolan sits on the ground in front of the tree and tugs me down along with him. It seems every time we’ve been intimate, there’s never a bed around but that’s all right with me. I’ll take this man anyway and anywhere I can. I straddle his lap; my panties are soaked now. He runs a finger down my stomach and leans me back a little, holding me up with his other hand on my back before plunging his fingers into my wet folds, caressing and pinching my clit.
“Oh fuck.” I groan out, moving my hips against his hands.
The build-up starts low in my belly moving its way through my body. Nolan increases his speed against my clit with his thumb and plunges two fingers inside of my opening, creating a moan to escape my lips. My body feels close to the edge when Nolan removes his fingers, bringing them up to my lips. I open and suck my own essence off his fingers.
“You’re a dirty, dirty woman and that turns me the fuck on,” Nolan whispers, his eyes not leaving my mouth.
I pop his digit out and kiss him with all the pent-up desire flooding my veins. His tongue meets mine, our flavors mixing together as we battle back and forth. Before I realize it, I’m on my back, my panties have come off and Nolan’s hovering above me. I spread my legs wide to make room for his hips. He sweeps his hand down and starts tugging on his shaft that’s rubbing my heated center. He drives his hard cock up and down my wet folds, making me squirm under him.
“Fuck me like you mean it, Nolan.” I groan out.
That’s all the restraint he has as he plunges inside of me. A grunt escapes my lips from his assault. His hard shaft filling me up as he thrusts in and out. The slapping of our bodies and the moans coming from both of us is the only sounds in the silent night. I dig my nails into his back as I meet him thrust for punishing thrust. My build up starts in my toes and I’m powerless to stop it. Nolan leans back on his knees and spreads my legs wider, his hooded eyes are watching our bodies connect as he moves in and out of me, hard and fast. My juices are coating his cock, making him slide in and out with ease. His fingers tighten around my hips, digging into my flesh, which turns me on even more. My back arches off the ground. Sweat beads on his brow as he tries to maintain control, but I see it in his body that he’s close. I feel it in the swelling of his cock. Nolan rubs my clit with his pelvis and I’m going over the edge fast.
“Fuck, Nolan I’m coming," I scream out as my body tumbles over the edge and I fall into the abyss. My vision blurs as my orgasm takes over, grunts and groans escape our lips. Nolan finds his release, his come filling me up, his hands clutch my hips tighter. Our breathing is ragged as he slows down his pace. I tighten my pussy around him, milking him for all he has. A shudder wracks through his body as he leans over me and kisses me gently, bringing me down from my orgasm.
“Holy fuck, I’ve never experienced that before.” Nolan pants against my mouth.
I pull him down so all his weight is on me, reveling in his heated skin against mine. Something in this moment changes between us, our souls connect on some higher level and it's wonderful. I will do anything and everything for this man. I’ll take away his pain, bring him happiness. I just handed him my whole heart. He has it in the palm of his hands and I never want it back again.