Bastard. I plop on the couch in front of the now empty flogging room. Jaden did it again. He’s proving to be a love ’em and leave ’em kind of guy. Not that I’ve ever known anything different. He doesn’t think enough of you to stick around. I don’t want to face that tiny little fact.

What really bothers me is not knowing. Not knowing where we’re going at ten. Not knowing what comes next—period. “Be ready to leave at ten.” I mock his words aloud.

“That sounds just like him.” Kat’s voice comes from the doorway.

I jump, heart pounding. “Shit.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She can probably smell the sex all over me. I blush.

Kat sits on the couch and pats the cushion beside her. I sit, begrudging the movement in my mind. I’ll ponder my jump-how-high reaction to these people later.

Kat gestures toward the dark flogging room. “What did you think of the scene?”

Now, how the fuck does one answer that? I loved it. I hated it. I want to try it. Not in this lifetime.

My little bitch goddess admits in the smallest of voices: It made me wet. Problem is I’m dying to know how this world works and who better to tell me than the owner. She might be a tad more forthcoming than Jaden. Fuck him. You want to. I sigh. There’s no denying it. BG is so right.

“Why the big sigh?” Kat asks. “How may I help?”

“I guess I’m a little confused. I really liked your class this afternoon.”

“But you don’t know if you’d like the lifestyle.”

Oh God, not two of them who can read my mind. I don’t think I like being the recipient.

“This isn’t about me liking the lifestyle. It all seems to be about control. I will never let a man control me again. It’s about understanding this world so I can help my sister.”

“Interesting that control is your issue and not pain.” Kat smiles and nods, examining me as if I’m a lab specimen.

“Yeah, pain too.” I groan inwardly. Can I sound any worse? The problem is, I’m unsure whether I’d like the pain. The stuff I read says some pain is pleasurable. That Sub sure seemed to like it. I’ll have to give it a try. Research. Take one for the team, so to speak. “Where can I find out more about your training program?” No sense dancing around the Maypole.

Kat leans back against the couch. “What do you want to know?”

“How much does it cost?”

“Your tuition is covered by Jaden’s membership. The Dom or Domme always pays, Drake. That’s the way it is.”

“He’s not my Dom. He didn’t agree. Do I need one to start your program?”

Kat’s intense gaze rakes over me, but her expression gives no clue about what she thinks. It takes every ounce of willpower I have, but I stay still and hold her gaze. Finally, she gives a small nod.

“No, you don’t need a Dom to start. A new program starts on Monday. Classes run every afternoon. I’ve left the schedule in your room.” Kat stands and steps toward the door. She pauses with her hand on the handle but doesn’t look back at me.

“Be patient with him, Rayne. It takes a lot to come back from a broken heart.”

I take stock as I get ready for bed. I have a job—of sorts. I have a place to stay—for a while. I have a lover—or whatever the fuck I’m supposed to call him—maybe. Now, I’m finally going to learn more about sex. I have a plan.

I hate being at loose ends. I’m all about structure. Maybe because I come from such chaos. I’m much happier now that I have a direction. I smile at my image in the mirror. My bruises are almost healed. You can actually see what I look like. Not that Jaden looks. The arnica lotion he gave me helps.

I have to admit he’s thoughtful in many ways. When he's not a complete and utter bastard. Whenever I need something, it magically appears. I brush my teeth and sink into a cloud of comfort, snuggling under a thick duvet. Hopefully, I can get some answers from Sasha tomorrow.

I drift off thinking of Jaden. Of his smile. His good looks. How he doesn’t seem to know how handsome he is. What a bastard he can be. Warmth flows through me at the thought. He takes as good as he gives. It’s beginning to look as if he likes our verbal sparring matches. My mind drifts back to his body—his perfect body.

Too cute for you. I shoo BG away. I don’t need more rain on my already saturated parade.

Jaden makes me uncomfortable. And squishy tingly all over. Happy? I shake my head. I don’t feel good things. I vaguely recall feeling happy when I was a little kid. Before the fear. Happiness, like love, is elusive. Something I’m destined to live without.

I reach back in memory for my maternal grandmother’s words, for the thread of hope they give me. Gran always said I was destined for something special. That I would find a special love. Someone different. Someone not like the rest. Someone worth hanging on to when I found him. When I watched Gran with Grandad, it all seemed possible. That was before ES taught me the mantra: I am ugly. I am stupid. I am unlovable. I am worthless.

Gran always said the good Lord helps those who help themselves. So how come He hasn’t helped me so far? I drift off on the current of my own pity party.

I awaken having the same love-hate argument about Jaden. I can no longer deny that something about him makes my girly bits clench. Something about him makes me want to use filthy language. Makes me want to do dirty things.

But I hate all men. They’re only out for themselves. Why think Jaden would be any different? Perhaps because something about him makes me feel safe. And because of that jolt of electricity that shoots through me every time I think about him—he makes me feel. In the moment. He makes me forget the fear.

I leave the cocoon of my luxury bed and slip on the thick terry cloth bathrobe. It’s one of those one-size affairs designed for gorilla-size people. Snuggling into its voluminous depths, I pad over to my bedroom window. Just like Jaden’s compound, everything about the place screams luxury of the understated and ultramodern kind.

Kat gave Jaden and me a penthouse suite in their Masquerade Club. The weird thing is the club takes up the entire top floor of a major Toronto Hotel . . . and only members know of its existence. Somehow, Connor and Kat manage to cloak the club with a pimped-out security system that comes with all sorts of cloak-and-dagger stuff like retinal scans. Très cool.

I open the blackout drapes and take in the breathtaking view of the Toronto Harbour. Shards of early fall sunshine glitter off the mirrored surface of Lake Ontario and boomerang back to the cloudless bright blue sky. It promises to be the perfect day to visit Sasha. Time to get ready.

A silver tea service and a ton of covered dishes sit on the table in the living area. So many good smells make my mouth gush. Jaden pours a cup and pushes it in my direction. “Black with honey and lemon.” It’s not a question. Bastard. Not that I know why I’m so bitchy. I peer into his cup as I take a seat opposite him. It’s the color of my skin—double cream. Note to self.

“Thank you.” What else was there to say? We sat in uncomfortable silence for a beat.

“You hungry?” Jaden flinches as he reaches for the lid on one of the dishes.

“What’s wrong? What’s the matter?” I hop up and reach for the hem of his T-shirt. He tugs it down.

“It’s nothing.”

“Yeah, right.” I pull up the edge of the shirt, revealing a huge bruise over his mid-torso and back . . . almost obliterating the head of his dragon tattoo. “Holy shit. If this is what your bruise looks like on day two, you must not be looking forward to the dreaded day three or four. What’s the other guy look like?”

Jaden’s breathing catches as I gingerly trace the bruise with my finger.

“At the club, why didn’t you tell me . . . You didn’t have to . . . I mean—”

“It was fine.”

Better than fine.

“The other guy’s dead.”

“Was it Viper?” I hold my breath.

“No. But he’s a goner too.”

“No shit . . . dead.” That news shuts me up for thirteen seconds. “Any leads on Summer?”

“No, but the guys are in serious search mode. Nothing we can do until they sniff a lead.” He stares into his cup. Not a good time to badger.

“Let’s get some ice on that.” I stride to the bar fridge. Nothing suitable. I call room service and order a large ice pack and a bottle of ibuprofen.

“How bad is it?” I pour a glass of water from the cooler and set it in front of Jaden.

“Could be worse.” Jaden speaks through clenched teeth doing the I-am-man-so-feel-no-pain thing.

A knock sounds at the suite door. “That was quick.” I relieve the bellhop of his bundle. In short order, I dispense the painkillers and wrap the ice pack around his bruised side, securing it with the tie from my housecoat. As I stand up to survey my handiwork, the housecoat gapes open. I quickly gather it together, hiding the skimpy nightshirt that covers almost nothing.

Jaden reaches up and pulls my hand away. “Don’t do that.” The husky timbre of his voice must be caused by the pain.

I look at the bulge forming in his pants and quickly look away. I’m fascinated by this piece of Jaden’s anatomy, but I’d rather die than show him I’m interested. I step back and pull the housecoat back together.

Those amber eyes meet mine, sparking with challenge. He gestures for me to sit down.

“This is not a good way to go about it if you want me to be your Dom.”

The threat hangs in the air between us, thickening as it absorbs the particles of our unspoken fears. I’m not going to let him get away with this shit.

“That would be academic since you’re not my Dom. Besides, I don’t need one anymore.”

The edge of Jaden’s mouth quirks like he knows something I don’t.

“Oh. How do you figure that?”

Huh. I know something he doesn’t, and I flush with pride. Such a stupid little thing, but I have precious little of my own to be proud of. I sit straighter and meet his stare straight on. “Because Kat told me. I start the program next week.”

“We’ll just see about that.” He starts to get up. I jump up and push him back into his chair.

“Fuck.” He clutches his middle and takes a deep breath. I’ve hurt him. I don’t care . . . much.

“Just mind your own fucking business, Jaden.”

“It’s my business, too, and don’t you forget it.”

“Oh yeah? How do you figure that?”

“You’re here on my dime, remember? That makes it my business.” His chiseled face sets with the lines of command and determination.

I’m all sorts of intimidated but refuse to let it show. I lean onto my forearms and match his gesture. “Not anymore, bucko. I paid for my own course, thank you very much.” I pray to God Kat backs me up if Jaden gets to her before I do.

“Any word on Sasha?”