I don’t know what the fuck possesses me. I manage to stay strong for Sasha, and I’m pretty damn proud of myself for that. Sasha’s an open wound, bleeding humiliation. The more she talked and opened up to me, the more I felt her pain—physically and mentally. I convince myself I’m okay all the way back to the hotel. I manage to make it to the couch, looking as cool as the crisp night air.

“You okay?” Jaden hovers, looking every bit as uncomfortable as a young child at the dentist.

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yup.” I manage a weak smile. Go . . . before I break.

“Okay, I’m going to get cleaned up.” He doesn’t move. “You sure you’re okay?”

I can’t make my mouth move.

“Rayne!”

“I’m fine, Jaden. Just a bit tired. I’m just going to watch a bit of television.”

Naming an activity seems to do the trick. Jaden straightens, smiles, and heads off toward his bedroom. I sit for a moment, freeing more adrenaline to ratchet up the fist squeezing my pounding heart. I’m not sure what’s happening. I can’t catch my breath. I’m far too young for a heart attack.

I need a place where I can be alone, someplace where Jaden won’t find me. I hide in the tiny alcove at the back of the bedroom closet, perched atop a pile of spare blankets and pillows.

It hits me like a ton of bricks. Life as I know it could change in a split second. Summer could die. Or be dead already. Even Jaden is human and could be killed in spite of his demeanor as an indestructible force.

Life as I knew it had changed in the time it took ES to say, “Get them out of my sight.” I start shaking uncontrollably, sweat dampening my hair. I’m dying; that’s it. You’re afraid. Body spasms blow away any rational thought. A ringlet of thoughts swirls through my mind. Summer’s gone. You’re too late. You’re all alone. Jaden could drop dead. Jaden could walk out any minute. I can’t swallow. I can barely breathe. I hug my stomach as I rock . . . waiting for it all to go away. Imminent death looks like a blessing.

Time stretches out to infinity, but the angel of death doesn’t come. Sometime during my fit, I slid onto the floor, resting my head against the bedding, knees drawn up to my chest.

“Where are you?”

I start as I hear Jaden’s voice. I’ve lulled myself into believing he doesn’t give a shit and will be happy for the break from the crazy woman. His voice booms again. I answer, but no sound comes out.

“Rayne, answer me now.” The note of irritation in his voice does nothing to help my vocal cords. I say nothing.

Silence reigns for another eternity. Jaden comes back into my bedroom. The closet door opens. I remain hunkered down in my corner.

“Goddammit.” The door shakes with the force from Jaden’s slam. He sounds more frantic than irritated. That’s all it takes. The tears start flowing. Tears that haven’t seen the light of day since I was eleven or twelve years old. I hold my breath, waiting for him to leave the bedroom. My head sinks into the arms crossed over my bent knees as I fold into myself. Hiding from vulnerability and fear.

I’m drowning in a sea of repressed emotion breaking free. Why does bad shit always happen to me? What did I ever do to deserve the use and abuse that signifies my short life? Why? Why? Why? My mind sifts through every catastrophe imaginable.

A warm arm slides around my shoulders, and Jaden wraps one large hand around my head, pulling me into his hard chest. I curl into his inviting arms, gasping and sputtering as sobs consume me. He sits without moving while I empty the cesspool that holds my soul. He strokes my head until the tears end, and all that remains is the occasional hiccup of dry sobs. He wipes my tears with his shirt.

“So, what part got to you?”

A small piece of the permafrost surrounding my heart melts. Jaden hasn’t demanded anything of me. He offers to share.

“I don’t know.” I sigh. What has brought this on? “She told me her story, and I can’t get rid of the horror.”

“And?”

“She asked me to tell my story. That doesn’t bother me, though.” Liar. I bat BG right back into her cage. She puts her foot in the door as I try to close it.

“So what are these tears about?”

“I don’t know. I told you.” I let full-fledged bitchy rule my voice. Who the hell does he think he is, anyway? I don’t owe him a thing. But we notice you’re still in his arms.

“Why don’t you tell me what happened?” Jaden keeps his tone neutral.

I pull out all the stops as I absorb his vibes. I catch a whiff of anger, although not directed at me. Mostly I get compassion with a tiny undercurrent of retribution. I try to shut him down. I can’t handle both of our emotions. I’m exhausted from my own and Sasha’s.

If I tell this man my story, there’s no telling what he’ll do. Kill them all? Good. Not good, goddammit.

My mind carries on its clash of the Titans—guilt maiming hatred, hatred making a miraculous recovery and knocking self-pity aside to make way for retribution. I want that bastard Kevin to pay, even after all these years. I want him to feel the terror. To be helpless. Maybe I’ll slice up the head of his cock and see how he feels about it.

“Are you still with me?”

“No. I mean, yes, I’m still with you, and no, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay.” He pulls me closer.

Five minutes pass, and he just sits there on the floor in this closet stroking my hair. As he holds me, another shard of ice melts, releasing years of protective silence.

When I was fourteen, ES moved us from Guelph to a hick town. About seven hundred people lived there. Like every small town, there were the poor families with a gazillion kids who lived on the fringe. Farm kids made up the rest of the population. I arrived all full of academic pep and creative vinegar. I stepped straight from an academic fast-track to the backwater swamp of Southwestern Ontario where studies in things like Latin and theater were not an option.

Jaden barks out a hoarse laugh. “You must have been quite the shock to their systems.”

“Oh, yeah. And to make matters worse, they hated black people. The party started the first day of school. They put me in tenth grade because of my age. Academically, I should have been in eleventh grade. The town sluts, Susan and Blair, said, ‘Oh great, a nigger’ as the scent of body odor and manure assaulted me.

“Where was the teacher?”

“Oh, standing right there at the front of the class. He ignored them and told me to take a seat. Then one of them said, ‘How come you’re such a darkie if your father’s white?’”

“‘How come you don’t mind your own business?’ flew out of my mouth before I had a conscious thought. The wounds in my heart started to fester.” Could I sound more dramatic?

“I bet that went over.” Jaden brushes my arm with his fingers. The repetitive motion and his gentle tone relax me.

“Yeah, like the proverbial lead balloon.” I shiver as I remember the anger and humiliation that simmered beneath the surface. How dare they treat me like this? I’m a Canadian, born and bred. I’ve lived here all my life, and not one person has ever called me rude names before.

Jaden says nothing, just keeps stroking my arm.

“I hung around with two guys, John and Howie. Howie’s family had fourteen kids and no household plumbing. His cousin’s family had nine kids, one being the rapist, Kevin. I went to school with some of them, so I knew them casually.”

“You probably knew everyone in a town that size.”

“Pretty much.”

The detachment I wear like a second skin dissolves in his embrace. Jaden listens with his whole body, head thrown back, eyes closed, arms still holding me tight.

This time, I bleed out my absolute terror and self-revulsion. I tell him about how the bitch goddess saved my mind. About how I turned into a robot and didn’t fight. I choke on my shame.

“And you know what the biggest kicker is? The bastard won a million dollars in the lottery. Sometimes, life just isn’t fair.”

“For people like you and me, life isn’t fair and not just sometimes. That’s why I do what I do. That’s why you’re here and not with pond scum like Viper.”

Oh, my God. He’s for real. He said, “You and me.” Like I’m not alone. Is it possible we’re more alike than I thought?

“Can we change the subject? Anything but Viper.”

“Sure. Tell me what you’re looking for in your Top.” Jaden’s eyes remain closed.

“My what?”

“What you keep calling a Dom. Dom is a term used by someone who lives the lifestyle twenty-four seven. I do not.”

I swivel out of his arm so I face him. “I know I’m all fucked up. I don’t blame you for saying no.”

Jaden turns his head and one golden eye peers at me. In one lionesque movement, he gets to his feet, pulling me up with him. “I need a toke.”

The suite has everything a human being could want, and minutes later, we’re settled on the couch with two glasses of wine and a blunt. The hell with vaping.

A comfortable buzz rolls over me as we lounge on the couch. Jaden lies on his side, head propped on his fist, looking at me like I have something interesting to say.

“Now, let’s start over. I’ve known you long enough to know you’re not about to let some man control your life.” Jaden’s lip quirks at the corner. “No matter how devastatingly handsome he may be.” He winks, and more of that gushy warm wax flows through my groin. Slow down, girlfriend. His charm and good looks are inviting, but he has a cold intensity that can clear a room without saying a word.

He continues. “I’m not interested in an authority-based relationship. If we have to put a label on it, I’d prefer designer relationship. We’ll design it as we go along.”

Just the mention of the word control gets me all hot and bothered. I jump up and pace in front of the coffee table.

“No way I’m going to be one of those women who kneel to serve drinks. Hell, I won’t even serve drinks unless you’re paying for them.”

Jaden’s lip twitches again. “Something to keep in mind.”

Something about this man takes the wind right out of my melodramatic sails. He doesn’t seem at all bothered by my barbed tongue. “So what are you looking for?”

Something else I’m learning about him . . . He will not be put off. In most cases, I can piss off another human encroaching on my personal space in thirteen point five seconds. Not Jaden. He sits there, unperturbed, smiling faintly, watching me as I bounce around the suite.

When this burst of frenetic energy winds its way down, Jaden pats the leather beside him. I perch on the edge. He pulls me back so my butt rests against his stomach and thighs. Suddenly, I’m aware of every single hair follicle on my skin.

“Relax, Rayne. I’m not going to eat you.” Wicked grin. “Well, I might, but not at the moment. Now, you were saying?”

“I wasn’t saying anything.” I can play obtuse with the best of them.

“And, we’ll try a third time. What are you hoping to do with your Top?”

“If I knew what I wanted, I wouldn’t need a Do— Top, now would I?

Jaden dislodges me so fast I have an Exorcist moment. He stands and looks down at the rather inelegant sprawl he’s left me in.

“You’re going to have to do better than that.” He walks out of the room.