I cringed. The beeping was loud. So deafening I tried to reach out and swat at whatever was near me. It was like an aggravating mosquito I couldn’t find in the dark. But my hands were listless. Useless. I struggled to move the right and then the left, but nothing happened.

Could someone please turn off that alarm?

Ouch!

Something jabbed my upper arm like a fire poker. Did someone inject hot lava in my body? It hurt enough to make me cry, but even my tear ducts were unresponsive. And then there was a sudden feeling of floating. It was soothing, actually. A nice change from whatever was happening around me. I tried to reach out again, but I gave in to the warmth coursing up my arm and stopped fighting.

Hey, this is pretty nice. Just floating and drifting.

The beeping wasn’t as irritating. The fire was gone from my arm. And I could sleep.

Something I hadn’t done in weeks.

I wasn’t the kind of woman who could afford the luxury of sleep. A seventy-million dollar beach house, sure but a nap—no way.

Who could nap when award season was around the corner? No one slept during this time of the year. I had meetings with designers. There were gowns to choose. Diamonds to pair. And someone had to decide what shape to file my nails. Every element of my look was choreographed. The dietician went over my strict meal guidelines. Sometimes I thought if I looked at a carb, I’d be zapped. And then there was Javier.

He was relentless. We met at the movement club, a Hollywood term for the place where I got my ass kicked every morning at 5am. My stomach had to be flat to fit in the gowns. My arms had to look sculpted. And my booty had to be round. It was Javier’s job to make sure I was molded into some kind of impossible Barbie doll.

But there were plenty of other reasons I couldn’t sleep besides the stress of being nominated. By the time I crawled into bed at night I was exhausted. Ready to sleep for three days. But instead I stared at the ceiling, warding off fear. Fear that another round of nightmares would start. By the time I fell asleep I had an hour or two before I had to get up and meet Javier.

It was the same thing every day.

I heard someone call my name.

“Abi, can you hear us?”

Of course I could hear them. They were standing next to me. But my mouth refused to cooperate with my brain.

“She needs to get into surgery.”

“Is she going to have scars?” I recognized Ralph’s voice. When had they called my manager?

“Someone from plastics will be there. It’s the underside of her arm. I wouldn’t be concerned.”

“Wouldn’t be concerned? You do realize that’s Abi Lawrence? Her pinky finger is worth more than your entire body.” Ralph’s voice was the highest-pitched in the room.

I thought Ralph was being overly dramatic and rude. It usually came off as charming, but right now it made him sound like a dick.

“Miss Lawrence is in excellent care. I’d like to take her into surgery to stop this bleeding. She’s not clotting on her own. And our plastics team will do their best to ensure minimal scarring.”

There was a long pause and I waited to hear how Ralph would handle the information.

“Fine. But if it’s not absolutely perfect there will be a lawsuit.”

Shit, Ralph. I don’t want to sue anyone.

“Let us help her. I understand you’re worried, but it doesn’t do anyone any good to start threatening legal battles before we even have her stable.”

Stable? I’m not stable?

My stomach flipped before twisting into a permanent knot.

The calm man continued, “Once she’s out of surgery we can assess if there are any significant brain injuries. But the bump on the back of her head is indicative of the hard hit she took on the pavement. I see no signs of a concussion. We have to stop this bleeding first.”

“Why isn’t she awake then?” Ralph asked.

Good question. I’d like an answer.

There was a buzz of activity around me. I couldn’t open my eyes to see it, but I could feel it. Everything had shifted into another gear and there were more people in the room. People were whispering as they moved in all directions.

My body started to float and I realized I was being rolled somewhere. The wheels squeaked on linoleum.

Ralph called,” Don’t worry, babe. I’ll be right here waiting for you. You’ve got this.”

A chill ran through me. Isn’t that what Javier said just before… Before… I couldn’t remember. Something in me told me not to try and figure it out. It was better to follow the sleep. Just sleep.