Chapter Twenty-Nine
Sasha
When Mack comes trotting into the parlor with a happy expression on her face, it dies off quickly when she sees the expression on mine.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
I grab her by the arm and yank her down the hall to Ronan’s room.
“Where is he?”
“He had to go to Slainte,” she answers, then pokes around the room in curiosity. “So this is where the Reaper lays his head at night, huh? Go figure. This place has absolutely zero personality.”
“Ronan has plenty of personality,” I snap.
Mack frowns at me and I scrub my hands over my face in frustration. “I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I know it was a joke. I’m just freaking out right now.”
Mack sits down on the bed, her voice calm and her words careful. “And why is that?”
“Because,” I whisper hiss as I point to my stomach. “He put a bun in my oven.”
Mack blinks. And then blinks again. I think she’s in more shock than I am.
“Mack?”
“Right.” She jumps up on her feet and tries to comfort me with an awkward hand pat on the shoulder. “I honestly have no frigging clue what to say, Sash. I had no idea Ronan actually banged you. Damn. That’s so weird. I can’t even imagine…”
“Okay, well please don’t try,” I cut her off. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. He’s going to freak if he finds out. But he deserves to know. But then if I tell him he’s going to keep me trapped here in this life forever.”
Mack sighs and collapses back onto the bed. “And let me guess, you want me to keep my mouth shut too?”
“Obviously.”
“This double agent thing is not all it’s cracked up to be,” she mutters.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she says quickly. “Listen, Sash. I don’t really know what the deal is with you and Ronan. I think I’m still in shock that he actually had sex. I mean the man is like a fucking ice cube. Does he ever warm up?”
“He’s very… intense,” I tell her.
Mack holds up her hands and shakes her head. “Okay never mind, that’s too weird. He’s like a brother to me or something. I can’t think of him that way. So let’s focus on the important thing which is the tiny human growing inside of you and the fact that I have no fucking clue on how to advise you in this situation.”
“That isn’t helpful,” I groan.
“I know,” she says. “I suck at this stuff. Is it wrong that I feel happy? Like giddy. We’re both preggers at the same time. And we’re both with guys that we probably never in a million years thought we’d end up with, but at least we’ll be going through it together.”
I smile at her and shake my head.
“Ronan and I aren’t really together, together.”
“Well, regardless,” she beams. “You’re having his baby.”
Her happiness is contagious. I’ve been so busy freaking out over it that I never really stopped to think about that simple point. My hand moves over my belly and I blink back the tears knowing that Ronan and I created this.
It isn’t wrong. No matter how fucked up this situation is, or how badly I wanted out of this life, this baby could never be wrong. I love it already. In fact, the enormity of my sudden love for something I only just found out existed hits me hard and fast.
“God, Mack, I’m having his baby.”
“You are,” she agrees.
“I love him,” I blurt. “I know it sounds crazy. But I really do. I’ve been in love with him for so long. We are so fucked up together, but I love him.”
“Welcome to the loony bin.” Mack smiles. “Come in, sit down. Stay for a spell.”
I half-laugh, half-cry. Mack always has a way of making me feel a little better.
“But seriously though,” she says, “you should tell him.”
“I can’t,” I croak. “I don’t think… I mean I don’t know if he feels the same. He barely speaks. I have to drag every little word out of him.”
“Sash, let me tell you something. I went into Slainte thinking every single person there was sheisty as fuck. And I watched them all, Ronan included. But do you know what?”
“What?”
“He was so busy watching you that he never noticed anything else in that club. When you were there that was the only thing that existed to him. I know you said you wanted out of this life, and I get it, I really do. But are you running away from the life, or from him? Because you sort of seem to lump him in with all the other mob guys when we both know that’s not really the case.”
I blink up at her and feel pressure behind my eyes. Even though Mack is sarcastic and deflective most of the time, she really is very perceptive.
“I think he would take good care of you, Sash,” she says softly. “I think no man would ever dare look your way again if you were his. And he would never, ever hurt you. Because if he did, I would frigging murder him.”
“I don’t know.” My thoughts are too jumbled up right now to make sense of.
“You’re both avoiding each other, Sash. Avoiding the elephant in the room. How long has this been going on for?”
“Years,” I answer honestly.
“Right,” she says. “And it’s kind of ridiculous, huh?”
“Well, when you put it like that.”
Mack smiles and reaches over to hug me. She’s getting better at the hugging thing. “Talk to him, Sash,” she whispers. “That’s all you can do.”