I wait till Bear is done thanking Brewer and Pixie for their stellar performance in the shoot. The colorful tats on Brewer’s arms shimmer with the sweat he worked up while fucking Pixie into the mattress. The little imp took it like a champ, though. That lithe body of his was made to be fucked, rude as it may sound. And he’s still so fucking eager. This is gonna be a popular one, I can tell.

We already had hundreds of requests to see more of Pixie—quite a few demanding Tank have a go at him. I can see why, the difference in their personalities and body types makes for an interesting contrast. Besides, Tank is such an obvious top and Pixie such a total bottom that it fulfills that stereotype as well. So far, Bear has been reluctant to book those two together, though.

Brewer had a great time, I can tell. He hugs Pixie, then slaps him playfully on his ass before walking over to the locker room to take a shower and get dressed. It’s funny, but as soon as he’s gone, Pixie transforms back into the shy guy he was when I first met him. He looks at Bear from between his lashes, wringing his hands. It’s almost as if he has to fight the urge to cover himself up, which makes no sense because we all just watched him get ravished.

He gives Bear an awkward wave as he all but runs to the locker rooms, and Bear keeps staring at him until he’s out of sight, a frown on his face.

“Something wrong?” I ask, stepping closer.

Bear jerks as if I shock him, then turns his head my way. “I don’t know.” He looks back at the locker rooms, then at me. “Do you think Pixie likes it?”

“Working for us? For Ballsy Boys, I mean,” I quickly say to cover my mistake. “I think so. He loves to be fucked, that much is clear.”

“Yeah,” Bear says, his eyes once again trailing toward the locker rooms. “Every time I try to make small talk, he clams up.”

“He’s shy,” I offer. “And I don’t think he’s fully used to being naked around us yet.”

Bear seems to give himself a mental shake. “Anyway, you said you wanted to talk to me. What’s up, kiddo?”

I gesture toward his office. “Can we talk in private?”

Bear frowns. “I’m not gonna like this conversation, am I?”

My stomach rolls as I follow him into his office. What if he doesn’t think I’m good enough for this?

Bear signals me to sit down, and I plop down on one of the chairs before I realize it. Most of the time, the guy is pretty laid back, but he’s got this dominant edge that pops up every now and then that makes you want to obey.

“Talk to me, Rebel,” he says, his tone serious, but kind.

“I wanna quit,” I blurt out, starting in the exact wrong way. “Wait, no, that’s not what I meant.” I sigh, frustrated with myself for fucking this up, even though I’d rehearsed exactly what I wanted to say. Bear is still patiently waiting for me to get my brain into the right gear. “I love working for you, for Ballsy Boys. I’m proud of what we do here. At the same time, I think it’s time for me to move on. I was hoping you would be interested in taking me on as an assistant. Full time. Or at least, enough hours so I could stop doing shoots.”

Bear’s face breaks open in a smile. “That’s it? Fucking hell, Rebel, I thought you were gonna tell me you were moving on to another studio. That would’ve broken my fucking heart.”

“I would never do that. This is my… I love working here, Bear. You know that. These guys, they’re my friends. Family, more like. I don’t wanna leave, but I…” I sigh. “I met someone. He’s… He’s special to me, and I need to put that first.”

“Did he ask you to?” Bear asks.

I shake my head. “No. We didn’t even discuss it. He knows what I do, obviously, but he never asked me to quit. But I want to.”

Bear’s smile is much softer now, almost fatherly. “You’re in love.”

My heart skips a beat. Am I? It’s all so fucking confusing and complicated, not the least of which is I know Troy won’t wanna hear it. If I even mention the word “love” he’ll either freak out completely or run for the hills. Or maybe both. I sigh. “It’s complicated.”

“It always is, kiddo. That’s why there are millions of songs about it and countless books and movies. Love is complicated.”

Before I know it, I ask him. “Have you ever been in love?”

Bear’s eyes sadden. “Once. He…” I watch him swallow, his eyes saddening even more. “He got sick and passed away. But that was years ago.”

“Would you do it again, knowing what you know now?” It’s an awfully personal question, but Bear doesn’t seem to mind.

“Honestly, I don’t know. For myself, probably. I loved him with all my heart, and I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on our time together, brief as it was. But I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, to have to watch someone you love slowly die. It’s the most horrific, helpless feeling, because all you can do is watch.”

We sit there for a few beats, but the silence is strangely comforting. “Do you think there’s a spot for me as your assistant?” I finally switch back to the topic I wanted to talk to him about in the first place. “Or do you think I’m not ready? Or lack the talent?”

I hate that I sound so hesitant and insecure, but I need him to be honest. If I have no business even attempting this, I need him to tell me straight to my face. I mean, it’ll break my fucking heart, but at least I’ll know.

He gently shakes his head. “Rebel, you already are my right hand. You’ve barely done any shoots these last months, except with new guys, and the one with Heart. Truth is, I should have talked to you about transitioning into a more formal role as assistant creative director, but I’ve just been too busy. We’re growing like crazy, and I more than need you full time.”

Something warm opens in my heart, and I have to swallow. “You think I have the talent to do this?”

“You’ve got more talent for it than I do. Seriously. I may be better at the business end and the technical details, for now at least, but you have great vision and creativity. Did you see how many hits we got on that video with Campy, Heart, and Tank? It blew up, man, and that was all you. I love that you wanna come on board for this full time. Consider yourself hired.”

My face lights up, and I’m probably beaming like a Christmas tree. “Really?”

Bear leans in and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Kiddo, it’s not charity. I’m not hiring you out of the goodness of my heart or something. My biggest fear these last months has been that you’d get snatched up by a rival company.”

My mouth drops slightly agape. “But… Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

He squeezes my shoulder before he lets go and leans back in his chair. “Part of it was because I was too busy and didn’t make the time. But part of it was also because I didn’t want you to feel beholden to me. If I had asked you, you might have said yes out of obligation, and I wanted you to choose this out of passion, because it was what you truly wanted.”

Why are my eyes getting watery all of a sudden? “This is what I want. I love Ballsy Boys, and I want nothing more than to be a part of it in the future. Thank you for giving me this chance.” My voice breaks in an embarrassing way, but Bear merely smiles at me.

When I’ve composed myself a little, he asks, “So now that you’re officially hired, tell me what ideas you have for shoots.”

Without hesitation, I open up and share this crazy idea I had for a video with Tank and Brewer.