I do a quick look around the studio to make sure everything is set up correctly. Bear hired a new assistant, and while the kid scores high on the cute factor, he hasn’t fully mastered all the details of his job yet. Especially with a more complicated shoot like today, details matter.

Like the fact that this is supposed to be a bedroom, and yet there’s an office calendar on the wall. I walk over to take it off the wall and shove it under the king size bed, where the cameras won’t pick it up.

“Good catch,” Joey comments.

“Yeah, but we need something else there to avoid looking at an empty nail. Lemme check in the props room. And don’t let Campy jump on the bed, for fuck’s sake, ‘cause he’s gonna mess it up, and it looks perfect now.”

“I’m gonna fuck up what?” Campy asks, walking in dressed in a dark blue pinstripe suit. My mouth drops open slightly. He’s this tanned, cute-as-fuck guy with puppy eyes who’s usually dressed in ripped jeans and shirt, but this makes him actually look...adult.

I whistle between my teeth. “Looking sharp, man. Turn around.”

Campy grins, twirls easily.

“Nice. You look almost respectable.”

“Almost, huh?”

“There’s still the fact that you look like you just got fucked,” Joey quips. I swear, for a straight guy, he can make damn witty jokes.

Campy flips him the bird, then turns to face me again. “Do you think this tie goes with the suit?” he points toward a baby blue tie with a pattern of white and dark blue diagonal stripes.

I frown. “How the fuck would I know? I’ve never worn a suit in my life, man. What’s the alternative?”

Campy digs into the pocket of his suit jacket and comes out with a soft pink tie. He holds it up next to the other one. “I like the pink one better, actually,” I say, squinting to see it better. “It contrasts more.”

“See? That’s why I ask you shit like this. You have an eye for this stuff, man.”

I shrug. I’m not so sure I agree with him, but I have to admit I love hanging out in the studio during a shoot. Bear asked me to coach another newbie in his first major shoot, an inked up bad ass who calls himself Heart. He’s done an intro shoot with me and another low-key one with Brewer, but this is a big one. Bear is directing, so he asked me to coach Heart specifically.

Speaking of the bad boy, here he is now. Heart’s wearing jeans that ride so low you can see most of his bright blue boxers and that will drop right to his ankles if he so much as sneezes. He’s got a white T-shirt that he’s got draped around his neck like a scarf. His ears are decorated with loud bling and an expensive pair of sunglasses is shoved back in his dark hair.

Heart’s, like, seriously the coolest guy I’ve ever met in terms of style, but right now he looks like a fucking gangsta. Which is exactly the idea, considering the script.

He shoots me a lazy grin. “What up, Rebel?”

We do an intricate hand-shake-slap thing that only he could pull off without looking like a total moron. “You ready, sexy?”

Heart is sex on a stick. I mean, all of us Ballsy Boys have something, I suppose. As Joey pointed out, Campy always looks like he has just been thoroughly fucked. Tank has this intense, dark vibe that makes every bottom in a fifty-mile radius want to bend over and take whatever he’s dishing out. Brewer is a total fuckboy who clearly loves having sex. Pixie is new, but holy hell, that kid is up for anything. Me, I guess I do have this sultry vibe Bear’s always waxing about.

But Heart, he’s in a class by himself. He’s pure sex, every pore of him radiating something that draws you in. Everyone, and I mean literally everyone, wants to either fuck him, get fucked by him, or watch him fuck. He’s vers, like me, and I have to say I utterly, absolutely loved fucking the shit out of him and then getting back everything I’d served him.

“Good, you’re here,” Bear says, walking up to us. “Nice suit, Campy. Perfect. You, too, Heart. I dig the vibe. I need you to practice your lines with Rebel while we shoot the first scene with Campy, okay? Make sure you know them well.”

Heart nods, all serious now.

“Come on, let’s go to the locker room to practice,” I say.

Heart follows me, holding a crumpled copy of what I assume is the script in his hand. “You nervous?” I ask.

“Yeah. Kinda. It’s a big shoot.”

I turn around once we’ve reached the locker room and gesture at him to sit down on one of the benches. “No, it’s not. It’s five minutes of talking, and then you move on to the fucking. You know that part.”

He grins as he lowers himself. “I think I got that covered.”

“Tell me the story in your own words.”

He takes a deep breath. “I’m a punk who got caught vandalizing an expensive car. The rich owner wants to call the cops on me, but I’ve been busted twice before, so it would be my third strike. I’m desperate to stay out of prison, so I offer him anything to not call the cops on me. He decides to let me pay in sex.”

I nod. He’s got a good grasp on the core of the scene. “Campy’s our best actor. Don’t let the laid-back vibe mislead you. He will be a different person, so be ready for that. Your job is to be bratty, mouthy, yet desperate. Campy, Jeremy in the script, has all the power, so keep that in mind. This is not a tender scene, no reciprocity. You’re gonna get fucked hard and long in every hole.”

There’s a reason I’m blunt as can be. Heart’s new, so he needs to know what’s gonna happen. And I need to make sure he can take whatever Campy will dish out. Having your mouth fucked hard is not for everyone, but when Heart sucked me off, I noticed he didn’t have much of a gag reflex, so that’ll help.

“I’m good with the script, man,” Heart says, taking away my worry over him.

We keep running lines until Bear walks in to signal he’s ready for the next scene. They shoot it in two takes with two cameras filming at different angles. I’m proud of Heart when I see him ad lib a few times, perfectly within his character. Campy is fab as ever. Holy hell, that guy can act. I’m surprised he’s still doing porn.

Bear calls a timeout before they move on to the first fucking scene. “What do you think they should start with?” he asks me.

I consider it before answering. “No kissing, ‘cause it totally doesn’t fit the scene. Jeremy is pissed off about his car, so it should be an angry fuck. Rough, demanding. Heart should be forced on his knees, Campy standing…”

As I’m talking, I suddenly have an idea. We could take this much further. The idea right now is to have Heart suck Campy off and then get fucked five ways till Sunday, but we could do more.

“Bear,” I say, my voice excited and my eyes lighting up. “What if we expand on this? We start with this scene and have Heart suck him off and get fucked. But then Campy realizes he still has him by the balls, and he invites a friend over to share in the fun. We can make it really dirty, demeaning. We could even throw in a DP.”

The corners of Bear’s mouth pull up in a big smile. “That’s fucking genius! We’ll have to check if Heart is up for it, though. His contract states he’s open to it, but since he’s new, I wanna make sure he wants to do it.”

I’m pretty sure he will be. This is one wild mofo we’re talking about. I don’t know him well, but from the snippets of his background I’ve heard, there’s not a whole lot this guy hasn’t done before. But I respect the shit out of Bear for asking to make sure, and it’s one more reason why I dig my boss.

“If he’s game, who do we ask?” Bear wants to know.

Our eyes meet, and our mouths break out in identical grins. “Tank.”

Turns out I was right. Heart is game, especially when Bear informs him how much extra it would pay. Bear has a pay rate scale depending on the shit we’re willing to do, and DP is a fat bonus. It should be, because for most folks, it’s hella uncomfortable. I don’t have an issue with it, but I’ve become really good at prepping, and I know damn well who to do DP with and who not.

“Want me to try and see if Tank can come in?” I ask Bear.

“Yeah, that’d be great. I can start filming the first sex scene.”

Five minutes later, I have Tank on the phone; he is more than willing to come in. He’s dependable, no matter how un-sexy that sounds. He never cancels a shoot, never underperforms, does everything we ask him to and then some.

“What do I wear?” Tank asks, practical as ever.

Hmm. Good question, actually. He could wear a suit, too, but it won’t jell with his vibe. It will look fake, especially when the suit comes off and you see the hot, tattooed body underneath. No business man ever looks like that. No, he has to me something else.  

My mind races. I’m thinking high level crime boss. Smart. Mean. Menacing. Energy zings through my body as I come up with the perfect plot twist. Oh, this is gonna be so good.

“Do you have a leather jacket?” I ask. “Tight jeans, big belt?”

By the time Tank arrives, Campy and Heart have wrapped up the first scene with Campy coming all over Heart’s face after a rough blowjob. Bear announces a thirty-minute break so everyone can relax a little, clean up, and hydrate.

Bear gives Tank a onceover, then turns to me. “I expected him in a suit.”

I shake my head. “It wouldn’t work. No one would believe Tank would have a job where he’d wear a suit. No, I was thinking we make him a criminal. Loan shark, maybe? This Jeremy character is in debt to him and all of a sudden, he sees a way to appease this guy who’s giving him a hard time about repaying his loans. He calls him, lets Heart service him as well.”

Bear’s eyes gleam. “Brilliant. I love it. Tank, you up for this?”

Tank nods. “Walk in the park. What am I called?”

“We’ll call you Donny,” Bear decides, and I snicker at his Donny Darko reference. “Yeah, I like that name. Yo, Campy!”

Campy walks over, still dressed in his suit. We shot the blow scene with him dressed, which is perfect because it stresses that whole demeaning vibe. Heart comes up, too. He must’ve washed his face, because I don’t see any dried cum. No wonder, that stuff itches like a mother when it’s dry. We all prefer to clean it off right away.

Bear explains in a few sentences what the idea is. Campy nods. “Sounds good.”

“Heart?” Bear asks.

Heart smiles, then steps forward and extends his hand to Tank. “Hi. I’m Heart. Thought I’d introduce myself, seeing as how your dick is gonna be buried in me later on.”

Tank shoots him one of his rare smiles, shakes his hand. “Tank. You done DP before?”

A flash of something clouds Heart’s eyes before he pushes it away. “Yup. All good.”

“Let Rebel prep you,” Tank says. “He’s good at that shit.”

My eyes widen at Tank’s unexpected praise. I’ve done a bunch of scenes with him, but this is the first time he’s complimented me.

“We’ll start with Jeremy fucking you,” Bear decides. “He calls Donny while he’s fucking you, and when Donny arrives, Jeremy has just come. Donny takes over, makes him suck him before pounding his ass. Then we move on to the DP. We’ll take breaks before each change of scene, okay? And I agree with Tank, Rebel. We’ll take an hour break before the DP so you can prep Heart.”

I watch as they shoot the scenes. Campy is perfect, as always. You wouldn’t guess he’s actually a really nice guy if you watch the total asshat he’s portraying now. Still, he doesn’t fuck nearly as hard as he can, though it looks rough. He knows Heart has a lot more to take, and I can tell he’s being careful.

When Tank shows up and assumes his position after a short break, I’m mesmerized. Here’s this big, intimidating guy, yet he’s so graceful when he fucks. Even now, when he’s pretending to be this badass, he’s still beautiful. God, the way he fucks Heart’s mouth, holding him by his hair first, then with a hand around his throat, it’s so fucking hot.

When they move onto Tank fucking his ass, he slams Heart against the wall. A shudder dances down my spine. I have a weakness for wall sex. Call me stupid, but it’s so damn sexy. In this case, it’s perfect.

Tank kicks Heart’s legs apart, makes him bend over, and then pounds the shit out of him. He’s perfected the art of making it sound like he’s fucking really hard, with his big balls slapping against flesh, while in reality, his strokes are smooth.

By the time Bear calls for a break, Heart looks tired. No wonder. He’s given two blowjobs and has had his ass fucked for close to two hours now. I throw him a bathrobe. “Come on, sexy. Let’s get you relaxed a bit and ready for your next shot.”

We have a relaxation room, actually. It does double duty as a studio set as when we need a homier look, but there are couches and chairs so we can hang out a bit between scenes or shoots. Heart plops down on the couch, and I grab us both a water from the fridge.

“How are you holding up?” I ask, handing him the water. He guzzles it halfway down before answering me.

“It’s fine. Bit tired.”

“Sore,” I state, knowing he has to be. “I know you are. It’s normal.”

He hesitates for a moment, then nods. “How long have you been doing this?”

“Porn? I started when I was twenty, so coming up six years. But I don’t do as many shoots as I used to.”

“You’re tired of it?”

I shrug. “Not tired, exactly. More selective. I like scenes that are more than the standard wham-bam. Like what we’re doing today. This is fun, exciting, and I know viewers will love it. You’ve got great chemistry with Campy and Tank, and it translates well to camera. You’re a natural, kid.”

Heart chews on a health bar, giving me a thoughtful look. “You got a boyfriend?”

I don’t know why, but my thoughts immediately go to Troy. It’s ridiculous, because we only hung out once and haven’t even seen each other since then. I want to, though. He’s damn sexy, relaxed, and he doesn’t seem to have an issue with my job. Still, boyfriends is nowhere near what we are.

“No,” I say. “Finding someone willing to accept you as is and who doesn’t want to change you is hard in this business.”

“It’s hard in general,” he says, and there’s that flash of sadness again.

I always think of us porn stars as either dark or light. Pixie, for instance, is definitely on the light side, and so are Campy and Brewer. Tank is firmly on the dark side, and it seems he’s got company in Heart.

Me? I’m in between, like with everything else. I’m the middle guy, the compromise. Everyone’s friend, but no one’s everything. Good enough to fuck, but not enough to love.

We hang for a while, both lost in our thoughts, before I realize I have a job to do. “Let’s get you prepped, sexy.”

Heart’s green eyes focus on me. “Hey, Rebel, would you mind not calling me that? I know you mean it well, but it reminds me of someone I really don’t want to think about, if you catch my drift.”

My heart wells up with softness. Definitely dark side for him. “Sure thing. Can I call you sweetie, then?”

He nods. “You think I’m sweet?”

For a second, I think he’s joking. Despite his bad ass vibe, he’s such a softie at heart. Doesn’t he realize that himself? The insecurity on his face tells me he doesn’t. I guess there’s a difference between feeling sexy and feeling sweet.

I extend my hand, and when he grabs it, I pull him up from the couch close to me. I cup both his cheeks. “You’re gorgeous, beautiful.” I drop a quick, soft kiss on his lips. “Not pretty, like Campy, or hot like Tank, but gorgeous, breathtakingly beautiful. There’s something about you that draws people in. But you’ve got a big heart as well. You’re a good kid, sweetie. A real sweetheart. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”

His smile is grateful and sad at the same time. I don’t know what happened to him, but I bet it wasn’t good. Someone did a real number on him, and beneath that tough exterior and all the stunning tattoos beats a broken heart.