Affton
THE HIKE ACROSS the sand back to the towering beach house was no easy task. The sand sucked at our feet and Cable was anything but steady as I struggled to keep both of us upright. He smelled surprisingly good—part salt water, part cinnamon. He looked ragged and scruffy. He sounded despondent and disappointed. For all the things that had changed since I last spoke to him, an alarming number of things had remained the same. I wasn’t sure how I thought the incident, then a year and a half in prison, plus a stint in forced rehab, would change him, but I was shocked at how familiar he seemed and how similar he was to the Cable who always got under my skin.
His dark blond hair was a little shorter, his face a little harder, and his mouth set tighter in the frown that seemed to be his default expression. His dark eyes still appeared fathomless and void of any kind of basic human emotion, but there was a vulnerability about him that was new. The disaffected shell he’d always been wrapped in before seemed to be missing pieces, and the tender, torn parts that reminded me Cable was, in fact, a human being were peeking through.
I thought the old hatred that burned through me would flare to life, but instead, all I felt was sympathy. Neither of us wanted to be here. Neither of us wanted to be in charge of saving him.
When he staggered to his feet, I noticed he was taller than he had been the last time I saw him. He was also bigger . . . everywhere. His shoulders were broader. His muscles were no longer lanky and lean. They were hard and solid, obviously his time locked up had been spent improving his body instead of his messed-up mentality. The hand I was holding as he leaned heavily into my side was wide and rough. It wasn’t the hand of a teenager who never had to work for anything and was given everything he’d ever wanted on a silver platter. The hand in mine belonged to someone who had not been living the good life for quite a long time. It had struggled. And suffered.
When we reached the back stairs that led up to the sweeping deck circling the entirety of the beach house, Cable pulled away from my grasp and almost face-planted onto the wooden steps. He lost his balance when he bent over to grab his shirt and the pack of cigarettes laying on top of the crumpled cotton. The moonlight highlighted the stretch and pull of his back muscles as he worked to regain his balance. It also illuminated the intricate black and gray tattoo that covered one of his shoulders and circled down around his bicep. I wasn’t sure if that was something he had when we went to school together since I’d never been in a situation where I would have seen him without a shirt, but whenever and wherever he got the tattoo, it was beautiful and impressive. He also had an elaborate and delicate looking spider web inked right where his thumb bent, crossed the back of his hand, and spread down his middle finger. I was sure that one was new, as was the skull and crossbones he had inked on the knuckles of each of his index fingers. He was too blond and refined to really pull off the ex-con look, but the tattoos helped give him a dangerous edge that hadn’t been there before he got locked up.
He’d changed. And so had I. It had been almost two years since I’d seen him last, enough time and distance for me to really reflect on the terrible last words I lobbed at him. I told him I hated him, and then he’d gone away. There was no getting around the fact that I was the one who set those wheels in motion. I was partly responsible for the fractured shell he was still trying so desperately to hide inside.
“I need a smoke.” He awkwardly lowered himself to the step next to my feet and worked at getting the cancer-stick between his lips. It took three tries, since he kept dropping the stupid thing, and he tried to light the wrong end. I sighed, took the lighter from him, and touched the flame to the right end.
I took a step back as he blew out a cloud of the acrid smoke. I waved a hand in front of my face and told him, “That’s a disgusting habit.” I preferred it to the gnarly wads of chew that were so popular among boys my age in the heartland, but really, it was all gross. Why anyone would want to turn their teeth yellow and shorten their lifespan on purpose was beyond me.
He puffed out another toxic breath and tilted back his head so that he was looking up at the night sky. “It’s the least disgusting habit I happen to have at the moment.”
His words were slow and slightly slurred together. It was a stark reminder that he was already doing exactly what he wasn’t supposed to be doing. This summer—and his mom’s wishes for his miraculous recovery—were already in the toilet. I wasn’t surprised, but I was unexpectedly disappointed. I wanted to believe when something terrible happened, when tragedy struck, it had the power to change someone for the better. There were a lot of lessons Cable should have learned after the incident, and it didn’t seem like he’d opened his eyes to any of them.
“Is there a particular room you want me to take?” I sounded annoyed because I was. I wanted to be compassionate and understanding for all that he’s been through, but the boy still had the ability to rub me the wrong way without even trying.
The house was huge: three levels of designer furniture and expensive design. There was no shabby, beachy goodness to be found, and I was terrified to touch anything. I had no clue how many bedrooms there were, but I assumed he already had one he used and he would want me in the one that was farthest away. I hadn’t broken the news to him, but I was going to be regularly tossing the entire waterfront mansion for any kind of contraband he might try to hide. I was a pro at finding a secret stash—years of practice for a competition no one would win.
Thanks, Mom . . .
He inhaled on the cigarette and let his eyes drift closed. He was silent for so long. I thought he was going to ignore me, so I took a step around him and went to move toward the massive accordion windows that folded in and opened to the stunning view of the Gulf. Wherever I ended up in this giant house, I was going to have an amazing view—not that it made up for being blackmailed out of my entire summer.
I froze when his hand curled around my knee, his rough fingers brushing along vulnerable skin on the back of my thigh. When I shivered, I blamed it on my wet shorts because there was no way in hell I would ever admit to being affected by Cable James McCaffrey. He embodied everything I never wanted in my life again, and he had no self-control. I looked down at the empty bottle of whiskey I still held in my hand and gave my head a little shake to get my thoughts back in order.
“My room is on the lowest level. It faces the pool. My dad’s room is on the top level. It’s the one that looks like a suite at Caesar’s Palace and smells like infidelity and alimony. I would avoid it at all costs in case STDs have suddenly become airborne.” He let out a sharp laugh that held zero humor and his eyes burned with black fire as he looked up at me under the fall of his wheat-colored hair. “I would suggest you take one of the rooms on the main level, that way you won’t be subjected to any of my other disgusting habits when I indulge.”
His eyebrows arched up, and he let go of my leg as he smirked at me. He was talking about sex. He wanted me to find a room in the house that had enough distance between where I was sleeping and where he was planning on doing anything but. I was there to keep him sober, not celibate. The idea of sharing a house with the types of girls who had driven me nuts in high school because they were content to be his playthings, made my teeth clench.
“Fine. I’m going to grab my bags and get settled in. It was a long drive from Loveless, and I didn’t think I was going to have to start with an intervention as soon as I got here.” I lifted the whiskey bottle and finished climbing the steps. “If you pass out on those stairs, I’m leaving you there, and I’m gonna laugh my ass off if you’re covered in seagull shit in the morning.”
He snorted and turned back to face the dark water, smoke billowing over his head. “Live my life swimming in shit, Reed. A little bird poop won’t kill me.”
I didn’t have anything to say to that, couldn’t think of anything witty or sympathetic enough, so I slipped through the dark and empty house and practically ran to my car. It was the only thing that felt familiar and safe in the current state of my life. I unlocked the door and slid behind the wheel; the urge to crank the motor and drive until I was anywhere but here was so strong that my palm hurt from clutching my keys so hard.
My phone was glowing with messages and missed calls. I’d left it on the dashboard when I first got to the house, but I regretted that now. I could have used the distraction while dealing with Cable. I told my dad I would call him when I arrived. He had no idea why I was in Port Aransas for the summer. I didn’t want to tell him that he was hanging onto his job by a thread or how Melanie McCaffrey had me over a barrel. He would quit in a heartbeat, but then he would struggle to find work if he stayed in Loveless, and there really was nowhere else for him to go. I was headed to California in a few months, and his entire family was in that small Texas town. So, I lied. Something I never did. I told him that Melanie had set up an internship for me over the summer that would help me not only earn money before college but would look great when I applied to grad school. He didn’t question any of it, and was, as always, so supportive and proud of every little thing I did. It made me feel awful.
Jordan had also called several times. She was dying for a rundown of the McCaffrey’s beach house, and she was chomping at the bit for an update on Cable’s condition. The rumor mill had started grinding away now that the news that he was out of prison and on parole was making the rounds. Jordan told me she had heard that he was horribly disfigured after the incident. She told me people were speculating his time in prison had been brutal and he had come out a changed man. Some were saying he had joined the Aryan Brotherhood while he was behind bars, and others were saying the feds had put him in witness protection and that’s why he wasn’t coming back to Loveless. I told her it was all ridiculous, but small-town gossip was a living, breathing thing, and without Cable there to deny any of the things being said about him, the stories grew wilder.
Needing a minute of normalcy, I touched the image of Jordan’s smiling face and called her back.
Jordan was as opposite from me as could be. She was dark where I was light. She was born to stand out when all I wanted to do was make my way unnoticed. Her parents were happily married and everything in her home centered on family. Her mom and dad had been together since they both went to Loveless High and neither one of them knew the first thing about having their family ripped apart by addiction and dishonesty. She was loud, outgoing, bubbly, and vivacious. She was friends with everyone, but I was the only one she kept close. She told me early on, when we first started hanging out, the reason she liked me so much was because I didn’t try to get her to like me. I laughed and told her it was because I didn’t want her to befriend me . . . I wanted to be left alone. But Jordan was persistent, and she didn’t have a mean or spiteful bone in her body, so there was no way I could resist her. We’d been inseparable since seventh grade, which was another reason I could gladly scalp Melanie McCaffrey. This was the last summer I had with my best friend before our lives inevitably split in different directions, and Cable’s mom had snatched that time away from us by forcing me to babysit her son. I was going to Berkeley; Jordan was staying in Loveless and learning all about her parents’ event planning and catering business.
Her older brother, Johnny, was supposed to take over when he graduated a couple years ahead of us, but he’d met some girl on spring break in Cancun and had followed her to Arizona. He shocked everyone by enrolling at Arizona State. Jordan, on the other hand, was made to show people how to have a good time, so she couldn’t wait to dive into learning the ropes of event planning. I was sad she was set on staying in Loveless. I wanted her to want more. But I understood why she was staying, and I couldn’t say I wouldn’t be more willing to stay if I had more to look forward to than watching my dad get older while things stayed the same as they were now.
I couldn’t bring myself to lie to Jordan when I told her why I wouldn’t be around for the summer. I owed her the truth, and I needed someone to commiserate with. She knew how I felt about Cable. She was also the only person who knew I was the one who had ratted him out to his mother about his drug use.
“OMG! I’ve been calling you all night. I thought you might have been abducted at a truck stop. Are you okay? How’s the house? Does it look like something from a magazine? How’s Cable? Does he look like a felon?” The questions came so fast and furiously I could barely keep up with her.
I tugged on my bottom lip and closed my eyes as I rested my head on the back of my seat. “The house is just as impressive as the one on the ranch. It’s big and has a wraparound deck. The beach is right off the back steps, and the water is within throwing distance. It’s all fancy. It reminds me of a luxury hotel. I’m scared to touch anything.” I blew out a sigh and ran a hand over my face. “He was drunk when I got here, Jordan. Trashed. He’s not supposed to be drinking or using any kind of narcotic. He didn’t even wait a day. This is going to be a disaster. I’m already annoyed and exhausted. This wasn’t how I wanted to spend my last summer before school starts.”
She made a sympathetic sound. “I know it wasn’t, but what can you do? If Cable is already on his way to screwing up, all you have to do is wait him out. Once he messes up, he’ll go back to jail, and you can come home and party with me until you leave for Berkeley.”
I rubbed my temples with my free hand and sighed again. “Yeah, but then I have to worry about Melanie firing my dad anyway because I couldn’t help her son. She’s desperate and unpredictable. She might blame me if Cable fails.”
“You need to tell your dad what’s going on and let him handle her.” She’d been saying that since I told her about the ultimatum from Cable’s mom.
“If I can’t keep Cable on the straight and narrow for even a day, I might not have any choice. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I showed up. I knew he wasn’t going to be happy to see me, but I didn’t expect him to be three sheets to the wind already.” I also didn’t expect him to seem so broken and battered.
“How did he seem, besides hammered?”
I knew she was asking about guilt and remorse. Anyone else would be lugging around a truckload of both those things after the incident, but I couldn’t tell if Cable was any heavier emotionally than he was before that night. “He seems miserable.”
He really did. There was no light anywhere in those dark eyes.
She made another noise, and I could hear her typing on a keyboard in the background. “Well, I guess going to prison didn’t change much. He’s still drinking. I swear that boy’s face would crack in half if he ever smiled. It’s a total bummer you’re stuck with such a gloomy Gus all summer, especially since you’re in such a beautiful spot. You should be out chasing cute surfer boys while you’re there, not babysitting a grouchy, drunk, pain in the ass. This should be the summer you let your hair down and finally have some fun.”
She was always telling me I needed to loosen up and live a little. She never understood why I never went with her to parties or school activities. She swore I was missing out on making memories that would last me a lifetime. I tried to explain to her there was nothing about this time in my life I was interested in remembering. I had a destination in mind, and I was focused on the road, not the surroundings I was passing.
“I’ll take it as a win if I get through the next few months with my sanity intact.” No one had ever pushed my buttons as violently as Cable did. “One of these weekends you’ll have to grab Diego and come down for a few days. It won’t be the kind of fun you’re used to since the house has to stay an alcohol-free zone, but you can come play in the water, and we can go shopping and lie around in the sun.”
She hummed a little bit; the clicking of her keyboard halted. There was a long moment of silence that grew weighted and drawn out until she quietly told me, “Diego and I broke up a few days ago. I didn’t want to tell you because you were dealing with your own crazy stuff and packing up to leave.”
I gasped a little and sat up straighter in my seat. I wrapped my free hand around my steering wheel and asked, “What happened?” She and Diego had been together for the entirety of our senior year. She was smitten with him after their first date, and he treated her like she was his entire world. I couldn’t imagine what could have come between them and caused such a major break.
I heard a shuffle as she shrugged on the other end of the line. “Real life happened, I guess. I’m spending the summer working, and he’s going to visit his mom and brother in El Paso before he leaves for college. We’ll see each other for a week before he leaves for good. I wasn’t invested enough to work at keeping things together, and he wasn’t either. I don’t think he wanted to start college with his high school girlfriend holding on back home.”
I bit the inside of my lower lip to keep from blurting out, “I told you so.” What she was going through right now was exactly why I didn’t get attached or go out of my way to bond with anyone besides her. “I’m sorry. That sucks.”
She laughed a little bit, and I could practically see her wrinkling her nose at me. “How badly are you biting your tongue right now?”
I snorted. “Hard enough that it might bleed.”
She laughed again. “One of these days you are going to meet someone who gets in, Affton. They’re going to ignore all those ‘No Trespassing’ signs and all the barbed wire you have your insides wrapped up in, and they are going to get in so deep you won’t be able to get them out. You aren’t going to know what to do with yourself. They’re going to knock you so far off course there won’t be any finding your way back.”
That was never going to happen. After my mom, after the loss and confusion that followed, I made sure the path to my heart was pretty much impassable. I functioned by keeping my soft spots unreachable.
“Well, you found your way inside, so I guess anything is possible. I’m going to go make sure Cable didn’t suffocate in a pile of his own puke and try and get some sleep. If you’re flying solo, maybe you can get a week off and come down to visit me. I’d love to see you.” I’d love to see anyone who wasn’t Cable, but she was at the top of the list.
“I’ll see what I can do. Keep your chin up and don’t let that boy get to you.”
“Same. I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention and missed you going through a breakup. I’m a terrible friend.”
It was her turn to snort. “No, you’re the best friend ever. Cable McCaffrey is simply too distracting. He always has been. Check in with me periodically.”
I hung up and tapped the phone against my thigh.
She was right . . . he was distracting. I could still feel the touch of his fingers on the back of my knee and the heat from his body as he leaned into my side all solid and strong . . . and sloshed out of his mind.
He was distracting, and it was just one more thing I hated about him . . . or maybe it was the fact I allowed myself to be distracted by him that I hated. Hating him didn’t seem to be as important as it once was. Either way, it was going to be one looooong summer.