Robbie is in between us, moaning and crying about his hand. We both ignore his cries, he won’t be getting any sympathy from either of us.
“When are you leaving?”
Jake turns to face me, a serious look on his face. “Soon.”
“Is it because of me?”
HHHe shakes his head. “You and her, it’s all I know. Yes, I have brothers, but I don’t speak or let anyone know me the way you do.”
“Why can’t you stay then?”
“Because I love you both. You’re all I know. She’s now all I know. How am I meant to move on, when I wouldn’t get what I want?”
“It’s her, you want her?”
He shakes his head, Robbie quiets down in the middle.
“Yes, and no. I wanted her because she’s all I’ve known for the past five years. I’ve comforted her and been there for her. She went to that place you go to when you kill, that haze, she was stuck in it. Your death really fucked her up. I brought her back from that.” He’s looking directly at me.
“Were you there for the birth?” I don’t know everything that has happened, they tell me what they remember when they remember. I don’t delve and ask, I don’t think I have that right.
“I was, that’s the moment I think I fell for her. Despite everything, that woman knows how to crack you open to make room for her.”
“She does.” Fuck does she know how.
“I was going to ask her that day, to be with me. I left to grab a drink, and when I came back, she was on the bed with the baby in her arms. Crying, holding those stupid cards you used, and I knew then, she wouldn’t love me the way she loved you. She just experienced the most beautiful thing, and all she wanted was you.”
I stay quiet for a while, not sure how to process it. The days have gone by, and I haven’t seen her, I have wanted to see her. I just know I can’t be with her yet. She doesn’t need what I have to offer. I enjoy doing what I do, it’s all I’ve known. Changing so completely will take time. Time that I don’t want to waste, time that she shouldn’t waste.
“She is waiting for you to do what you have to.”
“He needs to die.” Jake nods, understanding what I need. I can’t live if he’s still out there. I’m not wired that way.
“This is how it’s going to go, Robbie,” Jake says, leaning down on the balls of his feet, so he’s eye level with him. Robbie is tied up, his hands dispensed above his head, his feet tied to the chair.
“You’re going to give Black everything that he needs, then you and I will chat.” Robbie’s eyes flick to mine then back to Jake.
“Don’t leave me with him,” he pleads with Jake. I smile, it’s not me he should be worried about.
“You’re scared of Black?” Robbie tries to straighten his tied up shoulders, showing he isn’t scared, but I know he is.
“It’s not me you should be afraid of.” His eyes flick to mine, then to Jake’s. “Now tell me, where is Grover?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know.”
“I can’t shoot him?” I ask Jake, and Jake shakes his head. “Can I do other things?” Jake looks to a scared Robbie then back to me and nods his head. I take a step toward him, and he starts talking straight away.
“He’s back at the compound, has been since the day you killed his men.”
“Why?”
“He’s burying them, and recruiting new men to take you down.” I nod my head, then turn back and sit in the spare seat in this hell hole. The one where it fucked up Jake. The same one I found her again in.
“One more thing.” His eyes go wide. “Tell me why the murders weren’t connected to begin with to Gray.” I know the answer, I just want to hear it from him.
“He paid me to cover it up. I covered your dirty jobs, you piece of shit.”
“Those jobs were to link him to every murder.”
He laughs at me.
“I know.”
“Did you love your daddy that much? That you wanted to protect him?” H is stare turns to anger.
“No, I just wanted you dead.”
“Me, dead?”
“He didn’t want me, he had you and Jake. Why the need for another son? You were his golden boy, Jake was his second. There was no room for me, so when he said to hide your evidence of killings, I did. I knew then I could sneak my way back in. Then…” he shakes his head, “…you had to take her. You had to love her. It wasn’t just my family you wanted, it was her, too. So I fed him information, his loyalty only goes so far.”
“Do you know what you started?” Jake asks, I don’t talk anymore. Robbie doesn’t realize everything he just said gave him a death notice. It wasn’t just me and Rose that got hurt in all this. Jake did, too. And to top it off by hurting us, they hurt him even more. He could heal, he knows this. He had to live without me for five years, to some that may not seem much. But to people like us, it’s a lifetime. He and I, it’s all we knew. We didn’t confide in anyone, him especially. To him, it was just me. He had his brothers, but they weren’t me. I know this. He has wanted to kill, leave them all multiple times in the past, he never did because of me.
Robbie is throwing Jake a confused look. “It’s because of you that I was tortured by my men. It’s because of you that Black was shot. It’s because of you that little Liam grew up without a father. And Rose… she isn’t the same, you know it. She tries to act tough as she is. Except, I hear her cries at night and the nightmares that plague her. That’s all because of you.” His head shakes back and forth so fast it’s giving me a headache just watching him.
“He didn’t want me, he wouldn’t even tell you about me.” He tries a softer tone, Jake doesn’t really have a softer side. He only has that for me, Rose, and the kids. No one else touches that side of him. He may fool you with his smart-ass mouth, or his smiles, but that’s exactly that, though, he’s fooling you.
“I may let you live.” Robbie gives him a look of hope. “If she says you can live.”
Jake reaches for his phone, I hear her voice rushed as she answers, asking him what’s going on. He waits patiently for her to finish. Then tells her to come here, alone. I hear her ask why, that she doesn’t want to come to this place, it holds too many bad memories for her.
“Black is here,” he says turning to me, then I hear her agree. He hangs up the phone and places it in his pocket then turns to Robbie and throws a punch in his face that knocks his front teeth out.
He starts to cry, his hands try to move. He wants to touch his face, but he can’t.
“She won’t let you hurt me,” he says, his voice is low and broken. It’s sickening. Only a few slaps, one bullet, and he’s breaking.
“You would think that wouldn’t you?” Jake says.
“Do you want to know what they did to her because you told them about her? Just to get rid of Black?” His head’s hanging low, but he lifts it now to look at Jake. Jake leans in close.
“They sliced her, bit her nipples so badly that you wouldn’t even be able to recognize them from all the blood.” His eyes go wide. “She almost died because of you. She almost lost her baby because of you. She lost Black because of you. Now tell me again, who’s more important… you or Black?” His head swings to me, he knows the answer. I know the answer. She will always choose me. The broken, despicable me.
How did I get so lucky?
Why must I fuck it up?