I can’t stop pacing past the window in Logan’s bedroom. My mouth is an arid wasteland. I’ve drank more water than I can stand, yet I can’t seem to get enough. My pulse would put a racehorse’s to shame. Logan lays in bed reading news articles on his tablet, but I can’t even begin to think about sleeping.

As expected, Brock made bail shortly after the hearing. Somehow, the fact that he’s not supposed to have any money escaped notice with the assholes in court. Jeff said something about how family court and criminal court don’t necessarily compare notes when it comes to bail hearings. It could easily have slipped under the radar.

I called and spoke to the attorney than handled our divorce. He’s filing a motion to get more alimony because Brock’s clearly hiding cash and possibly other assets. The money had to be in all cash for him to post bail that quickly. Or, he put his monstrosity of a house up on bond. I don’t know. Jeff couldn’t get those details. He could only pull the “fellow cop” card so many times before his contact had to cut him off.

Now we’re in the dark. Literally. A pale moon cast shadows across the field. Every tree is a hiding spot for my ex.

“How does he keep finding me?” I ask. I don’t expect an answer.

“I asked Jeff the same question. He thought Brock might have put a tracker on your phone.”

“We went through it.”

“The usual apps, sure, but there are ways to hack phones that we don’t know about.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have gotten rid of it.”

When he slowly sets his tablet on the nightstand, I realize why he didn’t make me toss the phone.

“You want him dead.”

“I want you safe.”

“Logan…” I stop pacing as a chill shimmied down my spine. He wants to kill him. I see the quiet rage simmering just under the surface.

I wrap my arms across my belly. Even though I’ve spent every moment with him over the last few weeks, how well do I really know him? I still don’t know anything about his past. Every time I try to ask, he shuts down.

“Tell me why you want him dead,” I challenge.

“To protect you.”

“No.” I shake my head. “This isn’t about me, is it?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” He’s hostile and defensive. I’ve never witnessed this side of him. I stalk toward the bed. I stand with my hands on my hips and glare. “Tell me about Penny.”

His whole face changes from anger to heartbreaking sorrow. He sighs deeply then pats the bed beside him. I sit on the bed with my legs crossed. My hands rest on my knees.

“I knew I’d have to tell you one day.” The pain and suffering in his voice claws at my soul.

I reach for his hand. He grabs it and clings to me like I’m the last thing tethering him to this earth. The pit of my stomach drops. Whatever he’s about to tell me won’t be easy. It’s written all over his face.

“Penny was my fiancée.” He pauses. I suck in a shaky breath. Fiancée? “We’d dated for four years before I finally had the balls to ask her to marry me. She wanted a spring wedding, and I had asked her in January. According the wedding planner, it wouldn’t give us enough time, so we decided to get married the following year.”

“Long engagements are normal,” I manage to say even though my tongue seems stuck to the roof of my mouth.

“I wish I’d just taken her down to the courthouse, not that it changed anything.” He shakes his head.

I wait, not wanting to push him too hard, too fast. He hasn’t spoken to anyone about this—ever—so I’m honored that he’s willing to open up to me. He knows all of my dark secrets, now it’s time for him to spill his.

“I was on a call when it happened. Three men broke into our house. They tied Penny up and stole everything that had any value. They could have left her like that, but they didn’t. One of them, the ringleader, took a knife from the kitchen—” His voice cracks. Bile rises to choke me as he continues the horrifying story. “He stabbed her twenty-five times. The coroner’s report said she was dead by the fifth. It sounds so weird to say it, but fortunately, he hit her jugular vein and she bled out very quickly.”

“God, Logan. I’m so sorry.”

“I should have been there.” He rubs the center of his forehead. “I was on a call. A drug addict had overdosed, again. We couldn’t get to him because he was a hoarder, so we had to literally dig a path through his crap to get to him. While I was busy trying to save the life of someone who didn’t want to be saved, Penny was dying. I’ll never forgive myself.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” I pull him into a hug. He holds tight and buries his face in my hair. “There’s no way you could have known it would happen.”

“I know. Deep down, I know. But it doesn’t stop the guilt. I was supposed to protect her, and I didn’t.”

“You couldn’t. What happened to Penny was terrible, but it was in no way your fault.”

His tormented eyes meet mine. The agony of the guilt he’s been living with for years shines through. It breaks my heart. No wonder he hasn’t spoken with anyone about it. If he’d talked to someone, then he would have realized that it wasn’t his fault.

A darker thought assaults me. Is this the only reason he’s been protecting me? Am I a stand-in for Penny? Is anything about our relationship real, or is he living out a savior fantasy with me?

I want to ask him all of these questions, but he’s ripped open and raw. Now’s not the time. Instead, I hold him in my arms and soothe his pain with slow, gentle strokes across his shoulders.

“You’re right,” he whispers.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know. But I can’t seem to let it go.”

“You can spend your whole life hanging onto a false belief, but it only takes a moment to let it go. You can take your life back. There’s absolutely no reason why you can’t grieve without guilt.”

“I never got past the guilt to grieve.”

“You’ll never be able to move on until you do. I’m not saying that you should forget what happened, but you have to let go of the idea that it had anything to do with you. It didn’t. The sole responsibility for her death lies in the hands of the men who attacked her.” I pause to let all of that sink in. “What happened to them? Were they ever caught?”

“A neighbor noticed them in the house. They called the cops. They caught all three, but it was too late to save Penny. She was already gone.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you. Life is so unfair sometimes.”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with your ex. I thought the justice system would work. It worked for Penny. At least I’ve had that to hang onto. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if they hadn’t been caught.”

“They belong in prison.”

“They got life without the possibility of parole. They’ll never get out.”

“I’m glad.”

He slides his hand along my hip. There’s nothing sexual about it. It’s more like he’s affirming that I’m still there, by his side, even though I know the dark secret he’s been clinging to for the last three years.

I don’t know if he thought I would run from him, but I wouldn’t. I’m not with him just because he’s keeping me safe. There’s so much more to it. I’m falling in love with him, but now that he’s told me about Penny, where do I fit into his life?

Maybe he’s ready to move on. Without the guilt tying him to me, will he send me back to Memphis? Was I really just a test to see if he could keep someone safe?

I lay awake the rest of the night. Logan falls into a peaceful sleep, maybe for the first time in years. I’m glad I could help him see that he wasn’t at fault. I wouldn’t change anything about that conversation. But I can’t help but worry about tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. Once my ex is back in prison, will Logan push me out of his life forever?

I’m on less than three hours of sleep when he wakes me. His body presses against mine. Heat from his erection burns against my thigh. He rolls me toward him so that we’re face to face.

“Thank you for last night,” he says. “I haven’t slept that well in a very long time.”

I trace my finger across the stubble on his jawline. The thoughts that kept me up all night come racing back.

“Is this it for us?” I ask.

“What do you mean?” He captures my finger and brings it to his mouth. He sucks the tip. A zing of desire pools low in my belly.

“Are…” I can’t bring myself to ask the question I really want to ask.

“Come here.” He cradles my head in his palm and pulls me to him. “Nothing’s over.”

The undeniable attraction between us burns hot and fast. His fingers stray between my thighs. As he strokes, my body comes alive. Even though we’ve made love dozens of times, every time feels like it’s the first. He never does the same thing twice. Instead, he finds new places to explore with new techniques. I could never tire of loving this man.

His lips trace the edge of my collarbone before sliding up to capture my mouth. I open to him, holding nothing back. I realize now that I never gave everything to my ex because I never felt totally comfortable with him. But I do with Logan.

I moan into his mouth. He takes the opportunity to slip his tongue between my lips. I sigh into the kiss. When his lips are on mine, nothing else matters. The rest of the world and all of our issues fade into nothingness. He’s all I know, and I could ever want. At least for now.

As he caresses my tender flesh, I moisten. He glides two fingers between my lips and strokes my delicate folds. He drags his lips down the column of my throat before capturing one needy nipple between his lips.

I whimper. He teases the swollen bud with his teeth and tongue until I’m squirming and grinding against his hand. I have no shame. I need him to make me feel like everything’s going to be okay. And he does.

He reaffirms our connection with every sweep of his tongue and in the way he knows exactly how to touch me. I belong to him, whether he realizes it or not. I’m his and he’s mine.

The brush of his thumb over my clit sends shivers of pleasure bursting from my molten core. Liquid pleasure spreads over his fingers, coating them. He lifts his hand to his mouth and licks away my wetness.

“You taste like wild honey,” he murmurs.

“I don’t know about that.” I flush.

“Mm, you do. I need to taste more.”

He slides between my thighs and lifts my legs to drape them over his shoulders. His tongue is hot and insistent when it meets my pussy. I moan. My fingers tangle in his hair as I tumble into ecstasy.

When he’s wrung out every last ounce of pleasure, he crawls up to cover me. I reach between us to stroke the length of his cock. He’s ready.

He nudges my thighs wider. The tip of his cock brushes my entrance. I need him inside me, so I grab his ass and pull him down.

As he sinks into me, I groan and arch my back. He fills me so completely. There’s nothing left for him to take. He has all of me. My body. My heart. My soul. He just doesn’t know it yet.

We move as one. Rocking against each other until sweet friction dares us to come undone. I’m not ready for this to be over, so I push at his shoulders until he gets the message.

He grabs me by the waist and rolls to put me on top. I sit on his cock and toss my hair behind my shoulders.

“I love seeing you like this,” he murmurs.

I grin and thrust my shoulders back and my breasts out. He reaches up to toy with my nipples before closing his huge palms over them. I grab his hands and hold them in place as I slowly slide up and down on his cock.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he whispers. “You don’t know what you’re doing to me.”

“I know exactly what I’m doing.”

“Yes, you do.”

I bite the edge of my lip and smile. He trembles as I scrape my nails down his chest. I pinch his nipples in turn before grabbing one broad shoulder.

As I increase the rhythm, I hold on for dear life. My pussy squeezes tight, dragging up and down as I ride him. The intensity reaches a gale force. If I don’t come now, I’m going to literally die from pleasure.

“Baby, come for me,” he croons.

Little cries escape my lips. His thumb presses against my clit in tiny, relentless circles. And in seconds, I’m sucked into a writhing, screaming orgasm that literally curls my toes.

When I fall forward, he flips me onto my back. He’s still buried deep as he thrusts hard and deep. I clutch his ass and buck against him. A second orgasm rips through my body.

I’m shatter into nothingness and then slowly come back together right as he finds his own release.

We lay together, panting. Our lips press against each other’s shoulders. His hands are braced on either side of my head. He finally relaxes, pulling me into his arms before spooning against me. He slips his arm over my body and intertwines our fingers.

“You asked if this was it for us,” he murmurs against my skin. “It’s not. I’m not letting you go. We’ll figure it out.”

I have total confidence in his admission. I don’t think he has the strength left to lie, not after what he just did with me.

A smile briefly touches my lips until I come to a horrible realization. We were so caught up in our passion that we forgot to use protection. He’s assured me that he’s clean, and so I am. I just hope my birth control doesn’t fail me because the last thing I need right now is a baby. If we were married, I wouldn’t care, but we’re so far from that point. I’m not ready to be a single mother, and until we figure out our future, I don’t want to do anything that might put mine in jeopardy.