15
Nathan
Nathan cut the engine and stared at the yellow Mustang parked at the top of the driveway. He hated that car. It was a horrible colour for starters—it reminded him of powdered Sulphur. More importantly, it was an undeniable sign that Lexa hadn’t left yet.
He groaned and let the door of the Comet slam closed behind him, moving to the trunk to grab the groceries.
She’d been here since Thursday, and every time he left the house he hoped to find her gone on his return, even though he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Lexa had made it clear she wouldn’t be leaving without him, and Nathan believed her. Apparently, good ol’ dad had thrown a fit regarding her continued inability to convince Nathan to come home, and Marcus’s comment about her being a weak, spineless woman had compelled her to desperate action.
Still, a man could dream.
Lexa was on the sofa inside, typing furiously at the laptop on her knee. Her role in the clan involved much more paperwork than Nate had ever been willing to take on. He was more of an action man.
Lexa, on the other hand, preferred to sit behind the scenes as much as possible. It had more to do with her desire to control and monitor the clan than it did an aversion to killing. To take a life was the ultimate measure of control, yes, but the orders themselves offered no autonomy. It was kill or else. At least in her spreadsheets or whatever the hell it was she worked on, Lexa put herself a step ahead of the others in the clan.
“You haven’t moved an inch since I left,” Nate remarked as he set the bags down on the kitchen island.
Lexa shrugged. “I can move to the table if it distresses you.”
“Christ no. I can’t have you moving any further from the door than you already are.”
Lexa craned her neck and glared. “I wouldn’t be here in the first place if you’d just come home with me.”
The compound in Edmonds had never been his home. He wished he could tell her that, but Nate was doing everything he could not to raise more suspicion than he already had. He didn’t want to think about what Lexa might do if she had reason to suspect that it was a person keeping him here, rather than a person keeping him away. Her very presence was a threat to Sophia, and because of this he’d had to keep his distance from her over the past week, ever since she’d kissed him that day in the ocean.
Ever since she’d turned his world on its heel.
“How many times do I have to tell you?” Nate groaned. “Do I need to put it on a t-shirt? I’m not going back with you, Lexa. Not yet.”
He didn’t want to get into it again with her, since she was about as flexible as a steel pipe, but it was driving Nathan crazy that he couldn’t see Sophia. That kiss was all he’d been thinking about for the past week. It consumed his every waking thought, burning him from the inside out. It was as if he’d been a dead man and Sophia had breathed life back into him, had given him a whole new purpose in life.
Her.
He couldn’t kill her. He wouldn’t kill her. The moment their lips first touched he knew that Sophia’s death would bring him unbearable agony. She was a brilliant beacon in an otherwise dark world, and snuffing her out would be a loss felt the world over.
He’d never had feelings for anyone before. He’d never expected to. Love was a burden, something to be avoided and pitied. But the feelings growing in Nate’s chest didn’t feel like a burden at all.
They felt like freedom.
If only Lexa would leave.
“I’ll get through to you eventually.” She continued tapping at the keys, not even looking up as she spoke. “I know neither of us are great at emoting, but if you want to talk about your fear I’d be willing to listen.”
“What a tempting offer.” Nate blew out a breath between his teeth. “Maybe we could make hot chocolate and I could cry on your shoulder.”
Lexa grimaced. “I take it back. It would be easier to drag you back by force.”
“Like you could.”
She snapped her gaze up to meet his. “I’m stronger than you seem to think I am, Nathan. I wouldn’t test me.”
He held her stare, lips ticked up into a bemused smile. “Not strong enough to stand up to my father’s insults.”
Lexa’s jaw flexed. She looked back at the computer and started typing again. Harder.
Lexa thought he was a coward, that he didn’t want to go home because he couldn’t face his father or the goodbye waiting for him. He let her think that. The real reason was more complicated than he cared to explain, even disregarding everything that had happened with Sophia.
Marcus made Nathan’s life hell. He was the one person in life that Nate truly hated. Marcus didn’t care an iota whether Nate cried at his funeral, or if he even attended. This was all about exercising control over his son one last time. He was angrier at Nate’s refusal to return than he was hurt. As far as Nate understood it, Marcus probably would have done the same thing to his own father.
A second later, Lexa swore and slammed down the lid of her laptop. Nate looked over out of curiosity and she was glaring at him.
“You have no idea how important your job is, do you?” she asked coldly. “You have no idea how much focus you’re going to need, how important it is for you to present yourself as a strong leader.”
“Of course I understand,” he replied. “It’s only been drilled into me my whole life.”
She shook her head. “No. You don’t understand. Leaders determine the fate of their people. I, for one, am not looking forward to having you make decisions that will impact my life. You’re a disgraceful mess, you know that? You’ve been given the opportunity of a lifetime and you’re laughing in the face of it because you’d rather throw a tantrum than man up to your responsibilities.”
Nathan finished stacking groceries in the fridge and let it slam closed as he turned to Lexa, hands in the air. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he said. “Who said anything about avoiding responsibilities? Me being around or not during Marcus’s final days has nothing to do with how I’m going to lead the clan afterward.”
“It has everything to do with it.”
They entered a staring match, one Nathan knew he wasn’t going to win. Lexa was intense, nearly as intense as Marcus. She’d been spending a lot of time around the aging shark, but that only accounted for a small amount of her drive. She was like this before she met Marcus. She had come straight from the Head Clan in Greece with her nose in the air and her teeth bared. Her family was wealthy and well-connected in their society, so it was a no-brainer that her and the heir apparent to all of North America should be married. Marcus believed if the union fell through, her family would form a coup and boot the Redmans out of the hot seat forever. Nathan was beginning to wonder if maybe they should.
Lexa’s unwavering tawny gaze was still going strong when Nate finally sighed and looked away. The most childish he ever saw Lexa was during a staring match. She got a little flicker of a smile every time she won, which also made it the one time he ever got to see her smile. How could anyone compare the radiant light and joy that was Sophia to Lexa, who was one part sharp edges and one part ice.
“I know what I’m doing, Lexa.”
Lexa turned back to her laptop and continued typing away. “I don’t think you fully do. You may think you know what you’re doing, but there’s more at stake here than just who gets to assign jobs and adjudicate disputes.”
“I’ve been training to take over for my father for my whole life.” Nate bristled. “Who are you to say that I’m not ready?”
Her voice came low. “If you truly knew what you were doing, you wouldn’t ever feel ready.”
He was done fighting with her. “I’m going for a swim.”
“Surprise, surprise.”
Nathan jogged down to the water’s edge, tossing his clothes in a bundle out of the reach of the tide.
How the hell was he going to get rid of Lexa? She asked too many questions and presumed too much. Worst of all, she was right about a lot of things.
Nate didn’t know what he wanted anymore. The leadership of the clan was a big responsibility, that at least he understood. But was it what he wanted? Was any of this? Realizing he had feelings for Sophia had complicated things. His whole life was mapped out in front of him, and the only way he could ever include her in it was to reroute, but it wasn’t that simple. His life was dangerous, especially to a permie. He wanted to protect Sophia.
He waded into the water until it brushed his ribs, then began to paddle toward the horizon. As the change rippled over Nate, it struck him that Lexa might be right about one more thing. Maybe the best way to protect Sophia was to leave with Lexa after all. Maybe he really should go home.