I was playing a dangerous game holding Erin in my arms. The most alarming part was how right it felt. I’d been wrong about her. Not only had I mistaken her as ungrateful, I’d also assumed she was a high-maintenance pain in the ass. I was wrong, she was anything but. I couldn’t fault her for wanting her life as her own. And I suppose after repeatedly asking those around her to clue her in and being denied, she’d done what most anyone would do—she started demanding. I’d taken her ball-buster attitude as not liking to be told no, however, she simply wanted to understand why others were making decisions for her without consulting her first. That I could appreciate.

“There’s nothing really to tell. We’re just an average everyday family, I grew up middle-class. My dad’s side immigrated here from Ireland. My mom’s side is Italian. The mix always led to some fiery holidays when everyone got together. I have an older sister in the Navy. My parents still live in the house I grew up in. We really are a boring bunch.”

“I don’t believe there’s anything average about your family. It sounds like your parents raised two great, selfless kids. What does your sister do in the Navy?”

“She’s a nuclear mechanic.”

“Right.” Erin laughed. “Nothing special there. So, you’re telling me she’s wicked smart.”

“That she is. Keira got all the brains in the family.”

“Does that mean you got all the good looks?”

I had to take a deep breath to stop the inappropriate comeback that was on the tip of my tongue. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I’d known she thought I was attractive, she wouldn’t have tried to kiss me otherwise. However I was finding it difficult to keep my body from reacting to her compliment.

“What made you want to be a Green Beret?”

Her question took me by surprise. At lunch we’d lightly touched on my military service, but when I’d steered the conversation to something slightly less personal like favorite movies she seemed to go with the flow and not push for more. I figured she was simply disinterested. I didn’t have an issue talking about my time in the Army, however I didn’t make a habit of getting into the details.

“I didn’t set out to be special forces. I’d finished my first contract and decided to re-up, at the time recruitment numbers were down, and the military was trying to retain as many soldiers as they could, giving me the opportunity to write my own ticket, so to speak. I wanted to go to a special school, the Army wanted me to stay, so they sent me. I showed up in Fort Bragg for a ten-day assessment and selection course for Psychological Operations. Before I could start, a first sergeant I knew pulled me aside and asked me to go through the Special Operations Preparation Course. It was also held at Fort Bragg. He promised if I didn’t pass SOPC he’d get me back into the PSYOP pipeline. After a few beers he convinced me.”

“Wow. And just like that you became a Green Beret.”

“Not exactly, just like that. I still had to go through about twenty months of training. But, yes, over beers First Serg Jenner convinced me my talents would better serve the Army as a Special Forces Soldier.”

“That’s incredible.”

“I don’t know about that. But it’s a little different than most people’s stories. I certainly didn’t set out to go SF.”

It felt a little weird talking to Erin about how I become a Green Beret. It wasn’t that I was self-conscious, but it certainly didn’t make me sound like a badass who’d dreamt all his life about kicking in doors and killing bad guys. Though ridding the world of scumbags was certainly one of the perks of being a Green Beret.

“Your parents must’ve been proud.”

“Actually, they weren’t happy. My dad, while proud at what I’d accomplished, was scared for me. He knew what was going on in the world, and what my new job entailed. My mom was pissed. You see, she comes from a big family, and my sister had already told her she didn’t want children. That left me to provide her with the twenty grandchildren she imagined she’d have. Being frequently deployed, she knew her dreams of having grandchildren anytime in the near future was gone. There was no time for holiday visits, let alone dating or finding someone to spend my life with.”

By the time I was done speaking, I couldn’t believe I’d admitted all of that to Erin. I normally didn’t share anything that could be categorized as touchy-feely shit. I didn’t talk about my family or my mom wanting grandkids. Fuck, talking about kids with a woman was the kiss of death. Not that I’d ever been the one to bring them up, but if the woman I was on a date with did—I bailed. Quick, fast, and in a hurry.

“She wants twenty grandchildren?”

I could feel Erin’s smile through her words, and, for some unknown reason, it made me ridiculously happy she could relax enough in my arms to smile. Her trust in me to keep her safe after everything that had happened today was a powerful feeling.

“She wants as many as I can provide. My parents wanted more kids but after me, my mom had to have a hysterectomy. She’s been waiting thirty-two years for a baby to bless her house again.”

“I always wished I had a sister,” she mused.

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“Huh?”

Smooth, asshole, real smooth.

“You don’t date.”

Like that statement was any better than my previous lame question. When the hell had my balls shriveled up? Boyfriends? What in the hell was wrong with me?

“Because I’ve learned most men don’t have any interest in me. They have their sights set on my father. And the ones who actually do want to get to know me get fed up with the background checks and secret service agents always lurking around.”

“It sounds to me like you haven’t found the right kind of guy.”

“Sadly, that’s not true. It’s kinda hard for a man to get to know me, let alone give me a goodnight kiss when an armed guard is always within touching distance. I’m not worth that much trouble.”

Before I fully understood what I was doing, I had Erin on her back and I was looming over her. Her shocked eyes looked up at me, but it wasn’t fear I saw, it was excitement. The same excitement I felt. The same need I’d long ago shoved deep in a box and locked it away. The desire to have someone see me, the real me, and still find me worth the effort was something I never thought I’d have. So, instead of dwelling on it, I moved on. Convincing myself I didn’t need anyone in my life.

“You are worth it. And any man who is worth your time would know it. They’d appreciate you were protected and see the necessity of it. They’d also move heaven and earth to get to know you better. They’d walk through fire if it meant they’d have the honor of kissing you goodnight.”

“Is that what you’d do for your woman? Walk through fire to kiss her?”

“Damn right, I would. The day I find the woman I’m going to spend my life with, there’s not a goddamn thing anyone could do to keep me from her.”

“Then she’ll be a lucky woman.”

Staring down at Erin I realized the truth behind my words. I’d never seriously thought about finding a wife or settling down. Not while I had a dangerous job. But having Erin under me gave me pause. She felt right, the missing piece.

“Will you kiss me?” she whispered. Her voice was soft and unsure.

Maybe it was curiosity that had my mouth lowering to hers. Maybe I needed to know if the spark I’d felt the first time she’d kissed me was real, or if I only imagined how good she tasted. Her tongue brushed mine, and, in that split second, I had the confirmation I was after. I hadn’t imagined anything, though I’d remembered incorrectly—she wasn’t good, she was downright awe-inspiring. Erin’s head lifted, eager to deepen the kiss, and I was too far gone from a simple swipe to stop her.

I held my body still, forcing every muscle not to grind into her like I wanted. She, however, wasn’t motionless. Erin’s hands roamed, bunching up my shirt so she could reach the bare skin on my back. The leg that wasn’t pinned under me, wrapped around my waist, and she tried her best to rock into me. I was so enthralled with her kiss I’d forgotten all the reasons I’d thought it was a bad idea. The harder she pushed herself against me, the more friction there was on my cock. It was absurd the amount of willpower it was taking not to come in my pants.

“More,” she panted. The word pulled me from my fog, just as it had done the first time. “Please don’t pull away this time.”

My cock begged me to take what she was offering, but decency and integrity won the internal fight. She, by some miracle, had somehow saved her virginity, and there was no way I was taking something so special in a flea-bag motel off the side of the highway. Erin deserved more.

“I can’t. Not here. Not like this.”

“Please, Colin.”

There was no amount of pleading that would break my determination not to take her here.

“Sunshine.”

“I’m ready. I’m begging you. Please don’t stop.”

Her hips lifted, and she moved her hands lower, shoving them under the material of my pants massaging my bare ass.

“Erin . . .” Now I was the one begging.

“Just touch me.”

Sweet mother of God. I’d never been so tempted in my life. The sweet smell of her excitement, the silk in her voice, her soft hands on my body. But it was more than the physical temptations, it was the promise of her. The fragments of my solitary life all being drawn into her orbit. I didn’t understand the pull and wasn’t questioning it.

“No further.”

“No further,” she agreed. “But I want to touch you, too. Take these off.”

“No. My pants stay on.”

“Colin.”

“No. My pants do not need to come off for me to make you feel good.”

I rolled to my side and got on my knees. Fuck, she was beautiful. Too beautiful and too special to have to touch the nasty comforter with her bare skin. This was wrong, all wrong.

“What’s the matter?”

“I can’t Erin. Not here in this bed. The thought of your naked flesh touching anything in this room is repulsive. You’re too good for this.”

“I’m not—”

“You are. I swear there are very few things right now that could stop me from getting you off, but this is one of them.”

Her face fell in defeat, and I hated it. Hated that it made me think of the first time she’d kissed me, and I’d lied to her, purposefully hurting her feelings.

I lay back down and gathered her into my arms, pulling her body mostly over mine.

“Remember the night of the charity event when you called me a coward?”

“Yes.” Her body locked, and she started to pull away.

“Relax, sunshine.” I waited until she went lax to continue. “I lied to you that night. You were right. I was there with you in that kiss, a hundred percent. I felt the connection.”

“What stopped you?”

“Same thing that should be stopping me now. Your dad.”

“Should be or is stopping you?”

“Should be. I told you the reason we stopped tonight.”

Unable to resist touching her, I let my hand wander under the bottom of her shirt and trailed my fingertips along the curve of her waist. The skin under my touch pebbled into goose bumps, doing nothing to help my hard-on deflate.

“How is it possible you’re still a virgin?”

Erin busting out laughing was not the answer I’d been expecting.

“Sorry.” She tried to control her giggles. “I’ve never been asked that.”

“How is it possible no one’s ever asked you? You’re almost twenty-five. It’s practically unheard of nowadays.”

“Sad, isn’t it?” She laughed some more.

Sad? There was nothing sad about it. As much of an asshole it may’ve made me, the fact that no man had been inside of her, yet there she was asking me to be her first, turned me on more than it should’ve of. Erin was a goddamn marvel, I’d say she was the eighth wonder of the world. Erin was sexy and smart and when she let down her guard, she was funny. It truly didn’t seem possible.

“Nothing sad about it, sunshine. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact.”

“It’s a lot easier than you think. Once my dad started running for president, we all got protection during the campaign. Someone was with me twenty-four seven. After he won, it continued. I wasn’t all that eager to give it up in high school anyway. But in college there were a few guys that had caught my attention, but as I said, the secret service were always there. Then, with the one serious boyfriend I had, I thought we were going in that direction but I overheard him talking to his dad about trying his hardest to get them an invite to meet my dad. I quickly ended things. After that, dating seemed like it was more trouble than it was worth. And sex was off the table.”

“What an asshole.”

“Then I met you. When I finally got up the courage to make the first move, you shut me down.”

Fuck, that stung.

“I was trying to do the right thing. I didn’t think I was good enough for you. Then there was the fact that I was hired to—”

“Protect me. I know. But you also didn’t like me much. You thought I was a spoiled bitch.”

“I was wrong.”

“About the spoiled part maybe. But I was being a bitch. By the time you came along and were placed on my detail, I was over being babysat. Over being told what to do, and where to be. Where I couldn’t go. After everything that happened with Olivia, I was wrapped in cotton and suffocated. I didn’t understand why, beyond the obvious, and no one would explain anything to me. I turned into someone I’m not proud of. You know what the worst part was?”

“What?”

“I was embarrassed. I felt like I was a child that needed watching over.”

“You never had anything to be embarrassed about.”

We both were silent for a long time. I was enjoying the weight of her body pressed onto mine, perfectly content to lay there all night with her in my arms.

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“For thinking I’m something special.”

She’d done the impossible—rendered me speechless. My stomach clenched, and my heart pounded in my chest. Something changed that night as I lay in the dark with Erin. Something deep and life altering. At the time I couldn’t place the feelings her words had evoked, but as the days passed, the emotion became evident. I was falling in love.