Resolution: Free Fall (A Resolution Pact Short Story) by Fiona Starr (6)

I give myself two more days, but when Saturday arrives and I wake up with Ben on the brain yet again, I make a decision. I can’t keep this up any longer. I can’t pretend that what Ben and I did—the time we spent on New Year’s Day was meaningless. I know he felt something too. Maybe I misread his joke and took it the wrong way. Wouldn’t be the first time I did that. Maybe he’s waiting to hear from me.

I am in the car, heading to the airfield before I chicken out. I think of Stacy and her push to make this my year. I think of my promise to myself not to hold back any more. The old Jules would never do this, and that’s why I need to. How many opportunities have I missed because I was too afraid? I don’t know, but I won’t let another one pass me by.

I am gripping the wheel so tight my knuckles turn white. I flex my hands one at a time, telling myself I have nothing to lose. I have nothing to lose. I have nothing to lose.

I click on my blinker and merge onto the highway.

I check the straps on my parachute one more time and sling the pack onto my back.

Shelly claps me on the shoulder. “You’re doing a lot of jumps these days, what’s up?”

What am I supposed to say? Nothing, just need to clear my head because I can’t stop thinking about Jules and the incredible sex we had in the staff room the other day and the way she smells and how she talks about her kindergarten class and the way she laughs when she’s embarrassed and the feel of her hair and how she moaned when I…

I shrug. “Nothing. Just itching for sky.”

She nods. “All right. Just making sure you’re okay, chief.”

“I’m good.”

Shelly checks her clipboard and ushers the class of jumpers on board ahead of me. I get on last and close the door, plug in my earbuds, blast some tunes and get ready to shut the world and Jules off.

I pull in to Butler Airfield and my palms go sweaty on the wheel. A quick inventory of my body reveals shortness of breath, jittery legs, and a racing heart too. What the hell am I doing here?

“No turning back, Jules. You owe it to yourself.” I add shaky voice to the list of ailments as I pull in to the parking lot and find a spot behind a van that hides me a little but leaves me with a view of Ben’s office.

His truck is here, so at least I know I haven’t wasted the trip.

I do some deep breathing in an attempt to calm myself down and watch the jumpers as they fall from the sky. It’s hard to spot them when they free fall, but once their chutes open, it’s like they appear out of nowhere and catch the eye.

I follow them down until they land and realize with a start that one of the jumpers in the group is Ben. He’s taller than the others, and he’s wearing the same red and black jumpsuit he wore when we…

He gathers up his parachute and makes his way toward his office and my throat tightens. I can’t breathe.

I give myself a pep talk. “Ok, you’re doing this, Jules. When he gets over here, you’re going to open this door and step out and talk to him.” I wait for him to get closer. “On the count of three… two…”

Swooper hops from the back of my pickup and runs toward me, tennis ball ready. I grab the ball and throw it for him, watching as he races after it. I turn around and almost bump into her, taking an automatic step back. “Sorry.”

“Hey, tall boy.” She paws at my jumpsuit with her kitten claws.

Kitten… “Hey, Katie. What are you doing here?”

“I asked around at the bar and they told me you’d be here. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to…” She eyes her Escalade a few spots away from my truck. “… go for a ride?” She drapes an arm over my shoulder and presses her hips into me.

My body reacts against my will and she can tell I am getting a hard on.

I pull my hips away and look around for Swoop. “Oh, uh.” I need to not be here.

She senses my hesitation and moves in again, nibbling at my chin. “Oh, come on. It will be fun. We can do it in your truck if you insist.” She opens the cab and hops into the driver’s seat, her legs swinging out the open door.

My thoughts are a jumble as I watch her. I don’t want her. I don’t want this. I need her to go. She can’t be here.

I’m about to open the door when she appears at Ben’s office door. She’s got long blonde hair and a ski-bunny body, and she’s smiling and walking toward Ben. I watch in detached curiosity as they meet on the edge of the field. It isn’t until she touches him that I realize my mistake. It takes one look at how she’s draped herself over him to know that she’s here on a mission—one she’s been on before.

It only takes another look to see that he’s attracted to her too.

Damn it.

I swallow the lump that has risen in my throat and blink back tears. Am I really going to cry? Earth to Jules… get a hold of yourself!

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

I should have known better. I should have listened to Cassie and Evan when they warned me. Ben’s a player. He’s looking for good times and nothing more. It hurts to admit that’s all I was to him—just a good time. One in an apparently long and active list.

I close my eyes and put my car in gear and slip from my parking spot. The lane I’m in is at ninety-degrees from where Ben’s parked so I just have to duck my head a little and drive away.

I need to put this airfield and Ben Butler where they belong: behind me.

I step over to my truck and I put my hands around Katie’s waist. She’s surprised when I lift her out of the seat and place her back on the blacktop.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” She leans against me and runs her hand over the zipper running down my chest. “We had a good time, didn’t we?”

“Yeah. We did. Totally. It was great, but… I’m not… I can’t…” I have no idea what to say. A week ago I would have taken her up on the offer, though I might have taken her to my place instead of repeating our parking lot encounter. A week ago I was someone else. A week ago I wanted nothing but the Ben Butler checklist… all the hot stuff and no strings. But now… with Jules taking up all the space in my head… I can’t. I just can’t.

She takes it surprisingly well, though I can see a blush rise in her face. “I get it. No worries. See you at the bar. Maybe you’ll change your mind…”

Swoop is back with his ball, finally. He sees the open door on the truck and hops into the cab.

I watch her go, relief washing over me like rain. “Yeah. Maybe… I’m just… Sorry. I have to go.” I point awkwardly at Swoop and hop in the truck. I don’t wait for her to leave. I stick the keys in the ignition and gun the engine and peel out of the lot.