Mason
Pulling onto the gravel in front of the farmhouse, I thanked the cab driver and stuffed some notes into his hand. Harry trotted over to me slowly when I climbed from the car and nudged me with his snout. “Hey, big guy.”
Whimpering when I scratched behind his ear, I moved him out of the way so the taxi driver could manoeuvre out of the tight space and then made my way to the house. It had been over a fortnight since I’d seen Ava, and apart from a few short texts we’d exchanged, I had no idea how she was feeling now. I’d given her a chance to calm down, but now I needed to know where her head was at.
The house was warm but empty. As always, it was clean and tidy, so I was taken aback when I saw two mugs, half filled with cold coffee, in the middle of the kitchen table. She’d had company, which was surprising as the only person we knew was Bob down the road who came to feed the few animals we had around the farm, and I doubted Ava would entertain him; she couldn’t stand him at the best of times. Me neither come to that, the dirty sod was always staring at Ava’s chest. I wondered if he would still gawp if he knew she wore a mastectomy bra?
It was late afternoon, so I was shocked to find that my wife wasn’t around. The paintwork in the lounge was finished, the muted yellow walls comforting and warm, and the final top layer of varnish we’d planned on doing a few weekends ago now covered the wooden floor. The few pictures we had chosen together at a couple of galleries hung in well-chosen places and the curtains Ava had made from rolls of material draped at the window frames. For the first time, the old farmhouse felt loved.
“It was gross!”
I turned when the kitchen door opened, and Ava’s voice broke the silence of the house. She was laughing, her face down as she stuffed her keys back into her bag before she glanced back over her shoulder.
“Perils of the job, I’m afraid!” a male voice laughed behind her.
“One thing I hadn’t expected when taking the job was to remove used condoms from the toilet!”
She looked up, saw me and her footing stumbled. “Mason!”
I wasn’t sure I could speak when my teeth clamped together at the sight of Danny. Although my reaction to seeing him wasn’t remotely as dangerous as when I looked down and spotted his hand on the top of her arm. My fists clenched as tightly as my jaw, and I fought to contain the rage of emotion swirling around in my gut.
“Ava,” I finally managed to grate out through my teeth.
Catching on to my struggle, Ava, wisely, shifted away from Danny’s touch and dropped her bag on the table. “Danny was just bringing me home. The car’s buggered.”
Even though the house was warm, I could see each of my breaths fan out in front of my face. There wasn’t a chill in the air, but I couldn’t say the same for my temper.
“From where?” I asked. Danny, the tool, stood watching us both warily, and I quirked an eyebrow at him. “She’s home. I suggest you do the same!”
“Mason!” Ava scolded. “Don’t be so rude!”
Slowly, I moved my eyes back to her. “You think that was rude, baby? Perhaps, someone would like to tell me what the hell is going on!”
“Nothing is going on, Mason. The hunk of junk on wheels that you bought is knackered. I need money, and Danny was kind enough to offer me a job at the hotel he owns.”
Nodding, I clicked my tongue and forced down the need to slip my hands around Danny’s throat. “Well, excuse me if I seem rude, but could you leave, please. Ava and I have business to attend to.”
Danny moved his glance from me to Ava, who gave him a small smile and a nod. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow. Thanks for the lift.”
He seemed reluctant but took her word and left.
“So, are you back?”
Ava’s voice made me jump. I’d been staring at the door Danny had left through, my mind a whir of calculating thoughts, and almost robotically, I asked, “Are you screwing him?”
When she didn’t reply, I turned my head, seeking her out. She was silent, but her eyes were loud with anger. “Are you kidding me? You really need to ask that?”
“Yes, I really need to ask that! You left because I wouldn’t make love to you. How should I know if you’re not looking elsewhere for it!”
“Jesus, Mason! Listen to yourself! You’re behaving like a sulky teenager.”
“We’re far past teenage troubles, Ava. I’d say we’re well and truly into adult troubles right now.”
She scoffed and sank into one of the chairs by the table. “We’ve been dealing with grown-up problems for over twenty years. But you buried your head in the sand with them all, and now you’ve finally plucked your big sulking head out of all your ignorance, you’re surprised by how hard real life really is. And that’s your problem, really, isn’t it? You can’t deal with life, Mason. You’ve become a coward!”
“A coward, huh?”
She waited until I sat down beside her. Sighing, she ran her hands through her hair and shook her head, “Yes, a coward.”
Out of it all, my little warrior branding me a coward punched the slow beat of my heart, and all the rage drained from me. “All I’ve done, all my life, is try to protect you, Ava. I’ve tried so hard, and now it seems I’ve lost that too.”
Reaching across, she covered my hand with her own. “I know that, Mason. But don’t you think it’s time to lower your shield and let me step up to protect you for a change.”
“You have no idea what you’re fighting against, baby. Until my last breath, I will still try to shelter you from what I know will break you.”
“You don’t think, to see the past eat you up and spit you out isn’t breaking me? Knowing what you went through…”
“You have no idea what I went through!”
“No,” she slammed, “Because you won’t tell me! All the years we’ve been together, and still, you don’t trust me with the truth.” Her chair squeaked on the tiled floor when she abruptly stood up and rubbed at her face. “Ugh, you’re such a damn caveman!”
Her face was flush, her eyes red from unshed tears, and the sight of my beautiful wife, so vulnerable and hurt because of me made me want to take the gun from the box on top of the wardrobe, shove it in my mouth and pull the damn trigger!
“All I ever seem to do is make you cry.”
She didn’t answer me, and I watched her as she pulled a bottle of vodka from the freezer, took the Jack Daniels from the cupboard, snatched up two glasses from the shelf, and turned to me. “I’m going through to the lounge. If you want to repair what we have, then you’ll follow me through, sit your ass down and we’ll drink until we can’t think straight, but you’re going to tell me every single fucking detail about that day.” Determined, she swiped angrily at a stray tear that rolled down her cheek. “I am strong enough, Mason. For you. The love I have for you will be all the strength I need. Yes, I might cry a lot, but don’t mistake that for weakness. Don’t for one second think that because my eyes get wet that I can’t handle the truth. I cry because I feel! I cry because I love! I cry because I’m fucking strong! Allowing emotions to be so free takes strength. To be so open gives way for heartache and the ability to be hurt. But, even with that said, I am still resilient enough to allow someone to have such a huge part of me. Do you understand me?”
She didn’t wait for my reply. Slowly, she pulled her shoulders back, took a deep breath, and walked past me to the lounge.
Taking her lead, I pulled in a long breath and followed her through. It was time. Time to set it all free. I could only take Ava’s word that she was strong enough for this, but what choice did I have? She was right. She was ready. It was me who wasn’t.