Luke,” I murmured, my thighs shaking and my nerves still firing shots of sensation through me. The man made me boneless, giving me the sort of pleasure every woman had probably dreamed of at some point.
He was still inside me, holding me up as he panted into my neck. There was no space between us, no separation. And already, I wanted him again even if we were still standing up inside a janitor’s closet. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, couldn’t stop seeking him out when we were apart. I’d spent the entire evening watching him out of the corner of my eye, wishing we could be together in some way. Needing to feel his hands on me.
“Luke, you have to—”
“Shh.” His lips were warm as he kissed my neck, his hands strong as he kneaded my ass and slid out of me. “I know. Let me get you cleaned up, then we can go back to the party.”
My feet hit the floor, Luke’s hands supporting me, but I was still too far gone. Too high on the endorphins running through my body. Luke turned to grab something, but I clung to his shoulder. Unable to let go even as the reality that I’d have to settled over me—that this was our last night together before it was time to go home.
I had to know. “What do we do tomorrow?”
“Don’t worry about that now. We’ll figure it out.” He gave me a quick kiss, as if that could calm the raging emotions inside of me, then wiped away the evidence of us from between my legs. Paper towel and condom tossed into the trash, he tugged my dress back down, his hands gentle, his smile soft on his lips. “We’ve got one more night together before reality creeps in, and I want to enjoy every second of it.”
Something about those words, about the way he seemed to be ignoring the future, only reminded me that this wouldn’t last. It was a fling. A weekend of fun and sex. Nothing more.
No matter how much I might now want it to be.
“Right. No jumping ahead,” I whispered before running my fingers through the ends of my hair and tightening my updo. At least I could look put together on the outside. “We should get out there before people realize we’re both gone.”
Luke’s hands worked the button on his dark jeans, the ones I’d been admiring all night, and his shirt wasn’t tucked in yet. Too bad. I couldn’t wait anymore, couldn’t breathe in that tiny space. The pressure of not knowing, of needing to put all my trust in something so unsure, was too much. I pressed down on the handle and swung the door wide in my effort to escape.
“Wait, sunshine.” Luke raced up behind me and knocked into my hip, steadying me with an arm around my waist as I came to a stop. One that wasn’t because he’d called my nickname.
“Sunshine?” Barry said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “You sob about the people who come through your emergency room and walk around with blood on your shoes, but he calls you sunshine? That’s rich.”
“Barry—”
“Save it.” His glower sent ice flying up my spine. “I’m not taking any of your shit after this.”
“Hey,” Luke barked, taking a step in front of me. Protecting me, a move even Barry seemed to notice if his eyebrow raise was any indication. “Keep talking to her like that, and you’re gonna see what it feels like to be on the receiving end of my fist.”
“I’ll talk to her any way I like. She’s my girlfriend.”
Jackass. “No, I’m not.”
“Oh, really?”
Luke clenched his hands into fists, and a muscle in his jaw jumped. “Hannah says she’s not, and I’m inclined to believe her.”
Barry’s face went red, and he stepped right up into Luke’s space, staring him down hard. “You know goddamned well she’s mine. She’s been with me since high school, and what? Now you think you can rush in and steal her from me?”
“Just repaying the favor,” Luke spat with a wicked sort of scowl. “You always did want everything I set my eyes on, didn’t you?”
I inched forward, unwilling to let Luke take the brunt of the blame. “I’m not yours, Barry. I haven’t been in a long time.”
“Shut up, Hannah.”
Luke shot forward, shoving Barry in the shoulder and almost knocking him down. “I warned you, asshole. One more word to her, and I won’t stop with a little push.”
“Stop this,” I yelled, trying to get between the two but failing as Luke dragged me back behind him. “You two are brothers. You can’t fight like this.”
“Brothers. Right.” Barry’s words couldn’t have sounded more sarcastic or harsh. “How the fuck did I end up with a brother who steals my girl?”
“I haven’t been your brother in a long damn time. You made sure of that.”
“So you think you can just fuck my girl for the weekend to prove you’re the bigger man?” Barry caught my eye, looking downright gleeful in a malevolent sort of way when he pinned me with his glare. “What? You didn’t fall for his act, did you? Did you think Luke here would want more than a fling just to piss me off?”
“I—”
Luke cut me off, still completely focused on Barry. Only Barry. “What I want with Hannah is between her and me and has nothing to do with you.”
But Barry’s words hit home the way they always had, extinguishing any fire I’d stoked within me. “Stop it, Barry.”
He laughed, throwing his head back as if I’d just told the best joke ever. “You did! Oh, this is perfect. What are you going to do, Hannah? Drive two hours here after a twelve-hour shift so you can cry to him about the poor kids who came through the hospital? Do you really believe anyone other than me will sit and listen to your complaining? Because, let me tell you, it’s not easy. I may not have been perfect, but at least I was close enough to take care of you when you needed me to.”
I shook my head, backing away from both of them. “You cheated. A lot.”
“You think he’s going to be the faithful one?” Barry shouted, throwing an arm toward an almost stunned looking Luke. “What…he’s going to be sitting here all alone on the island as you work yourself half to death? He owns a fucking brewery, Hannah. The man sees more pussy than a gynecologist.”
“Luke wouldn’t do that to me—he wouldn't lie like that.”
There was something about the way Barry’s face contorted, about the gleam that burned in his eyes, that sent a warning up my spine.
“You think he’s going to tell you everything, sweetheart? I bet he never told you about the time he caught me with another woman in our apartment. Your knight in shining armor forget to mention he knew I was cheating on you and kept it to himself?”
Luke had become the living embodiment of anger, shooting daggers with his eyes. “You’re trying to paint me as the bad guy when you’re the one who screwed around on her? Unfuckingbelievable. You had no idea what you had when she was yours, but I’m glad you were too stupid to realize it.”
Barry sneered. “My dad may have been fooled by you, but I’m not. I’ve always known you were nothing. Bet your mom’s real fucking proud of you, too. Trash begets trash.”
Luke lunged at Barry like some sort of animal. He swung his arm wide, landing a solid punch to Barry’s nose before throwing another punch into Barry’s gut that left him doubled over. The two grappled, slamming into the lockers more than once as they each tried to overpower the other.
Me? I stood stock-still, unable to look away, unable to stop thinking about what Barry had said. Luke—my sweet, caring friend who’d always been so kind to me—had lied. He’d known Barry betrayed me, and he’d hung me out to dry. He had allowed Barry to humiliate me for God knew how long before I’d finally confronted the asshole, and I’d let him seduce me. I’d let Luke weasel his way into my heart in a more-than-friends sort of way, unaware that I’d been betrayed by him already.
What could I expect if I pushed for a relationship outside of this weekend fling? More of the same? Was I again relegating myself to the position of the one who was lied to? Or was this really just a fling—a couple of days of hot sex to brag about later with no chance of anything more?
I didn’t want to believe it, but the truth was right in front of my eyes. Luke didn’t want to make plans with me, didn’t want to talk about what would happen once the weekend was over in anything more than vague terms. And he’d held back a huge secret from me.
“Stop it,” I yelled. “Stop fighting, both of you.”
Luke stopped first, turning just enough to look my way. Big mistake. Barry took the opportunity to sucker-punch him in the jaw, though apparently, he’d forgotten how strong the facial bones were in comparison to the hand ones.
“Motherfucker,” Barry yelled, shaking out his fist.
“You never could throw a solid punch.” Luke rubbed his jaw, putting space between him and his brother.
“Fuck you.”
“Are we done here?” I asked, arms crossed, glaring at the two of them. When neither man said anything, I took a deep breath. “Barry, you’re an asshole. You treat me like shit, you treat Luke like shit, and you even treat his mom, the woman who raised you like you were her own, like shit. You’ve got a nice career going for you, but that’s literally all you have. It’s sad to me, but I can’t worry about you anymore. We’re through, which means I don’t want you anywhere near my life.”
Barry scoffed, not bothering to look at me. “Yeah, right.”
“Don’t doubt me on this. I’ve let you get away with treating me like shit for too long. It won’t be happening again. And you.” I pointed at Luke. “You should have told me about Barry and the other woman.”
Luke sighed, his brow pulling down. “I thought you were happy with him. I didn't want to hurt you.”
Something snapped inside of me. Something hard and sharp that had been holding back a lot of anger. A lot of pain. Something that had left me weakened. It burst, and my heart filled with a fury I didn’t know if I could control. “Bullshit, Luke. That’s a child’s excuse. What are we, twelve? Can we act like adults for five minutes?”
“No.” Barry wiped the blood still falling from his nose and spat on the floor. “I’m done being an adult. You want her, brother dearest? She’s yours.”
It wasn’t his place to give me to anyone, but I wasn’t about to correct him right then. I had bigger fish to fry. “Don’t show up at my door, and don’t come back trying to charm me into bed with you again. Do us both a favor and lose my number, because I won’t be using yours.”
Barry startled, seeming shocked by my words or the fierceness of my voice. Either way, he didn’t have it in him to respond. He walked past me, not even pausing as he disappeared around a corner.
He left Luke and me alone, the hall quiet except for the whisper of the music playing in the gym on the other side of the school. But I wasn’t a teenager anymore; I wasn’t one to make decisions I knew could be bad and hope they’d work out. No matter how many movies would claim different, no one ever tamed the bad boy of the school. And while Luke wasn’t really bad, he was a threat. To me. To my heart. I’d been Barry’s doormat for years. I wasn’t about to be the occasional hookup for the guy who would probably lie to me, too.
“I think it’s time to leave,” I said, turning away from Luke and heading for the gym. Alone. A move that was both intentional and symbolic.
“Where are we going?”
“Not we, Luke.” I shook my head, my steps growing faster. My mind made up. “I don’t want to be around you right now.”
Luke grabbed my arm, spinning me around. “Why the hell not?”
“You lied!” I pushed out of his hold. “You knew Barry was cheating, and you chose not to tell me.”
“I didn't tell you because I gave my asshole brother the chance to do something right, to tell you on his own.” He took a step closer, one I refused to back away from, and dropped his voice to be softer. “I swear I didn't know it wasn't the only time, Hannah.”
“So, what? I’m just supposed to trust you now? I’m supposed to forget you kept this huge secret from me because you thought your fear of seeing me hurting was more important than me being hurt?”
“No, that's not—”
“Tell me something, Luke… What are we going to do on Monday when we both need to get back to work?”
“Whatever we—”
“And what about on Thursday, when I have to work a double and will probably be a pile of ragged emotions at the end of it? What will we do?”
“Hannah, I’m not—”
“I’ve been with a man for twelve years who could barely be there for me, and he lived with me for part of that time. How are you going to support me when you’re two hours away?”
Growling, he clung to my arms, his hold hard, his voice dripping with something that sounded an awful lot like anger. “Would you let me talk? What, in our twelve-year history, has given you the impression I wouldn’t support you? In every-fucking-thing. Two hours or two minutes away, I’ll be there for you, Hannah. You know that.”
“A twelve-year history with a giant, gaping wound because you couldn’t tell me the truth. Even though he treated you and your mom like second-class citizens, you chose Barry over me when the chips were down.”
“I did not choose Barry over you. I would never. I’ve wanted you for twelve long years, and that hasn’t changed. If I could go back, I never would’ve told Barry about my feelings for you. I should’ve known he’d swoop in before I even had a chance. Seeing you together all these years about killed me. You think I chose him over you? You were always my choice, Hannah. Even when you weren't mine.”
“I’m still not yours, Luke.” I stepped back. Walking away even though every inch between us caused fractures in my heart. Knowing it was time to go home despite how much it hurt to do so. “Look, this just isn’t going to work. I can’t keep making the same mistakes.”
“What we had these past two days was not a mistake.”
“I don’t know if two days can make up for everything, Luke. I really don’t. Not anymore.”
Luke reached for me, looking almost lost as his hand brushed against my cheek. “Sunshine, don’t leave like this. Tell me what I need to do. How can I make this right?”
Not a single answer popped into my head. There was simply nothing—no bright eyes, no tattooed arms, no Luke. My mind had already shut him out, a fact that made me want to curl up in a ball right there and cry. Instead, I pulled away from his touch. “I don’t know if you can. Finding out you knew—you were there, you saw her, and you said nothing—it hurts. It’s…devastating.” I shook my head, the burn of tears building in my eyes sending me into a panic. I would not cry in front of him. I would not. “I’m leaving, and I need you to let me do that.”
“Fine. If that’s what you need to do, leave.” His jaw clenched, and he finally stopped reaching for me, something that made the hurt even worse. “But I’m going to come after you, Hannah. I’m going to fight for you. For us. I’m not going to let you slip through my fingers this time.”
I nodded, waiting for…something. It took me a few seconds to realize he was serious. He was letting me go. Barry would have cornered me, would have refused to let me take a step until I bent to his will. Luke…wasn’t Barry. The pain on Luke’s face was obvious, his struggle to let me go plain, but he didn’t fight me. He didn’t try to overwhelm me. He let me make my own decisions, which was both amazing and saddening. This was all on me, and I was going to have to live with the consequences if I was wrong.
But what if I was right?
I spun and hurried to the gym so I could grab my bag, confusion muddling my thoughts. All but one—I was done here. Temperance Falls, as much as I loved it, would never be home again. I needed to face that. To move forward with the life I’d chosen. And to find someone willing to move forward with me.
“Where have you been?” Jessica asked when I reached the table. She was sitting on Aaron’s lap, looking happy and more than a little tipsy. “We’ve been looking for you.”
“I’m not feeling well.” I was an asshole, but I could hate myself for lying later. “I’m taking off.”
“Want me to pick up some ginger ale on the way back home?”
“No, I won’t be there. I’m going back to the city.”
Her smile fell, and she suddenly looked a little more sober. “What about Luke?”
And wasn’t that the question of the night? What about him? I shrugged, trying to play like my heart wasn’t breaking. “Luke’s a big boy. He’ll be okay.”
“Hannah,” Jessica said, but I didn’t let her finish. I grabbed her and Aaron in a hug instead.
“Thank you for your hospitality. I’m going to pack up my stuff and get out of your hair.”
And with that, I walked out of the high school where everything had started so long ago. It was time to be done with childish things.
* * *
The drive home seemed endless, taking so much longer since I had to keep pulling over to give myself time to stop crying. Still, I made it back to my little apartment with its boring tan rug and walls, its tiny kitchen only meant for one person. The place was silent and cold, and I hated it. There was no Luke there. I hated it, but it was where my life resided. Too exhausted to do anything else, I turned off the lights and headed to my bedroom, ready to put the weekend behind me. Ready to sleep away the painful rock that had wedged itself in my chest and refused to let me breathe.
On Sunday, I went to work. I wasn’t scheduled and probably needed the time off to put my head back on straight, but when the charge nurse called that she needed help, I jumped. The beigeness of my place had started to suffocate me. Fuck sitting home alone and wallowing—work would keep my mind off of things.
Or so I thought.
Instead, I spent eight hours on my feet, my heart aching, and my mind constantly drifting to Luke. What was he doing? Did he miss me at all? Was he glad I’d left, or had I hurt him with my disappearing act? What had I been thinking? Luke wasn’t Barry—he wasn’t the type of guy who would cheat on his girl. At least, I didn’t think so. There had to be a good reason for why he hadn’t told me about Barry and the other woman. It wasn’t his way to be dishonest. Or was that my crush overriding what my brain was trying to tell me? Was this like when Barry was cheating and I’d started to see the signs of it but chose to ignore them? If I called Luke and told him I missed him, would I regret it later when something went wrong?
It was all too much, too overwhelming. I needed a break from my own mind.
“Just keep nursing. Just keep nursing—”
“You okay, Hannah?” The admin behind the front desk gave me a funny look, her eyes seeming to take in every detail. Wonderful. I’d ripped a hole in my life the likes of which I wasn’t sure I could fix, and now my coworkers were going to think I had lost my mind.
I dropped the pen I’d been holding, the one that hadn’t made a single note on the chart I’d laid out probably fifteen minutes ago. No wonder I was being questioned. “I’m fine, just tired. I chant to myself to keep going when I’m tired.”
“Like that fish from the movie.”
Okay, then. “Yeah, exactly. Like that.”
She smiled and turned back around. “Whatever works to get you through the day. You do look tired.”
Which meant I looked like shit. Of course. “I’m fine. Really.”
“It’s not my business,” she said, sneaking a peek over her shoulder at me. “But you look like your heart’s been ripped out and stomped on.”
My breath caught, and I wasn’t sure what to say. Not at first. Not until I stopped thinking and just let the words come. “He didn’t mean to.”
“That’s good. That means things can get put back together.” She rose to her feet, a stack of old charts in her arms. “I need to get these back down to storage. You take it easy on yourself.”
Her words echoed in my head for the rest of the day. Things can get put back together. I wasn’t sure if I believed them, but they wouldn’t let me go. Wouldn’t let me refuse them and go back into a neat little box where I could ignore the possibility.
Things can get put back together…but only if we both wanted to do the work. He’d let me make the choice to walk away, which meant I was probably going to have to be the first one to reach out if I wanted to fix things. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that just yet.
After my shift ended, I trudged home and crawled into the shower. I needed to wash the day off me. To wash the confusion down the drain. It didn’t seem to work. All I could think about as I stared at my bathroom vanity was Luke bending me over the counter back at Aaron and Jessica’s place. How he’d whispered filthy things to me. How he’d held me so tight, as if he hadn’t wanted to let me go. I’d never felt as safe as I had in his arms, never felt as loved as I did when he wrapped me up in his body and held on. How could I walk away from that?
How could he let me?