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Rich People Problems by Kevin Kwan (5)

CHAPTER FOUR

MOUNT ELIZABETH HOSPITAL, SINGAPORE

After five hours at the hospital’s intensive care unit, alternately sitting beside her grandmother, managing the visiting dignitaries, managing her mother’s nerves, and managing the caterers from Min Jiang that had set up a buffet in the VIP visitors’ lounge, Astrid needed a break and some fresh air. She took the elevator down to the lobby and walked out to the little grove of palm trees adjacent to the side entrance off Jalan Elok and began texting with Charlie on WhatsApp.

ASTRID LEONG TEO: Sorry I couldn’t talk earlier. No phones allowed in the ICU.

CHARLES WU: No worries. How’s your Ah Ma?

ALT: Resting comfortably at the moment, but the prognosis isn’t good.

CW: So sorry to hear that.

ALT: Are Isabel and the kids all right?

CW: Yes. Their plane landed a couple of hours ago, and thankfully Isabel’s mother managed to keep her calm during the flight. She’s been admitted to Hong Kong Sanatorium and her doctors are attending to her. The kids are okay. Bit shaken up. Chloe’s glued to her phone as usual, and I’m lying here next to Delphine while she sleeps.

ALT: I have to tell you—they were such angels through it all. I could tell they were trying to stay composed during the whole ordeal. Delphine dashed to the side of Mrs. Lee Yong Chien while Chloe tried to help calm Isabel down as she was being restrained.

CW: I am SO SORRY for this.

ALT: Come on, it wasn’t your fault.

CW: It IS my fault. Should have seen this coming. She was supposed to sign off on the divorce settlement this week, and my lawyers were pressuring her. That’s why she snapped. And my security team totally screwed up.

ALT: Wasn’t it the school that screwed up? Letting Isabel walk in and take them out of class in the middle of the school day?

CW: She apparently put on an Oscar-worthy performance. With the way she looked, they really thought there was a family emergency. This is what happens when you donate too much money to a school—they don’t ever question you.

ALT: I don’t think anyone could have anticipated this.

CW: Well, my security team should have! This was an epic fuckup. They never even saw Isabel and the kids exiting—they only had the front entrance under surveillance. Since Izzie went to Diocesan too, she knew all the secret ways to sneak out.

ALT: OMG I didn’t think of that!

CW: She took them out through the laundry-room door and they hopped on the MTR straight to the airport. BTW, we discovered how she knew where to find you. Rosalind Fung tagged you in a Facebook pic from last month’s Christian Fellowship event.

ALT: Really? I’m never on FB. Look at it about once a year.

CW: Isabel’s mum is FB friends with Rosalind. She messaged her three days ago asking if you would be at this event, and Rosalind said yes and even told her you’d be seated at the table of honor!

ALT: So THAT’S how she knew how to find me in that crowd! I was so shocked when she started screaming at me.

CW: I guess the cat’s out of the bag. Everyone must be talking about us now.

ALT: I have no idea. Probably.

CW: What did your mother say? Did she go ballistic when she found out about us?

ALT: Mum’s said nothing so far. I’m not sure she even connected all the dots. When it happened she was too busy dabbing tissues on Mrs. Lee and the Sultana. And then in the midst of all that, Araminta Lee rushed up to us and said, “Haven’t you heard? Your grandmother had a heart attack!”

CW: You’ve really had the day from hell.

ALT: Not compared to your kids. I’m sorry they had to go through this. Seeing their mother in that state…

CW: They’ve seen it before. It’s just never been this bad.

ALT: I wanted to hug them. I wanted to get them out of there and fly them back to you myself but it was total chaos with everything happening all at once.

CW: YOU need a hug.

ALT: Mmm…would be so nice.

CW: I don’t know how you put up with me and all the shit that keeps happening.

ALT: I could say the same myself.

CW: Your shit ain’t half as crazy as mine.

ALT: Just you wait. With Ah Ma in the condition she’s in, I don’t know what’s going to happen anymore. There’s going to be a family invasion this week, and it’s not going to be pretty.

CW: Is it going to be like “Modern Family”?

ALT: More like “Game of Thrones.” The Red Wedding scene.

CW: Oh boy. Speaking of weddings, does anyone know about our plans?

ALT: Not yet. But I think this might be the perfect opportunity to start prepping my family…letting some of my closer relatives know that I’m divorcing Michael, and there’s a new man in my life…

CW: Is there a new man in your life?

ALT: Yes, his name is Jon Snow.

CW: Hate to break it to you, but Jon Snow is dead.

ALT: No he’s not. You’ll see. :-)

CW: Seriously, I’m here if you need me. Do you want me to come down?

ALT: No, it’s fine. Chloe and Delphine need you.

CW: I need you. I can send the plane anytime.

ALT: Let’s see how this week goes with my family and then we can really begin making some plans…

CW: I’ll be counting the minutes…

ALT: Me too…xoxoxo


Yes, you can be sure Min Jiang’s legendary wood-fired Beijing duck—with a first serving of crispy duck skin dipped in fine granulated sugar, wrapped in homemade pancakes with sweet sauce, shredded leeks, and cucumbers, followed by a second serving of the sliced duck in fried noodles—was part of the impromptu ICU buffet organized by Felicity Leong.

In 2015, the world was most preoccupied about figuring out if the economy would continue to recover, how to keep the Ebola outbreak in Africa from becoming a global pandemic, where ISIS terrorists would strike next after the horrendous Paris attacks, how to help Nepal after its devastating earthquakes, who would be the front-runners in the next U.S. presidential campaign, and whether Jon Snow, Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and one of the heroes in George R. R. Martin’s Game of Thrones television series, really died in the season finale.

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