CHAPTER NINE

MATINLOC ISLAND, PALAWAN

Charlie and Astrid stood on the beach of the lagoon, locked in an embrace. “I’m never going to let you go again!” Charlie sighed happily, as Astrid simply smiled up at him. They sat down on the sand, dipping their toes into the gently lapping waters, staring out at the incredible view of the towering rocks encircling this hidden place, holding hands and not saying anything.

Astrid spoke first. “I didn’t mean to worry you. I hadn’t realized quite how concerned you would be until I heard about the fight at China’s from Diego. How’s your jaw? It looks a little purple.”

“It’s fine,” Charlie said, rubbing his jaw absentmindedly. “I haven’t even thought about it once, to be honest. How could you not know I was worried? I mean, you’ve been missing for close to six weeks!”

“I haven’t been missing. I’ve been on FaceTime with Cassian every other day and my family knows I’m fine. But I guess my mother never mentioned anything to you, did she?”

“No, she didn’t! The last time I spoke to her over the phone, she said she hadn’t heard from you and she didn’t much care to. And then she banged down the phone,” Charlie huffed.

“Figures.” Astrid smiled, shaking her head. “I’ve been fine, Charlie. More than fine, actually. I needed to take some time out for myself. You know, being here, I realized I haven’t ever done that. Any trip I’ve ever taken has involved family, or it’s been a work trip, wedding, or some other social obligation. I’ve never actually gone anywhere alone just for myself.”

“I understand, I knew you needed the time alone. But I also was scared that your mind was spiraling out of control, not knowing all that’s been happening back home.”

“I haven’t wanted to know, Charlie. And I’m not sure I even want to know now. That’s the whole point. I needed to get to someplace where I could really escape and unplug from everything just so I could make sense of what was going on in my own head.”

Charlie gazed at the calm waters, bluing in intensity as the late-morning sun continued to rise. “How did you ever find this place?”

“I’ve owned a little island here for many years. Not this one, mind you, this is Matinloc, and it belongs to the state. But I have a little spit of land not too far away. Great-aunt Matilda Leong left it to me, but in secret. You know she was a bit of an eccentric…she was a conspiracy theorist and she really thought the world was going to be wiped out in a nuclear war one day. So she bought a little island in Palawan and built a house. ‘The ultimate safe haven,’ she called it, and she wanted me to have this as a refuge of last resort. I’d never actually visited until now, and I can’t believe I’ve waited this long.”

“It’s paradise here. Any minute, I expect to see a naked Brooke Shields coming out of the water!”

“You wish!”

“Actually, I have an even better vision right in front of me,” Charlie said, admiring the hints of Astrid’s beautiful tan body showing through her gauzy white cover-up. As if reading his mind, Astrid stood up. “Have you ever swum naked in a hidden lagoon before?” she asked, as she removed the linen cover-up.

“Um, won’t Marco be back soon?” Charlie asked, a little alarmed.

“Marco’s not coming back for a couple of hours,” Astrid said as she slipped off her white string bikini and dove into the lagoon. Charlie reflexively looked around for a moment to make sure they were alone, took off his swimming trunks, and dove in after her.

They glided through the crystal-clear water for a while, peering at all the colorful fish darting about the coral reef, the sea anemones waving their fingers Zen-like in the current, the giant clams embedded in the sand that would open for a split second to suck in water before shutting again forcefully. They floated on their backs in the middle of the lagoon, staring up at the passing clouds, and then Charlie took Astrid in his arms, lifted her out of the water, and made love to her on the smooth glistening sand, their moans of ecstasy echoing in the lagoon as they became one with nature, with the sea and sky.

Afterward, Charlie lay on his back against the pillowy sand. He was beginning to doze off in the sun, slightly hypnotized by the palm fronds undulating in the breeze over him. Suddenly the sound of chattering voices began to fill the air.

“What’s that?” Charlie asked lazily.

“Tourists, probably,” Astrid replied.

“Tourists? What?” Charlie bolted up and saw a gaggle of people in bright yellow T-shirts entering the lagoon through the cave, which was only partially submerged now that the tide had gone down.

“Fuck! Where are my swim trunks?” Charlie scrambled around, trying to find them. “You didn’t tell me there could be tourists.”

“Of course—this is one of the most popular attractions in Palawan!” Astrid giggled at the sight of Charlie rushing around naked on the beach, trying to find his trunks.

“Oy, mate! You looking for these?” an Aussie surfer shouted from the other side of the lagoon, holding up Charlie’s blue-and-white trunks.

“Yes, thanks!” Astrid shouted back. She turned to Charlie, who was hiding behind a palm tree, still laughing. “Oh, come on out! You have nothing to be ashamed of!”

“You really have changed. I don’t know if the Astrid I knew would ever want to make love spontaneously in a lagoon or walk around naked on a beach in front of a bunch of Australian tourists,” Charlie said as they sat having lunch on the terrace of Astrid’s spectacular white villa perched on the hilltop of her private island.

“You know, it might sound cliché, but getting away from it all has been a transformative experience for me. I’ve realized that so many of my fears aren’t really my own. They’re the fears of my mother, my father, my grandparents. I’ve just unconsciously internalized them, and I’ve let these fears affect every decision I make. So a few people see me naked on a secluded beach in one of the remotest places on earth. Who cares? I’m proud of my body, I have nothing to hide. But of course, some voice in my head would automatically say, ‘Astrid, put some clothes on. It’s not proper. You’re a Leong, and you’re going to disgrace the family.’ And I realize that most of the time it’s my mother’s disapproving voice I hear.”

“Your mother has always driven you half crazy,” Charlie said as he piled another big helping of guinataang sugpo over his garlic rice.

“I know, and it’s not all her fault. She said some terrible things to me, but I’ve already forgiven her. She’s damaged herself—look, this was a woman that was born during World War II, in the midst of the most unimaginable horrors occurring in Singapore. How could she not have internalized all the experiences of my grandparents? My grandfather was imprisoned by the Japanese and barely escaped the firing squad, my grandmother was covertly helping to organize resistance efforts while being a new mother and trying not to get killed herself.”

Charlie nodded. “My mother’s entire childhood was spent at the Endau concentration camp in Malaysia. Her family was forced to grow all their own food, and they almost starved to death. I’m sure that’s why my mother is the way she is now. She makes her cook save money by buying the discounted, three-day-old bread from the supermarket, but she’ll spend $30,000 on plastic surgery for her pet fish. It’s completely irrational.”

Astrid looked out onto the view of the peaceful cove below the terrace. “Scientists talk about how we inherit health issues from our parents through our genes, but we also inherit this entire lineage of fear and pain—generations of it. I can acknowledge whenever my mother is reacting out of this fear, but the most powerful thing I’ve realized is that I’m not responsible for her pain. I won’t make her fears mine any longer and I don’t want to pass them on to my son!”

Charlie stared at Astrid, pondering her words. “I like everything you’re saying, but I gotta ask—who are you? It’s like you’re speaking in a whole new language.”

Astrid smiled enigmatically. “I have to confess, I’ve been here for the past five weeks but I haven’t been here alone. When I left Singapore, I went to Paris first and saw my friend Grégoire. He told me about a friend of his who was living in Palawan. That’s really why I came here. I had no intention of being anywhere near Asia—I was on my way to Morocco, to a place I know in the Atlas Mountains. But Grégoire really encouraged me to see his friend.”

“Who is this person?”

“Her name is Simone-Christine de Ayala.”

“Is she related to Pedro Paulo and Evangeline in Hong Kong?”

“Turns out they are cousins—it’s a big family. Anyway, I’m not quite sure how to describe her. Some people call her an energy worker or a healer. To me she’s just a very wise soul, and she has a beautiful home on a neighboring island. We’ve met up almost every day since I got here and had these amazing talks. She’s led me through these guided meditations that have led to some incredible breakthroughs.”

“Like what?” Charlie asked, suddenly getting worried that Astrid was under the influence of some quack guru.

“Well, the biggest one is realizing that I’ve lived my entire life trying to anticipate the fears of my parents—trying to be that perfect daughter at all costs, never putting a wrong foot forward, never speaking to the press. And look where that’s gotten me? By trying to hide behind that façade of perfection, by trying to always keep my personal life and my relationships so goddamn private, I’ve actually done far more damage than if I’d just lived my life the way I wanted to in the first place!”

Charlie nodded, a little relieved. “I couldn’t agree more, actually. To me, it’s always seemed like you’ve lived your whole life in the shadows. You’re so much smarter and more talented than anyone’s ever given you credit for, and I’ve always thought you were in the perfect position to be doing so much more.”

“Do you know how many things I’ve wanted to do that have been shot down by my parents? When I graduated from college and got that great job offer from Yves Saint Laurent in Paris, they told me to come home. Then they wouldn’t let me start my own fashion business—it was just too common for them. Then when I wanted to work for certain very unfashionable causes, like the horrific problem of human trafficking and child prostitution in Southeast Asia, they wouldn’t hear of it. The only acceptable thing for Astrid Leong to do is serve on the board of certain well-vetted institutions, and even those had to be on one of the super-private committees, nothing that would put me in the public eye. It’s like my family has lived for generations so frightened of their own wealth, of the fact that someone might accuse us of being rich, of being vulgar and showy. To me, it’s our wealth that puts us in the fortunate position of being able to do an enormous amount of good in the world, not hide from the world!”

Charlie clapped his hands excitedly. “So come back, Astrid. Come back with me and we can do this together. I know you were in a completely different head space when you wrote me that letter, so I’m going to forget you ever wrote it. I want us to be together. I want you to be my wife, to live your life and be exactly the woman you want to be.”

Astrid looked away for a moment, staring up at the beautiful white villa gleaming in the sun. “It’s not that simple…I don’t know if I’m ready to return yet. I think I need to repair myself for a while longer before I can face the world I left behind.”

“Astrid! The world you left behind has changed so much. Can I please tell you what’s been happening? I think it will help,” Charlie pleaded.

Astrid took a deep breath. “Okay, tell me what you want to tell me.”

“Well first of all, Isabel is out of her coma, and it looks like she’s on her way to a great recovery. She’s suffered quite a bit of memory loss, and she has no clue what happened to her that night, but she’s going to be okay.”

“Thank God,” Astrid muttered, closing her eyes.

“The other big thing that you need to know is that Michael has signed your divorce papers with no contest.”

“What?” Astrid sat up in her chair, completely shocked. “How did this happen?”

“Well, it’s quite a tangled story, but let’s start with the leaked video. It turns out that Isabel was the one who had the video first, not Michael. She had us under surveillance all along. The paparazzi tailing us in India, the video of us in my bedroom, that was all her doing.”

Astrid shook her head in disbelief. “How did she do all this?”

Charlie smiled. “You’re never going to believe it. You know that raggy old stuffed giraffe that Delphine has?”

“Yes! The one she can’t sleep without every night?”

“It was a gift from Isabel, and it turns out there was a very sophisticated camera and recording device implanted inside.”

“Oh my God…”

“Delphine would drag the damn stuffed animal with her between both houses, so Isabel always knew my every move. And she got the footage of us completely by accident, because Delphine had slept in my room the night before you came over and left the giraffe on the chest at the foot of my bed.”

“No wonder the footage was shot from such a weird angle!” Astrid said with a little laugh. “But how in the world did she get this sophisticated nanny cam made?”

“Michael helped her. They were in cahoots all along. It came out after Isabel’s suicide attempt, and the police got involved investigating the source of the video clip on her phone.”

Astrid shook her head sadly. “So they ganged up…the two bitter ex-spouses.”

“Yep. But their little partnership is also the silver lining in all this. I flew to Singapore a few weeks ago and had a nice long chat with Michael. I told him he could withdraw the lawsuit, sign the divorce papers, and go on enjoying his life as a billionaire bachelor, or he could do the following: First, he could go to jail for aiding and abetting Isabel in her illegal surveillance. Second, he could go to jail for extortion, since he stupidly sent you the video with that text message demanding $5 billion. And third, he could go to jail for being linked to the malicious leak of the video. By the time the Singapore court system is done with all the charges that I would bring against him, he could very well spend the rest of his life in Changi Prison, or worse, he could be extradited to Hong Kong and then sent to a prison camp in Northeast China, near the Russian border, where guys that look as pretty as he does end up having a very sore time.”

Astrid leaned back into her chair, taking it all in.

Charlie grinned. “Michael has promised to never be of any trouble to you or Cassian. Ever again. So the minute you put your name on those divorce papers, you’ll be a free woman.”

“A free woman,” Astrid said the words softly to herself. “Charlie, I love you, and I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me over the past few weeks. If I’m being true to myself—to the new me—and if I’m being completely honest with you, I just don’t know if I really want to get married again right now. I’m not sure I’m ready to return to Singapore yet. I’ve been exploring these islands quite a bit, getting to know the locals, and I am really connecting to this place. I think there’s a great deal I could do right here to help the indigenous people. I could really use more time here, and what I really want is to send for Cassian. I’ve seen how happy the kids are in these islands…their lives are so integrated with nature, they’re so free and adventurous. They run along the narrow little prows of wooden boats like sailors, they climb the trees like acrobats and knock down all the ripe coconuts. They laugh and they laugh. It reminds me a little of the kind of childhood I had at Tyersall Park. Cassian’s whole life these days is about homework and exams and Chinese lessons and tennis lessons and piano competitions, and then when he’s not doing that he’s just glued to his computer screen playing those violent games. I can’t remember the last time I saw him laugh. If I’m going to live a new life of true freedom, I want the same freedom for him too.”

Charlie peered deep into Astrid’s eyes. “Listen, I want you to have exactly the kind of life you’ve dreamed about, for yourself and for Cassian. My only question to you is: In this new life, is there a place for me?”

Astrid looked at Charlie, not sure what to say.

Fresh caught jumbo prawns in coconut milk, a Palawan delicacy.