Whipping down the Montana freeway, it’s easy to get lost in the ‘Big Sky Country’ with these open stretches of endless pavement being kissed by the clouds above. My mind wanders and I grip my motorcycle tight as the vibrations from the road make my body numb. I should’ve pulled over in the last town. My energy is sliding away like the last slivers of sunshine bursting out from the setting sun.

I keep my jaw set, my eyes narrowed, and focus straight ahead. Focus on the road. The amber hues of light streaking over the fields of wheat. The dust kicking up from my bike as I ride past them. It looks like… it reminds me of…

I blink and I’m back in the desert. Around our Humvee, billows of sand plume around us like storm clouds. I know this isn’t real. I’ve been dealing with these flashbacks almost every damned day since I came back from that mission. But no matter how much I try to pull back out of it, no matter how much I tell myself to make it stop, I just fall farther down the rabbit hole.

“Man, it’s been quiet for that last couple weeks. I wonder what’s going on.” Jackson Wilcox shifted in his seat.

“I’ll tell ya what’s going on,” Corporal Heinkel cut in, “it’s spring.”

“What about it?” Lieutenant Connor McLean looked over his shoulder at the boys.

“Well, sir, I’m guessing these Afghani girls ain’t all that different from our American ladies. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve always found that the ladies get hornier than hell in spring. I figure each of these guys have, what? Like ten wives? They must be drowning in poon right now,” Heinkel joked.

“Man, don’t even talk about that shit. This whole deployment has been like an endless set of blue balls,” Gabe complained. “That desert isn’t the only thing that’s been dry.” He tapped his thumb against the glass.

“Cry me a river, pretty boy,” Jackson replied. “Now you know what it’s like for the rest of us in the real world. Not all of us just walk into a bar, give a sexy glance to the ladies, and walk out with a woman on each arm.”

“Dammit, don’t these Afghani girls know who you are?” Heinkel asks. “Tell them you’re Gabe the fucking Babe!”

“Nah, man, I’d rather have blue balls than get my sack cut off for messing around with one of these women. Me and my right-hand man here will tough it out.” I kept my eye on the road, but I could see him hold up his right palm and we laughed.

“All right, boys, let’s focus.” Connor stopped the chatter with just his tone. We instantly sat up straighter and clapped our jaws shut. “What’s our ETA?” he asked me.

I squinted through the windshield of the Humvee I was driving, looking for some kind of landmark.

KA-BOOM!

The flash was so bright it blinded me. My fingers tightened around the wheel and I wrestled to keep the vehicle on the road, but the explosion tossed us in the air, twisting us around. The metal screamed as it crumpled against the ground. My head smashed against the side and for a moment I couldn’t think straight, let alone move.

“Heinkel! Oh fuck, he’s on fire. Help me put him out,” Jackson yelled and Connor immediately jumped into action.

I froze. I couldn’t even move my hand to unclip my seat belt. Fucking useless.

My arms shake as sweat pours down over my forehead and humidity makes my helmet visor bleary. I slow down my Harley. Behind me someone blares on his horn. In my mind I can hear his screams. I can see the fire. The heat singes me all over again. I can’t control my arms. They’re practically convulsing as I try to keep a hold of my bike.

I know better than to jam my brakes on, but instinct takes over rational thought and I do it. Suddenly, the front wheel jerks violently from my control. I try to hang on, to yank it back on my path, but all I do is overcontrol the bike and it skids out sideways. Somehow I manage to stay on, but this could flip sideways any moment and grind me into the ground, crunching my bones up into more dust.

Moments flash in my mind. My first real girlfriend. Her smile. High school graduation. The after party. Basic training. The pride once again swells in my chest. And then, nothing. No love. No kids. No marriage. Just empty partying and meaningless encounters with women whose faces I can’t really remember.

I manage to get my balance. I keep my ass on the seat until the Harley rolls to a stop at the side of the road. I cut the engine and breathe deep, shaky breaths. When I finally look up, an old diner about a hundred yards up the abandoned road comes into view. Looks as good a place as any to celebrate not dying. I start my bike back up, my nerves dancing under the surface of my skin and slowly, carefully drive up.