I wake on the edge of a massive, empty bed to the sound of the shower running. My throat is so dry I could drink a tub full of water. Just another night on the road. The blur of drunken nights is impossible to make sense of after over a year of late night ragers that turned to blurry early morning escapes back to the freedom of the freeway.

Except last night wasn’t just another meaningless escape from the crushing memories of my past. Last night was one I know I’ll remember for years to come for one reason only. Last night was with Red.

I try to push the idea away, but it won’t drift off quietly. It buzzes around me, refusing to be ignored. But there’s nothing I can do. I remember how she scoffed at the idea of being in a relationship again. Nothing could be further from what she wants. Red is giving me a taste of my own medicine. She only wants to get lost in the moments as they pass, never intending to drag them out into anything more than they are right now.

When she asked me last night if I’d ever get married, I’d honestly never even considered it until she said the words. Then it flashed in front of my eyes like a movie on fast forward. I could see her and me standing at the altar. I could see our wedding night, sure, but then so much more. Late nights and then early mornings with the kids. That’s right. Two of those cute little fuckers flashed in front of my eyes. The idea should have disturbed me. It should have given me a jolt of panic or at least sped up my heartbeat. But instead it calmed me. For only a moment, less than that, I felt a clarity I’ve never experienced before.

So, of course, I had to ruin it with a smartass remark.

That’s kind of my thing. Lucky for me, that “thing” didn’t land us in a heap of hot water last night. I had a pretty good read on the lumbering, drunken best man, though. I’ve met a million of him in my life and they’re all the same. Alone and watching their world get smaller as all of their close buddies get married off. Angry that they can’t find that same love for themselves and starting to wake up each morning wondering if it’s because there’s something deeply wrong with them. Wondering if they’re beyond broken.

I know because I’ve felt it. I’ve thought it. I’ve lived it. And now, after carefully pushing it all away for over a year, it’s back. Except this time, I don’t feel like I’ll never win. Now I know I have everything to lose.

I roll over and grab the leather-bound book with the hotel information in it and the room service menu shoved in the back. I need to get out of my head. A big breakfast is the perfect way to distract me from all this lovey-dovey shit and drown my sorrows in… “Maple syrup.”

I tap the page and pick up the phone receiver next to the bed.

“Hello?”

“Yes, I’d like to order two of your pancake breakfasts, please. And could I get that with an extra side of bacon and two orange juices as well as a couple coffees?” I remember how Red easily scarfed down yesterday’s lunch. I know she isn’t the kind of girl who wants a grapefruit to start her day.

“Certainly, sir, and this is being charged to room five-oh-six?”

“Sounds right.” I don’t bother checking. They can see it on the phone.

“Very good, that will be up shortly,” the man answers.

“Great.”

I hang up the phone and almost decide to jump out of bed and make the most of the time we have before the food shows up by surprising Red in the shower. I suppose after last night, I should probably let her have a bit of space. After keeping her up for fuck session after endless fuck session, she can probably use fifteen minutes to herself without my steel cock trying to penetrate her.

As if she can hear my thoughts, the bathroom door swings open and Red walks back into the room wearing her old clothes and a smile. “Good morning,” she purrs.

“Good morning to you.” I yank some clothes onto my body.

“Aww, getting dressed so soon?” She pouts.

God, this girl is insatiable! I never thought I could meet my match, but Red is it in every way. Not just her sex drive either, the way I never know what she’s going to say next. The way she makes me bust a gut without even trying to be funny.

“Yeah, I ordered us some breakfast. It’ll be here soon,” I answer, zipping up my fly.

“That was sweet of you.”

Not as sweet as licking maple syrup off your body. I don’t utter the words. Still, the image clings to my brain like Saran wrap. This woman makes me crazy. For the second time today, I feel a pang of loss as I remember there’s a big timer counting down over our heads now. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

A knock at the door interrupts my spinning thoughts and brings everything back into sharp focus. I need to suck it up and do what I promised. I never told Red I’d try to complicate her life. Just that I’d get her to her grandmother’s house safely. And that’s what I’m going to do. I head to the bedroom door, welcoming the distraction and the moment of clarity to get my head on straight. It might not be fun. In fact, it feels like a million tiny shards of glass shredding up my heart, but I need to do the right thing.

As soon as we eat these pancakes.