By the weekend, Vanessa’s morning sickness worsened to the point where she was nauseated most of the day.  She couldn’t keep much down, and Riley knew she had lost some weight.  She joked that the weight loss was due to giving up the cookie dough.

Once she started having pains that she described felt like someone snapping a rubber band in her stomach, he wanted to take her to the emergency room.  However, the pains only happened when she stretched or stood up too fast and didn’t last long.  She found several articles online that said the pains were normal in the first few weeks of pregnancy, and that as long as there was no spotting or cramping, there was no need to panic.  He did get her to agree to see the ob-gyn Leia recommended, and luckily, they were able to snag the last appointment Monday afternoon.

She was quiet on the drive to the doctor’s office, staring out the passenger’s side window.  She wore the same red dress that she wore in the Caribbean.  It was Riley’s favorite, and he kept glancing at her growing breasts, mentally comparing them to when he first saw her in it.  He really liked this part of the pregnancy hormones.  When she closed her eyes, Riley grabbed her hand, startling her.

“You feeling okay?  I packed crackers and water if you need some.”

“Riley, what if something is wrong?”

He glanced at her briefly.  Seeing that she was on the brink of tears, he asked calmly, “Why do you think anything is wrong?”

“Because.”  She sighed.  “It’s what I do.  I think of everything that can go wrong in any situation I face and work out all the scenarios of how to deal with it beforehand.  That way, I’m prepared.”  She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “I can’t even imagine how to prepare for something going wrong here.  I like to feel in control, you know that, and this planning thing I do is one of the ways I can feel in control.  But I feel so out of control right now with the unexpectedness and the sickness.  I can’t seem to make my mind get control of this situation.”

“Well, talk to me.  Let me help you figure it out.  Tell me what your worst fear is.”

She shifted in her seat to face him.  “Honestly, it’s letting you down.”

He pulled over to the side of the road and threw the car in park.  “Vanessa, how could you possibly let me down?”

She looked back out the window.  “I know how badly you want this baby, and if something happens…”

“Let me ask you something, Miss Think-too-much.”  He gently cupped her chin and turned her to face him, looking deeply into her eyes.  “Are you going to do anything to intentionally harm yourself or this pregnancy?” he asked tenderly.

“No, but…”

“There are no buts.  I love you.  You love me.  We are in this together.  Whatever happens, we will face it together.”  He kissed her nose.  “As in you and me.  Got it?”

She attempted to pull away from his grasp, but he moved his hand to the back of her neck and pulled her toward him.  He leaned in and rested his forehead on hers.  “Got it?” he asked again, dropping his voice to a whisper.

She smiled at him seductively.  “Yeah, I got it,” she replied, using the same throaty whisper that always drove him crazy.

He chuckled as he kissed her softly on the lips.  She grabbed his shoulders pulling him closer to her, deepened the kiss, and worked her hands down his chest to the waistband of his jeans.  Just as her tongue traced the contour of his bottom lip, he pulled away and smiled at her.

“We will be very late if that continues.”  He put the car in drive and pulled back onto the road.

“You’re no fun,” she playfully pouted, leaning across the space between them to kiss down his neck.

“I promise, I’ll be up for car sex after the appointment,” he smiled down at her, “pun intended.”

 

***

 

“Relax, Vanessa.  Breathe,” Riley instructed.

“It’s been almost an hour, Riley.  Something is off here, not to mention I hate waiting.”

“You heard the nurse.  The doctor had to go check on a patient at the hospital.  Nothing is wrong.”

“Let’s just reschedule,” Vanessa suggested for the third time.  “The nurse said we could come back tomorrow.”

“Yes, and she said the doctor wouldn’t be much longer.  We’re already here.”  He walked over to where Vanessa sat on the examining table, settled himself between her knees and wrapped his arms around her waist.  “Relax, Love.”

She took a deep breath, burying her nose in Riley’s neck.  She grunted.  The door opened behind him the same time Vanessa said, “We should have had sex in the car.”

Riley chuckled, certain the doctor heard what Vanessa said.

“Is something wrong?” Vanessa asked seriously, pushing Riley to the side so she could address the short, slightly plump doctor.  She looked to be around forty, and her features were definitely Hawaiian.  Dressed in maroon scrubs, she looked haggard and slumped.  Her long, sleek black hair was tied into a messy bun.

The doctor smiled.  “Nothing is wrong, Mrs. Tate.”

“It’s Doc…  just Vanessa.”

Riley laughed.  “She gets to call you Vanessa already?”

The doctor turned to look at Riley for the first time, and her mouth audibly dropped open.  Recognition crossed her features as her eyes dragged Riley from head to toe.  She slow-blinked a couple of times, then enthusiastically extended her hand.  “Hi, I’m Dr. Melai.”

Riley smiled politely and shook her hand.  “Riley.  Her husband.”

The doctor blushed.  “Wow.  Riley Tate,” she gushed like a teenager, all signs of exhaustion gone.  “Here in my office.  I’m a big fan.  I have all your movies on DVD.  I just watched Blind Faith last night.  That scene where you…”

“If nothing is wrong,” Vanessa anxiously interjected, “then why did the nurse come in and take my blood?  You already tested my urine, why order the blood test?”

Dr. Melai closed her eyes and shook her head a little, trying to regain her professionalism when she looked at Vanessa.  “It’s standard.  My nurse forgot to take it when she first set you up in the room.”  She looked at Riley apologetically, patting her hair in place.  “I have three women in different stages of labor.  The patient I was checking on will have to have a C-section when I’m done here.  Six women have gone in to labor since midnight.  Must be a full moon.”  She turned to face Vanessa and smiled.  “I apologize for the wait and if anything made you nervous.  I would, however, like to perform another procedure.  Your hCG levels are a little high.  I have a theory as to why that is, and I would like to test it.”

“hCG?  Pregnancy hormone?  So I am pregnant?  High is bad?”

Dr. Melai nodded.  “Yes, you are pregnant.”  She sat on the rolling stool next to the exam table.  “Your levels aren’t alarmingly high, just a little in the high range for someone who is eight weeks pregnant.  I would like to do a vaginal ultrasound.”  She put up her hand to stop Vanessa’s next question.  “Yes.  It is safe, and I usually like to perform them for the first visit, but a lot of insurances around here don’t cover them.  And since I assume insurance really isn’t an issue for you guys, I’m happy I get to use my machine.”

Vanessa looked at Riley who smiled and shrugged.  She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “Okay.”

Vanessa was settled on the table while Dr. Melai explained the procedure.  Once the device was in place, Riley watched Vanessa close her eyes and felt her tightly grip his hand as the doctor looked intently at the screen.  “Breathe, Vanessa,” he reminded her, smoothing her hair from her face.  “We’re about to see our baby.”

“Make that babies,” Dr. Melai corrected as she turned the screen toward Vanessa and Riley.  “See, those little pea-sized dots?  There are two of them.  Twins.  Explains the higher hormone levels and the increased morning sickness.  And the pains you told the nurse about?  Your uterus is really stretching right now.  Perfectly normal.”

Riley didn’t hear much past twins.  He couldn’t focus on anything but how Vanessa would react to this.  He knew that finding out about the pregnancy was a shock to her, and he was surprised at how well she handled it.  However, knowing it was twins may just send her over the edge.  He needed to look at her, to say something, but he kept staring at the screen.

What if this was her breaking point?  What if it was too much this time?  Would she leave him?  She wouldn’t do that now, would she?  She did it before.  And this time it was his fault.  Twins ran in his family.  Would she blame him?   Would she hate him?  Twins.  How would he handle this?  Was he even ready to be a father?  To twins?  There they were, two dots on a screen.  His dots.  He was the reason they were there.  Two of them.  Twice of everything.  Twins.  Their twosome just became a foursome.  Before they were even really a twosome.  Vanessa didn’t want this yet.  She wanted to wait.  No waiting now.  How?  How could they do this?  Would they be able to handle two babies?  Diapers.  Midnight feedings.  Colic.  Crying.  All times two.  Changes.  Too many changes.  To her life.  To his.  Too much.  Too soon. Too fast.  He rushed her.  They were supposed to go slow.  He did this.  His fault.  Losing her.  Loss.  Again. 

His chest grew heavy and his head swirled.   The thoughts swam around until he felt dizzy.   He heard a voice, one he tried to discern.  His vision blurred.  He was drowning.  Someone called his name, and he tried desperately to grasp onto the voice, to hold it like a life preserver, but he lost focus and the room darkened, then blackness pulled him under.

 

***

 

“Open your eyes Riley.  RI-LEY!” Vanessa beckoned from the darkness.  He felt her hands on his face and his arms, rubbing gently.  He stirred and took a deep breath, smelling the special spicy/vanilla, fruity/floral scent of Vanessa.  It awakened his other senses, and since they worked, he decided to try his eyes.  He wanted to see Vanessa.  He blinked his eyes open, concentrating on her voice.  She was blurry but definitely there.

“What the hell was that?” Riley asked groggily.

“I believe you just had your first bona fide panic attack.”  Vanessa smirked and caressed his face.  “Welcome to the club.”

His eyes finally focused on her face as she kneeled over him.  She was so beautiful, he had to blink several times to make sure she wasn’t a dream.  Thankfully, she didn’t look angry.

“Jeez, Vanessa.  Is that what you go through every time?  Because that monumentally sucked.”

She laughed.  “No, Tate.  I can proudly say I’ve never had one bad enough that I passed out.  But yes, panic attacks suck.”

“How long was I out?” he wondered out loud, sitting up and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Slow down.  Don’t move too fast.”  She placed her hands on his shoulders to steady him.  “I should have been the one reminding you to breathe.”  She smiled.  “You were out about a minute.”

“Where is the doctor?  Did she see that?”

“Yeah.  She did.  Sorry.”  Vanessa ran her fingers through the hair on Riley’s forehead.  “She just left to see if she could find her little flashlight to check your pupils.  You went down not too gracefully.  Do you have any pain?  Did you hit your head or anything?”

Riley rubbed his hands across his head to assess the damage.  “I don’t think so.”  He smiled sheepishly.  “Nothing hurt but my ego.”  He snorted.  “Some action hero.”

“Yeah, you might feel something in a little bit when the adrenaline wears off.”  Her smile faded.  “So, you kinda freaked, huh?”

“Yeah… well…” he stammered.  “I started thinking about what to say to you if you started to freak out, and I guess that started me thinking about why you would panic, trying your trick about planning for the worst I guess, and it kinda got away from me.”

A peaceful smile appeared on Vanessa’s face.  “I’m not gonna freak out.”

Riley felt the disbelief color his features.  He asked quietly, “How can you not?  We’re pregnant with twins.”

She stood and crossed her arms across her chest, just like the first time they met, tone matching the stern one she first used on him.  “First of all, you didn’t just have the elder wand shoved up your cooter to see the babies in your uterus, so unless you plan on figuring out a way to make these babies come out of you, there is no we are pregnant.  Capiche?”

Riley tried desperately to stifle the smile he felt trying to escape.  “Cooter?”

She rolled her eyes, but her stance relaxed.  “And secondly, I like the idea of twins.  It’s like the ultimate twofer deal.  The best of a BOGO sale.”

“BOGO?”

“Buy one, get one.”

He rested his face in his hands rubbing his temples gently.  “Nothing about this is gonna be free.  And you said that you hate shopping.”

“I don’t hate it.  I just am not a girl about it.”

Riley furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at her.  “You’re not… mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“Twins run in my family.”

She smiled.  “They, apparently, run in mine, too.  Dad just told me I was a twin.  My brother and my mom didn’t survive childbirth.”

He winced.  She told him that her mother had actually died in the ER from injuries from a car accident; her dad admitted that to her during their talk.  He had always maintained that her mother died in childbirth.  He felt guilty since he was driving, even though it wasn’t his fault.  Vanessa miraculously survived.  He didn’t know about her twin brother until now.  He wondered briefly how her father handled all of that.  “I did this to you.”

Vanessa laughed.  “We did this together, Tate.”  She sobered.  “We are in this together.  However, I am now concerned about raising twins with two parents who freak out, though.  I mean, you are supposed to be the calm one.”  She smiled.

The look in her eyes exuded nothing but sincerity and love.  All his doubts from earlier vanished.  Riley knew they would be okay.

“I heard you talking and knew you were awake,”  Dr. Melai stated as she breezed in the door.  “My nurse just told me that my C-section is almost ready for me, so I really need to skedaddle.  Do you think you can stand up, Riley?”  She walked over and helped him stand, clutching his arm a little longer than necessary.  “I really wanted to check you out.”  Blushing, she corrected,  “I mean I wanted to make sure you are okay before I go.”

“I’m fine,” Riley insisted, politely removing Dr. Melai’s hand from his arm.  “I just got a little…” he looked sideways at Vanessa, “… riled up.”  Vanessa snorted.

“Twins can be overwhelming.”  She faced Vanessa.  “I’m having my nurse prepare a prescription for pre-natal vitamins and some brochures on a morning sickness diet and some dos and don’ts of pre-natal care.  The diet should help until the sickness wears off, probably in a couple of weeks, but every woman is different.  You need to schedule another appointment in four weeks with your regular doctor, unless you are staying in Hawaii.” She glanced at Riley.  “I’d really love to be your doctor if you choose to stay here.”

Vanessa chuckled.  “I’m sure you would,” she mumbled.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Riley?” Dr. Melai questioned.

He grabbed Vanessa’s hand and smiled lovingly at his wife.  He bent down to kiss her cheek and whispered, “Car sex?”

“Oh, definitely,” Vanessa blurted.

He turned to Dr. Melai, smiled his movie-star smile and answered honestly.  “Then I’m perfect.”