The next day he didn’t know how to feel.

He’d spent a few hours the previous night at the station in some tense discussion with Emily’s commanding officer. The guy was a dick of epic proportions, and it didn’t help the situation that Riley basically told him that if he’d provided some much needed support for Emily’s theory, this might have been avoided. The screaming and yelling ended with Riley being told that he had temporary jurisdiction if he wanted to help solve the case—a deal arranged between Bronx and Staten Island Captains—but he was told in no uncertain terms not to expect any tactical support. Fine, he’d said, I don’t need support, I’ll make my own.

After that he’d spent a few hours at the hospital while Emily was in surgery before catching a late ferry back. The doctors told him to go home and come back tomorrow, which is exactly what he did.

Samantha wanted to meet up for coffee, so before heading back to check on Emily that’s exactly what he agreed to do, even though he was exhausted and distracted by everything that had happened. Last night had taken such a chaotic and unexpected turn that he’d neglected to text or call her, so he wanted to make it up to her. They agreed to meet early for Starbucks before Riley had to get back to Staten Island. Truth be told, he wasn’t in the mood. He felt terrible, and he only agreed to meet up because he thought it was rude not to. 

Samantha got there looking the opposite of how Riley was feeling. She was spry, chipper, and couldn’t keep the grin off of her face. Basically she was how everyone should feel early in the morning and never does, but that was only because Samantha was a positive and happy person by nature. She sat down across from him and Riley already felt the mood creeping over his entire body. “Uh-oh,” she said. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m going to apologize now for anything I say, and what I look like. Had a double bad day.”

“What’s a double bad day?” she asked.

“It’s when you have twice the bullshit of a normal day to deal with, and in my case it was even more magnified than most people’s. Double the bullshit, double the fun.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Samantha said. “I guess that’s why I never heard from you last night?”

Riley nodded. “I’m sorry, but there was no way that I could talk. Things got a little crazy.” He was thinking of Emily, and of how guilty he felt. He knew that it wasn’t his fault, deep down, but that didn’t stop the intense feelings of burden and guilt he felt at not getting there sooner. He thought about what would have happened had he been another thirty seconds later and it made him cringe. And then, past what happened to Emily, he thought of the next potential Ripper victim. It was all too much for an early morning coffee date.

“Tell me about it,” Samantha said. “Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”

“I don’t think so,” he replied, looking totally dejected. “I don’t think that anything is going to make me feel better at the moment, I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Not to you, I haven’t.” His tone was sharp, and his words full of guilt, but he was being cryptic, and Samantha didn’t like it. 

“Listen, it’s hard to talk to you about anything if you don’t tell me how you’re feeling, or even what’s going on.”

“You don’t have to talk to me, you know. It’s not your job to make me feel better. Some things about my job are just better left unsaid, you know?”

“No, I don’t know,” she said, sounding annoyed. “I know that I’m obviously not a cop, and I don’t see the things you see, but remember-”

“I know, I know, your dad.” He regretted the dismissive tone in his voice the second the words left his mouth. He actually didn’t intend for his words to sound as dismissive and dickish as they sounded, but he’d heard it as though it was someone else speaking them, and he immediately cringed when he saw the look on Samantha’s face. “I’m sorry, that came out all. . .”

“Fuck you,” she said harshly. It caught Riley’s attention because, generally, Samantha was warm, funny, and positive. He’d never seen an expression quite like the one she was making now, and all of a sudden he had a third thing to feel like total shit about. 

“Wait, wait, I’m sorry. That came out wrong.” 

“You’re absolutely right, it did. I’m out of here, I’ll leave you to sulk.” She popped up from the seat she’d barely been in for two minutes and started to storm out. Riley tried calling her as she walked out, and it got so loud that other people started staring at him. But she was gone, and no amount of desperate pleading could stave off his regret at how he’d spoken and acted. Samantha didn’t deserve a single ounce of his anger, frustration, or bitterness at how this case was going, but she’d gotten all three, and for nothing more than trying to make those negative emotions go away. Riley felt like a total dick. 

“Fuck!” he muttered loudly under his breath. He grabbed his stuff and tried to follow Samantha, but she was gone, her car becoming a smaller and smaller dot in the distance. He took out his phone and called her, but she didn’t pick up. He got in his car and drove to catch a ferry. He’d fucked up royally with one woman in his life, but maybe he could offer some help to another.