You will only understand your misfortune when you fall in love—Russian Proverb
THE ROOM WAS DARK, MAKING IT impossible to know what time it was or how long I’d been sleeping. Memories assaulted me like automatic gunfire: of my attack, of Jac, of Nikolai rescuing me. I shivered just as the door to the bedroom opened.
Light flooded through, casting a shadow of Nikolai’s lean sexy body. I let out a huff of air as he made his way toward me, his stance cautious, as if I was an animal that was about to attack.
He reached out his hand, caressing my cheek with his fingertips. “Are you okay?”
“Not yet,” I said truthfully. “But later… yeah.”
“I love you,” he whispered. “Forgive me?”
“Forgive you?”
With a deep sigh, he sat on the bed next to me. “Forgive me for not telling you the complete truth about my family? About Jac?”
Just hearing her name shot tremors of fear through my body. “You mean about her being….” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
“Jack the Ripper.” Nikolai licked his lips glancing at the wall, away from me, his body no longer touching mine. “She told you how it started? With jealousy?”
“Apparently it’s a powerful emotion.” My voice cracked. “Were all the women like this? In your family?”
“No,” Nikolai said quickly. “Jac was unable to have children after my father, leaving the job to him… he refused to carry on the tradition. By then Jac was still working, and he realized he wanted more for our family, but he was cut out of her will… he needed money… and so he started working for Petrov.” Nikolai leaned back on his hands, raising his chin toward the ceiling and inhaling deeply through his nose. “It’s a long complicated story. Believe me when I say now you know everything.”
He turned his gaze to mine.
Eyes so dark, so haunted, like they were begging me to understand him, begging me to accept him even though he came with so much baggage that it was hard to see everything he was carrying on his shoulders.
“Yes.” I whispered.
He frowned, “Yes what?”
“I still love you.”
“I didn’t ask.”
“Your eyes did,” I whispered reaching for his hand. “It’s not your fault she was crazy, and it would be stupid to hold your past against you, ruining both our futures.”
“I’d let you go.” Even as he said it he was pulling me into his lap, kissing my neck, his lips grazing by my pulse. “It would destroy me, but if it’s what you wanted, to be away from memories of me, your father, Jac, I’d let you go.”
“My place is here.” I turned my head so I could meet his mouth. We kissed, and then I placed my hand on his chest. “And here.”
His hug was so tight it was hard to breathe. “I’ll protect you with my life.”
“Good.” I laughed through my tears. “Because apparently I’m a wanted woman.”
A low growl issued from his throat. “I want you every second.” His mouth covered mine and then pulled back. “Of every day.”
“That’s a lot of seconds.”
“Eighty-six thousand four hundred.” He kissed my neck. “But who’s counting?”
“Who knows those things?”
“I’m a doctor.”
“Is that going to be your answer to everything I don’t understand?”
“Yes.” He licked where his lips had just pressed. His touch was driving me crazy. I tried to pull off my shirt but he pinned my hands down.
“Oh, sorry, I thought all that math talk was foreplay,” I teased, wondering how I was able to even do that after the traumatic day I’d had.
“You’ll know when it’s foreplay.” He snaked his arm around me and lifted my body back against the pillows. “Now, shall I force some chicken noodle soup down your throat?”
“Why is it always chicken noodle? What if I wanted clam chowder?”
“Then I’d get you clam chowder.”
“Really?”
He slid a cell phone out of his dark jeans and held it up in the air. “Really.”
“In that case… I want clam chowder, sourdough bread, and a brand new Mercedes.”
His smile was gorgeous—dazzling as he leaned forward and kissed my chin. “A Mercedes huh?”
“A new one.”
“Figures.”
“Part of the new contract?”
“You wish.”
“You are still paying me half a million…” I teased. “Even though I’m technically your girlfriend now?”
“Let’s start small, with the clam chowder. Later we’ll talk cars and… payment.”
“A guy who doesn’t want to talk cars in bed? My, my, where have you been all my life?”
His eyes met mine. “I’m here now. That’s what matters.”
“My contract specifically says I’m not to have any sort of dating relationships.” It was fun getting him upset, ignoring the darkness of the day and focusing on us, on our reality, our future.
“One tiny indiscretion after a near death experience doesn’t count.” His mouth found mine again. “I’ll explain to that pretentious boss of yours.”
“Please do, and while you’re at it tell him to buy me something red.”
Nikolai growled low in his throat. “I’d kill to see you in red.”
“Too bad, the boss says only black.”
“The boss had his reasons.”
“The boss is an ass.”
“He has reasons for that too.”
“Hmm.” I licked his lower lip and tasted. I was acting like an insane person. I would never get tired of his taste of the dominant way he returned each kiss like he was trying to remind me I was his.
My life stopped making sense a long time ago.
But his kisses always eased the cobwebs and helped me focus on what was important.
“Maya…” He groaned. “If you keep kissing me like that—I won’t be able to control myself.”
“So lose control.”
“Easier said than done.” He pulled back slightly. “You need to eat and then we’ll discuss… all bedroom activities.”
“Ah, so the boss means to put his cranky pants back on.”
“When did the boss take his pants off? Just curious.”
I peered down. “Must have been my overactive imagination.”
“You’re cute.”
“Am I?”
“And dangerous…” He sighed, “So very, very dangerous.”
“Maybe that’s why Jac wanted me dead.”
“No.” Nikolai said it so quickly it was as if he knew I was already going to say that. “She was clinically insane, out of her mind. She finally snapped the minute I let you in my life, the minute she was no longer number one, but she was slipping even before that. Only, I ignored it, and for that I’ll never forgive myself.”
“And my father, if he ever finds me? Discovers I’m alive and breathing?”
“He’ll die… besides he’ll be too focused on staying out of prison. Sergio truly did a number on your family.” Nicolai shrugged. “You’ll be happy to know your mother wasn’t implicated.”
“I stopped having a mother a long time ago.” Fresh pain washed over me, but I pushed the thoughts away. What good would they do anyway?
“You still want to stay? With me?”
“I’m still holding your hand aren’t I?”
“Yeah.” He squeezed and then lowered his head to brush a kiss across my knuckles. “You are.”