I texted Lucas first thing in the morning, though the rational part of me, the one that knew to stay distant, was telling me I should wait. I couldn’t help it, I really wanted to talk to him, to set up a plan as soon as possible. Though part of my brain told me I was moving too fast, I couldn’t help but feel like diving right in to where we had been before Luna had disappeared and things had been turned upside down.

Hi.

It was all I sent him, not knowing what else to say.

Hi, baby. Am I going to see you tonight?

I smiled like an idiot at my phone. I loved it when he called me that, though it was a little intimate for our just-friends arrangement.

Can Alice babysit?

You want to be alone?

I’d like that.

I didn’t know if it was a good idea or not to be alone with him, but I wanted some private time together to talk and get closer.

Sounds good to me. I’ll come pick you up at eight.

I sent him a text confirming the time and smiled, pressing the phone to my lips. I had writing to get done that day but I had a feeling I’d be too filled with excitement to actually do anything productive.

I got ready for the date early, getting dressed in a pale-yellow dress I knew Lucas loved. I couldn’t stop smiling as I got ready, thinking about the look on his face when he saw me, when he remembered the last time I wore this dress and how quickly he’d wanted to take it off me. I didn’t plan to have sex with him, but I took a certain pleasure in making him want me, especially after the way he had obviously delighted in teasing me the night before.

My heart was fluttering when eight o’clock came, and I was perched at the edge of the couch waiting for him. Moments passed, and he still hadn’t shown up by eight thirty. I looked at my phone but saw nothing—no call or text. I felt a familiar knot form in my chest but I tried not to worry—I knew as well as anyone that sometimes people with kids ran late. Something could have happened with Luna, she could have forgotten something, and they had probably gone back for it and he would be here any minute.

I picked up the phone by nine and dialed his number, my frustration growing when it went to voicemail. I cursed myself as tears started to well up in my eyes, the knot in my stomach rising to my throat, threatening to choke me. I put my phone down and curled up on the couch, waiting. Nine-thirty rolled around, then ten, and when he still hadn’t called or texted I got up off the couch and went into my room. I took off the yellow dress, letting it drop to the floor, and didn’t bother even to take off my makeup before I climbed into bed. My heart shattered—Lucas had done it again, abandoned me, and this time there was no excuse for his behavior. Unless he was dead or hurt, there was no excuse for why he hadn’t called me. He had stood me up and I was completely done with him. The thought made my heart hurt but I resolved myself not to let the tears fall down my cheeks, though they were threatening to do so for the rest of the night as I lay awake thinking about Lucas and Luna, how I wouldn’t see either one of them again.

In the morning, I woke up with my whole body aching, almost as if I had the flu. I got out of bed grumbling, checking my phone to see I had three texts and a phone call from Lucas. I deleted the texts without reading them, then went into my phone and blocked his number, tossing the phone on the bed and leaving it there, not caring whether it rang or not. I went into the living room and sat down at my desk, putting my head in my hands. I was growing more and more pregnant by the day and it was getting harder to hide it, but if I wasn’t going to see Lucas again I didn’t need to.

There was a knock on my door about an hour later and I didn’t even get up to answer it.

“Ellie,” came Lucas’s voice on the other side. My heart skipped a beat, but I forced myself to ignore it, instead putting on my headphones to drown out the sound of his voice and his knocks. I wasn’t going to see him and give him another chance. There was no way I was going to get my hopes up again thinking he might really love me. But if he did, he wouldn’t have stood me up without calling. I was just an afterthought to him, someone he didn’t even consider when we’d made plans together.

I decided to go home again, knowing I needed to get out of town. I had a feeling Lucas would come back at some point and I didn’t want to be here when he did. I needed to get away, to run and start somewhere new to have this baby. It hurt me to think that he or she would grow up without a father, but it was better than the alternative—being with Lucas and getting crushed by him over and over was no way to live, and I refused to do it no matter how hard I’d fallen for him and how hard it would be to give him up.

I got back home the next day, dragging myself over to Heather’s and knocking on her door. When she opened it, her eyes immediately went to my belly, which had grown slightly round. I didn’t know how Lucas hadn’t really noticed, but it only proved to me how little attention he paid to me unless he was looking for sex. I felt bitter just thinking about it, about how I’d been tricked by him, but I tried not to think about it as I settled into Heather’s house. She stood in my doorway as I sat on the bed, crossing her arms over her chest.

“So you’re pregnant,” she said.

I nodded. “Lucas,” I said.

“I figured. Is he—is he not involved?”

I put my hand on my stomach. “He won’t be, no. He doesn’t even know about it.”

“Are you going to stay here?”

“I think I’ll rent a place in town, just so I’m here while I’m pregnant. I could really use the support.”

“Of course,” she said, crossing the room and putting her hand on my shoulder. “Do you want to tell me what happened with Lucas?”

“I thought things were going well, but then he stood me up. Again. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t take that feeling again.”

“I’m so sorry, honey,” Heather said sympathetically. “He’s an asshole. He doesn’t know how good he had it with you.”

I shook my head. “It’s over now. I’ll never see him again.”

“What about through the publishing company?” she asked.

“I sent them an email on the plane and told them I didn’t want to have anything else to do with the covers, that they could go ahead and handle them. I won’t have to go to any more of the photoshoots and I won’t even have to approve the photos.”

“Good,” Heather said. “So you can forget all about him.”

I gave a dry laugh. “I doubt that,” I said.

She put her hand on mine, squeezing it. “You can do this, Ellie. You’re strong. You don’t need him.”

“I know,” I said, chewing on my lip. The ache in my chest was almost painful when I thought of Lucas, of the fact my baby would grow up without a father. But I just couldn’t have him in my life anymore—not even to split custody. And I knew if Lucas knew I was pregnant, he would demand to be in his child’s life. There was no way I could deny him that, so it was best just to stay away, keep it a secret and raise my child the best I could on my own.

“Do you want to stay here tonight? You can stay as long as you want. I’ll totally be your baby daddy,” she said.

I laughed. “Yeah, I’d like that. I don’t think I want to be alone right now.”

She wrapped her arm around my shoulder, pulling me close against her.

“I promise it’s going to be okay,” she said. “Just forget about Lucas. Some guys are like that. Everybody gets their heart broken, but you’ll move on. It’ll just take some time.”

“I’ve never loved anybody like this before,” I said. “I didn’t think it was possible. And now he’s gone.”

“I know,” said Heather sympathetically. “Let’s stop talking about it. Want to watch a movie?”

I nodded. “That sounds good,” I said. Anything to get Lucas off my mind, if even for just a couple of hours.

We ended up watching movies all night, and I fell asleep on the couch on Heather’s lap, blissfully avoiding thinking about Lucas while zoning out watching TV. I knew this wasn’t a solution I could keep up for long—eventually, the movies would stop, and the feelings would hit me again full-force like a speeding train. But for now, I was content, and I drifted off to sleep in my friend’s lap without a worry in the world.