Grace
BREAKING AWAY FROM Flea, I moved to the back of the crowd and hugged the chain-link fence. The closeness of the mass of bodies made me feel like I was being crushed and I suddenly couldn’t breathe.
My eyes searched the crowd for Flea, but I’d lost my lighthouse and it was all too much. My head knew this was what Merrick had signed up for, but my heart couldn’t deal with the violence of it all. I closed my eyes and visualized peace, touched each fingertip with another to stay connected to my body, and took deep breaths as I tried to talk myself out of a panic attack. As the din grew louder, I used the distraction to slip away, back into the building and down the hall toward the bathroom.
Quiet. I needed quiet.
As I passed an open doorway, I suddenly felt like my soul left my body. I don’t know why, but terror on a level I had never felt before took over and I couldn’t move. I was frozen to the floor, fear swamping me, and I had no way out.
“Fuck,” someone whispered, and then strong arms wrapped around me and I was being guided away from the doorway.
Still, I couldn’t bring myself out of my trance. I tried. I fought to surface like I was drowning in black water, but my brain had completely shut itself down.
“Grace.”
I heard the voice again. Tried to get to the man attached to it, but I lost the trail.
“Grace.” Rough but gentle hands cupped my cheeks and lifted my head. “Grace, look at me.”
I swallowed.
“Grace,” he repeated. “Hey, you need to look at me.”
I blinked, glancing up and seeing Flea’s face come into focus, then I fell into him, wrapping my arms around his waist and holding on tight.
“Okay, baby, I’ve got you,” he said, and wrapped his arms around me.
Gulping in deep breaths, his scent surrounded me, and I calmed almost immediately. We stood there for several minutes. Not once did he seem weirded out that a virtual stranger had just accosted him in the bunk room, or that some crazy chick was sobbing into his T-shirt. I didn’t want to let go, especially when he started to stroke my hair. All of it felt nice. Safe.
“Grace!” Poppy called, and I pulled out of Flea’s arms.
Flea walked to the door and stuck his head into the hallway. “She’s in here.”
My best friend rushed inside and stalled. She glanced at Flea, then back at me again. “You saw.”
I nodded, forcing back tears. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”
“What did she see?” Flea asked.
“Ashley got a new gun,” Poppy explained. “She was in the green room showing it to a couple of the girls.”
“Goddammit!” Flea snapped.
“It’s okay. It’s not her fault,” I rushed to say. “She has every right…”
“I’m gonna deal with it,” Flea said.
I shook my head. “No, don’t. Please, Flea.”
But I was talking to dead space because he was already out the door.
“Gracie? How’s your breathing?” Poppy asked, and I focused on it for a second.
“I’m not going to pass out,” I promised.
Poppy knew how much I hated to be touched after one of my ‘spells,’ so she kept her distance, but I could tell it was killing her. Poppy was a hugger. It was how she showed her love, but the fact she was always willing to give me what I needed proved she loved me best of all. Well, at least more than most. Devon was her number one and had been since we were twelve, but I was okay with being second to him, because he gave Poppy what she needed.
A knock sounded on the door and Poppy smiled gently. “It’s probably Devon.”
I nodded, but still found myself walking toward the wall.
Poppy opened the door a sliver. “Hi, honey. Yep, she’s here.”
“You okay, Grace?” Devon called through the door.
“I’m good,” I said.
“Let me in,” Maisie demanded, and I gave Poppy a nod.
She opened the door slightly to let her mom in and I saw Hatch through the crack. He stared at me like he wanted to pull me in for one of his bear hugs, but he also knew it would break me. I tried to give him an encouraging smile, but I’m not sure I succeeded.
“We’ll be out in a bit,” Poppy said to the small group, and closed the door again, turning to face me.
“Darling?” Maisie said quietly and approached me. “What can I do?”
I shook my head. “I’m okay.”
“I’m going to touch you,” she warned, and I stiffened, but let her approach.
Maisie settled her palm gently against my cheek and I closed my eyes and leaned into her touch. “Okay, love, I’m going to wrap my arms around you now.”
Before I could react, her sweet, motherly arms slid around me, and I instantly felt safe. Maisie had saved my life ten years ago, and she was always my safe place to land whenever I needed her. I hugged her back and she kissed my temple.
“You’re okay, darling. I’ve got you.”
“Open this fucking door!” Merrick bellowed from the hallway.
Apparently, Poppy had locked it.
“You better do it, Poppy,” I said, and she pulled it open.
My brother filled the doorway, his face contorted with both concern and rage. His arm was wrapped around his stomach and his face looked like it had gone a couple of rounds with a wood-chipper, but he still managed to bellow, “What the fuck happened?”
Poppy closed the door again, but not before Flea pushed his way back inside. “Finch, brother, you need to calm down,” Flea warned.
I really hoped Flea hadn’t jacked Ashley up. She was the president’s daughter, but besides that, I liked her. She shouldn’t have to adjust because I was crazy.
“I don’t have to do anything except find out what the fuck happened to my sister,” Finch growled.
“Watch yourself, Finch,” Flea warned. “You’re upsetting your sister. You’re also close to disrespecting your elder.”
“I’m okay,” I said, my face now flaming from embarrassment. Why the hell did I have to do this publicly? I thought I was over this. I’d worked for years to get to a place of health, and with one incident, I was right back where I started.
My brother stalked toward me but didn’t reach out to touch me. “What happened?”
“We can talk about it later. Please, Merrick. I’m just going to go home.”
“You can’t drive like this, Grace,” he countered.
“Finch!” someone bellowed.
“Go, brother,” Flea said. “I’ll make sure Grace gets home okay.”
“Mer, I’m okay,” I repeated for the umpteenth time. “Do what you gotta do.”
I just wanted to get out of there and hide in the dark. Alone.
My brother left (thank God) and I found myself alone with Poppy, Maisie… and Flea.
“Devon and I’ll take you home, Gracie,” Poppy offered.
“No. Please, Poppy, I don’t… I can’t…”
“I’ll take you alone, then.”
“Devon’ll freak if you do that, Poppy. I’m fine to drive. Seriously.”
“I will take you,” Flea said, crossing his arms. The toothpick he seemed to constantly have in his mouth moved up and down as he spoke.
“I―”
“Not up for debate,” he said.
Poppy shook her head. “Flea, she can’t―”
“It’s okay, Poppy,” I said. “I’ll go with Flea.”
Her expression was one of shock mixed with concern. “Grace, you don’t have to do that.”
“I know.” I forced a smile. “I trust Flea.”
Again, her expression was one of shock, but the concern was gone.
Everyone trusted Flea. He was extremely dependable, and I knew this because I’d known him for as long as Poppy had. He was an institution, always there when someone needed protecting, so it wasn’t out of the realm of probability that I’d trust him, but it still obviously surprised her. I’d never shared my thoughts about Flea or his effect on me. I’d always kept them locked up tight in my heart, afraid that if I’d voiced them, he’d suddenly disappear.
“Darling, Hatch and I will be happy to take you home,” Maisie said.
“I really just need everyone to stop fussing,” I said. “Please. I’ve already caused so much uproar, and I want to go home and sleep.”
“Sweetness, you’ve caused no uproar.” Maisie smiled. “No one even knows you’re in here.”
I raised an eyebrow. “The crowd outside hasn’t alerted everyone?”
“There’s way too much drinking and celebrating going on for anyone to be worried about you, honey,” Poppy assured. “Devon’s keeping everyone occupied, and I’m sure Hatch is close by as well.”
“We can walk out the back and no one’ll be the wiser,” Flea said.
“I have my car.”
“I’ll drive your car to your brother’s later,” Poppy said. “Devon can follow me, and we’ll head home together.”
I focused on Flea. “You don’t mind?”
He shook his head.
I nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”
“I’ll get your bag.” Poppy left the room but returned quickly with my purse and jacket.
I pulled my keys out and handed them to her, then Flea led me down the hall and out the back door.
“You okay to ride?” he asked.
I nodded. “Merrick’s taken me a couple times.”
He handed me a helmet, and I pulled it on while Flea climbed onto his Harley and lifted the kickstand with his boot. I used his shoulders for balance as I jumped on behind him, then he started the engine and we took off for my brother’s.
I wrapped my arms tight around his waist and held on, my heart racing and my soul suddenly flying as Flea maneuvered his bike toward home.
* * *
Flea
Fuck me, this woman was gonna be a problem. Her tight little body pressed close brought my dick to attention, but her terror earlier gave me an overwhelming desire to protect her. I’d never had the push pull of my emotions with a woman before. I’d never really had any kind of emotional pull toward a woman outside of my sister, so this was new.
And I couldn’t say I was a fan.
Women were a complication I had no desire to deal with. And now one was on the back of my bike. Fuck! I’d never had a woman on the back of my bike before, so this was a new wrinkle I hadn’t been prepared for.
Especially, because Grace Lundy felt right pressed up against my body.
Fuck!
I pulled into her brother’s complex and parked in a visitor’s spot, cutting the engine and lowering the kickstand. Grace climbed off like a pro, and I followed.
Handing me the helmet, she hid her face with her hair. “Thanks for the ride.”
“You’re welcome.” I took the helmet and set it in a saddlebag, dropping mine inside as well.
“I’ll see you―”
“I’m walkin’ you in, Grace,” I said.
Her eyes met mine. “No. It’s okay, you don’t have to do that.”
“Yeah, I do. Lead the way.”
She hesitated for less than a second before giving me a tentative nod and heading toward the building.
As was my habit, I assessed the safety of the building as we walked inside. I liked that she had to enter a code to get in and the doors all appeared to be in working order, but there wasn’t a doorman, which bothered me.
“Do you have security here?” I asked.
She cocked her head as she pressed the button for the elevator. “What do you mean?”
“Doorman, guy with a badge type of thing.”
“Does my brother look like the type who’d rent from a building with a fancy doorman kind of guy?”
“No, but you do.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m buried in student loans and haven’t found a job yet, so, I feel lucky to have a brother who loves me enough to let me mooch off of him, even if it’s not a building with a doorman.”
“Thought you were a dancer,” I said as we stepped into the elevator.
“I am. But that’s not currently paying the bills, so I’m hitting the pavement to see what I can find.”
“Hatch always needs help at his shop. You want me to find out if there’s anything open?” I asked.
“What could I possibly do at a mechanic’s shop?” she challenged.
“Cricket used to run the front counter. Believe it or not, women tend to feel more comfortable when a woman is working the front counter.”
“Makes sense.” She shrugged. “I’ve only been to one mechanic besides Hatch, but that was in Atlanta, and it was someone Hatch trusted.”
We stepped out of the elevator and headed to her door, which she unlocked and pushed open.
“I’m gonna take a look around,” I said, walking in front of her.
She raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Make sure you’re safe.”
Her eyes softened as she nodded, and I forced down the feeling of elation I felt. Fuck me, one tiny woman looks at me with appreciation and I melt. Not good.
I did a sweep of the condo, checking window locks and escape options, finding Finch had done everything he needed to do to secure his home. He was lookin’ out for his sister and I liked that.
“Everything looks good,” I said, as I met Grace in the kitchen.
“I could have told you that,” she retorted with a cheeky smile. “Merrick’s pretty on top of my safety. Cop dad… it’s ingrained.”
“Right.” I’d forgotten their dad was a fuckin’ cop. He’d never given the club any issues, but still, I wasn’t a fan. “I’m gonna head out. You good?”
She hesitated, and my heart went out to her. “Yep.”
“Why are you shakin’, then?”
She crossed her arms. “Cold.”
I frowned and made a split-second decision to hang around for a while.
“You have a problem if I stayed a bit?” I asked, shrugging out of my jacket.
“Not at all,” she said, her eyes wide with relief. “Do you want a beer?”
I sat at the kitchen island and nodded. “Sure, babe, that’d be great.”
Grace grabbed a beer from the fridge and handed it to me. I twisted the top off and took a swig. It was shit, but I wasn’t gonna insult her, so I set it on the counter and watched her pour a glass of wine.
“Do you work for Hatch full time?” she asked.
“Pretty much,” I said. “I’ve worked for him since I was a teenager. He paid for my education.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep. He’s the reason I patched in to the Dogs.”
She bit her lip and I had to look away, wanting to tug it from her teeth… with mine. “He’s amazing.”
I chuckled. “He’s a good guy, yeah.”
“Poppy’s so lucky.”
“What’s your dad like?”
“I don’t really want to talk about him,” she said, dropping her head again.
“Fair enough.” I didn’t like that she hid from me, but I let her retreat… for the moment.
“Did you have to… ah, do what Merrick had to do?”
I nodded. “Yep.”
“Who did you fight?”
“Hatch.”
Her eyes widened. “Ohmigod, really?”
I smiled. “Yep.”
“Who won?”
I chuckled. “He did. Hands down.”
“How old were you?”
“Nineteen.”
“Wow,” she whispered as she leaned across the island. “How did you know I was freaking?”
“Baby, you were ghost white and I couldn’t get you to move. Since I know what happened… you know, back then… I figured something had triggered you.”
She blushed, dropping her head again. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“Grace. Look at me.”
It took her a minute, but she finally met my eyes, her face still red.
“Nothing that happened tonight… or ten years ago… is your fault. It’s also not your fault that fuckin’ PTSD is still rearin’ its head ten years later.”
“Ten years is a long time, Flea.”
“I hear ya, Grace, but it doesn’t mean it’s all-healing.”
She dropped her head again. “It should be some-healing, though, don’t you think?”
“Nope,” I said, and tapped the counter. “Look at me, Grace.”
She did.
“You endured something no one should have to. It’s gonna take you as long as it’s gonna take you to function through it. No one’s judging you, you get that, right?”
She sighed. “Except my dad.”
I forced myself not to react. She was sharin’ and I wanted to keep her talkin’. “Your dad thinks… what?”
“That I should be over all of this.” She busied herself in the kitchen and I scrubbed a hand over my face.
“He’s wrong.” I climbed off the stool and walked around the island. “Grace?”
“Hm?” She faced me and let out a quiet squeak. “Oh!”
I chuckled. “Sorry.”
She stared up at me. “I didn’t even hear you move.”
I grinned. “It’s a skill.”
“Apparently.”
“Did you hear me?”
She licked her lips. “Yes.”
“Do you believe me?”
“I’d like to, but…” She looked away again.
I squeezed her arm gently. “Eyes.”
Her baby blues flew to me. I could see her warring with her emotions, but I continued to hold her arm as she stared up at me. “Need you to hear me on this, Grace. I get it’s easier said than done, but none of this is on you.”
“What makes you so smart?”
I squeezed her arm again, wanting to do more, but giving her space. “Got a few years on you, Grace.”
“More than a few, old man,” she retorted.
I chuckled. She wasn’t wrong.
“Do you know what happened tonight?” I asked.
I had to give it to her, she kept her eyes on me when she nodded. “Ashley…”
“Had her new fuckin’ gun,” I finished. Of course. That made all the sense in the world. Grace’s mother had shot herself in the head. The sight of a woman who resembled her flashing one would have triggered a shit ton of emotion.
“Yes,” she whispered.
I stroked her cheek, but before I could say anything, I heard the key in the door, so I released her and moved back to the island. Finch walked in and stalled. He looked wrecked, but stood taller and stared me down. “Flea.”
“Hey, brother.”
“You okay, Grace?” he asked.
“Yep. Flea was just keeping me company for a bit.”
“And now I’m gonna go,” I said, and grabbed my jacket.
I shrugged it on as Grace made her way to me and led me to the door. Finch watched… he didn’t want anyone to know he was watching, but I could tell… as I stepped into the hallway.
“Thanks for everything,” Grace said, quietly.
“No problem, babe.” I smiled. “I’ll see you around.”
She nodded and closed the door, and I headed down to my bike.