There should have been silence. There was no one in the room save for me and Ian. But it felt huge and oppressive. My heartbeat slammed in my chest and my head like one of those clacking balls sets on my father’s desk.

I used to annoy the hell out of him by ruining the steady rhythm. Steady drove me crazy.

Right now, a little steady just might save me.

Or Ian.

He slumped into the chair now that everyone was gone. He rubbed his throat and coughed more than once.

I ached to go and fix him.

Soothe him.

Shake him.

“What were you thinking?” My words were a shaky whisper. I hadn’t even known they were coming, but it was my simplest and most imperative question.

I wasn’t stupid. I knew he’d been hiding things from me, but I thought it had to do with the self-harm tattooed on his body. Not this.

Anything but this.

His shoulders slumped forward and a tear splashed on his chest, then another. There were no sobs, no shudders, just a steady stream of silent misery.

Well, that wasn’t going to cut it this time.

“Fuck you and your selfish silence. You talk to me right now or I walk out that door and you will never, ever see me again.”

His hands fisted until his knuckles went white. He swallowed again, rubbing his throat.

Trying to alleviate the ache or pushing it deeper?

I knew pain was his drug. Maybe even more than the oblivion he sought in drink sometimes. Though he hadn’t needed that since we’d gotten tight. Or at least I’d thought we were.

I’d also thought I was in love with him.

Now? I didn’t know who was sitting at that conference table.

I wouldn’t give him what he needed. When Simon had his hands around his neck and he didn’t fight back, I’d broken away from the hulking guys in the room with me. Away from Li and her husband watching me as much as the screen in front of us. I didn’t know where to go to get to Ian, but the rage and purity of Simon’s pain had colored the room red. Ian had been a limp rag under his hands. He didn’t even fight back.

I didn’t remember tearing down the hallway. Li and Nick right behind me. The commotion and the guards outside were my first clue. Then it had been a blur of adrenaline and sheer nerves. My only thought was to protect him.

Even with all the hard truths coming at me like bullets, I couldn’t stop myself from defending him.

“Say something.”

“I think you heard everything you needed to know.” His voice was hoarse and thready.

I slapped my hands on the table and he jumped, but he still wouldn’t look at me. “Look at me.” He stubbornly stared down. “Is that even your real name?”

Finally, his head whipped up to meet my gaze. “Yes. I’m Ian fucking Kagan. For the first time, I wish I wasn’t. I wish I’d never heard the name.”

“Because you got caught?” It killed me to say it, but I had to know.

“No.” His lips trembled into a snarl. “Because if I wasn’t who I am, then no one would be hurt. I’d be in that gutter where I belong.”

“Stop making it about you.”

“It’s all about me. All my fault.” He rose to his full height, his shoulders back for the first time since he’d been in this room. “I brought this down on his head. I’m the poisoned fruit. Don’t you see? Can’t you see it?” He grasped my upper arms. “If I hadn’t wanted a life, to start over, to have something just for me—” His grip strengthened with his anger.

I cried out.

He let me go immediately, his eyes bloodshot and stricken. “Zoe—”

I held up my hand at him. “No.”

He lifted his chin. “You need to walk away. Get as far away from me as you can.”

“No. You don’t get off that easy.”

His green eyes were feral. “Easy? Are you fucking insane?”

“I love you, Ian.”

He flinched as if I’d punched him. “You love the man I tried to become.”

“He’s the one you’re supposed to be. I watched you change from that arrogant ass on stage. The guy who knocked on my door full of drunk bravado. To the one I fell in love with—the real you. The man who showed me how much he loves his music, wants a brother, needs to belong to me—he’s the one who owns this heart.” I pounded on my chest, then onto his chest and dug my nails into his shirt until his eyes registered pain. “Just as sure as I own yours.” Tears clogged my throat. “But I need to know everything.”

“I told them everything.” His voice was a harsh whisper.

“Why would you do this?”

“I didn’t. That’s the problem. If I had, maybe they would have left Margo alone. I didn’t know.” He slapped his hand over mine. “I swear it. I just kept giving them all my own money. I just wanted to start over. To be someone else.”

His heart raced under my palm.

His eyes were shattered. “I didn’t want to be the gutter rat who fleeced people because my mum was always looking for a better life. She’d go from guy to guy, always looking for the one who could give her more. I thought maybe if I could take care of her, she’d stop. I was so stupid.”

“But a bank? How could you think you’d get away with it?”

His hold on my hand gentled, but he didn’t let me go. “It was a long time ago. I was young and beyond stupid. The quick cash was all I saw. And then everything went wrong. I should have went to jail. I don’t even know how Jerry got me out of it. I have no idea who he paid off, but I was free. At least I thought I was.” He gave a harsh laugh. “Jail probably would have been better than the time I’ve been serving.”

I still didn’t understand it, but then again I came from a middle income home in upstate New York. Not exactly the same as Ian. Would I have made different choices if people hadn’t loved and supported me?

“And your mom…” I didn’t know how to ask it. He’d already hinted that she might not be stable. “Will she hurt her?”

He turned his arm outward and I shut my eyes against the mark. “No, open your eyes and see this. You wanted to know. Here’s your proof.”

My eyes burned as I opened them and brushed my thumb over the ruined pink flesh.

His voice was raspy. “She plays up the charm with such sweetness and fragility to lure you in so you’ll do anything for her. And God, I would. Know why I got this?”

I wanted to shut my eyes against the pain churning inside of him. “I got the flu. A raging fever and all I wanted was my mum to stay home with me. But she had a party to go to. An important one and I got sick on her pretty dress.” He gave a harsh laugh. “I got this as a reminder that I could only count on me.”

I swallowed down a sob. It wouldn’t help him. And I had a feeling tears were often used on him by his mother. One more weapon.

“So, the answer is yes. She’s dangerous because I never knew what would set her off. And that’s why I have to help them. Why I won’t let Margo get hurt.”

“But what about you?”

“It’s not about me, remember?”

“Don’t throw those words back at me. So, what? You’re just going to go sacrifice yourself? You think these people will just let you go when they get their money?”

“No.”

My heart stuttered to a halt. “No?”

“No, they won’t let me go. I’m the only person who knows who they are.”

His resignation was anything but reassuring. That he could walk out this door and never come back to me… I couldn’t deal with it.

I wouldn’t.

“Why is that fair? Your life is important.” I grabbed at his arm.

He cupped my cheek. There were no tears in his eyes now. Just a resoluteness that was far more terrifying.

I gripped his shirt and shook him, dragging him close to me even as I pummeled at his chest. “No. They don’t get to have you.”

He curled his long arms around me and took each punch as I unleashed them.

“I can’t lose you. I just found you.”

He held me tighter, but he didn’t say a damn word.

“You don’t know if it will help. You’re not a cop.” I peered up at him, pulling at his neck until his face was even with mine. “Donovan can do something.”

“He’s not a god, Zoe.”

“Neither are you.” I tangled my fingers in his hair. “You’re just a man. You know her though. You know places she’d go.”

“If it was London, I might be able to give them ideas. Here?” He shook his head and touched his forehead to mine. “I’m the only leverage they have.” He framed my face with his long fingers, thumbing away tears I didn’t even know were falling down my face. “Please, Zoe.”

“Don’t ask me to let you go. Don’t ask me to make this okay.”

“I’m not.”

“Fight for me. Fight for us.”

The door opened and I sagged against him. I couldn’t turn around to see who it was. Whoever it was would take him from me. The silence and Ian’s stillness said everything I needed to know.

“They called.”

I crumpled against Ian. Donovan’s voice. Even though I’d only met him once before, his voice was memorable.

Even if it wasn’t a trade, they’d sacrifice him without a thought. Because Ian meant nothing to anyone other than me.

Ian shifted down so he could tighten his arms around my waist. “I have to do this,” he said against my ear.

I pushed him away and turned toward Donovan. “You’re okay with this? One life for another?”

All polish and severe lines, Donovan Lewis stared me down. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to, Miss Manning.”

“Do you really think it will make a difference? That they’ll give back Margo? She knows who they are too.”

“Zoe.” Ian came up behind me and pulled me away from Donovan.

The question no one wanted asked. I knew it. I could feel it like a pulse between all of us.

“Things are a little more complicated than that, but there are consequences for all the decisions we make. Your Ian knows this, and in your heart you do too.”

I opened my mouth, but Donovan kept speaking.

“It’s an impossible situation that I’m working through, but I need everyone’s help. While I appreciate your passionate stance, there are more things at play than you know.”

Ian slid an arm around my middle and stood behind me. “What do you need me to do?”

“As expected, they’re looking for money. Less than I would have imagined.”

Ian sighed. “Jerry’s particular talents lie in the digital world.”

Donovan nodded. “That number is probably what Simon could liquidate easily.”

“Or already has available.”

Donovan narrowed his gaze. “While we’re alone, why don’t you tell me exactly what the plan was?”

Ian stiffened behind me. I laced our fingers together across my midriff.

“I was to get close to Simon and gain sympathy. Then ask him for help extracting our—my mum from her…situation.”

“You’ve been very antagonistic. That plan seems,” Donovan paused as if choosing the correct word, “counterintuitive.”

“I’m not making excuses.” Ian’s voice was firm and cool.

“That’s not what I’m asking, Ian.”

I glanced up at Ian. “Tell him.”

He gave me one long look, then focused on Donovan once more. “When this all started, it was the plan. Way back before I tried out for the talent show in London.”

Donovan nodded. “All right.”

“But once I started advancing into the finals, I wanted it to be about me. Not their plan.”

“And still you used Simon’s name instead of a stage name.”

“I did. Jerry was always watching, but then I thought maybe I could do enough on my own to repay my debt. To them it was always about the money. Simon had tons of it, what did it matter if I took a little? But I changed the script. The more I pissed Jerry off, the more they tried to put me back in line.”

“I think they tried to use me too.” I tightened my hold on Ian’s hand. He frowned down at me. “Those pictures? I got them more than just once.”

“Zoe…”

I shrugged. “I just thought they were from fans upset because I was with you.” And because I knew more about pictures than the average person, I should have picked up on it. I’d been too wrapped up in Ian and my own artwork. “They weren’t crappy phone pictures.”

Donovan stilled. “Like surveillance instead?”

“I mean, I can’t know for sure, but it feels like something someone from the paparazzi would take. Wide angled lens for maximum coverage.”

Ian cleared his throat behind me. “It seemed like there were people taking pictures all the time. I know I was starting to blow up, but for the amount of pictures that ended up online, it didn’t really add up.”

“No. All right, I’m going to have you speak with Aidan Roth. He’s the head of a specialized security company I’ve been using.”

My eyes widened. I knew Donovan was powerful, but that seemed excessive.

Donovan nodded to the door. “We’ll be going to a more secure part of my building.”

We followed him out and a large, imposing man was waiting in the hallway. He wore dark clothes with more weaponry on his person than I’d ever seen in my life.

I curled both of my hands around Ian’s as we walked behind them. There were rapid-fire questions between the two men about money, drop-offs, proof of life. All terms that made the oxygen back up in my lungs.

Once we were in a more secluded area of the already imposing Lewis Corporation tower, they finally stopped just outside a heavy door. Donovan’s hand stilled on the doorknob. “Once we go through this door, there’s no going back.”

“I understand.” The hesitation was gone from Ian’s voice.

I wanted to scream at all of them, but it was out of my hands now.

It seemed like everything was.