Chapter 18
Kin
The next week passed in a blur.
I avoided Jillian like the plague so I wouldn’t be tempted to knock her teeth down her throat. She avoided me just as much, making me wonder what the hell was up with her. From the day I’d moved in she’d been riding my ass, now she kept her distance. Not that I was complaining, I was just curious as to why she would do that all of a sudden.
Lucy’s birthday arrived and I stayed in my room until it was time to go to First Bass for the party. Marcus was picking me up as Lucy had requested, but she had no idea that I wasn’t going to be the only one waiting on her when she got to the club that night. Harris had been working with his stepmother and Emmie Armstrong to pull off a surprise party for Lucy.
I was looking forward to the party and had almost asked Carolina if she wanted to join us. Almost. Over the past week she had become a welcomed ally. She came into my room each evening and we would talk and I was slowly getting to know her. I didn’t consider her a step-bitch any longer, but I didn’t count her as my stepsister either. If I had to give our relationship a name I would call it the beginnings of a semi-friendship. I still didn’t completely trust her so I wasn’t going to go crazy and call her a real friend. Not yet, at least.
As I got ready for the party, excitement had me feeling jittery. I hadn’t seen Jace since he’d dropped me off at Scott’s house the day after Christmas, but we’d talked every night. More than once I’d fallen asleep with him still on the phone. It had been nice and reminded me of how things had been before he’d left Virginia with Tainted Knights. I was dying to see him again.
Marcus arrived right on time and I got to the club just as everyone else was. Lucy’s family all greeted me at once, welcoming me lovingly into their fold as we prepared to surprise Lucy. The Tainted Knights guys were the last to arrive, having been asked to perform for the party.
Jace walked in with his bandmates and my heart did a painful flip in my chest. I couldn’t help but watch him with eyes that told the world I was ready to give in. That I wanted to see what could happen between the two of us if we tried again.
I didn’t want to talk to him about it in front of Lucy’s family though, so I avoided him throughout the night. He kept trying to approach me, but I knew if I got within a foot of him I was going to beg him to kiss me, so I stayed away. A flash of hurt crossed his face when he realized I didn’t want to be around him, but before I could set him straight he walked over to the bar where Gray was drinking a beer.
Grimacing, I promised myself I’d set him right before I went to him later, and turned my full attention on the party.
Lucy had a great time and was barely able to keep her eyes open by the time everyone left. Her dad carried her out to their vehicle, but when Jesse asked if I needed a ride, I told him I had one already.
At least I hoped I did. I hadn’t talked to Jace all night so I wasn’t sure if he would drive me or not. I could take a cab home if I had to, I supposed, but I was hopeful that wouldn’t have to happen.
With Lucy and her parents gone, it was just Harris and Jace left with me in the club except for the few staff Harris had asked to work the party. I sat across from Jace as he and Harris had one last beer while the staff cleaned up.
“Thought you would go with the Thorntons,” Jace grumbled as he took a deep swallow of his beer.
I shrugged. “I didn’t want to go back to my father’s house yet.”
His brows lifted. “You couldn’t stay with Lucy tonight?”
“Sure, but I’m not in the mood for a sleepover with Lu.” But I was hoping for one with Jace.
“Can I drive you back to Malibu, then?” He leaned forward, his beer finished.
I pretended to think it over. “I guess so,” I murmured.
Harris shook his head. “You two need to get over the past already.”
I was over it—for the most part. Now I wanted to focus on the present and maybe even the future. “Yeah,” I agreed with a nod. “I’ll work on that.”
Rolling his aquamarine eyes, Harris stood. “Let’s get out of here. I’m exhausted.”
Jace jumped to his feet, his keys already in hand as he reached for my hand. Instead of grasping my fingers, however, he gripped my wrist firmly, as if he was afraid I would run off on him if he didn’t hold on to me. Harris said goodnight at the vehicles. Jace stood beside his own, waiting until his friend was gone before moving to open my door for me.
“What was with the cold shoulder all night?” he growled as he blocked the door, not allowing me to move to get in.
I dropped the cool act and reached out to touch one hand to his chest. Blue eyes widened and he covered my hand, pressing it closer over his heart. “I didn’t trust myself to keep my hands to myself if I let you get too close,” I told him honestly and watched as his eyes darkened. Licking my desert-dry lips, I asked him for the only thing I really wanted right then. “Can we go back to your place and talk?”
“Just talk?” he teased with a wicked grin as he lowered his head. His warm breath caressed my cheek as he pressed his lips to my temple.
“For now, talk.” I shivered as he kissed a path down my cheek to my jaw and then pressed a hard kiss to the sensitive spot just under my jaw bone.
“Yeah, babe. I really want to talk, too.” He lifted his head, his eyes eating me alive as he stepped to the side and helped me into the car. “Just smack me in the face if I don’t let you do any talking, though, okay? I don’t quite trust myself alone with you right now.”
I grinned. “I don’t trust myself either, Jace, but we really should talk first.”
He nodded and closed the door before running around to climb into the driver’s seat. Watching him, I couldn’t help but notice his hands actually shake as he started the car and put it in gear. “Talk,” he muttered to himself as he pulled into traffic. “Just talk.”
I didn’t reply as he made the short drive to his apartment building. It was a nice area with some high-grade security. He used a keycard to open the gates to the garage and then had to use it again to call for the elevator once we were parked. We had to walk through the lobby to get to another set of elevators and passed two security guards on the way.
Finally in the second elevator, he used his keycard to unlock the floor to his apartment and then pulled me into his heat. With a contented sigh I went willingly. His head lowered, but he only buried his face in my neck and inhaled deeply as if trying to breathe all of me in. I leaned in to him more, wanting to soak all of him in just as he was me.
When the elevator stopped, neither of us moved right away. We were too happy to stay the way we were, wrapped around each other so tightly neither of us dared to let go for fear of losing a part of ourselves.
Someone cleared their throat and our heads shot around to see Gray standing with a hand on the doors as he watched us with a mixture of amusement and disgust on his face. “You two gonna fuck in the elevator? If so, can you wait until I’m gone first?”
Jace muttered a vicious curse, took my hand and pushed his way past his roommate. Gray chuckled as he stepped on to the elevator. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” he called after Jace as we reached their apartment door. “On second thought, maybe you shouldn’t.”
I rolled my eyes at him over my shoulder just as the elevator doors closed. Gray winked and waved his fingers in a way that would have been seductive to anyone else. I, however, was completely immune to Gray Knight.
“Thank fuck we’ll be alone.” Jace opened the door and tugged me inside with him, turning on lights as he led the way into the living room. “I didn’t want to talk with him around.”
“Me either.” Gray was so fucking annoying. I didn’t understand how Kassa could put up with his ass the way she did, but she was the only one who seemed to understand him. I was pretty sure Jace’s sister needed her head examined.
Still holding on to my hand, Jace sat on the couch and pulled me down beside him. Sitting that close to him, with my left side plastered to his right, I found it hard to remember what I had even wanted to talk about. Jace put our joined hands on his thigh, turned his palm over and started tracing his fingertip over my life line.
“Does your father know you’re going to be out late?”
I shrugged. “I doubt he knows anything that goes on under his roof. He went back to Canada two days ago to shoot the rest of his movie. I told Carolina to tell her mother I was going to be staying with Lucy, though, so she won’t be expecting me.”
“Shit,” he breathed and dropped his head back on the couch. “Wish you hadn’t said that, babe.”
“Why?”
“You’re not expected. That means I can keep you here all fucking night.” He slowly lifted his head and met my gaze. “Do you want to stay?”
“I was hoping to…” I bit the inside of my bottom lip to keep from revealing all the things I had been hoping for that night. If I told him I was hoping to spend the entire night, in his bed, there would be absolutely no talking taking place.
He jerked to his feet and was across the room in a flash. I blinked up at him, confused by the sudden distance between us.
“Talk, Kin. Let’s talk. Now, before I lose sight of all the reasons why talking is a must.”
“Oh.” I swallowed hard, feeling shy for the first time around this guy. “Well…”
Seeing that I was having trouble, he thrust his hands into his jeans pockets. “Do you forgive me, Kin?”
I sucked in a deep breath and nodded my head. “Yes,” I whispered. “I forgive you, although I’m not sure you need my forgiveness.” I blew out a long sigh and pushed my hair back from my face. “Look, I understand why you left. Tainted Knights has what it takes to go far and I’m so damn proud of you and the others, Jace. That was never an issue. I just…”
“You should have come before the band, Kin.” He dropped his head, as if ashamed. “I should’ve been there for you when your mom died. I know you would’ve been there for me if it had been Alicia.”
Swallowing hard, I nodded. “Yeah. I would have been.”
“I made a mistake. A huge one, at that.” He lifted his head, his eyes bright with determination. “And one I won’t ever repeat. I love you, Kin. I’ve loved you practically from the second I set eyes on you. I loved you even when I was walking away. I’ll love you for the rest of my life, baby.”
Each word out of his mouth was like a direct hit to the chest. It hurt but it was a good kind of hurt. It eased all the lingering aches and filled my heart up with the love I’d never stopped feeling for him. “I didn’t stop loving you, Jace. I-I tried—hard—but I just couldn’t.”
I felt tears sting my eyes and lowered my lashes so he wouldn’t see them. Great, more tears. Damn it, I hated crying. That’s all I seemed to do lately, though. I was turning into an emotional basket case.
Warm, strong hands touched my arms. Jace had moved quickly again and was now crouched down in front of me. “I know it makes me seem like a bastard, but right now I don’t give a damn. I’m glad you didn’t stop loving me, Kin. I’ve had fucking nightmares about you stopping and it always made me wake up in a cold sweat.” He raised a hand and used his thumb and forefinger to tip my head up so our gazes locked. “I know I ruined things between us, baby. I shattered your trust in my feelings for you, but I won’t stop proving to you that—for me—you are everything. I won’t let you go again, Kin. I won’t walk away unless I know you’re going with me next time.”
Without my permission, a tear spilled over onto my cheek. “Promise?” It came out a husky, trembling whisper but he heard me loud and clear.
“Yes, Kin, I promise. I won’t go anywhere ever again unless you come with me.” His hold on my chin tightened when I tried to pull free, wanting to hide my feelings from him. I wanted to believe him, ached to believe him, but he couldn’t keep that promise. He couldn’t. His contract with First Bass would be up in a few months and then the one Tainted Knights signed with Emmie Armstrong would take effect. He would be running around everywhere with the band to get their name out there more, and I would still be right here.
Raising my hand, I caught his hand and pulled it away just enough so I could lower my head to kiss his palm. “Don’t make me that promise, Jace. Make this one.” I sucked in a deep breath. “Promise me, that no matter where you go, you’ll come back. That’s all I want. For you to come back to me every time you go away. I’ll be waiting, right here, for you to always come back.”
Blue eyes turned brighter and I caught my breath when I realized that he was fighting his own tears. “Fuck, Kin. You just destroyed me, baby.” He sucked in a harsh breath and stood. In the next second he was scooping me up in his arms and walking toward a closed door on the other side of the apartment. “That’s enough talking for one night, I think. Now…” He paused to open the door and then kicked it shut as he walked to his bed. “Now, I just want to hold you.” He sat me on the edge of the bed carefully, then reached for the comforter and pulled it back. “Just hold you, Kin. As much as I’m dying for you right now, I want to take things slow this time. Is that okay?”
My heart contracted for the hundredth time that night. “Yeah,” I assured him with a trembling smile. “That’s more than okay, Jace.”