Addison

“Monkey,” I said, pointing to the baby baboon staring at us through the glass enclosure. “Can you say monkey?”

Dylan smiled and pressed her face to the glass with a squeal of delight.

“She was making monkey noises this morning when we were getting dressed,” Max said with a chuckle. “I think she’s just playing hard to get.”

“Yeah, well, wait until I bribe her with ice cream.” I swept her into my arms and pressed a kiss to her forehead before settling her back into her stroller. “I’m starving. Are you?”

I shot a glance at Max and tried not to melt. It was a warm day for late September, and he wore a faded Army T-shirt that bared his spectacular forearms and biceps, along with a pair of faded jeans. The other moms strolling by didn’t even try to hide their swooning, and I couldn’t blame them.

Other moms. You’re not a mom, dummy.

Shit, I had to stop doing that. Over the past three weeks, though, it was getting harder and harder to separate fantasy from reality. That night after the counter sex and pot roast had been the first sleepover of many. In fact, now that I thought about it, we’d spent all but one night since then wrapped in each other’s arms, and that one night had only been because I’d caught a milder version of Max’s dad’s stomach flu and hadn’t wanted to infect the rest of the house with it.

We’d fallen into a rhythm, almost naturally alternating who got up with Dylan in the middle of the night, and then Max got up a few minutes before me to start our coffee. I’d even started making him lunches from our dinner leftovers, and it all felt so right.

“I could definitely eat,” Max said, casually slinging an arm around my hips as we wound our way through the zoo.

This was my life now, and some days I wanted to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

Now if only I don’t have to wake up.

“What do you want, chocolate or vanilla?” Max asked, stepping into line at one of the vendor trucks.

“Dylan and I will split a twist cone,” I said, already missing the familiar weight of his arm around me.

It was like a fever, the need I had for him. No matter how many times we made love, it felt brand new. It had gotten to the point that I could have happily stayed in that house with just him and the baby forever and die happy. Which was exactly why I’d made plans with Lara for that evening, which was technically my night off. I didn’t want space. If anything, I wanted to get even closer to him. To be able to say the words that were filling my heart to bursting.

I love you.

Which meant I definitely needed a little time away from them to get my head right, or I was at risk of rushing things and ruining what could be the best thing that had ever happened to me.

“M’lady,” Max said, handing me the paper-wrapped sugar cone.

We made our way over to a little bench and sat together thigh to thigh as we ate and chatted. Dylan wound up wearing almost as much of the ice cream as she ate, but Max and I didn’t care. It was lucky that our child-rearing style was so similar. Messes could be cleaned, and children should be allowed to be children.

I stroked Dylan’s hair gently and my heart swelled. She was the center of our worlds. I never realized how much I could love a child until she’d come into my life, and for the first time, I knew I wanted a big family. Baby sisters for her to play with and baby brothers to tease her.

I pushed aside the thoughts before they dug in too deep. We were living for the moment. And right now, things were great. No point borrowing trouble or pushing things.

“Do you plan to stay in the city, or are you coming back home tonight?” Max asked, popping the last of his cone into his mouth.

“I was going to come home, unless you’d rather I didn’t?” I shot him a quick glance, my stomach flopping.

“Oh, I definitely want you to come home. I just didn’t want to assume.” Max bent and gave me a hard kiss, a familiar light burning in his eyes. “I’ll wait up.”

• • • 

As Lara and I caught up at our favorite sushi restaurant later that evening, those words replayed in my head, a sensual reminder of what I was going home to.

“Anyway, I told him that I didn’t care if his divorce was almost final. He could call me when those papers were signed, you know?” Lara said with a snort. “I’m not interested in any of that type of drama in my life.” She picked up her chopsticks and hoisted a massive piece of dragon roll into her mouth. Her cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk as she continued. “So, enough about my pathetic love life. Tell me, what’s going on with Mr. Sexy Boss?”

I swiped my Alaskan roll through a little pool of soy sauce and then popped it into my mouth, buying some time as I tried to formulate how to explain things. Luckily, wasabi filled my nostrils and made my eyes water, which bought me an extra twenty seconds as I gulped some lukewarm tea.

“Um, yeah. So, we’re together. Pretty much,” I said, setting down my chopsticks and trading them for my cup of sake.

“Pretty much? What does that mean?” Lara frowned. “Either you’re together or you’re not together, right?”

“Well, we’ve been sleeping together. In the same bed. And we spend most of our weekends and free time together.”

She nodded, smiling. “Are you exclusive?”

The question caught me off guard, and I settled back into the booth with a sigh. Were we? I thought we were, but we’d never actually had the conversation. For all I knew, he could think we were still in the casual stage but just really enjoying each other’s company.

“I don’t really know,” I said, hoping my cheeks weren’t as red as they felt. “We’re just, you know, taking it slow.”

Lara’s eagle eyes narrowed on my face and she gasped. “Holy fuck. You’re in love already. Like, for real.” She set her chopsticks down with a clatter and took my wrist, squeezing it urgently. “Don’t try to bullshit me, Addison, we’ve known each other too long. You’re crazy over him, aren’t you?”

I didn’t bother to deny it. Lara was right. From the day we met and she found me crying in the corner at the ice skating rink, we’d been besties. She’d sat down next to me, and we both froze our buns off while she pep-talked me like a pro. I waited now for that same signature pep talk, but something inside me quivered as I saw the worry lining her brow.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked, tugging my wrist away.

“Oh, honey. When I see your face light up every time you talk about him or that baby, it makes me so excited for you. But it’s been a month, and you guys are living together and playing house. You’re head over heels in love, yet you have no clue where you stand. Weren’t you the one who told me this whole thing started with a conversation about this being casual and fun? No commitment?”

I wet my lips and nodded. “Well, yeah. That’s how it started. But—”

“But nothing. He was up front with you from the start, and unless he’s told you otherwise, my fear is that you’re setting yourself up for a major crash and burn.” She released my wrist and settled back into her seat, gnawing on her bottom lip. “I know you can’t unspill the milk here. You’re in love, and that’s not going to change anytime soon. But at least sit down and have a discussion with him. Be honest. Tell him you know this was supposed to be casual, but that you’re falling for him, and if he’s sure he won’t commit, then you need to save yourself.”

Save myself? Like . . . leave?

The thought made the sushi I’d eaten crawl back up my throat, threatening to make a reappearance.

“I can’t do that. Leave Dylan?” Leave Max?

As terror shot through me, I realized I was even further gone than I’d thought. A life without either of them was almost unfathomable to me at this point.

Shit.

I hadn’t wanted to scare Max away by telling him how I was feeling, but Lara was right. We’d promised not to do anything that would threaten my position in the house, and that Dylan came first.

Now, though, it seemed almost impossible to separate it all. If things ended, could I really go back to just being Dylan’s nanny? And what, watch Max get ready for dates with someone other than me? No way. Those feelings would only grow stronger the longer we kept this up. If I had any chance of saving even a tiny piece of my heart from getting obliterated if he wasn’t in the same place as I was emotionally, I needed to do it now.

I picked up my cup and knocked back the last of my sake, holding up two fingers for the waitress and wiggling them.

Later, when I got home, I was going to climb in bed with Max and live it up one more time, because tomorrow I had no choice but to ask him where we stood.

Which meant that tonight might be our last.