Smith

“I love those kids.”

I could still hear the warmth in Evie’s voice as she watched Pam’s little monsters running around like lunatics as they played indoor tag.

After the night we’d had, most women would have left, shell-shocked and ready to have their tubes tied. A few might have stuck it out with a grin-and-bear-it attitude. But I was pretty sure almost none of them would have joined in and wound up covered in s’mores under a pile of exhausted little bodies at the end of the night.

Evie hadn’t put up with it, or done it to humor me. Her cheeks had glowed with pleasure, and her lips had been tilted up in a perma-smile. By the time I’d dropped her off at the end of the night, she’d been sporting a pair of crooked braids courtesy of little Winnie, and an electric-purple manicure that covered almost as much of her fingers as it did her nails, but I’ll be damned if she’d ever looked more beautiful to me.

My brain instantly supplied an image of her in that peach lace teddy, and I found myself grinning. Okay, so maybe it was a tie.

The thing that was becoming clearer by the day was exactly how much I enjoyed Evie’s company. Whether she was writhing against me, begging me to make her come, or belly laughing beside me as we watched a movie, she’d managed to work herself into the very fabric of my life.

And I liked it.

I waited for the feeling that always followed that realization. The fight-or-flight response that made me do something stupid to fuck things up, or cut bait and walk away. But cool, never-get-attached Smith was dead silent. Maybe he was dead altogether, because all I felt was hope and excitement for the future. Anticipation of more nights like the one we’d spent with Pam’s kids.

Maybe with our own kids someday?

I gulped down a mouthful of now-tepid coffee, then set the empty mug in the sink.

As crazy as it would have seemed a month ago, now the thought of having some rug rats of my own—rug rats with Evie Reed—didn’t seem crazy at all.

Which meant it was long past time to make an honest man of myself and talk to Cullen. Whatever the outcome, it had to be better than Evie and me sneaking around like a pair of star-crossed teenagers. Cullen was a grown man. He’d be pissed at first, but he’d come around. And then I could finally make this right. I could finally have Evie like I’d dreamed about.

I thumbed through my contacts and tapped Cullen’s number, my muscles tense as I waited for him to pick up.

“What’s up, man?”

He was slightly out of breath, and I glanced at my watch. Eight a.m.

“You already running?” I asked, striving to keep my tone light.

“Nope, just did shoulders at the gym and am about to hit the pavement. Want to join?” he asked.

Seemed like the running trail was as good a place as any to get into this shit. And, hey, at least we’d be close to the lake in the event he straight-up murdered me and needed an easy place to hide the body. After all the lies I’d told him, the least I could do was make it convenient for him.

“Yep, I’m in,” I said. “Meet you by the flagpole in fifteen.”

I was chill as ice cream as I changed into my gym pants and laced up my kicks, but by the time I reached our designated meeting place, my heart was hammering a drumbeat against my ribs. The cadence felt oddly like the lyrics to a song with only one word.

Trai-tor.

Trai-tor.

Trai-tor.

“What’s up, asshole?” Cullen jogged up behind me and punched my shoulder lightly.

I managed a grin in spite of the dark cloud hanging over me. “Hey, prick.”

“Glad you called,” he said. “We haven’t hung out in a while.”

Guilt weighed down my stomach, and suddenly the last thing I felt like doing was running, but I sure as shit couldn’t back out now.

“Yeah, been busy,” I muttered, following his lead and doing a few perfunctory stretches.

“That’s okay. Today’s my five-mile day, so we’ve got plenty of time to catch up,” he replied with an evil grin. “Ready, chump?”

Shit.

I’d been banking on the whole run plus a cooldown taking thirty minutes, tops. I had it all planned out in my head. Ten minutes of bullshit, another ten spent on work stuff, and then, just when he was starting to get short of breath, I’d test the waters on the whole Evie thing.

Short and sweet.

Best of all, if things didn’t go the way I hoped, we wouldn’t be stuck running next to each other, stewing and pissed off. He could go his way, I could go mine, and he’d have the rest of the weekend to cool off.

Five miles from soup to nuts was going to take at least forty-five minutes, maybe even closer to an hour. We hadn’t even started yet, and already that length of time felt interminable.

Lies will do that to you, you jackass.

“Yup, let’s rock and roll,” I said with a grim nod.

We took off at an easy jog, letting our muscles warm up and getting into the groove. Cullen chattered about a blind date he’d gone on that went horribly wrong, and I found myself having to slow my pace because I was laughing so hard.

“A lot of people have pictures of themselves in their apartments, Cull. I have a couple of me and you hiking, and that fishing trip—”

“No, see, that’s what I mean,” he said, shooting me an incredulous look over his shoulder as he jogged. “These weren’t group shots. It was literally just dozens of pictures of herself with her cats on every available surface. They were everywhere. In some, she was looking over one shoulder, like old-style glamour shots, and in others, she was leaning her chin on her hand looking off into the distance. So when I mentioned that she sure had a lot of pictures of herself, you know what she said?”

I shook my head, waiting for the punch line.

“She said, ‘If I don’t love myself, how is anyone else going to love me?’”

I chuckled and sprinted toward him to catch up again. “Isn’t that like a Dr. Phil quote or some shit?”

“It is. In fact, I’m pretty sure ninety percent of the things she said to me were Dr. Phil quotes. It was bizarre. But to top it all off, when I left, she said, ‘I don’t usually do this on the first date, but I really like you,’ and she kissed my forehead, like she was my great aunt or some shit. I’m telling you, bro, she was whacked.”

“So, when are you going to see her again?” I quipped.

He threw his head back and laughed. “Actually, I gave her your number. Hope that’s cool?”

As we wound our way around the lake, I couldn’t help but feel that twinge of nostalgia creeping in. Cullen really was like a brother to me, and I missed this. But since I’d started spending time with Evie, my own guilt over the situation made it almost painful to be around him. It was definitely time to tear off this fucking Band-Aid.

“Sounds like that’s one for the books,” I said lightly. “Speaking of dating, anything going on with your sister in that department? Been a long time since she’s had a boyfriend. Last one I recall was in high school, and even that was barely a thing.”

Cullen shot me a puzzled look and shrugged. “No clue. I don’t ask her about that shit. Mainly because I’m afraid she’ll actually tell me. You don’t get it because Pam is older, I guess, but it’s weird thinking about your little sister . . .” He trailed off and let out a disgusted growl. “You know what I mean.”

“I hear you,” I muttered, resisting the urge to change the subject and abort this clusterfuck of a mission altogether.

Suck it up, asshole.

There were only two options here. Tell him, or end it with Evie. Somehow in the past few weeks, option number two was no longer on the table.

I drew in a breath and let loose the first sally. “She’s a twenty-two-year-old woman, Cullen. She’s got to grow up sometime. Don’t you want to see her find a good guy and settle down? Maybe have a family someday?”

His reply came back without hesitation. “Nope.”

Guilt gave way to irritation, and I scowled at him. “That’s a little ridiculous, don’t you think?”

His gait faltered as he turned his head to stare at me. “No, I don’t think. And I’m trying to figure out why the fuck you’re asking me this shit right now.”

I slowed, and suddenly the sound of his feet pounding the dirt beside me stopped.

Jesus, this was going to suck.

I stopped and turned to face him. He stood, his hands loosely on his hips, but there was nothing casual about his expression.

“You got something to tell me, Smith?”

The anger was already there, bubbling right beneath the surface. As much as I hated being the target of it, this conversation had been an eye-opener, and I knew now more than ever it was the right thing to do, no matter how ugly it got.

His eyes were trained on my face, his jaw clenched as he pressed. “Why all the questions, Smith?”

“Asking for a friend?” I shot back with a smirk, one last attempt to bring things down a notch and keep it light. But Cullen was having no part of it.

“I can’t even believe you’re thinking about this. She’s twenty-two. She’s practically a fucking kid,” he snapped, pacing now like a caged lion. Then he stopped in his tracks, his cheeks going chalk white. “Are you fucking her already?” he demanded in a whisper that somehow felt shittier than if he’d shouted it at me.

“No.”

It felt inhumane to add the caveat—not yet, at least—but there was no question it hung in the air between us like a poisonous smog.

“You son of a bitch,” he snarled, his fist clenching open and closed.

His eyes were wild with anger and something like betrayal, but before I could apologize, he was stalking toward me. He stopped just a few inches from my face.

“If you were anyone else, I’d beat the living shit out of you right now. Instead, I’m going to take you at your word that you haven’t slept with her and give you a chance to try and undo this shit. Stop now and nothing has to change. We can work together, and once I get over the fact that you went behind my back and even considered this shit, we can probably go back to being friends. But that’s if and only if you agree to shut it down.” His nostrils flared as he glared at me. “Now.”

We were friends. The best. But Evie was a person. A woman in her own right with thoughts and feelings and free will of her own. The fact that Cullen was talking about her like she was some antiquated piece of the Reed family property made my blood hum with fury.

I hated that it had come to this, and there was no denying it was my bad, but my anger got the better of me and I shoved him hard in the chest.

“First of all, I wasn’t asking your permission,” I muttered. “I was trying to break some news to you in the right way. Granted, I should’ve told you sooner, but this macho asshole bullshit of yours doesn’t exactly make it easy, and your sister asked me not to.”

The heat of his outrage burned beneath the surface. “You got a lot of nerve telling m—”

“Second of all,” I cut in, jabbing a finger in his direction. “Evie is a twenty-two-year-old without any love life on the horizon, probably in part because of you. You were like her hulking shadow, and guys were afraid to even get near her in high school. You think that’s healthy?” I demanded, pissed off and on a roll now. “She needs space to grow and learn about life. Keeping her close so you can protect her is selfish, Cullen. How is she ever going to learn from her mistakes, or fall and pick herself back up if she’s never allowed to make any?”

Cullen snorted in disgust and crossed his arms over his chest. “And what? You want that first big mistake to be you?” He let out a low laugh. “I know you, man. You haven’t had a serious relationship since Karen, and even that wound up being a royal fuckup. What makes you think you’re good enough for my sister?”

It was a question I’d asked myself more than once in the past few weeks, and I didn’t have a good answer to it yet. But I knew one thing for sure. It wasn’t going to stop me from trying.

“Luckily, that’s not for either of us to decide. That’s Evie’s decision, isn’t it?” I said, cold fury settling over me. “If that seems out of line and you want to fire me or whatever, then go ahead.”

I could have told him that I’d changed. I could have told him that what I felt for Evie was different, but that wasn’t the point. Even if I hadn’t, she still had the right to decide her path in life without worrying about her brother’s approval.

Cullen’s face was stony as he stared me down in silence. “It’s like that, then?” he muttered finally, his legs moving once again and he started past me. “You know your way back. I don’t want to see your fucking face right now.”

I watched him until he was out of sight, half expecting him to turn around and come back. He didn’t, and I took off running the way we’d come, pushing myself to my limit in hopes of burning off some of this adrenaline.

That hadn’t gone well. I’d known it wouldn’t, but at some point during our familiar banter on the run, there had been a brief second—a tiny kernel of hope—that maybe it would turn out better than I’d imagined.

It wasn’t until I got back to my apartment bathed in sweat, my muscles shaking with fatigue, that I realized I hadn’t called Evie yet to tell her what I’d done.

Damn it, I should have warned her.

I sank down on the couch and said a silent prayer that I hadn’t lost both Reeds today.