CHAPTER 8
I helped Mom in the kitchen the night before Thanksgiving, trying not to chuckle at her attempt to prepare to giant turkey for the following day. I wasn’t a great cook, but I’d made enough simple meals living on my own to muddle my way through it. At some point, she started drinking and left to go watch a movie in bed while Brett took her place.
He stuffed the turkey with herbs and vegetables as I watched him, explaining that it flavored the juices that he used to make the gravy. It was something that his mom had always done, prompting me to ask him where she was. Brett looked sad and a little lost as he explained that she died of ovarian cancer when he was twenty-seven and that his dad wasn’t a big part of his life. I wanted to give him a hug, but I wasn’t sure if Mom was asleep and I just stared at him. We finished the preparation and stored everything in the fridge for the following day, and he glanced down the hallway to his bedroom before looking at me.
Before I knew it, I was upstairs and against my door as he kissed me hard. I held him tight and listened for any noises as we made out like teenagers in the dark for a long time before Brett dragged himself away, though not without giving me a hard orgasm with his fingers against my clit and I struggled not to cry out. He kissed me quiet as I breathed deeply and held me as my knees went weak. He helped me to bed, and I pulled down his pants and blew him on the floor of my room, on my knees as he held my hair and murmured dirty words to me.
He left after that to sleep a few hours before cooking, and I made myself come under the covers as I played back the night in my head. I couldn’t get enough, and I went for round two as I arched my back and bit my lip again.
I was addicted and in trouble as I finally slept a few hours before I had to pretend that everything was normal for the holiday.
I woke up later than I assumed anyone else would and pulled my hair into a messy bun and dressed to see if anyone needed help downstairs. As I walked down the steps, I could already detect the scent of cooking turkey and inhaled appreciatively as I looked into the kitchen. It was free of people, but there was a full pot of coffee that I helped myself to before stepping into the living room where Brett was watching the parade on the couch with his own cup, dressed in sweats and a fitted t-shirt that made me drag my eyes over his chest. My thighs clenched together, and he glanced at me as I sat in a chair a few feet away. “Morning. How did you sleep?” His voice was husky as he looked me over in my leggings and sweatshirt and I giggled.
“Pretty good. I was worn out,” I replied, winking at him as he laughed and stared at me.
“Yeah, me too.” I never asked if he was intimate with my mother, though I did wonder sometimes. They were married, and she’d expect it. “Dinner should be ready around three. We can just relax around the house.”
“Where’s Mom?” I asked as he frowned and looked down the hall.
“Sleeping. She’ll be up to eat; I expect, but it seems she drank quite a lot last night.” I sensed the displeasure in Brett’s voice and wondered where it came from. Did he miss her? Did he just not like her drinking? I kept my thoughts to myself and sipped my coffee as I stared at the SpongeBob float on the big screen television. I wondered what would happen when I went back to school next week. Would we just end and life go on for both of us? I couldn’t imagine that, but I wasn’t naive enough to think that we’d live happily ever after.
I was surprised when a couple of high school friends stopped by to say hello, as well as distracted by the way they looked at Brett as they giggled and tossed their hair. I smiled and laughed in all of the right places, but I felt my emotions rising as I sat on the couch and made small talk. There was plenty to say about school and campus life since we’d all gone to different colleges around the country.
Once they left, Brett closed the door and turned to stare at me before he glanced down the hall. “Larisa, you can’t wear your heart on your sleeve that way,” he kept his voice quiet, and I blinked at him.
“I was fine. We just chatted.” I knew that I’d been tense more than a few times and he shook his head and sat back down. “Did you see the way they were looking at you?”
“I don’t care. I don’t want them.” His voice was firm as he looked again to see if we were alone.
“You probably told Mom that and look at us now,” I whispered as I walked into the kitchen and placed my coffee cup in the sink after dumping it out.
“Larisa, I don’t cheat like this in general life. This…is bad timing. I’d happily have you if things were different and just you. We’re in a complicated place right now.” Brett talked slowly and softly as I nodded and felt the rush of anger ebbing. I just didn’t have the energy for it right now. I just nodded and held on.
We made our way back to the living room and found a traditional holiday movie on as we sat a few feet away from one another on the couch. It was close enough to know that were together here even if it was in the sense of tortured silence. Once it crept closer to dinner and we were still alone, Brett invited me into the kitchen where we finished up the last minute details. Everything smelled delicious, and I was developing an appetite as I prepared some yams in a baking pan.
“Look at you. This smells so good!” My mother’s cheerful voice filled the silence, and I jumped as I pressed my hand to my heart. Everything shifted in the room, and I took a breath as I felt eyes on me. “That into cooking, Larisa? You’re a different girl,” Mom teased me as she walked over and hugged Brett for a long moment. I looked for a fleeting second and glanced away as my skin burned. She moved to get coffee and looked around slowly with a smile. “Everything looks and smells so good. You guys are a good team.”
Brett thanked her as he and I shared a quick look and forced smiles. We finished plating everything, and the three of us carried things to the formal table as the doorbell rang. I knew that Brett had invited some single friends over and I assumed it was them, so I excused myself to answer the door. I’d changed into a pair of black slacks and a burnt orange sweater for the company after my shower earlier, and I smiled as I saw a few new faces. “Come on in.” The men moved past me as my face fell when I saw Cole behind the group. His face was as pale as mine as our eyes locked and I took a ragged breath. “What are you doing here?”
“Larisa? Is everything okay?” Brett asked as he walked over and glanced through the open door. “Cole. You’re here early! Come in.” I stepped aside as my former best friend walked by me and was introduced to everybody. “This is my stepdaughter, Larisa. This is my son, Cole.”
“We attend the same school, Dad,” Cole said dryly as he eyed the door like he wanted to leave.
“What a coincidence,” Mom said as she slipped an arm around Brett and looked Cole over. “Please sit. I can get another bottle of wine, and we can start eating, unless you’d like something else to drink, Cole?”
“If you have a beer, I’d like that,” Cole said as Brett clapped him on the back and took him upstairs with the duffel bag that he was carrying.
“I’ll be right back,” I told Mom as the room started spinning. I went into the bathroom in the first-floor hallway and turned the water on as I leaned over the toilet and threw up. In the few moments we’d had in the foyer, I thought that Cole must have connected the dots and was disgusted by me. I knew that I was. I felt sick, and my stomach was in knots as I threw up the little food that I had in my stomach and leaned my head over my arms. I couldn’t do this. I needed to get my stuff and get the fuck out of here.
I didn’t know how long I was in there before there was a tap at the door. “Larisa? Are you coming to the table?” Brett asked through the door in a concerned voice as I closed my eyes.
“I…I suddenly don’t feel so well. Go ahead without me, okay? I’m going to lie down in my room.” I sighed as I tried to find a reasonable excuse to go right back to school.
“What happened? You were fine all day,” Brett told me as I rolled my eyes.
“I had a bit of a fever earlier, but I really didn’t think much of it. I just need to rest. Go eat, Brett. Everyone is here.” I insisted as I remained on the floor, straddling the toilet. It went quiet, and I assumed that he was gone, which was when I stood and splashed cold water on my face. I left the room quietly and made my way upstairs, wondering which room Cole was sleeping in tonight. There were only two other huge rooms on this floor, and I sighed as I opened my door and closed it. I pulled on leggings and a thermal before I crawled under the covers and switched the television on to cover the sounds of my soft sobs. I was alone for about an hour when there was a knock at the door, and I looked up with huge eyes. I’d been crying hard, and I looked at the screen to see The Notebook playing. Thank fuck…but who was it knocking? “Larisa?” It was Mom. She opened the door and came inside, seeing me shriveled under the comforter. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. I felt a little off earlier, but it came on so suddenly,” I lied as she sat down and looked into my face with shock. I pointed to the movie, and she looked at it and nodded. “I’m just going to chill out. I’ll be fine.”
“You’ll love your new stepbrother. He’s such a sweet kid,” Mom smiled as my stomach twisted violently. “He looks a lot like his father, doesn’t he?”
Too much. I’d realized it seeing them together and was ready to flee the scene. “Yeah, I think that he does,” my voice was weak as Mom hugged me.
“Get some rest, Larisa. Maybe you’ll feel better tomorrow,” she said as she looked me over. “We can all visit then.”
“Sounds good, Mom.” I sank back against my pillows as she left and smiled as she looked at me. I just wanted to get through the next few days and go back to school. I knew that Cole was there, but at least both of my sins wouldn’t be staring me in the face. I’d have time to isolate and recover from this.
I stared at the wall as another movie played before I cried myself to sleep. I woke up a few hours later, trembling from a dream as I sat straight up in bed and took deep breaths. I looked around my room and saw that a shadowed figure was in my chair as I started to scream. “Sshh, it’s me. What’s wrong with you?” Brett asked as I stared at him and shook my head.
“You can’t be in here,” I told him as he waved his hand.
“Everyone is asleep. It’s midnight, Larisa.” He moved closer to the bed and looked at me. “Are you feeling better?”
“A little? I don’t want you to get it, though. You should go.” I frowned as he dropped his broad shoulders and stared at me.
“I was worried about you, you know.” I nodded and hid under my blankets as he looked at my door. “I’ll see how you are tomorrow, okay?”
I nodded, and he left the room as I fell into a crumpled heap onto my knees. I stood and moved to lock the door before I came back to bed and dropped back onto my pillows with a long sigh. I did the math in my head and realized that I had three more nights here if I left when scheduled. I could lie and say that something came up and I had to go Sunday as well. I didn’t think Cole would mind, judging from the sickened look on his face when he saw me at the door. Hell, maybe I’d just stay sick and blame it on that.
I was awake a few more hours with something playing on television as I glanced at that and my phone. I vowed to make some friends at school and get a life, to avoid situations like this. I fell asleep as the sun was coming up and had no plans on leaving my room.
It was late morning when I heard a knock at the door while the knob turned. “Why is your door locked, Larisa?” Mom asked as I rolled my eyes.
I stood and unlocked it, feigning ignorance as she asked me the same question. I blamed the illness and said I must have locked it going back to bed from the bathroom one of the several times. I stumbled back to bed, falling down as she set a steaming cup on the nightstand as well as a plate with a sandwich on it. “How are you feeling?”
“Like crap,” I replied as she sighed and looked me over.
“Brett and I are having dinner with friends tonight. Will you be alright on your own? I know that you and Cole don’t know each other.” She frowned as I nodded quickly and dropped against the pillows. “I hate leaving you.”
“I’m a big girl, Mom. I’m sick at school by myself,” I assured her as she nodded and looked down at her left hand where the big diamond sparkled.
“Brett was worried about you last night. I think he likes being a stepfather and now that Cole’s back in his life…I believe that it will be sweet to see that side of him,” she said almost dreamily as I felt nausea rising in my stomach. “We’ll be a family.”
It took all of the strength that I had to remain calm until she left my room. At that point, I went into the bathroom and closed the door, clicking the lock as I started to run a hot bath. I was never going to have sex again. I’d really messed up the last several times that I did, and I didn’t want to feel this way anymore.