Rub Me the Right Way by Amy Brent (174)

PART 3

 

Lily

I paced the living room in my cottage as emotions raced through my mind. There was so much confusion about all of this. I ran my hands through my hair, which was tangled from the wind. 

Sleeping with Landon again had opened so many feelings as well as worries, though I had to admit that I’d set myself up for the fall. I had known we wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off one another the moment we were alone, as much as I’d tried to deny it. I hadn’t stopped to consider the way I would feel when I saw him with other women, not expecting such bitter jealousy. I hadn’t expected that I’d fall harder for him than before, making everything so complicated. 

Brian was living in my apartment now. We were making a life together, and I blew that here. I barely got back to him when he called or texted, using work as an excuse. I knew he was busy with friends and didn’t worry too much since he’d seen the itinerary and where we would all be staying. It was paradise and full of fun, only not the kind my boyfriend was thinking about. 

I wasn’t even mad at the idea of him taking things too far with another woman back home. At this point, what did it even matter? I walked to the sliding glass door and stepped outside to breathe in the air, trying to make sense of the mess in my head. We had another two days here that I had to get through, and I pictured doing that without Landon. 

I dropped into a chair and let tears slide down my cheeks. I thought about the beach earlier and our urgency to find a private place as I admitted to myself that I was in love with him. I hated myself for that, in part since I’d worked so hard to get this job and my pride was too involved in the situation. 

I knew Landon cared for me and would get me another job, but what if I looked like the office slut who got promoted because of who I slept with? I knew all too well that people talked a lot and that this would be the rumor of the year.

Still, Landon made me feel like no other man had before. Could I get past that? 

Could I go back home and pretend that we’d never been together at all? 

The more I thought about it, I realized that I was invested in this relationship with Landon. As fucked up and painful as it was, I was in love with him. I’d slept with him earlier on the beach because I loved him. 

I came running here with a plan in mind to seduce Landon all over again, so what had I expected? I knew I was getting into something deeper than I could handle, telling myself to just let it go even as I cried. I was in control of all of this. I could go back home to Brian and make everything all right again, put this behind me. 

Brian didn’t have to know that any of this had happened. I could pretend that things were perfect and we could progress to where we’d been going before I lost my mind for a moment. 

I walked back into the cottage and closed the door quietly, feeling my strength from outside wane as I ran a hand through my hair. Two more days. There was a conference tomorrow over lunch reviewing some more new laws before a dinner in the restaurant with some dancing and entertainment. It was one of the most popular events here among visitors, but I had no clue how I would get through it. Jasmine would know something was wrong with me since we’d grown close. I had to find a way to make it through the day and then fly home to my normal life. I had to find a way to straighten out my head and my life, even if it meant finding another job. 

Oh, god. Another job meant I would be away from Landon, and that idea killed me inside. The thought of never seeing him made me feel so empty. I thought back to his offer of another position if we stayed together. Was that something to consider? 

No. I needed to do what was best for me. 

I walked into the bedroom to change into something else, looking at the mussed sheets as memories of Landon and me filled my mind. I inhaled deeply and swore that our scent was still in the air as my resolve weakened. My phone chimed from the living room as I stared at the bed and then looked toward the front door of the cottage. 

I went to look at the screen of my phone, and I cried when I saw Brian’s name. I dropped it down, not ready to talk to him or deal with what this might do to him. Instead, I picked up my key and walked to the front door, toward the man I did want to see. I needed to talk to Landon, though I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. I just needed to see him.

I made my way to his door, pausing when I saw it cracked open slightly. Looking around, I didn’t see anyone else and stepped forward slowly. I took in a breath as I leaned forward and looked through the door into the living room, my eyes widening when I saw the woman from the other morning sitting on the couch. She was wearing a tiny slip of a dress and seemed to be cradling Landon as she spoke softly, her lips close to his. There was a sense of intimacy between them that made me wonder if I had anything with Landon at all. She glanced toward the door as I stepped back and started toward my cottage with my hand over my mouth. I unlocked the door, running inside to the bathroom just in time to throw up in the toilet. I felt used, knowing he might have been sleeping with her while he was with me. I felt stupid because I loved him and he might have been fucking someone else, all the while making me feel like I mattered to him.

I finished getting sick and made my way to the bedroom, sitting on the bed as I started sobbing. I was a fool who had risked everything I had at home for this pain. I dropped back onto the sheets and curled up into the fetal position. 

I cried myself to sleep, dozing off for a little while before I woke up with a start. I looked around, finding myself alone as I remembered what had happened. 

All the time I had spent with Landon felt like a waste now that I’d seen him with that woman. He must have called her to come and console him when I left him in the car, and that made my stomach twist all over again. I was that easy to replace when he was everything to me.

Brian was a good man, and he would always take care of me, but he didn’t make me feel the way Landon did. Was that enough? I pushed myself up slowly and made my way to the living room, where Landon had left his laptop the day before. I dropped onto the couch in front of it, turning it on and waiting for it to warm up. I’d left mine at home, intent on enjoying this trip, but now I knew there was no chance of that. 

I was relieved to see that there was no password to get into the computer, which made me wonder for a moment if I could trust Landon. No. He was in his cottage with another woman after all we had shared. I went online and found the website for the airline, swallowing the lump in my throat as I changed my flight to later tonight. I’d make an excuse involving some emergency; I just couldn’t stay here. I paid with a credit card and leaned back, taking a deep breath as I assured myself that leaving would make all this bearable. 

I packed my bags after I changed into some leggings and a T-shirt, walking through the cottage to look for anything that could get left behind. I’d never come back here, and I needed to ensure that there would be no signs I had been here to begin with. When the time came, I grabbed my luggage and went to the lobby to meet the cab that was taking me to the airport. Landon’s laptop I left powered off in the room. 

I didn’t look at his door to see if it was open any longer when I walked toward the lobby. I just wanted to get the hell out of here, away from all the bad memories I’d created. 

I cried the entire flight home, huddled up in a seat by the window as I looked at the beauty of Belize that was imprinted in my memory. I cursed myself for my plan and the results of it, so unsure why I had thought it would be anything different. I fell asleep hoping that Brian would never know any of this.

I’d sent Jasmine a text explaining that I needed to return home because Brian was sick and needed help, but that was it. I told Landon nothing. I was going to go back and fix what I’d done to my life if it killed me. 

 

Landon

I woke up on my couch, blinking at Marilyn, who was draped over me in a summer dress that barely covered anything. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked her in a hoarse voice, pushing her off me as I scooted back. “What did we do?”

Marilyn, wide-eyed, lifted her head after landing on the floor. “You let me in, Landon. Last night. You let me in. Don’t you remember?”

I already knew I was working a hangover from the way my head was pounding and the taste in my mouth. I must have been drunk when she came over and remembered nothing about it, even though I knew the reason I’d been drinking. “No. I would have never let you in, much less had you sleep here, if I was sober. Tell me we didn’t do anything.”

“You were way too drunk to fuck me, but I sucked your big cock. You were hot when you came in my mouth.” I watched her eyes darken as nausea flooded my stomach, knowing it was a possible lie. I’d never know, though, since I’d been stupid drunk, and I’d have to live with that. 

“I don’t want to know anything else,” I told her, standing to go to the bathroom. “Get the fuck out of here, Marilyn. Don’t come back, because this will never happen again.” 

I stumbled down the hallway, holding my loosened shorts with shaking hands. I dropped down in front of the toilet and vomited, sickened by the idea that I’d touched Marilyn. 

A vague memory of calling out Lily’s name as I crawled toward the door flooded my mind, making me wonder if that was when Marilyn had been at my door. There was a part of me that wanted to demand every detail of what had happened in my cottage, while the most logical part of me understood that Marilyn would lie to make herself look better. She was all about gain, and she wouldn’t care about my needs or wants. 

I knew she’d had to fuck someone to get partner, at least in part. She was an intelligent woman, but something was disturbing about her as well. I looked down at my flaccid cock and angrily pushed away from the thought of her mouth wrapped around it. I didn’t want Lily to be erased from my memories, and my heart ached for her for a long moment. 

I finished my business, cleaning myself up as best I could before I changed into some fresh clothes. I needed to get to Lily now and fix things, tell her I loved her and needed her in my life. A part of me worried that Lily knew what had happened in my cottage last night, but how? Did she come over at any part of the evening and see us?   

I had to know.

I glanced at my couch when I left and saw that the room was empty. I was barefoot and wearing old shorts with a T-shirt that probably didn’t even match, but I didn’t care. I strode to her door and knocked, loud and hard. “Lily, open the door,” I said, when there was no sound. Was she with someone else in their cottage? Had she slept with someone else to get back at me, as it appeared I had? No. I remembered her words about Brian and sleeping with me, and I knew deep down she wouldn’t do that. She loved me, and she’d open this door so we could fix things. That was who Lily was. 

Only nobody was answering the door. 

“Lily?” I called out, trying to remind myself that we were in a work situation and I needed to remain calm. “Open the door. We need to talk.” 

Nothing. Where was she? I turned and tried to think of where she could be. It was too early for her to have left for the work lunch, so I slowed my brain down and tried to think of someplace Lily might go to if she needed some peace. I looked at the water, knowing how much she loved it, and walked toward the waves. I looked over her balcony to see it empty, and even a closer look at the cottage revealed that she wasn’t there. I kept walking over the sand until I was in a place where I could look left or right and see anyone who was on the beach. There were people, but I didn’t see Lily, and I sucked in my breath. 

I turned and checked the restaurants, the lobby, and any of the other little place we’d spent time in for a quiet moment. There was no sign of Lily. I was walking back to my cottage when I heard my name. I turned to see one of the partners walking over to me, looking at my outfit curiously. “How are you?”

“I was just looking for someone,” I replied vaguely as he smiled and nodded. “When does the lunch start?”

“It starts in an hour,” Ken said after checking his phone. “Marilyn is having coffee on the beach.” I stared at him for a long moment before I realized that she must have told the others something about us. He thought I was looking for her, something that disgusted me even though it was slightly better than the truth. 

“Thanks, Ken. I should take a shower before lunch and get myself together.” I forced a smile on my face as I ran a hand through my messy hair. “I had a few too many last night.”

“A lot of us did.” He smirked as I laughed and nodded. “See you in a bit.” 

I told him the same as I wandered back toward my cottage, not sure of anything. I couldn’t find her. I felt lost as colleagues walked by me and greeted me, nodding and trying to respond as normally as possible. I unlocked my door and walked inside, feeling the emptiness of the room settle over me. It occurred to me that my phone was in the kitchen and I’d never even looked at it to see if she had left a message or called me. I walked over and stared at it, seeing it was dead as I cursed softly. I walked it to the charger in the bedroom, plugging it in, and sat and waited for enough juice to check it. 

I scrolled past all the other text messages and calls, just looking for her name but finding nothing. “Fuck, Lily. Where are you?” I asked as my head started pounding. If I were in my right mind, I would be doing what was needed to get me through this lunch. Right now, I couldn’t think. I decided I would go to the function, both to see if she was there and to ask around if that wasn’t the case. I could talk to her friend Jasmine if nothing else. Lily didn’t trust anyone but her, so Jasmine would know something. Whether she’d share it was a different story. 

I showered and dressed in some clean shorts and a button-up shirt, respecting the relaxed dress code of the company. I walked into the conference room and sat with the other partners, refusing to make any eye contact with Marilyn. I looked calm on the outside, but my eyes scanned the room for Lily every second until someone started talking.

She wasn’t there. 

I sipped some orange juice and nibbled on fruit to calm my stomach as the voices droned on and on. I looked at Jasmine a few times, who was seated by her boss and sipping coffee. She didn’t look upset, so maybe there was a good reason Lily wasn’t here, even though we weren’t leaving until tomorrow.

Tomorrow, we would be going back to normal, but I didn’t know what that was any longer. I didn’t know what to do or say. 

I made my way across the room as casually as possible, approaching Jasmine as she looked at me. “Where is she?” I asked as her eyes narrowed. “I can’t find her. Where is she?” 

“There was something at home. Lily flew back last night.” I stared at her. “She didn’t tell you. Were you sleeping together again?” There was no one close enough to overhear the question she asked as her keen eyes judged me. 

“Yes,” I said softly, and she pressed her lips together. “I didn’t force it.” 

“I know that. I know Lily even though she tried to hide her feelings for you. I could see it in her eyes and all through this trip. She left because of you, didn’t she?” I looked out the window, knowing I would be leaving early as well. 

“I didn’t hurt her in any way. I didn’t harm her,” I said, and she shook her head at me. 

“Of course not. You love her,” Jasmine said. “You broke her heart, though. Something happened.” 

“I have to go,” I said, turning to leave the room. I didn’t say good-bye to anyone, and I intended to get a flight home as soon as possible. I remembered that my laptop was in her room and walked over there to see the door cracked open. “Excuse me?” I called out as I peered inside. 

One of the maids walked down the hallway, looking at me curiously. “Yes, sir?”

“Did you find a laptop here?” She paused and nodded. “That is the firm’s property, and I was hoping to collect it.” The resort was familiar with the company, and she gave me a curious look for a moment. “The woman in this room was my assistant. I assure you that I am telling the truth.” I wanted to push past her just to see the bedroom one last time, to imprint it in my memory. 

Did it still smell like her? 

She finally pointed at the small bistro table, and I saw the computer there. “Thank you.” I picked it up and looked around the cottage slowly before leaving to go back to mine. I sat down on the couch and powered it up, finding the airline already in the search history. I shook my head. She made her own way home by using this computer, and that hit me in a place deep inside. If I’d had my computer with me instead of at her cottage, would Lily still be here? If we hadn’t made love on the beach that day, would she still be here? 

I could ask myself a million questions that wouldn’t help me at all right now. I focused on getting a flight home and packing my things. I told the partners that something came up and I had to leave, which wasn’t a big deal since the work portion of the trip was completed. 

I called for a cab, taking it to the airport with an empty feeling inside. I didn’t know what would happen now, because the timing was off. I had planned to leave for home with Lily knowing that I loved her. I wanted to leave with her being mine and looking forward to a future. The last time we made love played back through my mind, and I saw her face as she came as quietly as possible. It had been a beautiful moment despite the harsh words beforehand and even afterward, making me hate that it might have been the last time I ever felt Lily in my arms. 

I dozed off during the flight, waking up when I arrived home. It tormented me that Lily had done this same trip alone, making me wonder if she was as torn apart as I was. I left the plane, getting my stuff before I took a cab home.

The apartment looked the same. There was no trace of what had happened in here, and I wondered if I could make it all go away. I thought of the saying about Vegas and how what happened there stayed there, but this was love. I wanted Lily. 

I knew the entire firm would be coming home tomorrow and work would resume next week. I didn’t want to give Lily any space now that I was back, but it was clearly what she’d wanted when she left. 

I lay in bed that night wondering if she was curled up with her boyfriend in their home. I couldn’t imagine her being at peace with herself right now, not after I saw all the feelings on her face, in her eyes, the past couple days. I knew how she felt every time that we were in bed together, and I knew it was more than just sex for both of us. It was everything.

I had a moment of weakness when I woke up alone and sent a text to her work phone. I didn’t know if she would even have it on, but I waited for a response. I’d make things so much worse if I used her personal phone. I didn’t want to do that to Lily, as much as I wanted to claim her as mine. I wanted her happy no matter what, and blowing up her life wouldn’t do that. 

I could wait until work, where we could talk privately. 

I dressed for work that Tuesday in my favorite suit, determined to get my girl. I looked put together and confident when I drove in, though I feared what might happen inside. I left the car and walked to my office, knowing I’d never felt like this returning to work after one of the annual trips before. There was the occasional awkwardness that followed a one-night stand with a colleague or fights with Nadine if she didn’t come along with me, but nothing like this. 

I was earlier than everyone else, and I assumed they were all still recovering from the getaway. I remembered the last dinner being a time of relaxation, partying, and letting loose. It was the night that a lot of careless things happened, based on my experience. There were a lot of apologies in my past from that night and others on trips that I could remember, but I didn’t regret a single thing about Lily. It was more than a night or a drunk moment. 

I sat down at my desk with the door open, warming up my computer and looking over the city. It was beautiful in a different way than Belize was, since the memories I had of Lily transcended both places, but this was home. I went to make some coffee, and I saw the one woman in the firm I didn't want to see standing in the room. “You have a break room. Why are you here?” I let all my bitterness in my voice, not holding back since we were alone. 

“I wanted to talk. You left so suddenly,” Marilyn said as she turned to look at me. Her surface beauty was marred by her selfish intentions, and I narrowed my eyes at her. 

“About what?” I asked, and she smiled and tossed her hair.

“I won’t tell anyone about you and your assistant if you continue what we started in Belize, Landon. I want more than I got,” she said. 

I thought about her words. I could get into some trouble for being with Lily and possibly lose my job, but I also had a lot of years here and far more security than she did. 

“I think we could be good together,” she said. 

“I don’t want you, Marilyn,” I told her. Ice flashed in her eyes. “I never did, and I don’t remember anything that happened between us; nor do I want to. I was drunk, and you know I wasn’t truly in the moment. Why continue that?” 

“You’re willing to lose everything for her?” She was stunned, and I made my coffee with shaking hands. 

“You and I both know I will be here longer than you are. In time, everyone will know that you’re looking out for yourself, Marilyn. I wouldn’t doubt if they already do.” I turned and looked into her pale face. “Leave me alone and don’t you even look at her. I can have you fired so fast that your head will spin.” 

I walked past her to my office. The woman I loved was sitting at her desk and getting ready to work. She was beautiful, but I saw the sadness in her face as she stared at her monitor while it warmed up. She glanced over to see me approaching her, and her eyes widened as a frown crossed her face. “Are you okay? Jasmine said that you had to return home early.” I kept my tone even as a flurry of emotions crossed her face. 

“Fine,” was her clipped answer. She avoided any eye contact with me, looking pained. 

“Come into the office when you’re settled in. I have something I want you to go over with me.” I walked through my door once I’d spoken and played back her tortured face in my mind. There was a lot of pain there, and I didn’t know why, but I was going to get to the bottom of things when she walked in here. 

 

Lily

I knew he wanted to see me, and as his assistant, I needed to go in there. I also knew it wasn’t business he wanted to discuss, and my heart sank at the idea of facing the pain that had haunted me since I’d looked into his cottage that night. I went to make coffee to kill some time, listening idly to talk about the trip and how much fun it had been. I wish that had been the case for me. 

I’d come home with a broken heart. I’d come home to change my life and try to put the pieces back together. I walked back to my desk slowly, feeling the ache in my body as I thought about everything. When I got back to my desk, my phone was lit up, and I picked it up to see a text from Brian. 

He was so innocent in all of this.

I shoved the phone into the drawer with my purse and locked it before I took a deep breath. I just needed to get this over with. I tapped at Landon’s cracked door before I heard him tell me to come inside. I straightened my black dress with my hands. “You needed to see me?” I asked as I gave him a hesitant look. 

“Close the door,” Landon said, and I nodded and pushed it behind me until I heard the click of it shutting tightly. “Why did you leave?” He came around his desk and stepped toward me as I pushed myself against the door. I knew how private this office was, and I licked my lips as he cupped my face, staring into my eyes. 

“Stop. Don’t touch me,” I choked out, tears filling my eyes. 

“What?” He sounded shocked as I found the strength to push him away. 

“I saw you with her. I saw her in your cottage holding you,” I said, and Landon’s eyes widened. “I was going to tell you that I loved you, that I wanted you. I didn’t know I was so replaceable.” His eyes looked haunted, and I pressed my hands against the door, still feeling his warmth. 

“You’re not,” he protested, and I gave him a long, searching look. “I thought it was you when I got the door. I guess you didn’t come back before that?” Landon looked at me hopefully before I shook my head painfully. “I got sloppy drunk going over what happened, Lil. I answered the door and don’t remember anything until I woke up on my couch.” 

“So you slept with her,” I said in a strained voice. 

“It wasn’t me, whatever happened. I’ll never trust that bitch to tell me the truth, Lily. She is out for herself and nothing else, so she’ll make it benefit her. I can tell you that I never wanted her at all. It’s you. I want you.” Landon stared into my face, into my wide, frightened eyes, before he pressed his forehead against mine. “I just want to turn back time and change the part that changed us. I wanted to come home feeling you beside me.” 

“I was going to tell you that before I saw her. It was hours after we were…together, and you were in another woman’s arms. I don’t care that you were drunk, Landon. You’re not twenty-one anymore, and you have more control of yourself than that.” I hated that he was an older, mature man and acted so much like Brian in that single way. 

“I was fucking miserable after you walked away from me. If I didn’t drink, I would have been at your door breaking it down. You needed space, and I needed to escape,” Landon said. Tears slid down my cheeks. He kissed my lips softly, still lighting a fire inside me. “I never intended for anything to happen, if it even did. I only want you.”

I parted my lips as he kissed me again, wanting to push him away even as my arms circled his neck. It didn’t fix anything, but it felt so good as he pressed his body against mine until I felt him hard against me. I pulled away, looking down as he glanced between our bodies. “You were that way for her.”

“I don’t fucking know if I was. I don’t remember,” Landon said, and I closed my eyes. “You came home to him in your bed, Lily. How am I supposed to feel about that?” 

I did come home to Brian, surprising him as he slept. I was exhausted and emotional, and I turned his kiss into something carnal, fucking him hard as he gripped my hips. I knew it would replace the feeling of Landon inside me, which had made me ill when I’d seen him with Marilyn. I needed to get all traces of Landon a shower couldn’t touch off my body, and Brian coming inside me was supposed to do that.

It only made me feel worse, and I lay awake after he went back to sleep, holding me in his arms. 

“Do you think I felt good about that?” I asked as I slid away from him and walked to the window. “I hate myself for what I did to him. That isn’t who I am, or at least who I was. The last few days have been horrible, Landon.” Tears slipped down my cheeks uncontrollably as I felt him move behind me. “It changed everything.”

“What do you mean?” he asked. I took a deep, shuddering breath. 

“I had to take a good hard look at myself in the mirror, inside my heart. I hurt people, both you and Brian.” 

I didn’t want to pretend it had never happened at all, because I knew it would haunt me inside. I shrugged Landon’s hands off my shoulders before he pulled me against him and kissed my neck, and I cried when I felt my body heat up for him. I still wanted Landon, and I allowed his hands to slide up my body as I pressed against the window. 

“I hate myself, Landon,” I said.

“Don’t,” he said. His hands cupped my breasts, my nipples hardening under the lace of my bra as I imagined his mouth on Marilyn. Did he do this with her as well? “We got carried away.” His mouth sucked the tender skin of my neck between his lips, and I felt an odd sense of relief that I wasn’t cheating on anyone right now. 

I’d ended it with Brian yesterday after a long time of thinking. He’d wanted more from me than I could give, his eyes pleading with me to tell him why. 

I felt bare fingers on my pert skin as Landon tugged on me, and I moaned, craving him inside me. I wanted him to fuck me the way I deserved. I needed punishment. I hadn’t told Brian what had happened to bring me to my decision. I hadn’t been willing to hurt him any more than I already had. 

That being said, I still wasn’t free for Landon. I needed some space, even as he turned me toward him for a heated kiss. This would be sex and nothing more, because I was dead inside now. Landon carried me to the couch, sliding my dress off after he assured me that the door was locked. I allowed it, needing his lips and teeth on me. I asked for more, needing pain, as he stared into my face. I needed closure even though the idea made me sick somewhere deep inside. 

He slipped his hand over my throbbing clit. Fuck. I jerked against him as I reached out to undo his pants and release him. Landon stroked me hard as I wrapped my hand around him, ready to come as he slipped a finger inside me and continued to stroke my pussy. 

“Baby, it’s only you I want. Please believe me.” Landon continued to beg as I spread my legs wide and rocked against him before covering his hand in my release. “I love you, Lily.” 

I gasped and moved on to my stomach, my ass in the air. “Fuck me,” I whispered, but then something crossed my mind. “Wear a condom.” I heard him let out a breath before he left to go to his desk. I heard a wrapper and then he was inside me. 

“I’ll get tested. I’ll do anything,” Landon said as we rocked together, one of his hands on my hip while the other cupped my breast. “I just want you.” 

My body clung to him, and my heart wanted to do the same. When I came again, I heard him moan my name before he jerked clumsily. There was no heat of his release meeting mine, no trace of him anymore. “Lily, oh fuck. I can’t live without you.” 

Landon dropped against me as we both took deep breaths. “I needed that last time with you,” I told him as he stilled against my body. “I am giving you my resignation today, Landon. I received an offer from a firm across the city and accepted it.” 

“Brown and Caldwell?” he asked, and I nodded. He leaned down to kiss my hair. “I knew they were going to be contacting you.”

“I accepted the job,” I told him, feeling tears in my eyes. “I am going to prove that I am a good worker and not just someone you want to move to benefit us. I am going to do this all on my own.” My heart was breaking as I felt him pull out of me to drop onto the couch beside me. 

“What?”

“I ended things with Brian, but not to be with you. I wanted to stop putting him in a place where he’d keep getting hurt, as well as to stop hating myself,” I said. Landon sat quietly and listened. “I am going to stay in my apartment on my own and take the time to settle into my new job. If I told you I’d be with you, I know it would be a lie. I can’t get the image out of my head of you with her, not when I wanted you so badly at that moment. It is just there, and I need to move past it alone.” 

“When do you start?” he asked, and I sighed. 

“One week from today. They wanted me to start sooner, but out of respect for you, I compromised.” I heard him let out a breath as he reached over to take my hand. “I am not going to contact you after I am gone.” 

“Do you love me?” Landon asked. I stared forward. 

“Yes, more than anything, but it is wrapped in guilt and all of the wrong that I’ve done. I blame myself as much as I do you…we’re even here. I knew what I was doing when I went to Belize, but I didn’t think it would hurt so much to see you with someone else. I was so wrapped up in need, and I fucked up by staying with you. I got into something I couldn’t handle. I need to heal now and figure out who the hell I am.” 

“You’re Lily. You’re a beautiful, compassionate woman who feels so hard and who made a mistake. Life isn’t pretty, as you know. It is difficult, and you learn things the hard way sometimes.” I looked at him to see his eyes intent on me as he tried to smile. “We’ve all been there. I hate myself for losing control and knowing that you saw me in my cottage like that. We both know we needed to be together, but it didn’t happen that way.”  His eyes locked on mine. “I am going to miss you around here.” 

I walked out to my desk a little while later with his blessing for the job, even though it didn’t make me feel any better. I still felt blank inside and not at all like myself, but I was going to make it through this. 

I spoke to my aunt every night, pouring my heart out to her. Brian moved out right away, and I was alone, fighting the urge to call Landon every moment as I prepared for the beginning of my new life. We saw each other at work, but I was busy training my replacement and only spent any real time with Jasmine.

She knew everything as well. She didn’t judge me while I cried and let my feelings out at my now-empty apartment. Jasmine talked to me as all the emotions flooded me and helped me through the long nights.

The week I was still with Landon, every day passed by too quickly. Soon I was walking out of those doors forever. His new assistant was a perky blonde and she was smart, someone who would help him a lot. I didn’t think about any other possibilities as I met Jasmine for dinner and drinks, toasting my new job. It was a brilliant company, just as Landon had told me, and I knew it would be a great step for my future. I just wish it was happening under different circumstances. 

I went to the new office every day, smiling and ready to learn. I did so much of that, using what Landon had taught me as well as what my new supervisor did. Murphy was a smart man who had been in law just over twenty years, and he had been a partner for most of that time. They handled finances for some of the wealthiest people in the world, protecting celebrities from fraud and theft. I knew it was an excellent opportunity, but still. 

I went to see my aunt Amy the first weekend after I started. We stayed up late eating ice cream and watching movies once I met her boyfriend over dinner and drinks. He was caring and funny, everything that I had ever wanted for my aunt after she took over caring for me. She looked happy and so in love, making me feel bittersweet inside as I celebrated their happiness while I was so alone. 

 

Landon

Life was empty without Lily. I felt worse than when I’d split up with Nadine, but I kept a smile on my face as I went to work every day and pretended everything was fine. The trip had been beautiful, and according to what I told everyone in the firm, I had enjoyed myself. I laughed at their stories of the beaches and the drinks. They had done what normal people did when they were at a beach or a bar; they didn’t fall in love with their assistant as they fucked her behind closed doors and behind foliage. 

When I was alone at night after being at a bar with friends, I’d think about what could have been done differently. Did I push her too much? I remembered going to Belize, the story of how she didn’t have a place to sleep, how she knew I would offer. That hadn’t been my doing. That was all Lily, making me realize she had to have known we would end up together. Didn’t she know that I loved her then? Didn’t she know that it would be so much more than a night or a week? 

Maybe neither of us knew when we jumped in. Maybe we were both stupid. I looked out over the city from my desk, telling myself everything was peaceful now. The firm was doing well, and my assistant was helpful and keen. There was no attraction whatsoever to Kristen, and we worked together on only an intellectual level, making me miss the moments with Lily when we slipped into lust. I would never see my couch the same again, or my desk, and I considered replacing both for the millionth time. I knew it would never make me forget her, but her name faded from the minds of colleagues. I saw the satisfaction on Marilyn’s face when she met my gaze, confident she was the reason Lily had left. 

She was so wrong. Nobody ever asked me about Lily, and I offered nothing. I just became a robot. I worked all hours of the day and went home to sleep after drinking with friends at the bar. There were a couple of one-night stands to try to satisfy my needs, but it was useless.

I still loved Lily, and I wondered how much time she would need to see that. 

I jumped at the chance to have lunch with Murphy one afternoon to catch up. We didn’t see each other too much, being busy with our firms, but I wanted to see how Lily was progressing. I half hoped she’d come along, but it was just the two of us at the café. I sat down and ordered a glass of water from the waitress who popped by before I grinned at Murphy.

He was about ten years older than me and a legend in the world of law. I looked at him as a mentor of sorts. We took the time to order some entrees before talking shop. That was easy to do when two lawyers got together, and we compared cases and clients throughout the meal before the conversation faded, giving me my chance to speak up. “How is Lily doing over there?” 

“She’s fantastic. She keeps me completely organized and everything runs smoothly. Why did you let her go?” Murphy asked, and I felt my face fall. I looked across the street as if something interested me. “Oh . . . that’s why.” 

“That’s why what?” I asked as casually as I could muster while he gave me an understanding look. 

“While she is a brilliant girl, I sense that she is missing something in her life, or perhaps someone. Did you initialize the process because of something between the two of you?” Murphy asked. I looked at him and nodded slowly. “That was a good plan, but something obviously happened. I don’t think the girl does anything but work and go home, apart from dinner with a friend of hers from your building that she talks about.”

“That would be Jasmine.” I filled in the blank and he nodded.

“That’s the girl. Lily speaks highly of her,” Murphy said. “She never mentions dating anyone and looks sad sometimes when she thinks nobody is looking. I see it a lot.” Murphy looked curiously at me. “What happened?”

“I don’t even know. There is so much between us, but I wonder if it’s too much sometimes. It kind of imploded on us, and Lily surprised me when she took the job and left. She didn’t do it for the original reasons at all.”

“Should I apologize for taking her?” 

I thought of Marilyn and shook my head. 

“No. She’s in a great place now. It will work out the way it’s meant to,” I said, adding a positive note to the end of my sentence as he chuckled. 

“Is it the age difference? You do know there are twenty years between Nancy and I, right? It has never caused an issue at all.”

I took a bite of my steak and chewed it slowly. 

“You never worked together. That adds an ugly element to things.” I sipped my water, and he seemed to consider my words. 

“You don’t know.” Murphy looked at me. “Lily is a lovely girl, and I suspect you were good together. Why don’t you reach out to her?”

I promised her space, but it had been a couple of months. Lily didn’t seem to be moving on with anyone, so maybe I would. We finished our meal and headed back to our respective offices as I mulled the idea over. I just wanted to talk to her again.

I ended up meeting friends at a bar after work, and I was surprised when I looked up to see Lily walking in with Jasmine and a guy. I gave the guy a hard look until I saw that he was holding Jasmine’s hand. Lily moved to a stool beside them as I watched her carefully from the table I was at, taking in every detail. 

Lily looked a bit thinner than before, but still gorgeous. Her hair was cut just a bit shorter and curled around her shoulders, moving with her. I remembered what it had felt like to have my hands in it. She smiled and laughed in what seemed like the right places, but something was missing from her eyes. I reached for my beer as someone walked over to her, hugging her with one arm over her shoulder as she looked back with a smile. 

It was the boyfriend I’d met at the office. Was Murphy mistaken in thinking she was single? Was she back together with Brian? I watched them carefully as they talked casually, but they didn’t act like lovers or enemies. 

When Lily stood to go to the bathroom, I excused myself and followed her. I planted myself in the hallway where she’d be certain to see me. When she came out, she bumped into me because of the crowd of people rushing both the men’s and women’s bathrooms. “I’m so sorry . . .” Lily’s voice drifted off as she looked up and met my eyes. “Landon.”

“I saw you come back here and wanted to say hi,” I told her as she licked her stained lips and stared at me. “Murphy says you’re doing well at his firm. He enjoys you.”

“It’s a great firm and just as successful as yours. It’s a pleasure to work there, just different.” Her face fell as she looked down at the floor, and I reached out to touch her soft skin, lifting her eyes to mine. 

“How are you?” I asked her as our gazes locked. 

“I miss you,” Lily admitted, and I cupped her face with my hands. I could do this and anything else I wanted to her since we were no longer working for the same company. 

“I saw Brian here. Are you with him?” I asked her directly, and she shook her head. 

“We talk when we come across one another, but no, we’re not. He’s mentioned getting back together a few times, but I keep telling him no,” Lily said as envy flooded my veins. “He doesn’t know why I ended things. I think it would change his feelings.” 

“Are you seeing anybody?” I demanded, my face closer to hers as people bumped into us. 

“No, Landon. I meant what I said about needing space. Adding someone else to the mix wouldn’t do anybody any good,” she said sadly as she gave me a disappointed look. “Are you?” 

“Not seriously,” I assured her, slowly sliding my hand down to take hers before pulling her away from the bar and bathrooms to a more private corner. “I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.” I pushed her against the wall gently before I kissed her hungrily, hearing her moan as she melted into me. The time apart seemed to fade as our lips went right back to the familiar passion. 

“You’ve slept with someone?” Her voice in a moment apart broke my heart for a moment as I slipped my hands into her hair and stared into her eyes.

“Nothing matters except for this moment, Lily. I was lost without you,” I promised her as she blinked at me for a moment. “I want to see you again, Lily. I want to be a part of your life again.” 

We were kissing deeply again when hands yanked us apart and I looked into the angry face of Brian. 

“Who the fuck is this, Lily?”

“You remember from my old firm, right? This is Landon,” she said as her face flushed a dark pink. 

“Your boss,” Brian said, looking from her face to mine. 

“Former,” Lily reminded him, trying to steer him away from the truth. 

I saw the moment it clicked in Brian’s mind when he turned to give her a dark look before walking away. I pulled her against me as a cry reached my ears. “Baby, it’s okay.”

“He knows. He figured it out, and he knows,” Lily said in shock as she looked up at me. “I never wanted to hurt him, Landon. He was trying so hard with me, and I never wanted him to find out what was happening.” 

“He’ll be okay once he’s had some time to recover,” I promised her, remembering the way he had looked at her. It had been filled with hatred, making me worry. 

I led her out of the bar once she said good-bye to Jasmine and her boyfriend, quiet as I held her hand and led her to my car. I drove her right to my place without offering an alternative, and she came along in silence. 

We ended up in the bedroom right away, stripping our clothes off as we made up for the last few months of no contact. I kissed Lily all over her body, teasing her about how I was going to fatten her up a bit with some good meals while we worked it off in other ways. Lily laughed and held my hair tightly as my tongue lapped at her sweet pussy. 

It was like being home when I sank inside her, even with the condom on. I sensed she had her guard up given my vague confession early, but we were going to talk about that once she was finished screaming my name again. 

 

Lily

I fell against the bed as my body pulsed with my release, breathing in and out. I resisted letting him pull out of me, but Landon moved slowly, tying off the condom before he tossed it into the trash. “I have missed that so much.” 

“I have too, despite your thinking right now,” Landon said as he looked into my face. “I am a man, and sometimes we try to fill a void, Lily. It’s idiotic on our parts and solves nothing. I knew you were the only woman I wanted.” His words didn’t make me feel much better since I couldn’t bear the idea of sleeping with another man. Brian had tried several times after the breakup, but I always turned him away. I knew he was angry and hurt now after catching me making out with my former boss, as I’d told him there was nobody else. I wasn’t stupid enough to think it looked like the first time between Landon and me. We were well versed. 

“I just couldn’t want another man,” I admitted after a moment. “The idea of it hurt so much, even when it was someone familiar trying.” 

“Brian?” Landon asked with a dark gaze. I nodded. “He’s not going to let you go that easily, Lily. I don’t know why, but I have a bad feeling about him.”

“He’ll be okay. He just needs to adjust,” I said, even though I felt uneasy as well. Brian had never displayed violence toward me, though I’d seen him get into a few fights at parties with other guys over nothing. It wasn’t frequent, but still . . . I wondered if he was capable of hurting me. 

Brian had asked if there was someone else when we’d broken up. I’d always told him no, to spare him the pain involved in my confession. I hadn’t wanted to lie to him, and the guilt had plagued me, but I’d done it to protect him. Now he knew everything. 

“I can keep you safe,” Landon said as he leaned down to kiss my neck tenderly, making me smile.

We both worked a lot but usually met up afterward to have dinner somewhere and stay the night at an apartment together. Everything was great with Landon and me. I still had my insecurities and worries, but I tried to focus on the way he treated me. 

Landon confessed that he had pinned Marilyn down and she’d admitted they hadn’t slept together that night. She’d tried, but he was unresponsive given his state of mind. He then got her fired once all the partners realized she was trying to get ahead by using each of them. It wasn’t unheard of in any business, but none of them were willing to stand for it. I remembered the way Landon and Marilyn had looked together on the couch, and I shuddered every time. She had seemed too comfortable, and now that I knew he’d been drunk, the image in my head made sense. She wanted Landon, and that was her chance. 

Landon admitted that he got her fired because of the way she’d acted with the knowledge of us. When I left, it couldn’t hurt anyone, but she was a known gossiper, and the gossip was often unkind. Marilyn was out to hurt people with her words and would have made it out to be much worse than it was. Landon didn’t want my reputation to be ruined in any way and thus pushed for her termination, with the help of several other partners. 

Landon preferred to stay with me every night for safety as much as love, but he had a conference to go to for a long weekend before the holidays. I assured him I would be fine and made plans with Jasmine to have dinner. He left, and I spent Saturday decorating my apartment before dressing to meet her at a place nearby. 

The restaurant was new and modern with sleek tables and mood lighting all around, which made me smile. We were seated and ordered drinks as Jasmine looked around slowly. It was dark, but you could see who was sitting at the tables and the bar, and she was a naturally curious person. Her eyes were wide when I looked at her after reading a text from Landon. “What?”

“Brian is at the bar.” 

I shrugged. 

“He’s looking right at us, Lily. I think he might have followed us or something.” 

I slowly turned my head to look, not willing to make eye contact but admittedly curious. Brian was at the bar, staring intently at me, but I was more surprised by the woman beside him. 

“Marilyn,” I whispered as I turned to look at Jasmine again. “How did he meet her? What’s going on?”

“I recognize her now. I was so focused on Brian that I didn’t even see her.” Jasmine sipped her Cosmo as she gazed thoughtfully at me. “That can’t be good.” 

“Maybe they just hooked up. It can’t be malicious, can it?” My skin burned knowing that Marilyn probably had a lot of information that would make me look even worse than I already felt. I also knew she liked to embellish things. 

“I hope so,” Jasmine replied before she looked down at the menu. We decided to have a good dinner even though he stared at me the entire night. I tried to keep things normal, but I saw the concern in Jasmine’s face even though I kept the conversation light. 

I left in a rush with my friend following me, turning left to walk down the street. I breathed in the cold air for a few moments as Jasmine caught up to me and wrapped her red coat tightly around her body. “I am supposed to stay with Mike tonight. Is that okay?”

“Of course,” I said, thinking of the three locks on my apartment door. I had gotten Brian’s key back when he moved out, so that didn’t concern me . . . unless he had decided to be a creep and make a copy. “I can stay at Landon’s.” He gave me a key the first day we got back together, and I knew I would feel safer there. 

“Perfect. Isn’t he asking you to move in there?” Jasmine asked, and I smiled. 

“Every chance he gets.” I wasn’t ready yet. It had only been a month since we’d gotten back together, and I was wary of jumping in so fast, particularly after living with Brian under the wrong circumstances. I was enjoying dating and being able to sleep together through the night and wanted to take time for everything else. I knew this was real with Landon, and we didn’t need to rush it. 

Jasmine and I parted ways, and I took a cab to Landon’s place, smiling at the doorman as he held the heavy glass door for me. I walked over to the elevators, and as I waited I heard my phone chime. I opened the text on the elevator and read that Landon was just getting back to the hotel after a night of drinks. 

When I told him that I was headed up to his place, Landon asked why. 

I was explaining when another text came through. It was from a strange number, and I stared at the attached picture for a long, silent moment. There was no mistaking the couch from Landon’s cottage in Belize, but what had my attention was the joined bodies. The picture was taken from the woman’s point of view, but I’d never taken any pictures of us and I did not have the olive skin this woman had. I heard the ringing of the elevator door and glanced up to see that I was on Landon’s floor. I made my way to his door, unlocking it and closing it right away before I locked it again. I walked to the couch and sat down, examining the picture. 

My phone rang, and Landon’s face appeared on the screen as I blinked my eyes and answered it. “Lily, what’s going on? Why are you at my apartment?”

“I . . . well, Brian was at the place we had dinner with Marilyn of all people, and I think I just got uncomfortable. How would they know each other?” I asked as he sighed on the other end.

“I have that fucking conference tomorrow, so I can’t leave.” Landon was in Chicago for this trip, and I knew it would be a huge hassle for him to go back and forth over this. “Does he have a key to your place?”

“He gave it back to me, and there was nothing wrong when we broke up. I hope not,” I said as I looked around the spacious room. 

“I am calling your landlord tomorrow, Lily. He’s going to change the locks. Or else you could move in with me?” I heard the plea in his voice as I dropped back against the cushions of the couch. “I love you, and I want this to be forever.”

“I know you do,” I said as I smiled in the dim light of the lamp. 

“I’ll call him myself tomorrow.” I loved the alpha tone in his voice, even if it was tinged with disappointment. We’d discussed my moving in and giving up my space, all of which were honest conversations. 

“Thanks,” I replied, the picture weighing heavily on my mind. “There’s something else. I’m going to send you a picture.” I made quick work of it, and I heard him curse on the other end. “Do you know what this is, Landon?”

“I know what it fucking looks like. Where did you get this?” he demanded, and I stilled at the tone of his voice. 

“I don’t know the number," I admitted, and he cursed again.

“I was drunk, Lily. I know that, but I don’t remember sleeping with her. I know when I’ve done that,” Landon said, forgetting one main point. It was the reason he’d been tested before going anywhere near me without a condom. 

“You don’t remember anything, Landon. Maybe this did happen,” I said with resignation as I closed my eyes. It always went back to this and the pain it caused. He took it all on his shoulders, but he didn’t realize I felt my own guilt for walking away from him. I had tried to explain that, but he tended to blame himself, something we were working on. 

“I’ve repeatedly apologized for this, Lily. Can’t we put it behind us and just focus on us?” he asked softly, the hurt evident in his voice. “That wasn’t me. All of the cottages were similar, and I wouldn’t doubt if she fucked her way through half of it, assuming it’s Marilyn sending it.” That seemed obvious, considering the background and her being seen with Brian. She could have gotten my number without him, but that was the most obvious answer. 

“You’re right. It doesn’t matter, Landon.” I was pretty drunk from dinner, and by this time I was exhausted as well. “I am going to crawl into bed. I miss you.” 

“Lock all of the doors and sleep well. I’ll be home in a couple of days. Stay there if you want,” he offered, and I smiled weakly.

“I just might do that.” I loved the view in the morning, and it was just as easy to get around from here as it was from my apartment.

“I love you, Lily.” 

I responded by telling him that I loved him as well before ending the call and checking all the locks. I walked down the hallway to the bedroom before I realized that my phone was on the couch, but that might be best with what had happened tonight. I was safe here even if the apartment did feel a little lonely without Landon here with me. I slipped off my dress and took one of his T-shirts out of the dresser to slide over my skin, needing him close. 

I curled up in the big bed, hugging a pillow as I wondered what the hell was happening to me . . . to us. I just wanted to be with the man I loved without complication. We’d started off on the wrong foot, but I’d redeemed myself inside my heart by changing my life. 

Now I wondered if being honest from the beginning wasn’t the better plan.

 

Landon

I paced my hotel room after I ended the call, furious about the photo. Sure, it had been taken on a couch that was the same color as mine in the cottage and it was a man and a woman in the act of sex. There were no faces in the photo to identify anyone, but I knew how wasted I had been that night. Getting to this point with Lily would be tough, much less with any other woman on the planet. I dropped into bed and examined the picture a little closer, feeling sick that Lily had been exposed to this. 

Brian and Marilyn were on my shit list now, and I considered ways to warn them to leave her alone. Even Nadine hadn’t been this bad, and she was a demanding bitch. 

I hated that I didn’t remember what had happened, but I always felt a certain way after I was inside Lily. I’d felt it earlier in the day but not when I woke up with Marilyn on the couch. I’d felt nothing but hungover, sick, and broken that morning, making me think I couldn’t even get it up enough to penetrate anyone that night. I never even had one-night stands when I was too drunk because it was a waste of time. The ones recently were only done when I was wasted enough to let go and attempt sex—nothing at all to brag about to my friends. I needed to find out the truth, but I didn’t know how to go about it. 

I kicked off my pants that were already loosened, as I’d been hoping for a little phone action with Lily before I went to sleep. My shirt was already off, and I looked down at my cock, which was at half-mast, with a sigh. Nothing was going to happen tonight, so I decided to sleep off the few drinks I’d had and just go to sleep. Lily was safe in my apartment for tonight, but I had to find a way to get her to move in with me. I wanted it anyway, and we were going strong. Her past with Brian was just that, and we had a new start ahead of us. 

Asshole.

I slept fitfully that night, waking up when my alarm went off for the breakfast meeting. I tried to call Lily, but I got her voice mail and told myself it was a weekend. She could sleep in since she wasn’t at a conference. 

I met up with the other partners and joined them at a table for the event, sipping coffee as I glanced around at their faces. I wondered if I couldn’t press them for information, given that Marilyn no longer worked for the firm and we all shared a dislike for her. After this conference, we could get some lunch and drinks, and I could start up a conversation. 

I struggled through the various speakers, taking notes on what was on my mind while reminding myself to look at the notes of the others at a later date. I was not here today, and I kept thinking of Lily. I was relieved when the event ended and we were dismissed, knowing we were done with business. I wasn’t flying home until the morning, though, as I’d made plans for dinner with some local attorneys last week when things were fine. 

Damn it. I wanted to cancel them, but it was just a few hours. Lily was at my apartment, and nobody should know where that was unless Marilyn had gotten nosy while she’d worked with me. 

The partners and I all agreed that we could eat again before we rested for dinner, so we hit a local pub. Everyone ordered beers, and I glanced around the table, waiting until everyone had finished their first one. They might be a little more relaxed that way. “I heard that Marilyn got around the week of the annual conference. I can’t remember who said it, but there might be some pictures or something. You guys weren’t stupid enough to do any of that, were you?” My voice was casual, with a hint of laughter in it, and Kevin glanced at me with a smile. 

“Fuck, no. I might have done her one night, but there was no evidence of that. I was drunk, and shit happens,” he replied, and my stomach twisted. “You sure she didn’t get any of you, Landon? She was pretty happy the morning of the luncheon.” 

“Nothing happened between us. She stopped by the cottage, but I wasn’t up for anything. Too much whiskey.” I was vague about it. She’d obviously said we’d been together, but I wasn’t going to play it up into something it wasn’t. 

I pressed a little further and saw some of the pictures the guys had taken, taking special notice of their cottages. James had a couch similar to mine and he resembled me a bit, though he didn’t mention anything about Marilyn. I didn’t see everyone’s accommodations, so I didn’t know if everyone had the same furniture, but it was a start. I wanted to go home with something to tell Lily to calm her down. It was humorous that she was worried about the women I’d slept with during our break since they meant nothing to me. 

I was more concerned about her relationship with Brian. They’d lived together and he’d wanted a future with her, so he was damn sure going to be pissed off right now. I didn’t even know the names of my hookups and hadn’t gotten their numbers. It was over the moment I left their places to go home, more miserable than when I walked through the door. 

We headed back to the hotel to rest, and I went over what information I’d gained. I called Lily again, pleased to hear her voice on the other end. She sounded a little happier now and told me that Jasmine was going to come over and they would order some pizza and watch movies. Lily didn’t seem that eager to go out on the town, and I was glad. I relaxed on my bed and talked to her. 

I got my orgasm, but only when she suggested it. I could tell she was a little horny and lonely herself, and she initiated the long session of aggressive phone sex. We both had stress to work out, and we did, coming for each other as she cried my name and I shot into the towel that was wrapped around my cock to catch the mess. I told her how much I loved her before we ended the call and I dropped off to sleep, feeling much better than the night before. 

Earlier, I’d called the desk of my building to up the security a little bit, asking them to pay slightly more attention to who was coming in and out of the building. 

I might have given a description of Marilyn and Brian as well. I claimed some clients were a little upset with me and you could never be too safe, right? That old gag. 

I woke up in time to shower for dinner, and then I dressed up for the best steakhouse in the United States before I left with my friends. I reminded myself to bring Lily here for a weekend soon, to take her out to eat and show her the town. 

It was a relaxing night of food and laughter. We drank beer and talked shop, as always, but then one of the partners announced that he was getting married in the upcoming year. The other guys scoffed at him in a good-natured way, pointing to me as an example of why not to get married. I laughed along with them, but it hit me that I would marry Lily. Nadine hadn’t tarnished any of that for me, because I was a different man with Lily. I was happy. 

We talked about the destination wedding in Belize, a favorite place of his and his fiancée. It made me feel bittersweet, knowing how much had happened there that I looked back on with regret. The good news was that it wasn’t close to the former resort and I could find somewhere better to stay, proving to Lily that it was a beautiful, romantic place. 

I looked at the faces of my friends at the table. I hadn’t revealed to anyone that I was dating Lily, wanting to give it a little time first. I was going to be officially divorced in three months, and they might give me shit for jumping into another relationship so soon. The general rule of thumb among my group was to fuck other women and maybe settle down in time, something I no longer agreed with. I’d tell them later since the spotlight was on Mitch tonight. He deserved to bask in his happiness, and I supported him with my words and my tone. 

When I got back to the hotel later, I packed my clothes and left something out to wear to the airport. I wanted to be ready to go, as I was feeling anxious to see Lily again. It had felt like a long weekend with everything going on, and I wanted to hold her. I also made reservations for a great restaurant, where I planned to ask her to move in with me again. Hell, I’d propose if that was what she wanted from me. 

I’d called her before leaving to go to dinner and told her that I loved her, so I fell right into bed to sleep. I rose early, grabbing a coffee on the way to the airport to quicken the process. I boarded on an earlier flight than the others since I had a lot to go home to. I settled into first class and accepted the offer of another cup of coffee from the flight attendant before I flipped through the morning paper. The sun was rising over the horizon as I looked out the window, hoping everything was going to be okay. It had to be.

The flight wasn’t long, and it seemed like I was getting my bag in a timely manner and catching a cab to my apartment. I made my way upstairs, nodding to the staff as I headed toward the elevator, punching the button firmly. I walked to my door and unlocked it gently, pushing it open as I looked around the living room. It was spotless, meaning Lily had cleaned up before she went to bed, even though I’d told her not to worry about that. I had a woman come over to clean every two weeks to catch what I missed, so it wasn’t a big deal. I set my bag down and grabbed some water before I made my way down the hallway and through the open door to see Lily sleeping on her side with the blankets half covering her naked body. She knew how I liked her, and I grinned as I stripped off my clothes and slipped underneath the blankets with her. I pulled her body to mine and kissed her hair as she told me hello. 

“I missed you, baby.” 

“I missed you,” she told me as I slid my hand up her body to cup her breast. Her nipple hardened as she whimpered, and I began to stroke her gently. I kissed her neck, sucking on her soft skin as she pressed against me. 

“I don’t want you doubting us, Lily. I am going to get to the bottom of all of this shit,” I whispered as she nodded and slipped her hand over my cock. One thing led to another quickly, and I was happy that she at least let me come inside her again as she moved to her knees, begging me to take her. I drove myself inside her, crying out her name as she tightened around me. Fucking Lily was like nothing else I’d ever done; she was like no women I’d ever been with. 

I gripped her hips as I moved harder. She came first, weeping my name before I jerked inside her and filled her, calling out her name. I dropped beside her, gasping for breath as she reached over me for a glass of water. Lily kissed me quickly before she curled up next to me, smiling into my eyes. “Have fun last night?” I asked her as she nestled against me.

“Yeah. We ate a ton of pizza and drank margaritas while we watched chick flicks. Thank you for having such a great kitchen, Landon.” She kissed me, and I slipped my hand into her hair. 

“You know it can be yours as well,” I whispered. She pulled away, looking at me in the light from the window. “I mean that, Lily. I asked you before any of this was happening.”

“I know. I don’t think you’re asking because of that at all. I’m just scared . . . like we’re going to be caught or something. I mean, we’re not exactly spreading the news about us out there.” Lily looked at me, making me feel guilty for not telling my colleagues. Not that she was an open person either, but I wondered of she’d feel better if I outed us. 

“We don’t work together any longer, and after some time, it won’t matter that we ever did. I’ll tell everyone I know, Lily. I’m not scared of that. I was just letting some time pass so we knew where we were at.” I kissed her again as she wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled herself closer to me. “I love you.” 

We made love a second time, slower and with a bit less urgency. Then Lily took a shower and dressed in some worn jeans with a thick sweater, slipping some boots on before we left to get some lunch. I held her hand as we left the building, leading her toward a deli I’d been craving all weekend as we laughed and talked. 

We ordered and found a table in the back, where I asked for her phone. I watched her frown as she handed it to me. I pressed a few buttons until I was looking at the text. She’d kept it there, which didn’t surprise me since there was no reason to hide it. I jotted down the number it was sent from for future research and then handed it back to her as she licked her lips. “Do you recognize it?”

“No, I don’t. I have ways of finding out who it belongs to, though. I talked to some of the guys, and she was sleeping with several people that week. She could have taken a picture of any of them and sent it to you, maybe encouraged by him.” I looked at her as she nodded and took a small bite of her sandwich. I didn’t want to say names, as I wanted to keep the information between us. “They won’t get away with this.” 

“I know,” she said with a weak smile. They hadn’t even done too much yet, but I could see the worry in her eyes. 

 

Lily

Landon talked me into stopping by the apartment for some clothes so I could continue to stay at his place. We walked in, and he took a good look around as I grabbed a bag and threw some necessities into it. We hadn’t had the locks changed yet, and I just hoped Brian didn’t have a copy of the key. Landon was going to call the following day and explain the situation, getting the procedure moved up quickly. I sighed as I looked around the apartment that had once brought me so much happiness, angry that it was now tainted by my uncertainty. Maybe I should have moved when I’d broken up with Brian, but this was my home. 

The guilt of my cheating hit me again as I was zipping the duffel bag closed. I wished I could go back and change the order of things, but that was impossible. Brian just needed to let go and forgive me. We hadn’t been happy, and likely weren’t going to be, and he would find someone who appreciated him the way he deserved. Landon told me it looked like everything had been left alone, and I smiled brightly and followed him out of the house. We went to his car that he’d gotten for this particular purpose and drove to his apartment, where I set my stuff on the bed and stepped out onto the balcony. 

The air was cold, and I felt someone step behind me. “Want to get a tree and decorate it here? I saw you did some stuff at your place. It looked nice,” Landon said, and I smiled and nodded. It was still early afternoon, and we had plenty of time to do that and still be in bed early enough for work the next day. 

He took me to a lot, which was just a few blocks from the house, to pick the tree. “Have you had a tree lately?” I asked as I looked around and considered each one.

“Not for years. Nadine preferred to travel during the holidays and didn’t see the point. I haven’t been in my new place that long. I think it will be fun, though,” Landon said as he eyed a tall tree with a smile. “You’ll have to sit on my lap and tell me what you want under the tree on Christmas morning.” 

I giggled. “I haven’t done that in forever. My parents were so into the holidays and had a lot of traditions. Once I went to Amy’s, we tried to keep the important ones at first. It was hard to find a reason to celebrate anything.” I glanced at him. “I have some of my mom’s ornaments on the tree at my apartment. I could bring them to your house for yours.” 

I watched him smile, suspecting he took that as a positive move toward his idea about my moving in. “That sounds great, Lily. I’m honored to be a part of your traditions this year.” 

“I love sharing them with you,” I said as he walked toward me for a slow kiss. We made our way around the lot, picking out an eight-foot-tall Douglas Fir that Landon paid for and loaded onto the roof of his beautiful SUV. We drove it home, and it took the help of the doorman along with a guy behind the desk to get the massive tree up to the apartment. Landon told them to lean it against the wall, since we needed to go grab a few things to set it up and decorate, before tipping them generously for their assistance. 

He took me to the nearest Target, and we got a tree stand that would keep it fresh along with some lights. He told me to pick out what I thought I’d need in addition to the ornaments I’d be bringing from my apartment, and he smiled as he watched me do so with delight. I hadn’t felt this way since I was a kid, and despite the circumstances surrounding us, I was happy. The cart was full by the time we left, both with things for the tree and apartment. I kissed Landon once we arrived at the car and loaded everything inside, and I was thrilled when he held me in his arms to continue the kiss. 

We went home and made hot cocoa, turning on some holiday movies while we decorated. It was only the beginning of December, and we had plenty of time to prepare. 

Thanksgiving had been quiet since Amy went to her boyfriend’s parents’ for a week with my blessing. I’d stayed with Landon and cooked a small meal for the two of us, talking to her several times throughout the day for advice. 

Once the house was brightly lit with festive colors and multicolored lights, Landon kissed me with intent as I melted into his arms. “Have you ever made love by a Christmas tree?” His voice was soft as I shook my head slowly. “Neither have I.” 

I felt overjoyed to be the first as we slipped down to the soft rug by the tree, bathed only in the colors of the lights he’d strung on it. I kissed him hard as we stripped each other down, moving my lips over his neck as he moaned my name. He settled on his back, giving me control as I slipped over him and cried out his name. It was moments like this, when I rode him hard and slow, feeling him fill me everywhere, that I knew in my heart we could work out. 

We came together as he gripped my hips and stared into my eyes, making me feel like the only woman in the world. 

We ordered in dinner, eating in robes on the couch before calling an early bedtime. We both had to be at work early the following morning and vowed to not let our relationship get in the way of our jobs since we now worked apart. I fell asleep snuggled in his arms, thinking to myself that living here didn’t sound too bad.

The next day I was off a little earlier than Landon, who was involved in a big case. I wanted the Christmas ornaments for his tree, so I made my way to my apartment quickly to bag them up. It was still light out, and I looked around as I approached my door, unlocking it before I slipped inside. I set my purse and keys down on the table by the door before I locked it, making my way to the living room. 

My mouth dropped open when I saw the remains of some ornaments on my hardwood floor, broken beyond repair. I fell to my knees and sorted through the mess, crying when I realized they were the ornaments from my childhood. The glass ones were in pieces, and the others that I’d handmade as a child were ripped apart and scattered. I started to sob. I looked up at the tree and saw another one with my picture in it, still intact but destroyed by a marker.

It read: Whore.

I fell back on my ass as I tried to breathe and stay calm, taking a few moments before I managed to stand up. I didn’t think all the ornaments were ruined, but I wasn’t going to stick around to find out. The message was clear, and I grabbed my things before I closed and locked the door, making my way out of the building and into the street before leaning against the wall. I reached into my purse with shaking hands to call Landon, crying through my description of what had happened as he told me to catch a cab to his apartment. He would meet me there, and we’d get to the bottom of this. 

I hailed a cab and slipped into the backseat, telling the driver the address as I felt a sharp pain in my knees. I glanced down to see blood and gasped.

“Are you okay, miss?” the driver asked.

“Do you have any tissues?” 

He reached into the glove compartment and handed me a small, sealed pack of the travel ones. “Thank you. I must have cut myself on something.”

I was in better shape once I got out and hurried up to Landon’s, making my way quickly to the bathroom to clean myself up with soap and water. I heard the door and him calling my name as I replied that I was in the bathroom. Landon came in, frowning when he saw me sitting down with my skirt pulled up as I tended to the wounds. “What the hell happened?”

“I cut myself on some of the glass, I suppose. I didn’t feel it until I was in the cab,” I replied as rage filled his eyes. 

“Motherfucker. He’s a dead man,” Landon muttered as he knelt down to look at my cuts. “I am calling your landlord to find out why the fuck the locks weren’t changed. I am calling the police to get them to the apartment and make a report. I want to go find him myself and rip his head off, but that’s not going to help you at all.”  I was relieved that he saw the truth in those words, and I smiled at him as he looked into my eyes. “Do you want to be here when the police get there, or do you want to talk to them?” 

“I’ll go. They’ll need to know what I saw, right?” We bandaged my knees after putting some healing salve on them, at which point I changed into jeans and a sweater. Landon had already made the call, and he drove me to the apartment, leading me up to the door as he kept casting worried glances at me. Landon unlocked the door and turned on a light before I walked inside, taking a deep breath. 

We walked around together, seeing a few broken picture frames before he walked over to look at the tree. Landon knelt to take in the broken ornaments, cursing when he saw the one that was written on as he turned to take me into his arms. “You’re not, Lily.”

“I know that. He’s angry, and he’s going to take that out on me. I did the wrong thing, but I never intended for it to happen that way.” Tears filled my eyes as there was a knock on the door, and Landon told me to have a seat while he answered it. He led two officers to me as they scrutinized the room, letting their gazes rest on the mess on the floor. “Can you tell me what happened?” 

I explained how I stopped by on my own to get some of the ornaments and found them broken and vandalized. I went more into detail about the breakup with Brian, how there was seemingly no drama at first. They asked the same thing about the key that Landon had, to which I responded that I had no idea before I pointed to the ornament that was hanging on the tree. One of them walked over and read it as heat flushed my skin. I felt exposed and raw as the officers shared a long look. Landon sat beside me, holding my hand as they asked if anything else was damaged. 

They toured the apartment with me and jotted down all the damage for their report before we were at the door again. The officers suggested to Landon that I spend the night elsewhere, making me smile when he put his arm around me and assured them that I would be. They left and handed me a card for if I had any more information, closing the door as Landon told me to check for anything else I’d need for his house. There was a serious tone to his voice, making me nod as I headed back to the bedroom for more clothes. 

He was having a heated conversation with whom I guessed with my landlord as I came back into the main room. I looked at him as I walked into the kitchen to get a bag of some of my snacks as he kept talking, his voice rising every moment. I jumped when I heard him say that I’d be moving out of this apartment without penalty given that he hadn’t taken care of the issue when asked. Then he ended the call as he walked in and pulled me into his arms. “That asshole didn’t seem to give a shit about this. He blamed you for giving your key out when he wasn’t on the lease, but he’ll learn not to fuck with a lawyer.” 

“So, I’m moving?” I asked in a small voice as I looked around. 

“From this unit, yes. I am going to handle everything, Lily. You can get another place in this complex or any other one you choose in the city if you don’t want to live with me.” I looked up at him with big eyes as he stared at me. “This is moving goddamn fast, and I know you’re scared, Lily. Your ex is stalking you, and I can see how that would make you nervous, but I want you in my life regardless of any of that. I want you in my arms every night, and I need to wake up with you every morning.” He pressed his lips gently to mine as I breathed into him, cupping my face gently before a crash sounded and I jumped back with a scream. 

Landon opened my door and ran out, calling something as I took a few shaky breaths. I walked into the living room to see the window shattered. Landon yelled and someone responded as I started to cry. 

I heard footsteps and looked up as there was another knock on the door. The word “police” was called. I looked through the peephole to see one of the same officers from earlier standing there, and I let him in as he looked at me closely. “Your boyfriend has a guy down there who admitted to breaking your window, and my partner is taking care of him. Are you okay?” 

“Scared,” I admitted, and he nodded with a sympathetic look. 

“You can get a restraining order against this guy now that he’s a proven stalker if you come down to the station tomorrow. Unfortunately, I don’t think he’ll get a great deal of time for this, so you’ll want to be protected.” He looked around the apartment. “I’m going to call your landlord to get this place boarded up until you can move out, Lily. I am sorry that this happened to you.” 

Landon came up a few minutes later and looked me over. “He’s going to the station. The little shit pissed himself when I came running out, and he admitted everything.” He looked into the living room and shook his head. “The cops said they’re calling the landlord to board that up as well.” 

“Yeah,” I said in a shaking voice before he hugged me to him. 

“I want to make sure that he gets over here before we leave, Lily. That’s all.” I nodded against him as tears slipped down my cheeks. He waited with me on the couch, holding my hand as I regained control of myself. 

By the time my landlord arrived, ready to get some wood over the broken window, I was shivering with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders. He grudgingly apologized to me and glanced at Landon, who led me out of there with a dark look on his face. We drove back to Landon’s apartment with my bag in his hand, complete with the ornaments that weren’t broken for his tree. 

I took a long shower when we were back in his place, drying my hair before I pulled on his robe. I tied it around my body and padded into the living room to see him on the couch, looking at the ornaments as he set them down on a blanket on the coffee table. He looked at me and locked gazes with me. “Were the ones you loved the most salvageable?” 

I shrugged. “Some of them.” I sat down and looked over the small collection as I sighed. “I don’t know why he did this. He knew what they meant to me.”

“He wanted to hit you where it hurt you the most. Emotions are cruel sometimes, baby.” Landon looked at me as he tucked a strand of damp hair behind my ear. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s over, right?” I smiled weakly. “I’ll go to the station and get a restraining order against him like the officer said. He’ll have to leave me alone.” I felt a rush of fear at the idea of what might have happened if I’d been home alone when Brian was there, of where his anger might have taken him. “I want to move out of there. I want to . . . I want to be here with you. I can’t fear moving forward with you because of something that he did. I can’t let Brian hold me back.” 

I was pulled against Landon tightly as I gasped softly. “You have made me so happy, Lily.” He kissed me hungrily as he cupped my face, and I felt my need for him outweigh my fear. I dropped back on the cushions of the couch as he stripped my jeans off my legs and took me hard, the way I asked him to. Needing the reassurance that he was here for me, I wrapped my legs around him as he thrust inside me, telling me he loved me. 

I called in to work the next day, still too nervous to sleep well. I went to the station to handle paperwork and get the restraining order in place, and I found out that Brian had confessed to everything while also throwing Marilyn under the bus. She’d sent the picture, though it wasn’t of Landon. She knew it would make me doubt and feel insecure, hopefully breaking us up so she could move in for the kill. Landon assured me that she was blackballed in the state of New York as far as practicing law, if not everywhere else. 

Brian didn’t get a lot of time, just a few months and probation. I was concerned when he was released, though he made an effort to email me to apologize for everything. He assured me that he would leave me alone—words from my laptop in Landon’s living room.

 

Landon

I stepped out of the shower and looked in the mirror, brushing my growing hair back. It seemed like yesterday that we were celebrating our first Christmas together, and here it was the following year. Once everything calmed down with Brian’s brief stalking of Lily, things were perfect for us. We made love by the Christmas tree every night it was up, sometimes sleeping on the couch to watch it along with the moon through the window. Lily relaxed as the days passed by, finally smiling when she knew that Brian was behind bars. 

She flourished at work, and I knew she could have anything she wanted in the world of law. I had a great setup at my office with a talented assistant who kept everything going smoothly for me, making it easy to go home to the woman I loved. 

I dressed in some jeans and slipped a button-up shirt over my torso, leaving it open as I walked out to the living room. Lily was hanging the last ornament with a soft smile, and then she glanced at me, her eyes trailing down my bare chest. “Hey. How was the shower?” 

“It felt good,” I said as I walked over to her for a long kiss. They were still just as electric as they had been in the beginning, and I never tired of feeling her mouth on mine. It was a long last day at work before the holidays, and I was looking forward to some quiet time with Lily. 

I pulled her to the couch with one hand, sitting her down as I sank to the floor. “What are you doing?” Lily asked, a curious look on her face. 

“I have been with you for one of the best years of my life, baby. I have seen you through two holidays now and become a part of your family. I have fallen more in love with you with every week that we spend together, and though I never intended to wait this long . . . I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife, Lily. I want you to have my children.” Tears filled her eyes as she stared at me, and I slipped the box out of my pocket and pressed my lips together. “Will you marry me?” 

“Yes, Landon. I’ve been wanting you to ask me that,” Lily said as she bowed her head to kiss me, our lips melting together. She wrapped an arm around me as it deepened, giggling as emotion overcame her. I took advantage of that moment to show her the ring. Her mouth dropped open. “Is that . . .?”

“Amy gave me your mom’s ring. I had it cleaned up and added a slightly bigger stone from my own mother’s ring to combine the two . . . I hope you don’t mind,” I told her as tears slid freely down her cheeks. “I love you, baby.” 

“I love you,” she replied, smiling knowingly as she allowed me to slip the ring on her left hand. “I have a surprise for you.” 

“What?” I asked, thinking it was about work.

“I found out that I’m pregnant today. I’ve been feeling off lately and started thinking about how I messed up on the pill on our last weekend away. I took a test and, yeah, it was positive. I was considering asking you to marry me,” Lily joked. 

I moved up on the couch and pressed my hand lightly against her stomach. 

“You’re having our baby?” I asked, and she nodded and smiled sweetly. “Shit. I didn’t think that would happen this fast. I didn’t think you wanted this.” 

“I believe fate took its own course with us,” Lily replied before our lips met in another kiss. We curled up and watched a movie on the couch in the darkened room, which was lit up only by the bright lights on the tree. I held her tightly, thanking God for her as I imagined our future together. In all my relationships and marriages, I’d never felt this way about anybody. 

She called Amy the next day with the good news, and soon it was spreading around both of our buildings. It seemed like the next week we were getting married on our favorite beach in Belize, one we had discovered at my friend’s wedding the previous year. 

We had our closest friends watching us as we said our vows, Amy beaming beside Lily, whose stomach was rounded with our first child. Lily was into her sixth month and had chosen a dress that flattered her belly, though she looked more beautiful carrying my child than ever before. We had dinner by the light of the setting sun and danced well into the night before I led Lily to the cottage by the water, watching her smile. 

We made love for hours as husband and wife before she fell asleep, exhausted from the day. Our daughter, Tinsley, was wearing her out, but Lily loved every moment of it, and I had no complaints about Lily’s overactive sex drive. 

I held my daughter three months later, staring down into her beautiful face as tears gushed down my cheeks. She looked so much like her mom but had my dark hair. She was also screaming at the top of her lungs. 

“We’re in for it with this one,” Lily told me in a weary voice as she smiled lovingly at the two of us. She’d done an excellent job with the twelve-hour labor, staying calm and focused, particularly once she’d gotten some drugs. 

I knew my life was complete, and I kissed Lily as the nurse took the baby to clean her up. I knew that there would be more kids in our future and all the love Lily could stand.

She was my everything. We’d had an intense and rough start of things, but she was mine forever now. She and my daughter were the moon and stars in my sky, and I’d never want anything else. 

 

The End